January 01, 2006

All I want to give the players for Christmas is...

I'm surprised that Eyeris hasn't sacked me yet for taking SUCH a long time to come up with the list of other players that I hate but I was on holiday (and missed the Newcastle game AND Merseyside Derby due to the fact that the stupid resort I was at ONLY had Star Sports. What kind of resort has Star Sports and NOT ESPN???!!!) for quite some time and still find it hard to come up with a definitive list.

Anyway, since I'm still in a Christmas-y mood, I'm gonna post a list of things that I would happily give to my team for Christmas if only it was possible to do so.

Steven Gerrard - Anti-wrinkle cream.

Jose Reina - I don't know really. Maybe nail polish to paint his nails with when he has nothing to do in games. Which is quite often.

Steve Finnan and Jamie Carragher - Some sort of elixir that will make them young forever and ever coz I love them and they're two of the most underrated and best defenders in the Premiership. Also, my Most Improved Player of the Season and Best Player of the Season respectively.

Sami Hyypia - Sami needs to do something with his smile. It seems to be perpetually stuck to his face.

Djimi Traore - New legs, perhaps. So he won't keep sliding off the ground like Bambi on ice.

John Arne Riise - I'm sick of the orange hair. So maybe a new hair dye colour.

Stephen Warnock - A bit of pace and more games.

Harry Kewell - A HAIRCUT!

Didi Hamann - Well, I think Didi is in the last few years of his career so I hope he wins something nice this year and scores a few goals if possible!

Xabi Alonso - Xabi has this wispy look that gets him looking sad all the time! So maybe Sami can loan him his cheesy smile. But it would look weird on him.

Luis Garcia - A few inches in height and a few pounds in weight.

Momo Sissoko - More patience and new legs in case he overruns his current ones!

Fernando Morientes - Lots and lots of chocolate cake and a few goals!

Djibril Cisse - A new haircut and a brand new attitude.

Peter Crouch - Seems to be on top of the world at the moment and isn't in desperate need of anything. Well, maybe nicer teeth and a less Roger-Rabbit-like face.

And how can I forget Rafa and Pako? I would probably give them some sort of miracle hair growth cream (but actually I think they look fine just as they are) and any sort of modern technology that they would need to acquire in order to imprve the way we play. Plus, enough money to get the right players to strengthen the team!

Oh and after hearing about Owen's injury, I would've liked to give him a new metatarsal bone as well.



Unknown said...

if anyone's about to be fired, it's that kakibangku guy... haha

vincent said...

eh go press him to write sommething la

Unknown said...

i did remind kakibangku oredi lor, but feller seems to be too busy for anything.

But hey, what would would you expect from a scouser?