Crouch is fucking KAYU

I've said this before and I'll say it again.

PETER CROUCH FUCKING SUCKS

I don't fucking care what Benitez, or Sven Sen Sen says about him giving the team 'a different approach' or what people say about him being a 'big lad with a good touch", or even that he draws defenders to him, HE FUCKING SUCKS.

Why?

1) He can't head the ball for nuts. For fucks sake, CISSE had more headers on target than Crouch did, and Cisse wasn't even having a particularly good game in the first place. Even that short-stop Luis Garcia can score better with his head than that bloody zirafah.

Because Crouch is so fucking tall, all the crosses pinged into the area have to be either targeted at his head (in which case, if he misses, no one else will be able to get them, because the ball is so fucking high), or to cater to the OTHER players as well, they have to be aimed at his NECK.

The bloody beanpole should just bloody learn to score with his NECK from now on. At least if he misses, others will get a chance to head the ball.

2) The ball KEEPS GETTING STUCK BETWEEN HIS LEGS. Never mind the 'good touch', everytime he tries to dribble pass a defender, his legs get tangled up with the ball. It's like he wants to add an extra ball to himself... It happened so many times against Charlton it's not funny anymore.

3) when he plays, Liverpool just fucking play long balls to him and wait for knockdowns. If he doens't win the header (meaning, some defender decided to shove that stick aside and get the ball instead), we lose the fucking ball. It happened so many times against Charlton it's not funny anymore.

4) He has ZERO pace. For a giraffe, this dude seems pretty darn SLOW. He can't even get to balls in the PENALTY BOX in time, for fuck's sake. Besides, even if he DID have speed, he is so fucking tall that defenders could probably use him as marker to spring their offside trap (Is the line straight? Oh, I see the lamppost behind us, so it's alright then)

For fuck's sake, the only way I'll ever BEGIN to like Peter Crouch is if he starts scoring like, EVERY GAME for the next few seasons and starts heading balls properly without falling over all the time. For now, everytime I see Crouch on the field, my heart sinks more than when I see Traore on the field. No wait. I hate seeing Traore on the field more than Crouch. At least Crouch doesn't have the concentration and attention span of a dung beetle in Zoo Negara's elephant pens.