April 19, 2006

Yo Real Madrid, buy THESE players instead!

Yo Real,

Since you've tried to take our manager and are trying to steal our captain as well, lemme make things a bit simpler for you and reccomended you some players in Liverpool that you ABSOLUTELY MUST BUY, and are the BEST PLAYERS IN THE WORLD at what they do:

Djimi Traore:
World-class Galactico ability: Losing concentration and tripping over his legs
Why Real should buy him: Is even better than Raul Bravo at losing his concentration and fucking up. Should fit in perfectly in your defence.

Chris Kirkland:
World-class Galactico ability: Breaking toes and fingers, tearing ligaments, straining groins....
Why Real should buy him: For the sole purpose of providing Jonathan Woodgate with some company. They could even share the same hospital bed!

Jerzy Dudek:
World-class Galactico ability: Perfoming brilliantly in one match and screwing up in the next nine
Why Real should buy him: like Real, Dudek can play well one match and fuck up the next nine. This dude is a Galactico in his own right. Has won more Champion's League trophies than Robinho, Woodgate and Gravesan combined.

Peter Crouch:
World-class Galactico ability: Scoring with his neck, impersonating goalposts to confuse opponents
Why Real should buy him: Best slam-dunker in the sport. If he were Chinese, he'd be a Galactico in basketball by now.

Djibril Cisse:
World-class Galactico ability: Messing up his hair, hitting the post
Why Real should buy him: Best player in the world at fucking up his haircuts. Oh wait, I forgot. You don't buy ugly players.

Best of all? We'll sell these pricks to you for cheap!

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