September 30, 2006

kettle, kettle, you're black!

Continuing our crusade against the scum rivals of the great Manyoo (TM), today's news takes us to the Arse and their manager who happens to be celebrating his 10th anniversary..


Foreign ownership starting to worry Wenger

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger admits he is concerned by the increasing trend of foreign ownership in Premiership clubs.

He said: 'This trend [for foreign ownership] does worry me. Generally you want the clubs to be in control of their own destiny. If you suddenly have 20 foreign investors who buy 20 English clubs you are in danger.

'The manager is foreign, the players are foreign, you need to draw a line. England doesn't control it any more.'

He added in Arsenal's magazine, reproduced in the Daily Mirror: 'I feel the soul of football in this country is first granted by the owners of the clubs. Here, for example, at Arsenal I feel I am really at an English club.

Well, of course you feel like you are at an English club Arsene. Of course you're also worried about foreigners in English football then?

Pot : Kettle, kettle you're black!
Kettle : No I am not!
Pot : Well, no..maybe you are Arsene.
Kettle : Yes, I am but so are you.
Pot : Fine, fine, we are both Arsene...

September 28, 2006

The Two-metre Starfish

I knew we had stars in the squad, but I never knew we had starfish as well...

September 27, 2006

lay off scholesey!

There seems to be loads of FUNNY SHIT in the footballing news these days. A couple of days ago, it was reported that Frank Lampard, John Terry and Jose Mourinho decided to emulate ol' Golden Balls and get into the film industry (by film industry I actually mean Tom Cruise). However, instead of getting Tom Cruise's contacts in Hollywood, the said trio are supposedly due to appear in BOLLYWOOD.

But since they play for a boring club with no real rivals (really, who gives a shit about Chelsea's rivalry with Fulham?) that story did not get a mention in HantuBola, since we are only out to take the piss out people...

With that, enter today's news:

Peter Tatchell, of gay human rights group OutRage!, said: "We urge Paul to apologise and to express his opposition to homophobia.

"No player, referee or fan should have to endure abuse about their race or sexuality.

"There should be big fines and match suspensions for players, managers and supporters who wilfully use anti-gay insults.

I tell you....these goddamn Liverpool fans are getting toooo sensitive for my liking..

September 26, 2006

Happy Birthday, Ballack!

Ballack's still on suspension,
so he hangs around West London;
The man will not be playing,
till after Villa and Reading;
Today he can down a whole bottle of Jameson.

Here's your birthday present, I'm sure you will like it very much:

September 24, 2006


Dear Fergie,

Last season I laughed at Arsenal and Arsene for being stupid. For the last 4 games, you have been trying to do the same damn thing - being tactically inept. Look, wings are fucking useful things. Every goddamn thing uses wings.

Animals use wings.

Real men use wings.
Red Wings - the most awesome boots in the world

And fuck, even women use wings..


When you play against Mickey Mouse teams who pile 6 people in the penalty box, you CAN'T FUCKING go through the middle and expect to get a result! Everytime Rooney tried to do something in the box, he got barged down by 4 fucking defenders..


Yes, yes its fun to watch Scholes, Rooney and Ronaldo play neat little one-twos. BUT it is NOT fun watching them get bundled off the ball trying to play sexy football. We scored 5 goals against Fulham playing from the wing, do the same fucking thing, can??

Contrary to what the scum like to think, Gary Neville is the fucking best crosser of the ball coming from right back. USE the fucking crosses, can?!?

And oh, like Din says, get rid of that fucking Kieran Richardson. Half a good season playing for West Bromich Albion does not make you a quality player. Fletcher I can accept. O'Shea I can accept. Just get rid of Kieran...

Thank you.

Idiot of the Week

What a way to welcome the Puasa month.

I am angry. Very Angry.

I am very angry with this bugger.

Watching the match with 3 other MU buddies turned into a real test of patience everytime this idiot touched the ball. I cannot recall any useful contribuition from him in the game. In fact, after his first 3 idiotic ball-passing techniques, I was devastated why Man Utd was playing with just 10 men and an idiot.

Attacking build-up without him were very promising. But just when Manchester United needed Richardsonofabitch to score/pass, he completely failed.

I remember throwing tissue paper, a Cadbury wrapper, a tin can and chopsticks at the TV when he missed a great chance in the second half. Damn was I pissed! And I think it wasn't just me and the rest of the ManYoo fans around the world, even the rest of the Red Devils on the pitch were pretty damn agitated as well.

Then, the gaffer finally regained his senses, with a sustituition getting No.23's ass of the pitch. Finally!

Manchester United then played more brilliantly. The Red Devils that I know have turned on the style and our saviour scored the equalizer. However, that was the only goal scored by us since Reading chickened out and decided to safeguard a lone point.

Ultimately, Richardson's uselessness meant he cost us a win. Perfect. Can somebody please go and whack him now? It would be better to send him to play with the reserves for a while.

However, I hope MU's lapse of form will soon turn for the better. As the scousers say, it is still early in the season.

September 23, 2006

I told you so...

I TOLD you people oledi. DON'T PANIC.

All the games we've played have been AWAY games. HOME games we still 100% mar. And the season still young, so don't worry yet...

Liverpool 3-0 Tottenham

3-0 against a Spurs supposedly trying to challenge for honours this season. Not too bad eh? What are the chances of Jol being the next manager to go?

Anyway, Kuyt is starting to come good. Bellamy still hitting posts though. But those two together still look a lot better than having Crouch on (besides that bit where they went for the same ball lar). Agger is our defender of the season so far. Oh, and welcome back, Riise. We've missed you (and your long range goals).

I think I know why we lost when I was in Bangkok last week. I was wearing my Liverpool jersey. Liverpool almost NEVER win when I wear my Liverpool jersey, so I think it negated my 'Liverpool always win when I'm overseas' superstition. So next time when Liverpool play, I resolve to try NOT to wear my jersey.

Heh, whatever works, eh?


Update: 11:40pm

Wow, Arsenal actualy won at home. FINALLY. with Henry scoring from a HEADER. And all started by Gallas scoring the kind of goals he used to score for Chelsea.

Speaking of Chelski, Lampard actually scored without a deflection. Pigs are flying. Oink!

September 21, 2006

Ar$enal in $hitload of $$$ Owings!

As a (boring) banker, this news somehow intrigued me.

In a nutshell, the whole financing package that Arsenal FC took up is this: -

1. Total borrowings = GBP385 mil (at fully drawn amount) or approx RM2 bil
2. Financing Period = 25 years (or so it says in the reports)
3. Repayment = GBP15 mil per annum (roughly its 385m/25 yrs)
4. Collateral = The Emirates Stadium
5. Primary Source of Repayment = Operational cash flow from gate collections
6. Secondary Source of Repayment = Income from Highbury apartments (to be completed in 2011)

As an unbiased, risk-adverse and responsible bank officer, my first thoughts were...

From the point of view of the Bank, how can you lend the entire GDP of the country of one of Arsene Wenger's new signing's birthplace... And with such a long repayment tenure??

From the point of view of the Club, does LEEDS UNITED mean anything to you???

Well upon further analysis, it appears that the said Mental Financial Institution has got it all planned out with two clearly identified take out sources in the form of gate receipts and sales from the luxury apartments (which should sell, given the prime real estate in that area).

And of course the big boss, Keith Edelman insists that the club is fine, gate collections are sky high, we can even afford to be relegated and still pay off blah blah blah... But trust me, I've heard this song and dance routine by so many customers before.

Everything is hunky dory until something "beyond their control" happens. On the contrary to Mr. Edelman, I think non-qualification of Champs League or even relegation will amount to significant losses of income, which would reduce our transfer warchest. The lack of quality players coming in would then result in a deterioration of our game which may ultimately lead to a drop in gate collections (due to fairweather fans).

The best solution for banker/club/fans? :-

1) Pray for Arsene's long life and well being over the next 25 years.
2) A drop in interest rates (hah!)
3) Higher disposable income in UK, in case the Club needs to revise its ticket prices higher.

and last but not least...

4) Hire me as Arsenal FC's FC (Arsenal Football Club's Financial Controller. Haha. Farnee)

Are you sleepy now?

Thank You Newcastle!

On behalf of all Liverpool supporters in Hantu Bola, I would hereby like to extend my gratitude to Newcastle Comedy Club for their generosity in granting our new striker a debut goal, giving our midfielder a moral-boosting goal from the halfway line, and throwing in a complimentary first Premiership clean sheet at the same time.

You guys are the best, unlike all those selfish buggers in blue.

(pix from BBC)

Liverpool 2 - 0 Newcastle Utd

Debut goal by Kuyt = CHECK
Bellamy shooting blanks again = CHECK
Handball tomfoolery = CHECK
Goal from halfway line by Alonso = CHECK
Second home win of the season = CHECK
First league clean sheet of the season = CHECK
Miss K abandoning Anttyk = CHECK
Season back on track = Er... let's wait and see, ok?

September 20, 2006

Jerry MaGuire lives!

That Jerry MaGuire guy is really something isn't he? First he helped Cuba Gooding Jr resurrect his Duhmehrican football career, now he's doing pro-bono consultancy work for REAL (in all senses of the word) football players.

For instance, David Beckham apparently called MaGuire for advice when he was dropped from the England team, and MaGuire's alter-egomaniac was more than willing to help him.

"When I got to America I phoned Tom. He's a great guy to be able to speak to because he is a very positive-minded person. It is good to have people around you at that point."

After reading this line, all of a sudden, mental images of Beckham on the phone, shaking his sarong-clad tush, screaming SHOW ME THE MONEY while talking to Cruise flashed through my mind.


Anyway, on with the quotes:

"He talked about everything I had done in the World Cup, about the goal I scored and the goals I set up. He said I was a great player, that I played for Real Madrid, I've got a healthy family and three boys and a wife who love me to bits. "


Yes, apparently Ethan Hunt knows about the game they call 'soccer'. Now, everyone, pick your jaw up from the floor.

Speaking of Ethan Hunt, chances are we won't be seeing HIM again, since he just got kicked out of his ego-massaging role in the Mission Impossible franchise (probably because he offered Beckham a role in the third movie.... yeah, I know).

But on the bright side (for Beckham, that is), it frees up Hunt from his usual mask-wearing, terrorist-fighting duties to help Beckham with HIS impossible mission of getting back in the England squad. With Hunt on his side, McClaren beware!

Anyway, those two are a match in heaven aren't they? Let's see...
  • One got kicked out of the IMF team, the other got kicked out of the England team
  • One jumps around on sofas screaming his wife's name, the other runs around in sarongs and his wife's knickers
  • One is a prominent scientologist, the other probably doesn't know what science is.
  • One named his daughter Suri, the other named his kids Brooklyn and Romeo
  • One dumped Nicole Kidman for Penelope Cruz, the other had another kid and called him Cruz.

Get these two a room already!

September 19, 2006

A Tale of Two One-Nils

Call me over-optimistic if you want, but I was actually not too disappointed with the loss.

Of course, the thought of Tigerjoe gyrating his hips to that Drogba 1-0 Liverpool win certainly grates on the nerves, but then again, I actually thought that Liverpool played pretty well. In fact, it was the best they've played in the past few games.

It's that whole bloody Liverpool striker syndrome again. Fucking hell, EVERY TIME we buy a 'prolific striker' he becomes non-prolific. Look at bloody morientes. fucker couldn't hit the side of a gudang door when he was with Liverpool, now he's back in sunny Spain suddenly can score like machine gun. Bah.

Anyway, Agger-Carragher is definitely our best defense right now. Hyypia is getting old lar, cannot move fast oledi. Midfield wise, I don't know about Gerrard playing in the left, but otherwise, the Sissoko, Alonso, Gerrard and Pennant midfield was quite solid, actually. Who're our left wingers again? Oh yeah. Harry Kenotgetwell, Mark Gonzales and Riise.

Anyway, I'm not THAT unhappy with the result. Sure, the bloody strikers still can't score, but it's an away game. we've been playing away in the league for the past three game, so the Comedy Club can expect a much 'better' welcome at Anfield tomorrow...

So yeah, I'm still pretty upbeat about the team, especially what I saw during last weekend's match (Bloody Crouch non-withstanding).

We lost to one bloody brilliant goal, that's all.

Heck, it's better than losing your four game PROUD 100% unbeaten streak to an Henry-less Arsenal that had not had a SINGLE WIN so far in the league. And AT HOME at that. Doi Doi Christina had a really brilliant game, didn't he? Best Doi-Doi performance I've seen so far. Whoops indeed.

Sure, in the end it's still scant consolation, considering we still FUCKING LOST even though we played well, but heck, things could be worse right? After all, losing to a brilliant goal away is marginally better than losing the game AT HOME to a late sucker punch goal by a stupid fella called ADEBAYOR...

Now that's REALLY gotta suck.

September 18, 2006

And the Pancut Luar Award goes to....

Stevie cannot find G-spot
Craig No Ballamy
Peter Crotchless (No surprises there huh)

Blue, blue my world is blue,
Blue is my world now we lost to the blue
Red, red, my eyes are red
Crying for Pool alone in my bed


Conversation During the Man U vs Arsenal Game

Naz : #%&$!!! Clear the freaking corners lah!! Take the &^#$%@* chances and score lah!!
Skay : Is there something wrong with Adebayor's legs? He keeps losing the ball!
Naz : OMG!!! Fabregas keeps losing the ball!! He's having a shitty game!!
Skay : He only gave it away once lah. Adebayor has been giving it away non-stop!
Naz : But he's a lone striker, he's bound to lose the ball and at least its not a dangerous area.
Skay : Still... he's stupid.

* Adebayor loses ball after a promising build-up...

Naz : %@#$*!!! STUPID ADEBAYOR!!! STUPID SHIT $@#$!!!!
Skay : Told you he's stupid...
Naz : But what if later he scores...?

* 86th minute - Fabregas wins the ball from Ronaldo, gets lucky with a rebound off a Man U defender, slots a beautiful through pass to Adebayor, and he puts it in the net.

Skay : And Fabregas assissted... (oklah she didn't say this coz she went home already at this point)

One nil to the Arsenal!!! Our first win of the year and it was great to have it at Old Trafford!!
(p/s: When we beat Man U at Old Trafford, we've won the title)

September 15, 2006

Reminder: Hantu Bola Gathering

Chelski vs LiverPoo

Date: Sunday, 17th September 2006
Time: 7:30pm onwards
Venue: SOULed Out, Sri Hartamas

The usual guys will be there, Mr Jameson and Ms. K included. Me, I'm hoping that my superstition that Liverpool only win big matches when I'm out of the country will hold once again this Sunday.....


Another reminder:

For anyone who's not interested in Saturday's lineup of EPL matches, youse might want to check out the Malaysia Cup final at Bukit Jalil. It's Negri Sembilan vs Perlis this year.

Negri Sembilan play a bit like the West Ham of last season, relying on team spirit and cohesiveness to win matches. Perlis, like Liverpool, rely on some cipet feller to win cup finals for them. Really, his name is actually Chipet(a).

September 14, 2006

Ah.... So it begins....

Ah, it's been a long time waiting for headlines like these:

Man Utd suffer Park injury blow

Hamstring Heartbreak For Giggs

It's about time too.

Now now I wonder how long it'll take for Solskjaer, Scholes, Saha and Brown to go on their regular six month-long (or in Solskjaer's case, two-year-long) medical treatment. And for Ferdinand to forget to pee again. Whee!

On the same vein, Charlton fans must be quite gutted to see this as well:

Charlton's Traore fractures leg

How are they going to start beating minnows like Chelski and Manyoo now?


BTW, remember, today Futsal CANCEL.

And from now onwards, I won't be announcing futsal games on the blog anymore. Anyone who wants to play futsal on Thursdays, EMAIL US YOUR PHONE NUMBER so we can SMS you instead of relying on the blog.Kthxbai

September 13, 2006

You're Joking, Right?

Har har har har har! *rolls on floor clutching stomach*

"What so funny?" you ask.

Mr Olivier 'Shorty Mop Haired Looks Like a Terrier' Bernard said this: The current Newcastle team is better than the one that participated in the Champions League four seasons ago under Sir Bobby. See here for proof.

Fucking kidding me.

Is he serious? Head screwed on straight? Hmm. Or is he just trying to be funny?

Based on last week's performance, letting in 2 goals in the last 10 minutes. Bloody unacceptable. Trying to emulate Chelski issit?

I'm still pissed today... :(

Pizza-Gate Mystery Solved?

Forget the Booker prize winners or Oprah's Book Club... Assley Hole's "My Defence" is by far the read of the year.

Sure the past two excerpts were pretty much hot air, with A.Hole blaming everyone including his new employers, but himself.

But today's serialisation is by far, the best piece ever written in football literature history. This time, our former leftback shed some light on the pizza incident.

You can read it yourself (if you have nothing better to do) but this line takes the cake though.

'This slice of pizza came flying over my head and hit Fergie straight in the mush. The slap echoed down the tunnel and everything stopped - the fighting, the yelling, everything. All eyes turned and all mouths gawped to see this pizza slip off that famous puce face and roll down his nice black suit.'

Ahahahahahahahahahaa! Try to visualise it as you read it... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Here, he hints that it was Fabregas who threw the but with the amount of bullshit he spews out these days, you'd have to take this with a pinch of salt.

But if it was indeed Cesc who threw it, I would be disappointed........... Disappointed because he didn't coat it with Chilli Flakes first!!

September 12, 2006

another gathering

Chelski vs LiverPoo

Date: Sunday, 17th September 2006
Time: 7:30pm onwards
Venue: SOULed Out, Sri Hartamas

Mr. Jameson, possibly the only one with a perfect attendance record at HB gatherings, will be present. You can count on him to never FFK anyone.

We might stay on for the ManYoo vs NonIssue match, depending on Mr. Jameson.

If anyone's looking for the HB table, it's the one set for ten near the big screen. With the usual accompaniments.

To quote Christina Aguilera:

Come on over, come on over, bay-beh!


And now, an add-on tumpang announcement by Eyeris:

Hali Khamis.
Hantubola main futsal
Pukul 8-9pm
Footy Futsal dekat itu Taman Megah.
Jameson tarak, but got KY to kick.

Sapa boleh datang cepat cepat komen!

September 10, 2006


The best word to describe some of the clubs' results this latest EPL weekend.

One club is still winless this season. Whoops!
(Somebody who is long-winded said he is not unconcerned about their worst start in the Premiership)

One club got humiliated in a local derby. Whoops!
(Somegay conceded that they made mistakes, too many mistakes, but they paid for them anyway)

One club imploded; they snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. Whoops!
(Somebody who is generous said they gifted the opposition the game. Christmas must have come early).

However, one club had a different word to describe their performances so far. A club with the only 100% record to date. Many other people decided the gaffer and legendary winger were the best manager and player in August. WOW!

Let's see if we can repeat the feat in September.

Bring Traore Back!

Rafa, Rafa, Rafa….tsk…tsk… tsk…It’s all your fault!

You hafta bring Traore back.


I’m not kidding.

Everyone and their dog know Traore was the biggest gobshite ever to wear the red jersey.

Hence, Traore was a threat. A huge threat!

In fact, you could say Traore used to be our Fear Factor.

See, this is how it used to work.

When Rafa put Traore on the bench, players get scared.

Extremely scared.

Just the sight of Traore lurking on the bench, ready to take over your place, would make even a lazy player plays harder.

Now, if they are still slacking, all Rafa had to do was make Traore go and warm up

This would put the fear of god on any players and push them to the edge, make them give the best performance of their life.

Cause no one, but no one, wanted to be substituted for Traore.

Cause you know if you were to be substituted for Traore, you are an even bigger gobshite! Your humiliation would be complete.

Take the Liv vs Everton match.

Without the sight of Traore on the bench, our boys are becoming too blasé. The Fear Factor is gone.

Bring Traore back!

While we are at it. Get Dudek in again.

Reina is a pepet who should go join Barthez at whatever circus he is now.


September 08, 2006

The New West Ham United


Roy "Save it only if it's already a goal' Carroll


Amnot "Rio" Ferdinand

Hayden Mullet

Danny Gaban


Lee Boxer

Yogi Bearnayoun

Javier Mashimaro

National Rice-Cooker


Bobby Zam-Zam Alakazam

Carlton Cocks

Colour TV

September 07, 2006

Sila Ambil Perhatian.

Tuan-Tuan dan Puan-P...*COUGH*


TUAN-TUAN sekalian.

You know hor. Lain kali, orang lain put in the time to organise futsal bagi lu orang, kalau tak nak datang, say tak nak datang. Dun say NAK datang .. then FFK.

People must bayar wan k? Lu tak datang, siapa mau tolong bayar?

Wasted my time, leave office awal-awal ... and then .... KANTOI.

I thought MAYBE I was going to get the girls like S-Kay, Suanie, FA dan lain-lain lagi to come cheer in bikini cheerleading outfits.

But since takde orang .. sigh .. I guess tak payah le.


are football writers stupid?!

In every football website today...

What the fuck is wrong with you idiots? How the hell can you compare a European Championship QUALIFIER to a World Cup FINAL?

France can beat Italy another 10 more times in future games, but that is NO measure of REVENGE. Ask any French and they will tell you that would rather have lost this game 10-0 in place of winning the world cup finals instead. Goddamit, they can only claim to have taken real revenge if they beat Italy in another World Cup final!


If Marco Matterazzi decides to sign for Paris St German.

September 06, 2006


Din. Today.

Home. 8.00am. Looks at wall calender.

Office. 12.00pm. Looks at tabletop calender.

Home. 5.00pm. Looks at phone calender.









September 05, 2006

cool mailbox

This from the mailbox of my favourite football website,

That ESPN show was none other than Football Focus, and the pundit was...well.....

I'll give you 3 guesses but you'll only need one.

*in his defence, he did refer to Istanbul where Gerrard played right-back and had a pretty solid game after drawing level. he also said he didn't think Gerrard was a world class central midfielder - not player as the mail claimed. Still, I love He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named for his contribution towards Malaysian football*

September 04, 2006

Name and Shame

Michael Ballack

Henrique Hilario

Gabriel Heinze

Ryan Giggs

Richard Duffy

Joseph Yobo

Teddy Sheringham

Dirk Kuyt

Peter Crouch

Ivan Campo

Pepe Reina

Nicky Butt

Damien Duff

Darrent Bent

Emmanuel Adebayor

Dele Aderbola


September 02, 2006

Mother's Smelly Shoe

Here is me. All settled for the weekend.

Lotsa beer? Check.

Lotsa peanuts too? Check.

Nice comfy couch and bigass tv with Astro? Check.

Airconds? Check.

GF not home. Check. Check. Check. Check. Yeah baby.

Waitaminute... WHAT???!??? What do you mean no EPL this weekend?

I'm going to shoot somebody.

September 01, 2006



That was my first thought when I discovered that Argentinian wunderkind Carlos Tevez, along with international team-mate Javier Mascherano, had joined West Ham United on permanent deals.


Of course, it's obvious it has something to do with an agency, who apparently have some connections or something with WHU, I don't know the exact details, but still.... WTF.

(More on the Tevez-Mascherano-WH transfer story: How West Ham pulled off a coup)

Meanwhile, long-running soap-operas finally came to an end on Merdeka day. Reyes leaves for Real with Julio Baptista arriving in London. One Cole comes goes to Chelski in exchange for Gallas and 5 million quid, the other Cole goes to Portsmouth.

Speaking of defenders, Liverpool say goodbye, after barely saying hello, to Jan Kromkamp. Chelsea say goodbye to Huth (Who let the goals in? Huth! Huth Huth!), who joins Boro along with Real's sicknote Jonny Woodgate. Fabio Capello's certainly doing some smart deals so far...

Steed Malbranque joins Spurs. Another swashbuckling player in a team of swashbucklers. Hasn't Martin Jol heard of defenders?

Arsenal loses a legendary player to Villareal, after selling rock-solid defender Pascal Cygan for 2 million. Stop sniggering....

And, lastly, but not leastly, Da USA's DaMarcus Beasly joins Da Man City on Da loan.
When asked about this, DaMarcus replied...

W. Da. F.