March 02, 2006

Arsenal's Season of Discontent

Right. This is Simon, the new Hantubola nutcase contributor. I’m supposed to be writing about Arsenal. Yeah, I know there are two other Gooner contributors, S-Kay and Naz, but since we’re doing pretty crummy in the league this season, I reckon we need more people to rant…so…

I’m kinda wary of watching the Gunners these days, especially on away games. Because they play pretty badly at the moment. I've heard a lot of talk as to why this has happened... to point where its getting kind of tedious to hear it over and over again... I’ve listed down some of the popular theories why the Gunners have struggled (and pretty much why getting fourth place is a going to be big big problem...). So here we go:

They struggled to replace Patrick Vieira in the midfield.
(Well, Roy Keane looked like shite in the maroon Arsenal jersey, like an over-enthusiastic butcher or something like that… so they declined to hire him… Besides, Wenger can’t afford to pay 60,000 pounds a week for someone to slag his own teammates… only a big club can do that… like… Celtic?)

They can’t against play against physical teams like Everton and Bolton who rough them up.
(No correction, they can’t play against teams that play 9 defenders and one striker and who are more interested to break their opponents’ ankles…)

They are too dependent on Henry. All the other strikers are not up to mark.
(Ok, fine this one is quite true. Oddly enough, Adebayor went to the African Nation's Cup for a few days, Robin van Persie and Antonio Reyes might get to go to Germany 2006. Bergkamp, well, he’s going to the Bahamas for the summer… by boat... Walcott will watching the World Cup from a pub somewhere in North London)

They don’t have depth in their squad/their squad is too thin/They only have 1 world-class and 10 good players
(Hmm…. Maybe we should spend like Leeds did back then… yeah remember that? 6 top strikers fighting for 2 slots. Well, I suppose Arsenal is little like some of us. Save all the money and buy the big house of your dreams, then only use the extra money to buy other stuff… like, I dunno, another leftback… Maybe another Russian millionaire / American magnate might want to sponsor us…)

Wenger expects too much by fielding teenagers and Under-23 players.
(Again, I’d have to say is true. But that says something, innit? Playing in the CL and top of the EPL with teenagers and U-23 players?)

Jens Lehmann talks too much. And gets riled too easily by the opposing strikers.
(Agree on both counts. He hates to get his hair ruffled. Next.)

Arsenal can only play well in that small patch of grass they call Highbury.
(Not true. They can also play well in that other patch of grass called San Bernabeu.)

Wenger has no sense of humour.
(What do you expect? His red tie is always tied too tight, and he’s always pissed off while on the bench because Pat Rice keeps calling him ‘Mr. Wrinkles’.)

They have Cygan-shaped doofus defender falling all about.
(True. But Cygan's French. And Wenger likes French players. Except Cantona. And Wiltord.)

No comments: