March 12, 2006

Booker Wayne Gunning for Pulitzer!

I'd wanted to put this post on my personal blog, but since I'd already posted a Football + Books post there a few days ago, I figured I'll put this one here instead.

Besides, news like this deserves the larger football-watching blog-readership that Hantu Bola commands:

My first 249 months by W Rooney

Everyone knows Wayne Rooney has a way with words. Usually very short ones, consisting mainly of asterisks, like this recent verbal sally aimed at a Premiership referee and faithfully recorded by the tabloids: "You f***ing t*** ... you're a f***ing disgrace." Now the England and Manchester United star will have to find about 500,000 more words to fulfil the biggest deal in the history of sports publishing - a £5m advance from HarperCollins for a five-volume autobiography over the next 12 years.

Wow. FIVE books. JK Rowling must be so proud.

So, what's he gonna write (or ask people to write) in it? Well, putting pictures like THIS:

(My my, look at those sexy legs)

Would definitely guarantee a good laugh. After all, a little bit of humour in a book never hurts, eh?

Oh, and a detailed account of that fling with that granny hooker would probably guarantee a bestseller as well, though it would probably be rather inappropriate for his fellow Harry Potter fans.

But that's not all, apparently, his fiancee is writing a book on FASHION AND LIFESTYLE:

It may also become a family arrangement with rumours that Ms McLoughlin, 19, is planning a Christmas book about fashion and lifestyle.

Imagine, THIS 19-year-old:

Will be writing a BOOK to teach all teenage footballer-wife wannabes how to dress up!

Victoria Beckham would be so proud. Oh wait. Victoria Beckham doesn't READ books.

And what's more, other players are contemplating book deals too:

There will be competition too, with at least five other England squad players contemplating World Cup book deals.

Hmmm... What next can we see on the bookshelves besides Wayne Rooney's tome, the Harry Potter equivalent of Sports publishing?

Lemme see:

1) The Past Three Weeks of My Life (By David Beckham)
2) Staying Fit and Free From Cards (by Frank Lampard)
3) Cats and Dogging (by Stan Collymore)
4) How To Con the England Manager (by Peter Crouch)
5) How to Con England (By Sven Sen Sen)
6) 101 Useful Excuses For Not Peeing (by Rio Ferdinand)
7) How I Taught My Mom to Read (by Brooklyn Beckham)
8) Bright Lights, Gay Orgies (by Ashley cole)
9) Curing Insomnia (by Steve McLaren)
10) The Lord of The Whinge (by Jose Mourinho)
11) Coping with Blindness in the Dugout (by Arsene Wenger)
12) I just Love It! (by Kevin Keegan)
13) Spanish for Dummies (by Michael Owen)
14) Get Paid For Wasting Time! (by Winston Bogarde)

Will add more if I think of more. :D

No comments: