June 05, 2006

football experts

And of course, every four years, suddenly everybody is a football expert. The newspapers, the magazines and even football websites always publish some kinda special feature crap which highlights the favourites, the key players, and of course a full run-down of the tournament.

Of course, we atasan people at Hantubola will do no such thing because you should already know all those stuffs. Football n00bs are not welcome here, thank you very much. You see, we do not wish to fill people's already puny brains with some crappy opinion that Ronaldinho would probably be the player to look out for, because...WHO DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW THAT?!?

There's a problem with all this informative stuffs that the media is dishing out...it deludes people into thinking they are experts and then they go on and form some kind of random opinion on the World Cup, and then those idiots come and irritate me. You see, there's a problem here. An opinion is like an asshole - everybody has one and it's usually shitty.

Nothing peeves me off more than the following bunch of people during World Cup season :

Group 2 women : If you don't already know what a Group 2 woman is, please proceed here to my awesome theory about women & football. And sometimes, some Group 1 women take interest in the World Cup which peeves me even more. Like for example, there was this time during the last World Cup where I watched a game in the mamak, and there were a bunch of college girls sitting in the next table, with their customary England jerseys, when suddenly one of those sissy fart pretty boys (think David Beckham) gets fouled in the centre circle. This (fat) girl jumped up and screamed PENALTY! Her friends proceeded to gently nudge her to take her seat.

Old Ahpeks : The only interest they have with regards to the World Cup are the bets they make. This usually covers all the games. Actually, their shitty info doesn't come from the newspapers but from their bookie who usually doubles up as an AhLoong. Actually, info like that can be quite accurate sometimes, which peeves you even more because they can correctly predict that America can beat Portugal (in 2002).

Who wouldn't be pissed? Here you have an ahpek who knows nuts about football, thinks that Mokhtar Dahari still plays football, and he argues with you that Figo and Rui Costa are not very good players compared to....er, *mm chai ee see hami mia liao...hami hami Bad Feedel ar?, and TURNS OUT TO BE RIGHT!

*dunno what's his name already....Bad Feedel?*

Pesky Housewives : Instead of concentrating on Bold & Beautiful and Winter Sonata, the World Cup has suddenly become soap opera of choice for housewives around the globe. This friend of my mum has already stated that she will watch all 64 matches without fail. And you somehow just know that they don't know squat....and probably have never touched a ball in their lives (not very different from younger women, though). How is that wrong? She's 60 or something. 60 year old women should be doing something like knitting, gardening or baking, not getting high over Casillas and Van Persie. That job is reserved for teenage girls high on hormones.

Just about everybody else who gets caught in the hype : A colleague of mine (female, of course) was overheard talking in the office the other day with another colleague (female, OF COURSE, durrrr)..

A : I like that Brazillian guy...damn good man.
B : Which one? Ronaldo?
A : No, no..Ronaldinho.
B : Never heard of him. Ronaldo I know.
A : No, no...Ronaldinho...the curly hair one...Wah, he's good man. I saw the ad on tv the other day.

Note : No females were harmed in the process of writing this article.

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