November 20, 2006

Shebby's Letter

Dear losers,

It has come to my attention that I am increasingly becoming the butt of jokes among football fans in Malaysia.

During one of my regular internet sheep porn research sessions, I stumbled across a Malaysian Footie Blog named Hantublablabla. The blog is filled with uncircumcised philistines and unwashed peasants. And they had the cheek to call me their favourite pundek. I don’t really know what a pundek is (I asked John but he won’t tell me), but I am pretty certain it’s a tropical fruit. So I am carefully observing these fuckers. Their blog template sucks ass too. Gives me a major headache.

Then, there is this fella named Sicko. He mocked my ability to make correct and accurate predictions. You hubcap-stealing scouser, I have been right. Once. From my 3,141,592,653,589 predictions.

Worst of all, there is this chick named Lily who claims that she knows me. She also says that I am not cute and yack non-stop. She also lies about me being penniless. Mahai. I am paid RM20,000 a month by ESPN, okay? I am so rich, I can buy er… MyTeam, I think.

Okay, if you’ll execute me, I gotta go. Paul Masefield is waiting for me in the sauna. And he’s naked. Mmm.

(Up) Yours,
Shebby Singh, the footballer formerly known as Serbegeth.

p/s: They say I look like a some German dude with a rocking moustache during WWII. I am so very is the handsome!

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