Al-Liverpool

Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe.

LOL.

Can you imagine that? Al-Liverpool? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

I can already imagine a new memo issued to the poor sods in Al-Liverpool now.

====ASSALAMUALAIKUM====
=====Al-Liverpool Memo =====

Dear brothers,

It gives me so much pleasure (more pleasure than getting another wife) to announce that you have been purchased by Dubai International Capital (DICK). There will be a few changes to introduce harmony at Al-Anfield.

1. NO MORE CARLSBERG ON KITS
We decided to promote ourselves to a wider base, especially to our new homeland of Dubai, and since we are thinking of getting more women to watch the matches with their husbands, we are pleased to name Triumph as our new shirt sponsor. Comes with complementary sports lingeries for you and your spouses.

2. COVERING OF 'AURAT'
We must project a good image for our new home country. Wearing of full-length tights in all matches and training sessions is now mandatory.

3. SHOWER CUBICLES
We will be converting the shower room in Al-Anfield to multi showering cubicles, so as to provide privacy when you shower after a game. Since most other stadiums still use communal showers, you are hence prohibited to shower after an away game, unless they also have showering cubicles. (Tip: Please pack body spray)

4. GOAL CELEBRATIONS
Please practice some restraint after you score a goal. There is no need to jump around like a monkey then have your teammates jump on you. You might get injured and that costs $$$. Just close your eyes, hold out your hands, palms face up, and do a quiet prayer.

5. AFTER GAME DRINKING SESSIONS
Cancelled with immediate effect.

6. FUTURE PLANS
If we ever consider to focus on Dubai, there will surely be no problems for Al-Liverpool to play in the UAE League. After all, every one of us can use a change of scenery.

7. GAY TENDENCIES
From now onwards, the players are stricly advised against swapping (leopard print) G Strings and taking part in mass waxing sessions.

8. AL-ANFIELD STADIUM RULES
We will install big huge fences in the terraces to create separate sections for male and female spectators. Male and female fans will not be allowed to sit together because it is 'harraaaaaam'.

9. NEW CORPORATE BRANDING EXORCISE
Club colours will be changed from the present all red to the national colours of the UAE - red, green, white and black. The 'liverbird' will also be changed to the Arabian falcon in line with the re-branding exorcise.

10. PLEASANT THEME SONG
The club anthem will be changed to a tune that it more to the taste of DICK .

11. FORGIVABLE SINS
Stealing of hubcaps is only considered 'halal' if you perform your prayers before and after.

Thank you for your time. Enjoy your time playing sucker soccer for AL-Liverpool.

You'll Never Wank Alone.

Regards,
Abedul-Dehved Moh-res,
Man-Chair,
Al-Liverpool Soccer Club

:-)

UPDATE: 10.30pm: Some 'additions' in the comments box are so damn good, I added them. :-)