February 28, 2007

The Evolution of Men.United

First we were friends

Then we became lovers

Unfortunately, one of your friends wanted to be my arsepal

So I stepped on the nuts of another one of your friends....

But you betrayed me...

I hetchew and I donch want to fwen you anymore

Then we kissed and made up...

Now I've become as gay as you...Come dance with me, my Christina...

Whee...lookie...I'm so graceful...whee...

Go Liverpool. Go whoop those faggots. Jose said we should *roll eyes*

February 26, 2007

Hitman United

Chairman: Vinnie Jones
Manager: Arsene Wenger

(in no particular order)
Craig Bellamy
Jermaine Pennant
Robbie Fowler
Jerzy Dudek
Kolo Toure
Jon Ubi Kayu
Francesc Fabregas
Emmanuel Adebayor
Abou Diaby
Frank Lampard
Emmanuel Eboue

Wayne Rooney
Kieran Dyer
Lee Bowyer
Martin Keown
John Arnie Riise

Carlinglingus Boxing Cup

I don't know about you, but the most memorable moment of the Carlinglingus Cup final was not the goals (I only saw one anyway, was too high over the Muse concert that I forgot there was a football game on), not of poor John Terry being stretchered off (DAMN, how are Chelsea gonna win the league now???) , and not even the free-for-all where Wayne Bridge buta-buta kena socked out cold by Adebayor (Brilliant boxing match, that).

No, it was the sight of the cool Arsene Wenger walking onto the pitch to talk to his players when the brawl broke out. Mourinho was running into it, grappling with the players, Arsene just sauntered on, with a stern, schoolteacher look on his face, looking like a damn cool gangster boss with his jacket over his suit and tie.

Now THAT'S class for you...

(All pictures from BBC Sport)

February 22, 2007

Yo Riise, you fren me again, I give you a goal ok?

Barcelona 1 - 2 Liverpool

Bellamy and Riise net in Reds win

Craig Bellamy and John Arne Riise score in a dramatic win for Liverpool in the Nou Camp over Barcelona.

So, how's that golf swing again, eh?

February 19, 2007

So, how's his golf swing eh?

I was wondering when this would happen:

Bellamy facing £80k fine after Riise bust-up

Liverpool forward Craig Bellamy is reported to be facing an £80,000 fine following allegations of a training-camp bust-up with team-mate John Arne Riise.

Bellamy faces uncertain future

Craig Bellamy could be shown the Anfield exit after allegedly attacking John Arne Riise with a golf club.

Eventually security police stepped in to calm Pennant, Fowler and Dudek, with the latter apparently particularly boisterous.

Gee whiz, Fowler and Pennant as well. Gah. Talk about a recipe for disaster...

I suppose this should be pretty good news then, considering....

Liverpool clinch summer Voronin signing

Though the way ShevWheresTheGoalchenko has been 'settling in' at Chelski doesn't really give me much hope about THIS Ukrainian dude...

Wonder how's HIS golf swing.

but, of course!

Its the New Year now (for Sun Ji Hai and er, no one else of notable stature) but it should be good to know that somethings will NEVER change.

Like, Craig Bellamy being Craig Bellamy.

And, surprise, surprise!!!


Yes, yes I know they are all tabloid stories, but I read them anyway because:

1) There isn't smoke without fire
2) They are pretty fucking funny

Happy holidays, people....

February 13, 2007

Shebby Wants You!

You there.

Yes, you.

Can you teach people to kick a football without falling over?
Can you teach people to run into places where defenders don't see the sun?
Can you confuse John Dykes with gibberish football tactics?
Can you out-pundek even Steve McMahon?
Can you take a team of amateur footballers and teach them to lose on National TV?

If you can, Shebby wants you.

Malacca Telekom to name coach Thursday
Malacca Telekom will name the caoch to replace Irfan Bakti on Thursday. The advisor of the TM group's sports marketing unit, Shebby Singh, said that they had short-listed the candidates for the job and would decide on the appointment with the management soon.

Because apparently Shebby can't do it on his own:

YES! Apply now for the job! Together-gether we can make Malacca HotSpurs lose on national TV!

Shebby Boleh!

February 11, 2007


As sports fans, you have a responsibility to be passionate about your team. You have an obligation to the heroes you cheer everyweek and the villians you jeer everyday. The key word here is passion. And as I take it that most of you here aren't kids - a good example would be when you have like, really hot, passionate steamy sex with some chick (or bloke, whatever floats your boat). There is no reasoning, there is no rationality.

I scream at a Scouser JUST BECAUSE he is one.

No reason.

When the legendary KakiBangku guy approached Eyeris some donkey years ago, it was to propose an awesome idea. Till today, that idea sticks real good. See folks, the reason HantuBola is different from all the other (crappy) football blogs out there is because you have the license to say FUCK YOU PUKIMAK all you like.

And the reason for that is because when you lose, you get angry at the world. Or when you win, you feel you need to gloat. Especially when you win unexpectedly. Against a club with a new sugar daddy. With an asshole formerly playing for you plays for them now. And had the cheek to score against you. And then their keeper does a circus act.

There isn't such a thing as, "Ah you are my friend so I won't gloat.." RUBBISH.





But since Eyeris is my friend, I figured I need to take this opportunity to say my peace - you know, just like all real friends do. Honestly, and frankly, because real friends need to tell their friends their honest opinion....

Pepet betul...


Stupid Pepet Reina.

Laugh it up, Anttyk.

February 09, 2007

quote of the week

Not quite what they expected, indeed...

From Javier Mashimaro:
"I have disconnected myself from West Ham and signed a contract with Liverpool.

"I can consider myself a Red Devil. It’s now just up to the Premier League to authorise me to play, something I believe should happen because it was they who made the appeal to FIFA to allow me to move clubs. I hope the situation is resolved as soon as possible."

Would you blame him?! Of course everybody wants to play for the bestest club in the whole wide wide galaxy, ever.

Gua sudah mau mengantuk


Ini belog sudah manyak boring.

Manyak sangat cerita pasal itu akaun akaun, stok stok, bla bla bla.

Gua sudah bosan.

Sapa beli sapa ke, sapa ada lebih duit ke, sapa ada bapak gula ke, gua tak kisah.

Janji masa main dekat itu padang, SUMUA GAME MAU MENANG.

Itu macam baru syiok lar. Itu sebablar, gua suka tengok itu bolasepak.



February 08, 2007

baptism of a new soccer club

After happily selling their backsides to the highest bidder, the BOD of Liverpoo Soccer Team (they shall be known by that name until the nice guys at Football365 think of a suitable nick name, or until you get to the bottom of this article) then went on a charm offensive to brainwash the scum that all is well. And, surprisingly, those hubcap stealers did not seem to understand the intricate conniving ways of this deal, thus putting rest to the notion that 'It takes a thief to catch a thief'.

It is either that, or the Liverpoo Soccer Team fans have been embarassed beyond words. You see, after consistently dissing Chelski's sugardaddy for the past 3 years, KARMA became a real big bitch and bit the scum's backside big time. Liverpool Soccer Team have now also found themselves not one but TWO sugardaddies who happily wiped out their debts and will now no doubt pour money into the club for them to buy actually buy decent players that aren't actually gay. That is why nobody is actually making any noise about this takeover - as Jerzy Dudek kindly demonstrates to Diego Forlan in the picture on the right - WHO WOULD SAY NO TO A FREE GIFT?

Some plastic Liverpoo Soccer Team fan asked me why I hate Liverpool so much instead of Chelsea who has been stealing all our glory in recent time. Besides the inane point of me being a Manyoo fan who is SUPPOSED to hate everything related to our new soccer team brothers, it is also for the simple reason that it's easier to concede defeat to Chelsea. I would rather they win the Quadruple than Liverpool stealing yet another trophy, no matter how insignifant it is. The logic is simple - whatever trophy Chelsea wins - I can say, "Aaah so what? Anybody can win anything with a sugardaddy!" See, with all that cash inflow, they are EXPECTED to win.

Yes, yes Manyoo had all that money and bought all those players too. Bla bla bla....but we bought them out of their own money. Liverpoo were some 40 million quid in debt before their sugardaddies came in and bailed them out and financed their (would be) new stadium. This is good for us Manyoo fans actually, because the next time Liverpoo do win another Mickey Mouse Cup, I can claim that it is a hollow victory carved out of some greenbacks. ANd when Manyoo does win the league this year, I can gloat to you suckers that we did it INSPITE OF being cursed with a 600 million quid debt.


And since the scum are moving to their new stadium, that stupid red sign can now serve a more useful purpose.

Don't you agree that a sign in the middle of a field that says "This is a field" is just as inane as having that sign in the stadium!? I know that footballers are stupid, but which kind of dumbshit doesn't know where he is 5 minutes before kickoff? You would have thought that people from the slums are usually street smart. Do Scousers get lost that easily? Maybe that is why they keep getting lost everytime they say they are "turning the corner".

But let's not waste anymore time and get to the part where the Yankees unveil their new logo and baptise their new name.

Ladies and gentlemen,

Give a very warm American greeting to


*not to be confused with the Pittsburg Steelers Football Team

February 07, 2007

Steven George Gerrard (MBE) : Inaugural Speech

Prime Minister Blair, President George WW3 Bush, Mr Jilat, Mr Hickey, Mr David Moores, Mr Rick Parry, Senor Rafael Benitez, Mr Shabby Poondeque, my fellow Scousers,

We observe today, not a victory over Men.United, but a celebration of survival – symbolising an end, as well as a beginning – signifying renewal as well as change. For I have sworn before you, and the Great Almighty GOD Robbie Fowler the same solemn oath as Bill Shankly before me.

“I’m only in the game for the love of football – And I want to bring back happiness to the people of Liverpool”

The world is very different today. For a club with money holds in his mortal hands the power to abolish smaller clubs and stupid richer pratts. And yet the same revolutionary beliefs has not bode well for some with more money than us. I have come to the conclusion that the rights of man come not from the generosity of the United States nor Russia, but from our glorious history.

We must not forget today we are heirs to the club with the greatest history.

Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Scousers—born in this century, untempered by Ferguson's temper, disciplined by a cold and bitter weather , proud of our heritage—and unwilling to witness or permit the slow undoing of those pratts who keeps taunting the values which we have always been committed to, and to which we are committed today at home and away.

Let every club know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of Liverpool.

This much we pledge – and more.

Let us not forget our core values.

Let us steal more hubcabs!

(Crowd roars)

Let us steal more anthems!

(Crowd roars)

Let us steal the title from those above us!

(Crowd roars)

Let us get Michael Owen back! (sowwy Eyeris)

(Crowd: Err..)

Oh, c’mon lads. Michael can sell more t-shirts than Peter. Besides, he and Robbie can have a good natter on the bench.

(Crowd roars)

Last but not least, let us give to the poor.

Let us donate Peter Crouch to Tottenham Hotspurs!

(Crowd: Thunderous roar and deafening foot stamping)

Shabby Poondeque: Yes, John, indeed John, I mean, Steven.

I would also like to pledge a renewed oath to kill our adversaries:
The Men.United, the Chelshite and the Toffee Twats.

(Crowd: Thunderous roar and deafening foot stamping)

Will you join me in this virtuous effort?

(Crowd roars and drinks beers and burps and cheers)

And so my fellow Scousers, ask not what the club can do for you, but what you can do for the club.

My fellow Scousers, ask not what America can do for you, but what we can do to squeeze them dry, what we can steal from them.

Finally, whether you are a Scouser or just members of ABU, I ask of you the same high standards of strength and sacrifice which we are willing to give. With the castration and neutering of Men.United our only sure reward, with history the final judge of our deeds, let us go forth to lead the club we love, asking Robbie Fowler’s love and Robbie Fowler’s blessings, but knowing that here on earth Shankly's work must truly be our own

(Yeah, in keeping with tradition, I stole this from JFK's speech. So? )

February 06, 2007

American Pool

It's official!


Those Hockey Puckey Yankees decided to waste a shitload of money on a crap club.
At least the Glazers knew they were buying quality, know what I'm sayin' y'all?

I can already see the future. These suckers will be playing a new sport.

Liversuckers' new greens were not quite what they expected

So were their training balls.


All that is left now is for Gillete Mach 3 Turboman and NotTaylorHicks pick up the phone and dial Peter Kenyon's number to arrange a 3-way orgy business proposition.


Tell me, all you sick bunch of Liversuckers who laughed at the Great Manchester United when that Glazer guy decided to do a HOSTILE TAKEOVER of our club, and laughed at us, calling us an 'American Club', how does it feeeeeeeeel?

At least we didn't whore our backsides like what your Liverpool BOD did.

Well, now you know how it feels. Except that it should be 10 times more painful.

More to come.

p.s. I'm still racking my brains to come up with a new nickname for the NEW Kelab Orang Kaya Baru. The DIC's Al-Liverpool was so easy to come up with compared to this. Any suggestions? ;-)

February 05, 2007

Platini Destroys Small Clubs Before Second Breakfast

Lets talk about Michel Platini.

Who's he? He's a legend, a former Juventus and France player, and one of the greatest players ever.

He also reminds me of a Hobbit:

But anyway, Platini has just been elected UEFA chief. And he wants to do this: Reduce the maximum number of Champions League entrants from a single country from four to three.

Which means clubs like Arsenal, Chelsea and Man Utd will have to fight for second and third place to get into the Champions League WHEN Liverpool win the league in the 2009/2010 season.

And SMALL CLUBS like Everton can bugger off.


February 01, 2007

Bomoh Bergooner

We really shouldn't laugh when a player is injured... But not when it's A.Hole involved...

Oklah, looking at this pic, I actually do feel sorry for the guy (really I do!). But it just got me thinking...

Arsene Wenger and his scouting staff are very much lauded (and rightly so) for their keen eye on talent. But if you look at the following list of players, you would think that our scouting staff has also discovered a top notch Bomoh from our shores or something...

1. Nicolas Anelka - Went from nobody to cup final hero in one year. Became too big for his boots and decided to bugger off to Real Madrid (and the club pocketed a cool £23 million profit). Couldn't hack it at Real nor PSG nor Fernebache nor Liverpool and now finds himself playing next to El Saliva Diouff (that team is overdue a spanking by the way).

The Bomoh strikes!

2. Marc Overmars - We were the only club to show faith in his dodgy knee. Decided to leave with Emmanuel Petit for £25 million to Barca. Spent more time on the treatment table. Retired prematurely two years ago due to the dodgy knee.

The Bomoh strikes again!

3. Manu Petit - Never fitted in at Barca. Found his way back to England with ponytail between his legs at pre-Roman Chelsea. Lost in cup final to Arsenal led by boy best friend, Patrick Vieira. Last seen working with Vivid Videos.... Ok that last bit didn't happen...

The Bomoh strikes again!

4. Edu - Couldn't break the Vieira-Gilberto midfield dominance, but was a solid performer nonetheless. Left for Valencia but ruptured his knee ligament in pre-season. Has he even played for Valencia yet?

The Bomoh strikes again!

5. Rober Pires - Fed up with Arsene's "one-year-renewal-for-old-farts" policy. Packed his bags for Villareal, but ruptured his knee ligament in pre-season. Has he even played for Villareal yet?

The Bomoh strikes again!

6. Cuntley Cole - PADAN MUKO!!! HUHUHUHAHAHAHAH!!!!!


(hmm maybe I'm not that sorry after all...)