June 26, 2009

Public Service Announcement

  • Are you eyeing that shiny new phone you desire, but don't have enough moolah to purchase it?
  • Or don't have enough cash to purchase that nice pink bra you always wanted to make your man take notice of you?
  • Perhaps you have a dream of buying the entire Newcattle United team and renaming them to Stripy Bananas In Jerseys?

Well whatever you do, DO NOT approach the "financial instituition" below!!!





They don't have any money y'know.

By the way, kami bukan Ah-Long, kami cuma mau tolong....

Sekian terima kasih

June 22, 2009

Newcastle's Super Duper Powderful Plan

EXCLUSIVE: Newcastle United have just unveiled their superduperpowderful plan to win the 09/10 Fizzy Pop Championship in their bid to gain promotion back to the Premier League.

Fat Mike Ashley was stuffing his face with pies watching Monty Phyton reruns last Sunday evening when he had an epiphany.

"Wor fack mee... Eef I cannae beat 'em oppositioning teams wit skill an' speed, we're gonnae beat 'em by makin' 'em piss themself laffin'."

FMA picked up the phone and called the Bangla kid working in Adidas' sweatshop in China.

And the result.....


Tayls painful grin says it all, really.

June 17, 2009

The Walk of Shame

The day after the night before,  when Ronaldo only left Paris Hilton's house at 5am (according to reliable sources at Daily Mail, News of the World and whoateallthepies)

Pesanan dari penaja: Amalkan pemakaian condom bila bergiat dalam aktiviti seks rambang dengan skanks.


In other news, Rio has become Ronaldo. *gasp*

Rio Ferdinand shows his feminine side
in a tiny pair of denim shorts and minuscule cropped top as he holidays in Israel
Source: Daily Mail 

June 15, 2009

Kamon, admit it.

Wouldn't you guys chup her at 13 too?

Unless you're Rooney of course. Then you'd have to settle for this.

Perfect couple or what?

June 12, 2009

Yo Newcastle Fans...

Which of the following is more depressing?

(Sorry Anttyk, just could not resist it. heh heh)

A) That your club got relegated:


B) That your club is worth less than the sum of these two gay jocks....


C) Or that you're switching from THIS chairman:

to having THIS PP Land guy on your board of directors?

Footnote by Vincent:

And to add to the Comedy Club tagline:

June 11, 2009



Ronaldo to Madrid for 80 million pounds.

Good player, great in fact.

But for 80 million quid, so long and thanks for all the fish.

Now let's see....

Ribery - 35 million
Sneidjer - 15 million
Huntelaar - 15 million
Bionic leg for Hargreaves - 15 million

Sounds like an awesome deal to me...


Footnote by TJ (tak biased...):

Cash from Ronaldo transfer: £ 80.0 million
1. Tevez permanent transfer: £ 20.0 million
2. Annual interest on debt: £ 68.8 million
Cash surplus / (deficit): (£ 8.8 million)

This is assuming that ManYoo get their best price on Tevez, and that the interest rate on debt is flat and there are no tricky debt covenants. Heh.

So how? Sohai...

June 09, 2009

Lu gila kah?

1) No human being should be worth 56 million pounds. Not even God (the imaginary one, not the idiot with the nose bandage) should be worth that much.

2) Why won't people learn that Galacticos/Dream Teams do not just work because the attackers are the stars? They work because the defence is solid? For all the Zidanes, Figos and (fat) Ronaldos the old Galacticos' most important player was Claude Makalele. For all the Shevchenkos, Inzaghis, Crespos, the old Milan's most important player was Gennaro Gattuso. Madrid need an overhaul of their backline. Pepe is crap (and nothing short of looney - check out youtube for his moment of insanity which ended up with him getting a 10 match ban) and if he really is their best centre back Madrid have no chance at winning anything.

3) If one striker or midfielder can be worth 56 million pounds, why can't a manager be worth 10 million pounds? Surely they can afford to pay Mourinho/Rafa/Hiddink 20 million pounds? Whether a sane manager wants to work for them is a totally different story altogether. Just ask Vincente del Bosque who got sacked despite having just won the La Liga in addition to the Champions League the year before. And if that wasn't a slap in the face, he was then replaced by Carlos Quieroz who was an awesome number 2, but had ZERO experience as the top gun.

Mental is the only suitable word to describe Senor Perez.

4) But if all this crap goes through, Wesley Sneijder should be up for sale and that would be an awesome signing.

5) Meanwhile, stay tuned for the fireworks...

June 04, 2009

Conversation with GOD

Q&A Session during Brunch with Fowler at Harry's Bar, Cjimes, Singapore, on 31 May 2009, 11am - 1pm.

President of East of Anfield:
Right. Being a good Catholic, I woke up early this Sunday morning to meet GOD.

Crowd: *laughter and applause*

President of EoA:
So, who has any questions for Robbie then?

Fan 1: So Robbie, about that penalty, what actually happened?
RF: *laughs* Well, Seaman was bigger than me...

Fan 2: Are you here to buy properties, Robbie?
RF: *laughs*

Fan 3: So how many houses do you have Robbie?
RF: Err...*pause*...more than 1

Fan 3: And less than....?
RF: *clearly uncomfortable*...err..
Someone in the crowd: Less than the Queen!

*laughter followed by impromptu singing of 'We all live in a Robbie Fowler house"

Fan 4: Who's the most dangerous player you've played against?
RF: *thinks* Gary Pallister and Steve Bruce

Fan 5: Who's the best player you've played with?
RF: Steve Macmanaman! No question. He's simply immense. (Ed: No surprises there eh?)

A page from my copy of his book that Robbie signed

Fan 6: Who's your best manager?
RF: I have to say Roy Evans

Fan 7: Who's the stupidest player then?
RF: *laughs* Jason Macateer. I mean, he's a lovely bloke and all, but really, really thick.

*laughs again*

Fan 8: If you were a Manager, would you buy Ronaldo?
RF: *answer drowned by laughs and cries of 'poofter/brown arse etc' by the crowd*
(Ed: All I heard was "...plays for Manchester United.")

Fan 9 : How many children do you have Robbie?
RF: 3 girls and 1 boy

Fan 10: What would you teach your son about football?
RF: That it's football and not soccer

Fan 11: How do you feel about the MU - Barca result?
RF: *deadpan* DEVASTATED.

*laughter and hooting, followed by impromtu singing : One Robbie Fowler, followed by Fields of Anfield Road.

p/s: No one asked about Samir Nasri.
p/ss: There were more questions but my memory failed me. Wish I'd taped the session.


The Event:

Brunch with Fowler was a very low key event. I was very surprised to approach the bar and not see any banners/posters. I suppose they only wanted real fans and not glory hunters/SPGs etc.

Robbie himself entered the bar without any aplomb. There was no announcement, no entourage, no reporters, no photographers. Most of the fans who were reminiscing about Robbie while drinking their free-flow Carlsberg didn't even realise Robbie was in the house. Luckily, I was kancheong and kiasu enough to hang around near the door waiting for Robbie to make his appearance. Heh.

The Atmosphere:

The camaraderie was great. Everyone there were true Robbie fans. Very good-natured yet not rowdy crowd.

Someone even brought old issues of Liverpool Echo from season 2000/01 for Robbie to sign! No one hogged Robbie. No one jumped queue during the Signing Session. In fact, those who brought more than a few items to be signed split their sessions so others could have a go while he's still fresh. And those who brought marker fans were happy enough to lose it cause someone else would just lend them theirs.

I was hanging out with 3 college-aged kids who surprisingly know as much about Robbie and LFC as the older fans.

About Robbie:
Robbie was wearing the North Fury green jersey ( a few shades lighter than his deep-green eyes) and one of them shorts that reaches below the knee.

He was ever so nice and quietly funny. No traces of the cheeky lad he once was. Only a pleasant, humble and rather quiet (shy) guy who seems rather touched that his fans still love him. I've only seen Robbie Fowler live once, when they came down to Singapore in 2001 (?), even then from afar. He is much better looking than he is on telly. And while he was never a Carragher, his accent has toned down some too.

About Robbie and I

I was like a dog with six lamp posts. Heh! Anyway, I was one of the first few who approached him within 10 min of his arrival. He pronounces my name (which I had thoughfully pencilled in in his autobiography :p) the English way and said, 'like the song,' and asked if it's the correct spelling.

Ahem...others got 'Best Wishes' only :D

The second time I approached him (I only approached him 4 times lol), I said, 'Hi, it's me again." And he went, 'Hi it's me again." :D

Picture credit: Nice ones: Leen Bakar. Horrible ones: meself.

June 02, 2009

Ronaldo blooms again after Barca disappointment

For some men, the idea of wearing a flower as an accessory would have them running for the hills. But not for Cristiano Ronaldo.

The footballer happily wore the pink bloom behind his ear while relaxing in the Italian sunshine.

It was perhaps intended to complement his pink baseball cap, which he wore backwards on his head. (From Blooming Lovely: CR does summer chic with a pink flower and matching cap.)

Doing the Fairy Fairy Shake to the tune of Hippy Hippy Shake

Old man: "How much for an hour mate?"
Haggling his price with an ageing punter while his wife is occupied with Rooney