Siaran Tergendala...

Siaran infotainment kegemaran anda, Hantubola, tergendala beberapa hari disebabkan gempa bumi yang telah menggendalakan saluran Internet di Malaysia.

Jangan betulkan skrin komputer anda.

Harap Maklum.

(by the way, seeing scumbag A.Hole putting the ball past his own goalkeeper Hilario was freaking hilarious... he's an 'untouchable' alright.)

3-5-2! 3-5-2! 3-5-2!

Chelsea seem to be having a small problem in central defence - we'll only have one central defender available for the match on Saturday. Captain JT is still injured, and Khalid the Cannibal is suspended.

So, in the spirit of Shebby "If I Were Sir Alex" Singh, I'm going to pretend that I'm Jose Mourinho and solve this problem. It's simple really. We play 3-5-2 against Fulham.


Ricky Carvalho and Ashley Cole to be joined by Michael Essien in defence, since Essien's best position is rightback. Makalele to anchor the midfield, with Ballack and Lampard running things in the middle. Robben and Kalou on the flanks, with Sheva and Drog-ba-ba-boom! upfront.

Geremi can come in after the halftime break if Sheva continues to struggle, which means that Essien will then be able to push up into midfield and we can go to a 3-4-3 setup for the second half.

Assuming we have the match wrapped up, Obi-Jon can come on for Uncle Maka during the last few minutes. Didigol will then drop to central defence, leaving Robben and Kalou upfront in a more conventional 4-4-2 formation.

Works quite well in theory, no?. IF I were Jose Mourinho.

What I wanted for X'mas was my very own telestrator. What I got was a bottle of white, a photo frame and a BJ with teeth. Blargh.

The Twelve Days of Christmas

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,

Twelve summers no signing
Eleven kids-a-playing
Ten Van Persies leaping
Nine Adebayors dancing
Eight goals-a-leaking (at Emirates)
Seven defenders missing
Six goals and counting
Five men on the wings (ya rite!)
Four times finish third
Three French men
Two Cup Finals
And a Spaniard in our midfield!

- A belated Christmas wish from me and Skay

p/s: Are they even showing the Arsenal game tonight?

Soon, it will all be over.

First to Bata, then to school. :-)

Enjoy the rest of your time (left) here, kids.

Ghostball's Letter to Santa Claus

Dear Santa,

How are you dude? I hope you are fined. I mean, traveling across continents on your Toyota Reindeer Cruiser to give out those gifts your factory made must really be taxing eh?

Ok, let's cut to the chase since I am no good at formalities. Numero Uno, I get to ask you for some gifts since, #2, I have been a good ghost all year and, C, I recently celebrated my 1st Birthday! Ain't that a compelling reason to give me what I want? Hmmm? :-)

For your convenience since you have better things to do like kissing moms eat cookies and drink milk, I made a simple list of what I want:-

1. More posts by the contributors (once a day not enough!)
2. More contributors (hopefully, representing the other clubs as well.)
3. Better template (have a look here)
4. More Futsal Kickabouts (maybe we can be part of Rakan Muda!)
5. More Drinkalots (maybe we can get sponsors!)
6. 200 crates of Green Fanta (with great popularity comes great stupidity)
7. A date with Miss Karma (that sexy thang!)
8. Charlie Webster to do an on-screen booty dance every time Sheffield United scores.
9. More traffic! More references! Total Internet Domination! Mwahuahahahahah!
10. Manchester United to win the league. :-)

Thanks. Have a good one dude!

Yours deadly,

Ghostball (a.k.a. Hantubola's mascot). :-)

=================================================

To the rest of you who are going to enjoy the holidays while I am sadly working,...again..... I would like to wish you all.....

MERRY CHRISTMAS, SELAMAT HARI RAYA HAJI AND HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I don't see the point of cancelling the match

It's just a bit of a fog.

Not like Whinger ever sees anything anyway.

Referees and linesmen are no better either. Never see anything important.

Bleh.

2006 HantuBola TV Awards

Since it's the end of the year and all that, it's a good time to pay tribute to the things which we remember best about footy this year. Of course, since I don't want to pre-empt the real awards at the end of this season, this round only looks at awards for what we have seen on television.

Let's cut to the chase.

2006 Quote of the Year:

This award goes to the most memorable quote as seen on TV; whether the quote comes from a poondeque, player, manager or any other football person. There are plenty to choose from in this category, from Shebby's weekly outbursts to Fergie's "Ronaldo is not a diver", but in the end there can only be one winner.

The winner is... Thierry Henry with this single-breath gem, just before Arsenal vs Tottenham:

"YesitistruethatIhadwalkedoutoftrainingthismorningbutIfeel
IcanplayandIamjustupsetatnotbeingabletoplayformyteam...
Errr...IdonotknowhythepapersaretalkingaboutitbutIfeelIcanplay,
thereisnosuchquarrelduringtrainingthismorningbutIwalkedout
becauseIamjustupsetatnotbeingabletoplayagainstourrivals.
Tottenham."

Talking at breakneck speed like that might explain how Thierry got the neck injury some weeks back.

2006 TV Gimmick of the Year:

This award was originally intended for the best advert shown during football telecasts, one that makes people actually sit through the commercial breaks. It was only after we had created this award that I realised the fooking i-Gallop ads are going to win hands down.

Hence, in typical DICtatorial fashion, we have changed the award specs to any TV gimmick that has created an increase in viewership during football telecasts.

The award goes to... the corporate drone at ESPN-Star who hired Charlie Webster and Jamie Yeo.

Thanks very much, mate. Now you just have to replace fooking Jien with a real chick. And bring Collette Wong back to Football Crazy.

2006 Best Moment in Football:

This award goes to the bestest and most memorable televised football image in 2006.

The winner can only be Zinedine Zidane's headbutt at the World Cup final. Kapow!

2006 Poondeque of the Year:

This award is self-explanatory, really. It goes to our most favouritest football poondeque, and you get to have a say in who wins this one. The nominees are:

1. John Dykes
2. The punjabi formerly known as Serbegeth
3. Stevie Mekmun
4. Paul "Tee Hee" Masefield

Plonk in your votes, and we'll announce the results on Boxing Day.

*mwahahahahahahahaha*

You fooking beauty.

And it seems that Michael Essien's best position is rightback. Really.

[Photo flicked from BBC Sport]

An Overdose of Curbs

This post serves no real purpose beyond trying to annoy Men.United fans with seemingly endless images of Alan Curbishley.

Kthxbai.




Shebby Quote of the week:

- Eggert (Magnusson) still can't scratch his head because he has no hair.

Jameson PWNs Djimi and Gibert

Haiyah. 3-0 only. Sien. Wanted another 4-0.

Oh well, still an away win. And it was all thanks to this man:



Me thinks Djimi sometimes still thinks he's playing for Liverpool.

Oh, and Arsenal match? Coming down from 2 goals down thanks to this man?


(pix of king kong Gilberto taken from Soccernet)


To tell the truth, we stayed for that match, but nobody cared much about it. We were a lot more entertained by this esteemed gentleman:

Bring on Barca!

....

oh SCREW.

...

Champions League Last 16

• Barcelona v Liverpool
• Celtic v AC Milan
• FC Porto v Chelsea
• Roma v Lyon
• PSV Eindhoven v Arsenal
• Real Madrid v Bayern Munich
• Lille v Manchester United
• Internazionale v Valencia

Oh well. Bring 'em on, I say.

Hantu Bola Wins Again!

It's official. Hantu Bola rocks.

Why do we rock?

Because we won a Suanie Blog Award for the second year running, that's why!

Last year we won this:




THIS year, since we're no longer 'fresh', we got THIS prize instead:




Special Achievement Blog Award goes to… HANTU BOLA!!!!!
Honestly I don’t know what you guys have achieved, but whatever it is (define your own achievements here) it must be great!


So yeah, we rock.


Now to go invent some special achievements...


PS: oh yeah, and Suanie rocks as well. :D

HANTU BOLA DRINKALOT

Yes, it's our first Hantu Bola Drinkalot since... FOREVER!

We're gonna be at Souled Out, Desa Sri Hartamas on Saturday, 7:30pm onwards, to watch.... whatever game is on at the time.

Yeah, it's just an excuse to drink a lot. As if that wasn't clear enough already. Tigerjoe's gonna be there. I'm gonna be there. Vincent is gonna be there. Jameson is gonna be there. Green Fanta can be bought from the 7-11 across the street.

See ya there!

Chelski Has To Win Tonight

Chelski is playing The Toon tonight. I reckon nobody's going to give a rat's ass about this match as the result is a given. But, I just want to rant. Pffbbrrrtt!

That bitch, miss k, has been really cruel to us. Just take a look.

1. Shay Given
2. Steve Harper Hurt (Hernia)
3. Tim Krul
4. Scott Parker Hurt (Back)
5. Craig Moore Hurt (Knee)
6. Steven Carr Hurt (Knee)
7. Damien Duff Hurt (Cartilage)
8. Belozoglu Emre Hurt (Ankle)
9. Peter Ramage
10. Oba Martins
11. James Milner
12. Titus Bramble Hurt (Calf)
13. Shola Ameobi Hurt (Hip)
14. Celestine Babayaro Hurt (Groin)
15. Nicky Butt Hurt (Virus)
16. Nobby Solano Hurt (Groin)
17. Charles N’Zogbia
18. Steven Taylor
19. Antoine Sibierski Hurt (Hamstring)
20. Kieron Dyer Hurt (Thigh)
21. Michael Owen Hurt (Heart - Misses Lily too much)
22. Albert Luque

Well, looks like we're going to face the Moanrinho's team with our youth team, as Roeder predicted.

If Chelsea doesn't win tonight, Chelsea deserves to lose the Premiership.

One last thing: Frack you, miss k... Frack. You.

(I've got a lot of angst today, must be PMMS - Pre-Mismatch Match Syndrome)

No Bloody Way

Fergie: We're neutrals' choice to win Premiership.

I wonder wot that old git's been smoking lately.

There is no club more hated on earth than Men United aka Manure aka Manchester United States aka Leprechaun's Plaything aka Red Fuckers.

Mahai, just seeing Fergit and that bloody jersey makes my blood boil.

Essien Discovers His Long-Lost Twin Brother

And so did Neville, apparently...



Tevez gets a HALF-brother...

*clap, clap*

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands *clap, clap*

Chelski 1 - 1 The Arses

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands *clap, clap*






If you're happy and you know it, then your face will surely show it...








If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands. *clap, clap*








Tough luck Gooners.

Probably the best Scouser in the World

Strikers? Who needs Strikers?

We've got Jamie Carragher!







Yeah, it's just another 4-0. So?

Club for Sale

Lets face it.

Football as we know it is going the way of the American version with its “franchises” and billionaire owners. With the inevitability of Al-Liverpool and the reality of Chelski, ManUSA, West Hamsson and Randy Villa, I wonder if it is only a matter of time before the Arsenal heads that direction.

If ever Mr G14 David Dein decides to sell out, here is a list of possible suitors that may well be interested in our club: -

1. Ingvar Kamprad ($28 billion) - IKEA
Possible club nickname = Ärsenalsson
Possible scenarios = Seats at the Emirates to be replaced with plush, Swedish cushions and pillows.

2. Kebawah Duli Yang Maha Mulia Paduka Seri Baginda Sultan Haji Hassanal Bolkiah Al-Mu'izzaddin Waddaulah ibni Almarhum Sultan Omar Ali Saifuddien Sa'adul Khairi Waddien ($20 billion) – Sultan of Brunei
Possible club nickname = Arsenal Darrussalam
Possible scenarios = The roof of the Emirates to be plated with gold. The club to go bankrupt in 2 years due to extravagant spending. (Note: This is in no way "menderhaka" to the Sultan, right? I heard their ISA is worst than ours)

3. Steve Jobs ($4.4 billion) – Apple Inc
Possible club nickname = Arsepod
Possible scenarios = Apple played the bridesmaid to that other multi-billion dollar corporation who stole their technology for years. Arsenal to play bridesmaid to that other multi-Russian dollar club who stole their player. (Note – The way things are going, we can count ourselves lucky if we’re even bridesmaids!).

4. Ananda Krishnan ($3.5 billion) – Astro/Maxis
Possible club nickname = Astronal
Possible scenarios = The end of Astro’s and ESPN’s love affair with Liverpool!!

5. Thaksin Shinawatra ($1.2 billion) – Shin Corp / Jobless
Possible club nickname = …. Help me out with this!
Possible scenarios = The board to be toppled in a coup led by Thierry Henry.

6. Bill Gates ($53.26 billion) - Microsoft
Possible club nickname = MS Arsenal v5.0 (if the team is still running around with kids, it will be MS Arsenal Beta)
Possible scenarios = $53..? $53 billion? WORLD DOMINATION!!!

Jamie's Boobs and Chelski's Boo-Boo

I was watching Jamie Yeo's boo... er.. I mean Football Crazy just now. I guess having her around does pay off for ESPN after all. Guys spend more time staring at her boobs, long enough for them to get to the interesting stuff like this picture:



Notice anything wrong with the picture?

Well, apparently all the Russian Rubles in the world can't buy you kit-makers who can get your player's names right....



What I REALLY wanna know is whether Claude Makelele didn't notice that his name was spelled wrong, or he actually doesn't know how his own name is spelled...

Greg Louganis Would Be Proud

(An Original Hantu Bola Montage, using pictures that were Googled, and taken from Ronaldo-is.com, and Guardian Unlimited football gallery)

Al-Liverpool

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe.

LOL.

Can you imagine that? Al-Liverpool? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

I can already imagine a new memo issued to the poor sods in Al-Liverpool now.

====ASSALAMUALAIKUM====
=====Al-Liverpool Memo =====

Dear brothers,

It gives me so much pleasure (more pleasure than getting another wife) to announce that you have been purchased by Dubai International Capital (DICK). There will be a few changes to introduce harmony at Al-Anfield.

1. NO MORE CARLSBERG ON KITS
We decided to promote ourselves to a wider base, especially to our new homeland of Dubai, and since we are thinking of getting more women to watch the matches with their husbands, we are pleased to name Triumph as our new shirt sponsor. Comes with complementary sports lingeries for you and your spouses.

2. COVERING OF 'AURAT'
We must project a good image for our new home country. Wearing of full-length tights in all matches and training sessions is now mandatory.

3. SHOWER CUBICLES
We will be converting the shower room in Al-Anfield to multi showering cubicles, so as to provide privacy when you shower after a game. Since most other stadiums still use communal showers, you are hence prohibited to shower after an away game, unless they also have showering cubicles. (Tip: Please pack body spray)

4. GOAL CELEBRATIONS
Please practice some restraint after you score a goal. There is no need to jump around like a monkey then have your teammates jump on you. You might get injured and that costs $$$. Just close your eyes, hold out your hands, palms face up, and do a quiet prayer.

5. AFTER GAME DRINKING SESSIONS
Cancelled with immediate effect.

6. FUTURE PLANS
If we ever consider to focus on Dubai, there will surely be no problems for Al-Liverpool to play in the UAE League. After all, every one of us can use a change of scenery.

7. GAY TENDENCIES
From now onwards, the players are stricly advised against swapping (leopard print) G Strings and taking part in mass waxing sessions.

8. AL-ANFIELD STADIUM RULES
We will install big huge fences in the terraces to create separate sections for male and female spectators. Male and female fans will not be allowed to sit together because it is 'harraaaaaam'.

9. NEW CORPORATE BRANDING EXORCISE
Club colours will be changed from the present all red to the national colours of the UAE - red, green, white and black. The 'liverbird' will also be changed to the Arabian falcon in line with the re-branding exorcise.

10. PLEASANT THEME SONG
The club anthem will be changed to a tune that it more to the taste of DICK .

11. FORGIVABLE SINS
Stealing of hubcaps is only considered 'halal' if you perform your prayers before and after.

Thank you for your time. Enjoy your time playing sucker soccer for AL-Liverpool.

You'll Never Wank Alone.

Regards,
Abedul-Dehved Moh-res,
Man-Chair,
Al-Liverpool Soccer Club

:-)

UPDATE: 10.30pm: Some 'additions' in the comments box are so damn good, I added them. :-)

No Wonder Roo Forgave Him...

Wait for it.....





Wait for it................





Wait for it...............................





Its coming.............................................

Lily, you owe me one...

p/s: 1) Pics were flogged from some FWD mail. 2)I don't know if this was previously done. If it was, I'm sorry... But its good to refresh your memory every now and then, innit?

When Life Sucks...

You know sometimes you feel that life just plainly sucks?


Your boss hates you.


Your favourite team keeps getting mugged by anti-footie teams.


The torrential rain keeps you stuck in traffic jams everyday.


Broadband is so freaking slow.


Your neighbour’s kids screams incessantly.


Moronic drivers tailgate you at 150km/h on the LDP like it’s the Silverstone track.


And you got an ulcer.


Just when you’ve hit rock bottom…
.
.
.
.
.
.

WE GO AND BLOODY SLAY THE SCUM!!!



GOONERS 3 – HOTSCUM 0

Warning to all the other teams' defence lines

I am still skeptical of this, but hey, looking at the number of strikers currently available in our squad, I'd welcome anybody to join us on loan. Even if it is Shevchenko. :)

So for the first 3 months of 2007, my beloved Manchester United will have this person giving defenders in the league a very hard time.

Old man Larsson will definately bring quality and class to the pitch, not that we don't have that already. But I am confident this short-term cover will bring us that long-term result we long crave.

I can't wait. Thanks Fergie.

p.s. Pic from Football365. I was surprised too.

Abnormal News #2

LIVERPOOL, Nov 29 - A new form of football may soon find its way into the Barclays Premier League.

Top Liverpool striker Peter Crouch may be its head protoganist. The Anfield hero, considered by many Liverpool fanatics all over the world as the best ever striker to don the Carlsberg-logoed jersey, has been in the limelight ever his his high-profile 7 million pounds move from Southampton. He has also been popular with many dancing Coca-Cola cans since doing the Croucherena, now a popular Merseyside dance in local discotheques. Some car owners have been reported to perform the Croucherena dance every night as a prayer to avoid theft of hubcaps.

During the match against Portsmouth, his super flexible body allowed him to attack the Pompey defence, culminating fear into the opposing players even though some of them were not interested in marking him. This is because Peter Crouch gave birth to Kungfu Football.

So stylish is the play, that many pundits around the world as hailing Kungfu Football as the game's new buzzword.

Malaysian poondeque Shebby 'Serbegeth' Singh, has hailed the Anfield hero, and offered his views.

"Many years ago when a certain pre-rich London club was under a certain manager called Ruud Gullit, they were trying on the then newly-coined term 'sexy football'. We all know what happened since then now don't we? This time I am optimistic that Kungfu Football will not suffer the same fate because, come on....that Peter Crouch fellow is so likeable, and hardcore Liverpool fans in Malaysia, especially in Petaling Jaya, love him to bits. Plus, Crouchy is so much more popular than that Liverpool traitor Michael Owen. "

After the Pompey game, we managed to secure an exclusive interview with the talismanic future Liverpool captain Peter Crouch and he only had this to say, "Screw Shaolin Soccer, Kungfu Football is the way to go!"

It is rumoured that Peter Crouch will go on a World Tour to promote Kungfu Football. Liverpool fanatics around the world will surely be excited.

The Great Italian Love Fest

Another year on and Thierry Henry yet again misses out on the Ballon d'Or, losing out to Fabio Canninavaro and Gigi Buffon.

You might think I'm being biased but, logically, would a school give the Anugerah Pelajar Cemerlang if they knew he cheated in his exams? Ok fine, the Juve players were probably oblivious to the cheating, but the fact is whatever achivements they and Cannavaro managed in that year was more than likely influenced by corrupt refereeing.

• So he won the World Cup - But Henry was there too and played a vital role for France before losing out on penalties.
  
• So he won the Serie A - But that was stripped off whereas Henry carried the whole young Arsenal team on his back and dragged them up to 4th in his first year as captain.
  
• So he reached the finals quarter finals of the Champs League - Ok this is laughable because his team was knocked out by Arsenal (and Henry scored against them, btw), who came within 15 minutes of lifting the trophy itself.
  

UEFA really f**ked up on this one. I mean, heck they even gave Michael Owen this award before, so that shows your how much they know.

lazy journalism

Being a little free in the office today, I spent the day reading numerous reports on last night's game. Different websites, but all saying the same shit over and over again. Last night's pundits couldn't help but repeating themselves over and over again too.

1) Louis Saha

"Louis has been like a caged animal in training......." - Fergie

Every fucking report does nothing more than to talk about how Saha redeemed himself last night after the "shocker" at Celtic. What are you muppets rambling about? The Celtic game was his first bad game of the season! He does not need to fucking redeem himself you twats!


2) Andriy Shevchenko

While all the reports acknowledged that he had a bad game, the journalists were pretty easy on him. For £35 million, you would think that they would be calling Shevchenko a waste of money. I said it before the season started (and I am in the process of winning a bet with TJ) SHEVCHENKO SUCKS ASS. Any idiot that cannot score against Jerzy 'I am a clown' Dudek from one yard out IS NOT A FOOTBALLER. But of course they all seem to point to the fact that he is a world class player who did all those wonderful things in Italy and hence we should go easy on them. Funny, they never accorded the same privillege to Seba Veron. But we all know that is because Veron is an Argentinian, and the evil British press just hates Argies.


3) Jose Mourinho

Don't get me wrong. I love this guy. I think he is fucking brilliant and I love his press conferences for the sheer ability of this man to dumbfuck everybody else. But for the press to go on and on about how he was a tactical genius is beyond my understanding. Nobody with brains would have played a midfield diamond knowing the devastating power of Manyoo's wingers (which, through psychic powers Fergie managed to listen to my advice). And when Mourinho realised that at half time, he did what anybody who knows football would have done. He fucking addressed the problem. What's so brilliant about that?

Ronaldo giving you problems? Put THREE men on him. Geremi playing shite? Take him outlah! It was obvious that he was going to do all that. You are away from home, playing the league leaders and you are 1-0 down. ITS A NO BRAINER to go for it. All or nothing! They aren't Liverpool (who seem to like getting reamed in the arse playing away). Of course they were going to attack. There is nothing brilliant about that, okay?


4) Manyoo's squad

Yes, yes. We get it already. Manyoo has a useless squad. Do you really need to keep harping on it? Is it going to change anytime soon? It's not as if Fergie can go out and buy players NOW, can he? You can harp about Liverpool playing shitty because Rafa can actually change that. But what would you have Fergie do right now? Shut the fuck up and start complaining if the January window opens. Besides, Solskjaer is injured right now. Tell me, who the fuck is capable of replacing Drogba if he gets injured? (read number 2 before trying to suggest anything)

---

I swear, any idiot can be a sports journalist. You don't need research or knowledge of the game. You just need to be able to say things that sound clever. Like for example, there was this article in the Guardian the other day that was written after Saha missed the 89th minute penalty at Celtic. The idiot wrote that Ruud prolly would have the steel and would have scored it and because of that we are missing Ruud. The asshole conveniently missed out the point that at that exact same moment, Ruud missed an 88th minute penalty for Real against Lyon.

And it is for that reason, and that reason alone, due to all the shitty competition out there, HantuBola is the place to be.

Allardyce is Fat

Warning. Short rant post.

Nico Anelka can go back to Turkey or wherever he came from (e.g. ManCity), that moody ingrate.

Allardyce should start losing weight.I can see a choked artery somewhere down the road. Not to mention size 52" pants.

Michael Bolton 3 - Goners 1

But anyway, Gunners played poorly. At least still got FA Cup, and er, CL? Damn.

Hantu Bola Turns ONE!

Exactly one year ago, a Liverpool fan sent out two emails, one to a Manyoo fan, the other to a Chelski fan, asking them to join some irreverant footie blog where anything goes.

The result was THIS:

Welcome to Petaling Street Hooligans

Later, vincent came up with this famous logo:




And the rest is history.

Tomorrow, When Manyoo meet Chelski at Old Trafficjam, it will officially be Hantu Bola's FIRST ANNIVERSARY.

Not bad for a silly football blog huh?

Oh, and er... does anyone have any idea how one celebrates these one year thingies?


PS: We wanted to do something for the match AND anniversary, but somehow, I completely forogt about it, plus Vincent got stuck in Hicksville, so nothign materialised. Oh well. I'm too broke to go out and get drunk over a Manyoo-Chelski game anyway... :D:D

karmic balance

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that most of us sports fans are pretty huge on this superstition thingy. I hardly ever predict scores to games, and I am certainly hugely afraid of this karma thingy.

Let's make things clear and simple.

1) Manyoo's squad is NOT strong enough to win the league. Our first team is - but not the squad. It certainly doesn't take a monkey to figure that out. And so, if we are going to have any chance of winning the league, we are going to need all the luck in the world and not get any injuries than we already have (Solskjaer and Park). Hence, it would be in our best interests to play as little games as possible to lower the risk of injuries.

2) Last season, we fucked up in the Champions League. There is nothing to argue there. This season though, we have been extremely unlucky in the last two games. Both were games we fucking dominated. Both were games in which the HOME team sat back and defended. Both were games in which they scored LATE goals. Last night, Celtic scored from a free kick in which they won with a dive (of course, the evil British press never highlighted that). On any other night this season, Saha would have scored two goals.

I was fucking pissed and the last time I felt as cheated was when Arsenal won the FA Robbery Cup Finals in 2005. Still, I am willing to trade all that shitty luck for good luck in the league. Screw the Champions League.

This is my pact with Karma.

Awesome luck in the league (and winning it of course) with a first round exit in the Champions League this year.

That is all I am asking for.

---

I heard the other day of a similar pact a Scouser made with Karma. The fluke Champions League victory in exchange for 10 years of mediocrity. Well, you got your wish, so now you have to keep your end of the deal.

That's 10 years of Peter Crouch in a Liverpool jersey, you know.

The ESPN STAR Sports Chicks

The Life of Stevie (Mekmun) McMahon

1985 - 1991: Liverful player. Winner of the Mullet of the Year and Player Who Inflicted Most Broken Legs Awards.

2000 - 2004: Blackpoo manager. Winner of the (o) Award.

2006- 2007: Poondeque-ing on ESPNSTAR Sports. No awards here.

2008 - ??: Shebby Singh got so fed up with the git for f*cking with him on so many occasions he hired Chuck Norris, who stopped by the studio and roundhouse kicked Stevie in the face. Stevie went on to star in Lord of the Rings 4.

2006 (c) Hantubola Original Productions

Shebby's Letter

Dear losers,

It has come to my attention that I am increasingly becoming the butt of jokes among football fans in Malaysia.

During one of my regular internet sheep porn research sessions, I stumbled across a Malaysian Footie Blog named Hantublablabla. The blog is filled with uncircumcised philistines and unwashed peasants. And they had the cheek to call me their favourite pundek. I don’t really know what a pundek is (I asked John but he won’t tell me), but I am pretty certain it’s a tropical fruit. So I am carefully observing these fuckers. Their blog template sucks ass too. Gives me a major headache.

Then, there is this fella named Sicko. He mocked my ability to make correct and accurate predictions. You hubcap-stealing scouser, I have been right. Once. From my 3,141,592,653,589 predictions.

Worst of all, there is this chick named Lily who claims that she knows me. She also says that I am not cute and yack non-stop. She also lies about me being penniless. Mahai. I am paid RM20,000 a month by ESPN, okay? I am so rich, I can buy er… MyTeam, I think.

Okay, if you’ll execute me, I gotta go. Paul Masefield is waiting for me in the sauna. And he’s naked. Mmm.

(Up) Yours,
Shebby Singh, the footballer formerly known as Serbegeth.

p/s: They say I look like a some German dude with a rocking moustache during WWII. I am so very is the handsome!

So What?

So what if we beat Man U and Liverpool?
So what if we play beautiful passing football?
So what if we have scored 4 goals in 89 attempts at goal against Villa, Boro, Everton and Newcastle? (That's a 4% conversion rate)
So what if we conceded 4 goals in 10 attempts at us against those same team (That's 40%)

I'll tell you what.

WE F*CKING MADE TITF*CK BRAMBLE LOOK LIKE A DECENT CENTREBACK!

THAT'S WHAT!!!

real fans

You muppets talking about REAL football fans are starting to irritate me....

Here's a little example of REAL fans. Have a nice weekend.

Oh Delusional Me!

Hmmm. Din's comment here got me thinking. He said that we're being "delusional liverpool fans who cook up stuff about their club being a 'great' club who are going to win the league."

Well of COURSE we're delusional. Which fan wouldn't want their team to win the league? well duh. Even Forest Green fans dream about THEIR team one day winning the Premiership title right? Ok, maybe not.

But anyway, to tell the truth, I'm not really THAT bothered at all. we're not a great club mar. After all, it's been 16 years since our last league title, and last i checked, I think we ONLY had 18 titles. So few titles only lar. sien. How to be a 'great club' liddat? haiyor.

Anyway, seeing as Chelsea are still some way off from the 18 title record (and have so few fans that no one really notices anyway), and the mancs have to win maybe three or four times more to surpass it (provided someone else doesn't win it), I reckon all we need is ONE win in the next... maybe three or four years... and that should shut the Mancs up for good.

May not be this year or the next, but heck, I'm not in a hurry. After all, it's been 16 years since we won the title, so we're used to waiting. And while we're waiting, it's fun to see them winning itty-bitty stuff like the Champion's League as well, so it's not been THAT boring.

Besides, Just like Din is so 'passionate' about his Men.United, I am also quietly confident that Liverpool's time shall come, and we shall GET that one title to shut the Mancs up for good. at least until after the next ten years without another title, that is...

Anyway, for now, I shall bide my time, and let the Men.United folk continue having their time in the sun. doo di doo...

Yeah, I'm so delusional. Can you tell?

manyoo's awesome season

During this run of games, particularly against the so-called lesser clubs such as Swindon, Oldham and Wimbledon, the reality of being a Manchester United player sank in. For most clubs the United game was the big game of the season. However badly things were going, victory over Manchester United was an end in itself. Grounds that would normally be three-quaters full, if that, were packed for the United game. The home team's fans were geed up, the players responded, raising their game far above the norm. The old cliche about this being their Cup final was true in these circumstances......

....There was no danger of me being complacent as it would help me become a better player. But the extra effort made by players from clubs like Norwich, Swindon, Crystal Palace, Oldham, Wimbledon usually led to trouble. Confronted by tackles that were high, late and sometimes crazy, our only option was to meet fire with fire. Eric, Incey, Mark Hughes and myself led the resistance.....

....For what bugged us was that these guys were out to make a name for themselves by sorting us out. Why the fuck didn't they put the effort in every week, then maybe they wouldn't be playing for fucking Norwich or Swindon. So there was no rolling over when faced with this stuff. Meet aggression with aggression, then ability would make the difference at the end of the day.

Roy Keane - Keane The Autobiography 2002

This comes a bit late if you were expecting me to write something about the defeat at some lowly punk club in the League Cup last week. Still, I chose to wait till after the game at the weekend to prove my point.

Everybody seemed more intent of picking out everything that was going wrong with Manyoo on that night, and how our squad isn't exactly the size of Chelsea's. When we lost that night, the evil British press seemed excited to point out that 10 of the starting 11 were full internationals, and that we lost to a bunch of lower division nobodies. For the record, our starting 11 read Kuszczak, Brown, Heinze, O'Shea, Silvestre, Fletcher, Richardson, Jones (the only uncapped player), Ronaldo, Rooney, Smith.

Why were idiots so keen to point out that 10 of them are fully capped players? Out of the lot, only Heinze, Ronaldo and Rooney would breeze into any other Premiership easily. Silvestre, Fletcher and Smith are useful when they are on form, but the rest of them are jokes. Who cares if Kieran Richardson has a few England caps and is called a full-international? Akmal Rizal is also a fucking full-international. Would he be useful?

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that Manyoo has a small squad and we are dependant on a few key players. Yes, Chelsea has a big squad. But if Drogba was the get injured now, who would replace him (give yourself a slap in the face if you even contemplated on saying Shevchenko)? Who would replace John Terry? And for the last two seasons, who could have possibly replaced Frank Lampard? You need luck with injuries sometimes. Manyoo had relatively NO injury problems in their treble year. The Invincibles never had any injury crisis either.

But by far the best thing about being a Manyoo fan is the awesome football going on at the moment. Arsenal have been playing good passing football, but they had problems scoring - so I imagine it must be frustrating like hell. Chelsea have the ability to play beautiful football at times, but other times are robotic. Shall I even mention Liverpool?

At Blackburn, before the game started I was thinking that we were screwed. It was pouring like crazy - the pitch was slippery and the wind was almost a gale. Yet by some magic, they managed to play poetic one-touch football. In terms of total football, all our wingers are comfortable on either wing. Rooney can play up front, in the hole and on the wing. Giggs and Ronaldo can swap around when they feel like it, or they could support Saha as lone striker. Even Scholes and Carrick have been taking turns going forward and sitting back.

The problem is - besides Rooney, nobody is going to kick the opponent silly. Roy Keane was right in what he said up there. When playing nobodies, you need to play rough. Chelsea and Arsenal have had close scares with lower league teams in previous seasons. It is no different. What is apparent is the fact that Manyoo seems to suffer a lot against the lower league teams. The 3rd round of the League Cup was a problem as was the FA Cup a couple of seasons ago.

Still, we are playing superb footie. Let me enjoy it while it lasts.

And of course, as long as Liverpool and their fans keep up their delusions of grandeur, I think I shall enjoy myself.

A Scouser's Christmas Wish

Sod Karma. I'm making a plea bargain with Santa instead.

Dear Santa,
saya sudah insaf. I'm going to be a good girl and stop bitching about Roo Roo Rotweiller, Christina, Weedy Voice, Old Fart Fergit, Mo the Glory Ho and kawasan-kawasan sewaktu dengannya. Can you, please, pretty please, put a cup in my stocking? Mickey Mouse oso can.

In the meantime, sing with me.

Oh, tinker ball, tinker ball,

tinker all the way,

Oh, what fun it is to switch

players from one match to the next,

Oh, tinker ball, tinker ball,

tinker all the way,

Oh, what fun it is to switch

players from one match to the next.

This Week's Poll

Not Graham Poll, hell no! I mean a right proper poll.

This week's poll is looking for the match of last weekend in round 12 of this season's EPL.

Which was your personal favourite: was it Reading's comeback after going behind to the North London Hotshit? Sunday's pawnage at the Emirates Stadium? Or was it all the brouhaha of a score draw in Bramall Lane on Saturday afternoon?




I didn't put the Chelsea or ManYoo matches as the results were expected, even if to differing degrees. That Newcastle result was kinda expected too, although the Toon were probably lucky to come away with a point.

In our previous poll, we asked everyone to pick their favourite to win this season's sack race. The results clearly show that the popular vote was wrong. Alan Pardew still has a job, but Iain Dowie is unemployed as of last night.

Toodles

You can never trust a salesgirl at Nike.

I happened to be at Damansara Cineleisure the other day. Seeing there was a Nike outlet at the ground floor, I thought I would try my luck and find out if the store has a Man Utd Polo Tee available, and in the process end a run of 6 failed attempts trying to find such a rare item of clothing around Nike stores in Klang Valley. As I entered, a young lady salesperson approached me....

Salesgirl : Hello sir! Can I help you?

Din : Ah, yes. Do you happen to have any Polo T-shirts of Manchester United?

Salesgirl : Oh, sorry sir, out of stock aledi....

Din : Oh, nevermind then....

At this point of time, I registered in my mind the 7th failed attempt for me to get my desired MU sportswear. But the salesgirl, without even batting an eyelid, quite confidently asked me something so revolting, so incredulous, so...so.... berdosa!

Salesgirl : .... would you like an Arsenal T-shirt instead?

Din : *heart attack*

You wouldn't want to know what I did after that. You wouldn't be too pleased.

Lesson learnt on that fateful day : Females still have a long way to go in learning about football, especially the EPL. And I need to control my temper.

The End.

Bozo Lenden

Yo Rafa,

The way I see it, you've got enough players for two teams right now. One team, the first team, should be kept for Champion's League games THAT MATTER, Premiership games (especialy hte away ones), and FA Cup ties against the Premiership opposition. Oh, and Finals too, if you ever get into another one again.

THE OTHER team, consists of players who should play the Mickey Mouse matches against the likes of Southend and inconsequential Champion's League group games. IMHO, THIS team, of which the players should preferably NOT be allowed to play in the team that I refered to as 'The First Team'. It consists of the following players:

• Bozo Lenden (nuff said)
• Unspeedy Gonzales (a lesser Luis Garcia and that's not saying much)
• Peter Crotch (So inconsequential that no one bothers marking him)
• Semi Hyypia (getting a little too slow for my liking)
• Right-Wing Gerrard (as opposed to Centre Gerrard)
• Assorted fringe players

Now, can you stop all this Bozo nonsense and put Stevie back in the middle?

PS: You really should start playing Football Manager, Rafa. It really teaches you stuff like how wingers are not meant for the centre of midfield...

FINALLY...

What a relief!!!

Who says we can't score?!! We don't even need our strikers to score!!
(Side story: What’s up with Henry lately? Must be the Reebok boots…)

If only the Boltons and Evertons will attack us more... Let’s see if our kids can do it again in the Mickey Cup.

Just a thought though… Why would you play a lightweight winger in the middle of the park and stick one of the world’s best central midfielders out on the right? And why would you keep a former Arsenal prodigy with a point to prove on the bench and bring him on when you’re chasing the game?

But thanks, Rafa, for doing just that!

Of Shites and Cheats

This... is a muppet. We all know that. After the rubbish performance in the Chelsea game, he gave an even rubbish-er one last night in the Man U-I Mean-Mickey Mouse Cup.

But to be fair, his performance for the Everton vs Arsenal match is just based on match reports due to Astro's continuous love affair with Liverpool... Or as one of the clerks in my office calls them, Liverful...

But anyway... Back to the match... Apparently few glaring penalties were missed, questionable calls, controversial red card... Nothing new with Ol' Polly...

Nevertheless, Everton protested the sending off with this: -

McFadden said: 'I ran past the referee and turned and said, `that was f****** s****.' I did not call him a cheat.'

Perhaps being labelled "shite" is less severe then "cheat" and thus does not warrant a red card eh?

But there's no doubting Poll is both a cheat... and pretty shitey...

From One End to the Other End

Southend is at the Championship's bottom end.
Men.United is at the Premiership's top end.
Eastwood scored a goal at one end,
Doi Doi & Roo Roo missed at the other end.
By the time the referee blew to signal the end,
Manure's Mickey Reign had come to an end.

The End.

Cashley Cole Moans! Again!

Tigerjoe has got it all wrong. Graham Poll and all those other referees are not out to get Chelsea.

Actually hor, you know what I think? It's not about which team is winning or not, it really isn't. It's all about which team has a player named Cashley Cole in it...

Don't believe? Well, read these quotes from a Guardian story:

(Guardian Football)
According to Cole, referees more readily book players from the Premiership team that is doing the winning. "Definitely," he said. "I had it at Arsenal and now I'm getting it when I have come here. Chelsea are not a dirty team. It's crazy."

"When I was at Arsenal and we started to win things, the refs started to question our discipline and give us yellow cards. I have come to Chelsea and it's exactly the same," he said.

Wait a minute. Last year he was still there, but Arsenal were not doing any winning also...

Anyway, he then says that before he came to Chelsea, he thought Chelsea 'moaned unnecessarily' about referees. So apparently, now that he IS in Chelsea himself, the moaning is necessary eh?

(Guardian Football)
The defender said that while at Arsenal he thought Chelsea moaned unnecessarily to referees, but "I know what it's really like now".
He added: "I didn't realise until I came here how much the refs are..."

Oh, and apparently his captains always seem to get sent off as well...

(Guardian Football)
"Patrick Vieira started to get sent off for two yellow cards when it wasn't a caution, and I had it at Arsenal and now I'm getting it here."

See? I TOLD you. The referees are not out to get Chelsea or Arsenal. They were just trying to see who can piss Cashley Cole off the most. They want to see how much moaning he can actually do.

Which is a lot, apparently judging from the article, in which he goes:

"I'm not moaning, I'm really not, but we really shouldn't lose a game like that." - (Guardian Football)

And then

"I'm not going to moan again," Cole said, "but once again we scored a goal that was fine..." - (Guardian Football)

But heck, he's not moaning. He really isn't. He's probably done all his moaning in his book My Defence, and is saving up the rest for the sequel My Defecation.

That'll be a best seller for sure.

instant karma

I couldn't watch the West Ham vs Arsenal match last night, as my telly was appropriated by fans of America's Next Top Model. That was the price for getting the telly to myself for the Chelsea match at midnight.

Anyways, the wonders of Maxis GPRS meant that I found out about the Pardew vs Wenger "boxing bout"; which made me laugh. Out loud, with a left and right roll on the floor. I was looking forward to seeing highlights of that during the half-time report for Totty Hotshit vs Champions Chelsea.

Little did I know that the Karma bitch was going to pay me a visit last night, and fuck me up big time.

I laughed again when Makelele sent a wondrous half-volley into TottyShit's goal 15 minutes into the match. I jumped from my seat when Drogba headed in a second 2 minutes later, but it seems that Karma had swung into action by then.

Graham Poll disallows a Chelsea goal, then flashes a second yellow card to our captain later in the game for some imaginary foul. In between those two incidents, the Totty Boys had managed to sneak in two goals. Fuck. Shitty Shitty Fuck Fuck.

Here's an interesting piece of trivia: Graham Poll is from Tring, which is in North London. Tottenham Hotshit are based in North London too. Coincidence? I think not.

Fuck you too, Graham Poll.

Up Yours Mister (or Miss) K

No more beers for you, bitch!

Next Time, Throw it Like Jamie!

Yesterday, during the Fulham-Everton match, Claus Jensen scored a deflected goal that Fat Lamb would be proud of. after that, he was taking a corner when SUDDENLY a METEOR the size of a COIN came flying down from the stands and hit him in the head!

Tsk tsk, those Everton fans so violent wan. No wonder last time Jamie Carragher also like to throw coins lar.

So of course lar Chris Coleman damn angry. Where got people play at home and kena coin from other people's supporter wan. He wagged his finger at BBC Online and said, "I hope the offender is identified. It was a coward who threw the coin. Send him to prison or somewhere away from football." (BBC Online)

Oh, but wait, apparently David Moyes says it MAY NOT have been an Everton fan who threw to coin!!!


(BBC Online:)
Everton boss David Moyes echoed Coleman's sentiments but said: "It's unsavoury when that happens but behind that goal were mixed fans."

Moyes insisted it had not been proven that it was an Everton fan who threw the coin at Jensen.

The Everton boss said: "You have to accept there is as much chance of it being a Fulham supporter. He could have been aiming somewhere else. It could have been another player he was trying to hit."


Oh yes, right. Claus Jensen was standing at the CORNER FLAG when he got hit by the coin. the Everton players were DEFENDING THEIR GOAL. There was NO ONE near Jensen at the time, besides the Linesman.

That means.... if we go by Moyes' explaination... then some Fulham dude could have been damn pissed off at the LINESMAN (maybe he slept with his wife or something), and in a moment of madness, decided to throw a coin at the linesman, but MISSED and hit Jensen right in the head instead.

OR, maybe the idiot was aiming at some Everton player nearer the goal, but just as he was about to throw the coin, the hot dog guy must have jostled his arm, and he ended up throwing the coin in the OPPOSITE direction instead.

In that case, the thrower really SHOULD be banned, not because of his violent action, but because he is such a lousy shot, and thus, an embarassment to all football fans all over the world.

Next time, learn from the best, like Jamie Carragher, who knew EXACTLY which stadium of Arsenal supporters he was throwing the coin back at....


(Carra: But I was just SHOWING them how to do it properly!)


PS: In other news, I vote KUYT for the vacant BOD post!!!

let's ban some books

No, wait.

Don't run away!

Come back!

This is still a football blog!

Or at least I think it is. Anyway, the word on the street is that some blogger peepur aren't happy that some random books out there are being banned. You may think that this has nothing to do with football, but it DOES!

One of the books listed that is 'Being Jordan'.

Now, that is a travesty indeed! See, we Malaysians are kinda fascinated with football, and the gomen spends millions and millions on trying to improve football in the country. But they fail to realise that Jordan has a shit load to do with football! I mean...she fucked Dwight Yorke and Teddy Sheringham for fucks sake!

Staying on the topic, there are however a few books which I don't think anybody would mourn the loss of. In these cases, they should be banned because they WILL honestly ruin us as a nation. Contrary to what some book fanatics might have you think, some books are just pure evil:

Wayne Rooney's My Story So Far
Anything that is produced by a boy who managed to grow a bushy beard at a mere 19 years old has got to be deemed extremely evil. Especially if that man-boy produces an autobiography at just 20 years old, and once had sex with a 55 year old prostitute who charged him £45. The story has it that he paid her £50 and patiently waited for her to get the change from a friend.

Should be banned because : It might promote disgusting sex crimes with geriatrics.


Cashley Cole's My Defence
Here, potential law students can learn to practice how NOT to defend something utterly ridiculous. Malaysians can also note a certain similarity here by someone who moans and groans about everything, even though it was his fault from the get go. Might be a good read for little kids (I mean 5 year olds) who throw tantrums just for not getting candy.

Should be banned because : The author allegedly took part in a gay orgy, which goes without saying is a very very bad thing that can lead to moral degradation of our society, you know.


Any David Beckham book
Look, here is a man who goes around in public wearing a sarong and pink nail varnish (really). He talks like a rat nibbling at something, got all whinny when a tiny football boot hit him on the head, and is basically everything that is wrong with football.

Should be banned because : Reading books (allegedly) written by him will guarantee a permanent IQ reduction of 50 points.


Please feel free to add to this community service message and petition for more ridiculous books to be banned.....

It's Hard to Hate Someone...

...who comes up with quotes like these:


"Places like this are the soul of English football. The crowd is magnificent, saying '**** off Mourinho' and so on." - bless those Sheffield united fans (BBC Online)


"In the first leg we played Barcelona without two goalkeepers and now we may have to play them without two strikers. But it's OK, I take the bus. Only defenders and midfield players and I take the bus." - HUH???? (BBC Online)


"It's not easy for the referee to be always under pressure from the players, turning round and rolling on the pitch." - the referee must have been having a lot of fun... (Football 365)


"There are three great teams and one team who looks like they cannot make any points. When everybody gets six points against Levski [Sofia], it makes the group more difficult." - Poor Levski Sofia (Football 365)


"I spoke to him. I was speaking English and then changed to French on purpose and he changed with me at the same time." - one more knock on the head and Cech'll be speaking Russian or Chinese instead! (BBC Online)


'It was a yellow card for Lamps and it was always a yellow card for Lamps." - yeah, and the referee seemed pretty gleeful when he was giving it (Soccernet):



(picture of gleeful yellow giving ref from BBC Online)

Daddy tak biased...

Last Saturday night, Sheffield United win a penalty after Claude Davis trips over Didier Drogba. Some minutes later, as Paulo Ferreira makes a run down the right and cuts into the channel, the referee awards a goal kick to Sheffield United after Claude Davis bitch-slaps Ferreira and the ball rolls into touch.

Coincidentally, referee Mark Atkinson is from the county of Yorkshire, which is also where the club Sheffield United are based.

Daddy tak biased...

On that same Saturday night, Peter Crouch executes a jump-rope skip move that would impress any 8 year-old schoolgirl. One scouse-loving telly commentator describes it like the goal of the century. I suppose scousers everywhere will claim it looks better than Drogba's chestdown-turn-and-shoot goal against the Scouse, which he repeated against Barca.

Daddy tak biased...

Finally, scientific evidence on the behaviour of match officials.

Daddy tak biased...

Excessive Dumbness

You know what? Football is getting a bit too peculiar nowadays.

There seems to be a growing trend of doing excessive celebrations on the pitch when you just happened to score a goal. Take for instance the Chelski-Pompey game. Expensive boy Shevy just happened to score a goal, then maybe he went apeshit because he forgot what it feels like to score a goal y'know, coz its been like.....ages.

So what does he do? He goes bananas and wants to show to people that he REALLY did score a goal, so he goes berserk. What's a poor referee to do? He has to award something for a genuinely touching moment right? Unfortunately, Clattenburg didn't happen to have a trophy on him, so he decided to show a yellow card as a replacement for Best Dramatic Acting. Hey, it's the thought that counts.

You would have thought that any sane player would have learnt that doing excessive goal celebrations = not good. Note the usage of the word 'sane'.

But whadya know? Bollocks, who with his looks can always join the next 'Dumb and Dumber' movie, can't seem to digest such difficult grasp of common sense. Not even two minutes after the first goal was scored, this guy pergi buat benda yang sama lepas score itu gol. Funny, I tell you. He had to share the honours with Shevy. What a cute couple. Pfffbbbtt!

I thought these public acts of dumbness were confined to just the EPL. But wouldn't you believe it, in the Serie A, Marco 'Headbuttee' Materazzi just happened to do the same damn thing when Inter Milan beat AC Milan in it's inter-stadium derby. What makes this funnier than Shevy and Bollocks is that Headbuttee already had gotten a hard-earned yellow card earlier, and the second achievement inevitably lead him off the field early enough to enjoy a private shower.

Soon, this will become a global phenomenon. Remember, you read it first here on Hantubola.

Score Goal. Go Apeshit. Get Yellow. New trend for the new man-boy. Suckers.

I can imagine one fine day that spitting on the field is an instant 50 pound fine, payable instantly via Visa Wave carried by every single player in their underpants.

Crouching Fluke, Useless Commentators

I saw Peter Crouch's goal just now.

Finnan sent over a cross that was woefully short. SOMEHOW, all of Aston Villa's defenders failed to clear it, and it SOMEHOW managed to get to Peter Crouch.

Crouch lifts a leg, swings it, and SOMEHOW, manages to clip the ball with his fucking SHIN, and it bounces boing boing boing (ok, maybe a little faster than boing, boing, boing, more like boingboingboing), and it SOMEHOW manages to find its way into the Aston Villa goal.

Damn fluke of a goal if you ask me.

Now, here's the clincher. The commentator then says:

"WHAT BRILIANT TECHNIQUE!"

"HE TOTALLY MEANT TO DO THAT!"

........

.....

...


Now, I believe that a goal's a goal, no matter how it's hit. But to say that Crouch TOTALLY MEANT for the ball to clip his shin, and bounce awkwardly into goal like that is just fucking bollocks. A brilliant FLUKE maybe, but brilliant TECHNIQUE? Please lar.

I still fucking HATE Crouch, but somehow he keeps scoring the goals, flukes or no flukes. Maybe I should start hating the whole team as well, then they might start winning for once.

(Somehow, this line of thinking reminds me of that joke about the Man City fan who wanted to become a Man Utd fan just before he dies, because "Better one of THEM dies than one of US". heh.)

Oh well, a win's a win, and Kuyt's goal was fucking brilliant. the build up to Garcia's goal as well. Oh, but I still think it's time to put Hyypia to pasture. (ok, so he created Kuyt's goal, but heck, the fella just can't seem to keep up with ANY of the strikers in the EPL anymore.)




PS: Speaking of commentators, What else is Jamie Yeo good for on Football Extra besides giving (the mostly male) viewers some boobs to look at, and popping up occasionally with golden nuggets of football knowledge like "Now, lets take a break and show you how YOU can win some great prizes", "Malaysian Airlines flies to yadayada three, four, five times a day", and "Welcome back toFootball Extra with me and Jien"?

Oh yeah, boobies conquers all. Yay.

Consolation

The Magpies are not playing well these days. Well, that's an understatement. Watching the games are akin to stuffing durians up the ass, and pulling them out. And stuffing them back in again. Followed by licking the durian skin. Arrgghghhh!

Thankfully amidst the pain and suffering, there's some relief.

Thank goodness for small favours. -_-

(Not Andy Panders la, you faggots... Charlie Webster is hawt!)