The Stepover King Crybaby

It's no secret that I HATE Christiano Ronaldo, and Vincent doesn't like him much either. While Vincent's reasons are more to do with the fact that he doesn't contribute much to the Mau Utd play besides his stepovers and diving, that is actually NOT the reason I don't like him (after all, any player that can fuck up MAn Utd's gameplay gets a plus point in MY book).

No, my reasons are much more superficial.

• I don't like him because his face is annoying. (Yes, I'm THAT shallow)
• I don't like his earrings.
• I don't like his hairstyle.
• I don't like the way he falls over everytime a defender comes near him IN the penalty box.
• I don't like him because he steps over the ball more than he kicks it (it's called FOOTball, you idiot, not AIRball).
• And most of all, I don't like him because he looks like he's gonna cry everytime he is fouled.

Which is why I found this quote from Guardian's The Fiver newsletter so hilarious:


Having played like a sickly child who'd been given the opportunity to line out for the Rowdies by the Make A Wish foundation, the young Portugeezer reacted to defeat by giving ecstatic Benfica fans the finger.

"There was nothing to justify the way the crowd treated me," whined the man the Rowdies bought from Benfica's arch-rivals Sporting Lisbon, as he packed his ball away and stormed home to tell his mum.

And how about this one from the same newsletter but the Letters section:

Hats off to Cristiano Ronaldo. He might have run around like a headless chicken last night, but I don't think I've ever seen a better example of someone giving-the-bird-but-pretending-to-scratch-their-head than the one he aimed at the Benfica fans as he was substituted

GYAHAHAHAAHA!