May 08, 2006

"Sorry I Poisoned Your Team, Jol...and No Hard Feelings"

So the 2005/06 Premier League has closed shop, save for the FA Cup Final next week, and this other small kickabout somewhere in Paris on May 17. And I'm adding to the deluge of Hantu Bola postings today...

Top Rumours Flying Around On the Last Day of the EPL...

  • Arsene Wenger sent Ashley Cole to put dishwasher liquid in the Spurs' Campbell Soup at their hotel kitchen. The Pakistani kitchen hand reported saw a short ghey looking bloke loitering around the alley behind the hotel.

  • Sunderland will be making an undisclosed bid the disgruntled Ruud Van Nistelrooy in their bid to bounce back up to the Premiership.

  • Chelsea are looking to buy Aaron Lennon / Stewart Downing / Darren Bent / Gareth Barry / Jamie Carragher and making them high priced substitutes and wrecking whatever England national squad hopes they have. (Refer Scott Parker and Shaun Wrong Phillips)

  • The squirrel seen at Highbury's last Europe game was actually a remote control droid sent by Martin Jol to spy on Arsenal. For the entire first half the 'squirrel' was 'mysteriously' lost in the ladies toilet.

  • Peter Crouch is actually Yao Ming's long lost brother.

  • Newcastle all along wanted to qualify for the InterToto Cup 'from the very beginning', so in truth, they achieve their target in flying colours. (Champion's League and the UEFA Cup is 'too pretentious'...)

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