December 05, 2005

The REAL reason why Real Madrid is so fucked up

It is my theory that, contrary to popular belief, it was not Perez's 'Galactico's ONLY' policy, nor was it the sacked Luxemburgo's crappy tactics.

No, Real Madrid is fucked up because of they bought one man for his looks and passed over arguably the best buck-toothed player in the world right now for a marketing force that can't dribble for shite.

David Beckham SUCKS.

Why? Because I said so, that's why. And because...
  • He is a one-trick horse who can only cross the ball. And execute great free kicks. Ok, a TWO trick horse then.
  • Stick him in central midfield and all he does is kick people and get red cards
  • His hairstyle is shite. Most of them. Ok, almost ALL of them.
  • Posh Spice. Nuff Said.
  • He can't dribble for shite
  • His voice sounds worse than Alvin and the Chipmunks on helium
  • He's bloody EVERYWHERE. His annoyance factor is ten times more than the nearest most annoying people in football. Which is almost the entire Man United team.
  • He single-handedly create the Female "OH MY GOD HE IS SO CUTE" Football Fan stereotype.

Good thing he doens't play for ANY of the teams I support....

13 comments:

sic6sense said...

Brilliant insightful post. Hensom mensom sucks!

bex said...

Also, he doesn't deserve even 10% of what he gets paid for!!! And he gives his sons dodgy names.

S-Kay said...

Hah..I say, "Yes, he sucks" especially because of the last point. His sons would probably be some forgotten star next time no thanks to their mommy and I doubt they'd become footballers coz mommy would go, "Oh no, I shan't let them play, they'd break their legs and oh..blablablablabl" and Beckham would go, "Yes, dear...Yes Dear"

decypher said...

I'm gonna name my sons Kuala Lumpur, Perlis and Sabah. And my daughters Sydney and Geylang.

Ghoul said...

well, it has been a long-standing policy at Real Madrid for players who are facing potential suspensions to get yellow cards at certain matches, which will get them suspended when the team play "small" clubs. My colleague, a Real Madrid fanatic (she visits Madrid once every two years at least, if not once a year!!), gave me this insight when i brought up the issue :P Beckham was probably trying to get a yellow, which will give him automatic 1 match suspension, hence his stupid tackles, etc since 1st minute. Guess he couldn't even do something so easy correctly! Red card! LOL.

Athenos said...

Real Madrid got Beckham only because of marketing strategy.

David Beckham = Marketing Bitch

nyeh :p

lishun said...

well it's worked innit? there's an explosion of people walking around in real madrid jerseys. it used to be such a rare sight.

now the real rare sight is a decent performance by the galaticos.

vincent said...

No, to be fair, I was one of the people who wanted him sold after he fought with Fergie. He was beginning to get bigger than the team...and with the same reasoning that he can't dribble, can't head and can't tackle.

I don't always admit my mistakes...but we really missed his free kicks and his corners. His crossing beats anybody anyday.

And.....to be fair to him, he's the only galatico the fans aren't pissed offed at at the moment.

Ghoul said...

Becks played well last month ... but it just went downhill from there. and don't u just miss that George Best quote about Becks?

"He can kick with his left foot, can't driblle, can't head a ball, but other than that, he's all right."

(something like that, can't remember exact quote)

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