February 25, 2008

Shebby Singh Finally Gets To Gloat!

LONDON: Hantubola's favorite poondeque Shebby Singh finally got a chance to gloat as Tottenhamncheese Hotsoup came from behind to beat the Vodka Appreciation Club of Chelsea and win the coveted Carlinglingus Cup.

Didi "Still Fugly" Dogba had scored for Chelski at first when Paul "A-booo-CHAK!" Robinson decided to play hide n seek instead of football, and hide behind the wall during a free kick.

However, Dimitar Bubbatov later equalised for the Spuds when the ref gave them a penalty after Wayne "Better Than Cashley" Bridge saw a mosquito on the ball and tried to swat it with his hand.

Then, in extra time, Jonathan "I played for Real Madrid!" Woodgate got off his hospital bed long enough to scored the winning goal by pretending to head the ball and forcing Cech to punch it into his head instead.

The smirk on Shebby's face when Fatty "EVENING NEWS" Lo admitted defeat was too much for Hantubola contributer Tigerjoe, who almost committed hari-kiri in the middle of dessert.

In other news, Sir Bobby Robson celebrated his 1375th birthday by witnessing his former side Newcastle Comedy Club win 1-5 on goals conceded to some other united team of men; Nando "Peri-peri" Torres scored more goals in a single match than Dirk "OVER THE BAR!!!" Kuyt has in the entire season, and the Gooners saw two points as well as 8 million pounds worth of Croatian leg broken and flushed down a bleak and murky Birmingham drain.

chi and the pet

I'm going to kill Shebby. Poondeque.

February 24, 2008

Martin Taylor's Smile

Looks suspiciously like a smile to me.

Saturday Horror

No. I don't mean NewCattle fans watching in horror their comedy club being battered 1-5 by a fantastic Man Utd in cruise control. (Winning is fun, but not as fun when the team being battered is not interested in playing.)

I also don't mean the result which saw Liverpoo actually winning a premiership game... at home.

I am referring to a certain match involving a poor guy experiencing something David Busst would know about.

WARNING: Don't watch this video if you are pregnant, have a weak heart, or just can't stand watching legs being broken.

I pity Eduardo. No player deserves that. Wishing him a good recovery.

February 22, 2008

Friday Floosie

Chronology of Skankicity:

Teddy Sheringham
Marcus Bent*
Teddy Sheringham
Jermaine Pennant
Teddy Sheringham
Jerome Thomas
Teddy Sheringham
Jermaine Defoe

*Marcus Bent has also shagged Gemma Atkinson, who has also shagged Cristina (surely this is just a rumour?? ) and Alan Smith while she's still allegedly shagging Cristina.

February 20, 2008

Breaking News: Liverpool Supporter Discovers that Sleep is Good For Football-related Stress

KUALA LUMPUR: Hantubola contributer eyeris discovered a new way of avoiding aggravation when watching Liverpool games last night: go to sleep instead.

As a result, he woke up refreshed and happy, and was able to recieve the news that Liverpool had spent 85 minutes brambling around again before finally scoring two goals and tah-pauing Second Division team Barnsley... oh wait, that was a dream... UnInterEsting Milan.

As such, Eyeris was happy that he was spared the 85 minutes of anxiety before Dirk "Headless Chicken" Kuyt scored for the second game in a row, but this time Barnsle.... sorry, Inter could not get back into the game because Stevie "Leopard Print Jock Strap" G also scored.

In related events, Marco "HEADBUTT!" Materazzi realised halfway through the game that he had double booked his date with his regular hooker from his Everton days and decided to get a red card so he could get to his date on time.

In other news, lowly Ruski team Chelski went to Greece and bought a couple of eggs to take home to London. rumours that Fat Frank later fried them sunny-side-up to go with his bacon and cheese grease sandwich were unfounded.

February 19, 2008

Liverpoo Unveils New Mascot

Liverpool: Liverpool Stealers Soccer Team have taken the next step forward in a major rebranding exercise in the hope of transforming the soccer club from a pub team into a world force. Coming just hours after their more illustrious rivals Manchester United introduced their new mascot, Liverpoo have followed suit.

Plague by years of stereotype about Liverpool being home to jobless hub-cap stealers and supporters living on dole, the last two seasons have been crucial in their efforts to appear more family oriented and entertain the masses by injecting more of the famous Scouse humour.

The first phase was successfully carried out by hiring new personnel and changing the image of others. The exercise started with the hiring of a defender whose name sounds like part of a nipple and continued last summer with their manager growing a goatee, after sitting on the grass in a zen-like pose during a match. If their objective was to entertain and humour everybody else, it certainly worked, and with even greater effect theses days as we see more of their English vice-captain speaking in a funny language that nobody seems to understand.

This evening, with the unveiling of the new mascot, Liverpool have launched the second phase of their rebranding exercise in which they intend to steal (oh, the irony!) the 'Comedy Club' status from Newcastle United.

Introducing, BORAT, the new mascot for Liverpool Stealers Comedy Soccer Club:

Club officials have refused to disclose the details of the 3rd phase of their comedy rebranding exercise, although HBBN's inside scoop was made to believe that the plan included finishing 6th in the league this year.

Liverpool's Zen master and Jamiethescousewhocantspeakenglishcarragher could not be reached for comments.

Men.United introduces new mascot


Menchester, 19 February 2008. Men.United today broke tradition by paying the highest accolade to another club. History reveals that Men.United fans have never have anything good to say about another team.

A recent research, however, has surprisingly revealed that most of the fans of Men.United now admire a club which they feel is the greatest threat to the FA Cup.

As such, Men.United today officially introduces its new mascot to please their fans.

Barney and Friends

Gloater, Gloater, Men. United will also now be replaced with a new song which is more apt for their especially close relationship with each other.

I love you,
You love me,
We are a happy family
With a great big hug
And a kiss from me to you
Won't you say you love me too

- Ends -

For more information, please contact Barney's friends at:
hantubola@gmail.com or visit hantubola.blogspot.com

February 18, 2008

FA Cup SCAM, take two

FA Cup quarter-final draw

Sheff United/Middlesbrough v Cardiff City
Manchester United v Portsmouth
Bristol Rovers v West Brom
Barnsley v Chelsea

LONDON: The great FA Cup scam continued to rear its ugly backside today as Manchester United were drawn against a Premier League side for the 11th consecutive time in the FA Cup quaterfinals. However, Chelsea were drawn against a lower league side for the THIRD time this season. The other two games hold no relevance to anybody and we therefore felt that we should not waste our time writing on it.

When HBBN last broke our story on the FA Cup scam, there were accusation from many that we were "afraid". This time around, we feel that Chelsea should be more afraid as they would be facing a huge purple dinosaur club. And as we correctly predicted in our exclusive article about the FA Cup scam, we think that any team playing Barney & Friends FC should be very, very afraid. HBBN highly anticipates the game.

February 17, 2008

In Rafa's Excuses We Trust

Here is the latest quote from Liverpoo's favourite Rafa Benitez;

"I do not think the pressure on me is any different. When you lose there is always pressure. Frankly I am stunned and bitterly frustrated. The team are very upset. But we made so many chances and their keeper was the man of the match. I lost count of the times the ball was kicked off their line. We were ahead at the break and should have got a killer second goal. It is difficult to explain how we do not score from so many opportunities. You cannot blame any one player, but now we have to look to the next game against Inter. We cannot change anything now about Barnsley, we have to concentrate on putting things right in the next match. You cannot allow yourself to become down, we have to concentrate and pull together as a team."

Let me summarize that shitty quote for you. Basically he says the same thing after each match he loses:

"These Liverpoo fans still love me. I can do no wrong. I don't care about the stupid Premier League and stupid FA Cup. I am only interested in the Champions League. As long as we finish 4th in the league, I consider it a job well done."

Yup, is very easy to predict what Rafa will say the next time he loses... LOL.

Fuck Football, Let's Play Poker

I'm-a gonna burn that jersey of mine.
Its given me nothing but bad luck everytime I wear it on matchday.
But then again,
at least it won me RM60 at Texas Hold-em,
So fuck the FA Cup,
I'd take the cash anyday.
Who wants to play some poker?

Haha, MALUUuuuuu!!

Before the weekend, Liverpoo fans were busy writing poems. I was busy too, so here, let me make up for it...

Liverpoo are Red
Chelski are Blue
Now it's a little too late
But if only you knew
Barnsley takes the cake
Sekarang you MALUUUUUU

Manyoo not yet play Arsenal, but FUCK KARMA. Nothing can be worse than losing to a purple dinosaur club. All together now..


February 14, 2008

Kolam Hati, Cinta Hati

Liverpool is red
Chelshite is blue
Though we’re not ahead
I still love you

Liverpool is red
Chelshite is blue
I want to go to bed
With all of you

Liverpool is red
Chelshite is blue
Manure macam pundek
That’s why we all ABU

Liverpool is red
Chelshite is blue
We hope Arsenal keep the lead
And dapat nombor Satu

Liverpool is red
Chelshite is blue
Neville is a dickhead
Christina thinks she’s ayu

Liverpool is red
Chelshite is blue
Rooney looks like Shrek
Tevez belongs in a zoo

Liverpool is red
Chelshite is blue
Rio is a dopehead
Brown made a boo boo

Liverpool is red
Chelshite is blue
Manure is overrated
That’s why kena screw

Red is Manyoo
Blue is the City
What happened to you
Kalah with City dua kali

He he

February 11, 2008

memang sial





Bloody hell.......




Bloody Citeh memang misread the script.

February 05, 2008

Happy Chinese New Year from the EPL

HB would like to convey the 'Gong Xi Fa Cai' to our readers sent by all the Chinese players (and managers) in the Premier League. Most of you do not realize this but there's more than the two.

Sun "please don't make me cry" Jihai (Man Citeh)
"Don't i look like that Korean guy from 'Harold & Kumar go to White Castle'?"

"Li Tie (used to be 8th choice in Everton)" Sheffield Utd
"Sheff UNITED also famous what..."

"Dong 'Red Devil!' Fangzhuo" Man United
"In China, I am almost as famous as Yao Ming's brother!"

Lee Boh Yer Charlton Leeds West Ham Newcastle West Ham
"I practice the ancient Buddhist preaching of peace, tolerance and brotherhood"

Sammy Lee Ah Fook Unemployed
"At least I wasn't the ONLY manager sacked this season!"

And not forgetting the Koreans who also celebrate the Lunar New Year...

Lee Dong-Gook (Boro)
"Why yes, I DO watch Winter Sonata...!"

Lee Young-Pyo (Hotscum)
"Must suck up to new Spanish boss, lah"

Park Ji-Sung (Men.U)
"Fergie says I still got chance..."

Seol Ki-Hyeon (Fulham)
"Is there any good Korean kimchi restaurants in West London?"

Seol Kem-Bell (FC SemiRetirement)
"Yes, i don't look very Asian..."

Happy New Year, footie fans.

February 04, 2008

Length or girth?

He's 5' 8". Midfielders keep passing high balls. The two defenders are both 6' plus. How on earth did he manage to jump higher than them to score his first goal this year?

This only proves that length doesn't matter. You hear that Peter Crouch?

February 03, 2008

Yeah, so much for that

Who wants to wager that Rafa will be sacked if Liverpool fail to whack Sunderland at Anfield tonight? I'm counting on Sunderland repeating their 0-0 a few years back - Jurgen Macho scored fantasy points for a clean sheet and 20 saves back then. LOL

Yeah, well; So much for that.