December 17, 2005
5 Things I Hate About Wayne Rooney
1. He looks like Shrek.
He seems to be one of those players with the kind of very punchable face that invites you to just give him a good knock. (Examples of other such players are van Horse Face, Gary Neville, Didier Drogba, etc) Although I think that if I really tried punching him, he'd kill me in 5 seconds because he always looks like he just ate ten buses. And his upper body looks like a potato stacked on top of a far larger potato!
2. He is overrated.
I know it's not his fault that he's English and the English have this tendency to 'blow their own trumpet' and make their players sound like they're the greatest thing since sliced bread, and then berating them once they get into a slump. He may have the potential to become the next Gazza and the next Best and everything, but if I were in his position, I would rather people give me the chance and space to grow naturally as a footballer instead of being told how I can become as great as so-and-so, both of whose career, by the way, was ruined because of their obsession with alcohol. So maybe it's not such a compliment after all. But if Wayne Rooney scores, the rest of the world acts as if no one has ever scored before.
3. He stole all of Michael Owen's records.
Now I really don't get this "Youngest Goalscorer Ever", "Youngest Goalscorer in The Last Millennium" or "Youngest Goalscorer in The Last 16 Months" crap. I just don't get it. If you play a player at a VERY young age and he's a striker, eventually he will score, RIGHT? Who's to say that the previous youngest goalscorer wouldn't have scored even earlier IF he got a chance to play at a younger age? I hate these stupid stats, so deceiving, and not very applicable as well because more and more and more clubs seem to be fielding younger and younger players because they either have no choice or are trying to inject something fresh into the team or are hoping that these players will score against some big team like Wayne Rooney did as well (and then become their saviour, and then leave for a bigger club). And it's so exclusive and 'elitist' as well, because hey, aren't goalkeepers important players too? But since they're perpetually stuck in their goalpost unless they think they're David James, there is NO WAY they can get a record like that. And come to think of it, how come they don't have a "Youngest Goalkeeper to Keep a Clean Sheet" record too? Or what about "Youngest Player to Get An Assist" because assists lead to goals, right?
4. "Once a Blue, Always a Blue"
I'm not bitter at all - I'm a LIVERPOOL fan - but players should NEVER ever make silly claims in the vein of "ONCE A BLUE, ALWAYS A BLUE", because, especially if they're quite highly rated, chances are they'll get lured away to the evil, darker side no matter how loyal they claim they are. Ironically enough though, when Rooney was around, Everton were battling with relegation. Then after he left, they beat Liverpool to the last Champions League place. Oh and Man United has suffered from their worst ever campaign in the Champions League this season. Strangely enough, Wayne Rooney has been instrumental in this Man United team.
5. He has a gf who is far too good looking for him
Actually, I don't think she's pretty at all. But all she does is demand money from him and then go out shopping with Gerrard's fiancee, Alex Curran, and then they compete to see who wears the ugliest outfits! What a parasite! And apparently she only feeds him salad because contrary to what the whole world thinks, Wayne Rooney is NOT "a fatty who only eats burgers. He LOVES eating salad". Apparently, he only ever eats salads. Maybe I should tell Rafa to start feeding the Liverpool players salad instead of pasta.