August 31, 2007

The Champions-4th Place League Draw

The Champions League draw show has got to be the most godawfully boring live telecast ever on ESPN.

I wonder what they do with those tiny balls though.

Anyway, here's the draw:

Champions League draw:

Group A: Liverpool, Porto, Marseille, Besiktas
Group B: Chelsea, Valencia, FC Schalke 04, Rosenborg
Group C: Real Madrid, Werder Bremen, Lazio, Olimpiakos
Group D: AC Milan, Benfica, Celtic, Shakhtar Don'tsk
Group E: Barcelona, Lyon, VfB Stuttgart, Rangers
Group F: Manchester United, Roma, Sporting Lisbon, Dinamo Kiev
Group G: Internazionale, PSV Eindhoven, CSKA Moscow, Fenerbahce
Group H: Arsenal, Sevilla or AEK Athens, Steaua Bucharest, Slavia Prague

Like damn easy right the groups? Oh well, it's what happens AFTER the groups stages that matter anyway...

August 30, 2007

WE WON SOMETHING!

MALAYSIA HAS WON THE MERDEKA CUP!!

WE FINALLY WON SOMETHING!!

Yes, it was a Mickey Mouse tournament with Mickey Mouse teams, but a victory in any tournament is always welcome.

There is a long way ahead. Nobody denies that. We are still light years behind in terms of skill and technique. There shall be no resting on our laurels. We need to build on this victory. We need to keep the boys hungry for more success. It is the under-23 squad, so they do have a long way ahead of them. We need to teach them sportsmanship as it was clearly lacking in the finals.

Selamat Hari Merdeka guys, and congratulations!



*The bloke who said he didn't want Malaysia to win must be cursing his balls off. I would link his blog here for you guys to say hello to him, but he has one of those dreaded NuffNang ads so there is no way I rerouting traffic to his stupid blog for him to earn a few more measely dollars.

August 28, 2007

farewell ole

1996 - 2007

You are my Solskjaer

My Ole Solskjaer
You make me happy
When skies are grey
Coz when it's pouring
You can't stop scoring
Please don't take
My Solskjaer away


The year is 1996. Manyoo had just won the Double. With kids. Alan Hansen has a pie in his face. All eyes are on Alex Ferguson. How would he build on the success? His main target was Mary Poppins. After being rejected by Mary Poppins, he signed a little known striker called Ole Gunnar Solskjaer for £1.5 million, as opposed to Shearer's eventual £15 million transfer to Newcastle. Lined up against the summer recruits that year, not many people gave Solskjaer a chance. Ferguson had signed Jordi Cruyff who brought along with him that famous name and Karel Poborsky who had a cracking Euro 96 and brought along his Pob-Lob.

Solskjaer? Who?
Molde? Where?

There is no doubt he surpassed all expectations. The model professional. Never once complained about being benched. Never once dissapointed when called upon. The ultimate team player. The infamous super-sub.

99 was Ole's year.

He supported Liverpool as a kid, and after the game against Liverpool where he scored that injury time goal, he endeared himself to the United faithful by further adding that this was proof that he was one of us. Which United fan would forget 4 goals in 13 minutes after coming on as a substitute against Nottingham Forest? Nou Camp? Enough has been said about that night. He wrote himself in United folklore - cast his name in stone with just one flick of a boot.

And despite all those fantastic achievements, when asked what his greatest moment of his United career was, his answer, as is typical of Ole Solskjaer - typically modest. It wasn't Nou Camp or Nottingham Forest. It wasn't finishing United's top scorer in his debut season. It wasn't his first goal after coming back from a nightmare injury.

'I feel proud to have represented Manchester United for 11 years, and have some very special memories.'

His fondest, though, will always be scoring on his debut just six minutes after coming off the bench to secure a 2-2 home draw with Blackburn on August 25, 1996

'I've been asked many times what's the greatest moment of my United career,' said Solskjaer.

'Scoring that goal in my first game and turning round to see that Eric Cantona was the first one coming towards me to celebrate, that just made me realise, 'I'm at Old Trafford now'.'

How do you not worship a player that says things like that?

Cheers, Ole!
You're a freaking legend.


Does This Mean We Don't Suck After All?


(picture from Star Online)


Malaysia make it to final

Striker Safee Sali scored two goals to help Malaysia beat Singapore 3-1 in the semi-finals of the 39th Merdeka Tournament at the MBPJ Stadium in Kelana Jaya here last night.

So.... does this mean that:

  • We don't suck after all?
  • That Malaysian football is on the rise again?
  • That everything is all good after all?
  • That we should not have gotten so paranoid after becoming the worse team in the Asia Cup?
  • That our home-grown kids are better than those blasted Singaporeans?
  • That the FAM politicians get to keep their posts?
  • That the people who resigned their FAM posts get to come back?
  • That all plans to improve Malaysian football can now be scrapped because "See? We are in Merdeka Tournament final, we rock after all, everyone should support us"?
Somehow I don't think so.

Let's just wait for the headlines after we beat/get thrash by Myanmar. Should be interesting to see what the politicians say then.




Footnote by Vincent:

What the fuck is wrong with you Malaysians?!? I have been reading blogs and heard people saying that they DON'T WANT Malaysia to win. Apparently the win will make us complacent and make the politicians/FAM think they are doing a good job.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?!?

Lose also cannot. Win also cannot.

Fuck if I give a shit about the politicians. I want OUR TEAM to win something can?! You have to build a team around success. Motivate the players. Let them taste success and then make them hungry for more.

Fuck you and your personal political agendas. I don't give a shit about the politicians and the FAM. Everybody knows they are idiots. But you do your job and support your team for once, can!?!?

Cocksuckers.

August 27, 2007

Safe From the Drop? Men.United Win Relegation Six-Pointer!


(image taken from BBC.co.uk)

KUALA LUMPUR: One beer was downed as a somewhat pre-occupied eyeris busy replaying Baldurs Gate II half-watched a mighty relegation six-pointer between Tottenham Hotspuds and Men.United at the United.Men's stadium Old Taufoo.

Men.United managed to sneak their first win of the season thanks to a goal by KaNaniNe, some wonderful goalkeeping by GoWest Brown, as well as an inexplicable possibly-bomoh-induced miracle that enabled the ball to slow down drastically when rolling towards the Men.United goal.

Speaking of miracles, there were none for lowly Russian team Chelski as their pudgy midfielder Frank Lampberger scored his 244123st deflected goal to beat the mighty English team Pottymouth, managed by a fugly-manager-with-a-hot-daughter-in-law.

In other news, Keane's Cats are well on course towards defending their Championship title next season with a second loss in a row, this time at home to the Liverpool Hubcap Stealers. Andriv 'HHH' Voronin scored the crucial second goal to add to Momosoko's impersonation of Stevie G.

Derby look almost certain to join them in the fight for promotion next season after losing 2-1 at home to Birmingham despite the fact that the Brum keeper is a dumbass who should have kept out that Chelsea goal two weeks ago.

And finally, the Gunner Non-Issues became a bit of an issue, beating Sven Sony-Erikson's Man City despite the Swede prefering women (allegedly). The Gunners won thanks to a missed penalty which led to Kasper Schmeichel giving them a goal to console them.

Kasper later tried to take back the favour by trying to score a goal, but unfortunately for him, Calamity Jens was not playing.

August 23, 2007

Paul Beats James and Jens for Calamity Title

You know you've had a REALLY REALLY bad game when...

  • Your mistakes lose you the game even on a night of miracles (Lampard scoring an England goal without a deflection!)
  • You concede more goals in one half than New Calamity Jens did in an entire game.
  • You play so badly that you're replaced by Old Calamity James at half-time.
  • Even Steve "Spineless" McLaren doesn't want to comment on whether he will pick you again.

England 1-2 Germany


Paul Robinson had a night to forget as Germany inflicted a first defeat on England at the new Wembley.



Last Blood at the Old Wembley to Germany.
First Blood at the New Wembley to Germany as well.
How ironic is that?


In other news, Real Madrid buy a bowl of soup for Robben to dive in.

August 22, 2007

Good Riddance To Bad Soup

Heinze loses bid to force Liverpool move

Gabriel Heinze could be left in footballing limbo if he decides to appeal against the Premier League's decision not to allow him to quit Manchester United for Liverpool.




And good riddance too. I have no fucking idea why Rafa is so desperate to sign this fella. Plus he's a fecking Men.United, fer gods sake. Go find a left-back from somewhere else lar.

Besides, he's hardly done anything for Man Utd beyond being a pretty soupy joke whenever he got on the pitch with Sol Campbell; AND he's already 29, and probably will play one two seasons more before getting shipped to the Bolton Retirement Home.

What we need now more than anything is a center back to cover for Agger/Carragher in case they get injured. Paletta is too young and Hyypia is too old.

Now bring on Keano.

August 20, 2007

let's weep with the scousers

Booooohoooooooo!


Booohoooo, not a penalty....referee kayu!! Booohoooooo, boohooooooo!



Since there is not much I can say about Manyoo, I should instead laugh at Eyeris...

As usual, SMS chat logs are of the essense:

22.25pm Eyeris to Vincent: Ha-ha!
22.26pm Vincent to Eyeris: Mahai unlucky like shit okay. That karma bitch better deliver later.
22.50pm Eyeris to Vincent: Ha-ha! Ha-ha!
22.55pm Vincent to Eyeris: You're laughing too early. Your game not yet start.

So here we go now...


Ha-ha!

You would have thought that after years of experience, these Scousers would know better than to mock somebody before their game started, eh?

But stop moaning la...you guys have it good. Moan moan moan only clever. Fucking hell Manyoo damn fucking unlucky okay. Fuck you all la. Nobody has had it any worse than us.

Firstly ALL our new signings we not fit or not entirely fit to start the new season. Neither was our captain. Then in the first game some mediocre player broke our star striker's leg. So out of the FOUR strikers that we have, we have THREE out injured and ONE half-fit due to the FUCKING FA screwing up his transfer (humour me this - why was Mascherano's transfer conducted so easily without the hassle?)

In the second game, another mediocre piece of shit fell to the ground when our star winger's head touched him, and then rolled around like he was going to die. Later after the game, he would say that it was not really a headbutt and that he had experienced worse (which proves that the fucker was playacting, and the FA being usual tossers did NOTHING about it).

For THREE games straight we played against THREE teams who had NO INTENTION of winning the game. The game against Manchester Shitty was the worse. They had one fucking shot the whole game and it DEFLECTED in for a goal.

So, yeah, boohoo scousers. Chelsea got a penalty they shouldn't have got. Boo-fucking-hoo. You weren't complaining when Gerrard dived to get that late free kick against Villa, were you?

************

A little footnote from TJ:

Today's Fiver makes an interesting observation.

The Liverpool captain hasn't stopped bemoaning the fact that a "very, very unfair decision got Chelsea a point ... there was a lot of pressure from Chelsea players and, eventually, Styles cracked." Gerrard is absolutely right of course. As he was last week, when he savaged Aston Villa players for moaning about the free-kick that led to Liverpool's late goal. "Villa shouldn't be moaning about the decision ... these things even themselves out over the course of the season," pointed out Mystic Meg of Merseyside. The referee on both occasions? Rob Styles.

Karma is a real bitch, isn't she?

Penalties, Calamities and One Nil to the CITEH!




Liverpool 1 - 1 Chelsea

Cibai, NO FUCKING WAY that was a penalty ok? Malouda jumped towards Carra and Finnan and fell down when they didn't want to catch him. DUMBASS REFEREE KAYU ROB STYLES. Samore give so many cards for dissent. The fucker must have lost an arguement with his wife before the match, and decided to penalise eveyrone who argued with him on the pitch.

Oh well, at least Torres scored.

But a win would have made this a PERFECT WEEKEND because earlier, THIS happened:


Man City 1-0 Man Utd




Altogether now...


GYAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Well, at least Ferguson has a nice new bottle of wine to drown his sorrows eh?

Oh, and Calamity has a new muse, and his name is Jens:

August 16, 2007

Men,United Do It Again! Steals Draw Against all Odds at Portsmouth


(picture taken from BBC.co.uk)

KUALA LUMPUR:
Plucky American soccer team Men.United came away with another vital away point against yet another mighty English team - Pottymouth, as they seek to put some distance between them and fellow relegation rivals Tottenham Hotspur.

The Men.United managed to sneak the draw even after losing their star quarterback Christina Ronaldo, who was booked for trying to show Robert Hughes the amount of hair he was losing from the top of his head.

It may be merely two games into the season, but already the club are looking good for survival this season, and are now two points clear of the bottom of the table, occupied by the Tottenham Comedy Club.

In other news, mighty Reading suffered a setback in their title aspirations as lowly Russian team Chelski came from behind to stun the title-favorites 2-1 at the Majedski Stadium. High-flying Sunderland were also pegged back in their pursuit of the title, only managing a draw away to Birmingham despite the fact that the Brum keeper is a dumbass. And Sven Goreng Sony-Erikson continued his return to England by actually getting the City of Men to score in front of their own fans. Several pigs were later seen flying over the stadium in celebration.

Over to Continental football, where the Liverpool Rugby team managed to sneak a 1-0 win over European rugby giants Toulouse, despite a tecnical glitch that forced Liverpool fans in Malaysia to watch dumbass skateboarding home videos on Supersports instead of the match.

Liverpool fan eyeris was spotted ranting at the TV for five minutes before switching over to AXN where CSI:Miami was on. Later after reading the Guardian live updates on the match, he thanked god he didn't have to sit through the match because the live updater seemed more entertained with their resident pet dog and potential Hot Sissoko-on-Sissoko action than the match itself.

Still on the Champion's League, the Arsenal Non-Issues actually managed to score by shooting the ball at the general direction of the goal.

Monty Python - International Philosophy

August 15, 2007

Let's All Laugh at Shebby's Team


(Picture taken from BBC.co.uk. Caption was not.)


Tottenham 1-3 Everton


Want to challenge for title konon... HAH!

Naz is right. We need a Spurs Hantu Bola contributer to take the piss out off. It's no fun making fun of a club that has no supporters besides Shebby... hehehe.

Wasn't it just last season that we were laughing at Spurs for buying too many midfielders? What happened to them now? And now they have too many strikers, and not enough (fit) defenders pulak? Apara....

Oh, and I like this quote by rafa benitez:

"I have been unable to persuade FIFA, UEFA, and the Premier League to allow me to use 12 players in every game" - Rafa Benitez

Maybe he used the same lawyer who is still trying to convince Men.United to sell us Heinze....

August 13, 2007

He Shot!



"You shot the ball?!! You f**king shot the ball?!!"

A picture is worth a thousand words innit? I'm just as surprised as he is.

situation vacant

Wanted: A Chelsea fan to blog on Hantu Bola

Requirements: The ideal candidate must be a long time Chelsea fan. Knowledge of standard Chelsea chants are mandatory, ability to come up with new chants to piss off Liverpool and Arsenal fans would be advantageous.

Interested applicants should write to hantubola [at] gmail [dot] com. All interested applicants will be given an initiation test to determine suitability. Interested applicants are required to include an answer to the pre-qualifying question below when writing in.

Who is the odd man out in the list below, and why?
a) Ruud Gullit
b) Gianluca Vialli
c) Glenn Hoddle
d) Claudio Ranieri
e) Jose Mourinho

***************

I won't be able to blog very often after the end of this week, which is why it may be a good idea to find another Chelsea fan to take the piss from Rafa's new goatee and the Arsenal Under-19s. LOL

Solid Defense Earns Men.United Point (and other drunken stories)

KUALA LUMPUR: Four Ghost Balls were at Magnificent Fish and Chips Bar on Sunday to watch (on a tiny TV) plucky American soccer team Men.United put up a solid defensive display, shutting out fancied English giants Reading at Old Trafford stadium today and restricting the visitors to a mere 3 shots on target while mustering an impressive 22 shots themselves.

The nil nil draw was a disaster for Reading, who were hoping to have converted at least one of their 3 chances like Sunderland did on Saturday, but unfortunately, the Men.United defence, marshalled by the awesome substitutes of John O'Shea and Darren Fletcher, were up to the task.

Men.United fan Vincent said that the referee was totally bias against Men.United, and gave the excuse that his team was playing without an out-and-out striker in the second half, while completely ignoring the fact that Reading were playing with 10 men for about 20 minutes.

Vincent was saying this in between stuffing his mouth with potted mackeral while swigging whiskey and enduring complaints of "WHY ARE THERE NO GOALS" from Tigerjoe throughout the match.

Rumours that the Men.United manager was playing for a draw and hoping to win on penalties were unfounded.

In other news, lowly Russian team Chelski also managed to sneak a 3-2 win against mighty English opposition Birmingham City, who were determined to show that they, unlike rivals Aston villa, could get some points on opening day.

Chelski prevailed thanks to a strike by Michael Assien, who took advantage of the fact that the Brum keeper was a dumbass who should have saved that shot.

Oh, and the MSSM Arsenal Team managed to win as well, no thanks to some wonderfully comical goalkeeping by Jens Lehman.

That's all for tonight. HIC!

Review - Opening Weekend

That was some opening weekend, no?

Home ground advantage didn't seem to count for a lot, as proven by the results. Shebby's favourite team showed that they don't have the spine to deal with Roy Keane's crazy man stare. Al-Liferbul needed a late strike from Captain One-Inch to take all three points. Big Sam let loose Oba-Oba onto his old team, on their home ground. Horny Sven showed that he does know something about managing a football team - at the very least, he seems to know how to manage an away win.

And all that was just on Saturday.

Arsenal cummed from behind (again) to win against Fulham. Al-Shilsi showed that they could ignore defensive duties and just score more goals than their opponents. Oh, and ManYoo put up a solid defensive display against 10-man Reading to gain a point at Old Trafford.

My theory is that Sir Alex thought there would be penalties if the score was tied after ninety minutes. It also looks like the Reading goalie scored 50+ points on fantasy football this weekend. LOL

August 12, 2007

oh, pening! weekend

***STICKY POST*** (Which basically means the latest posts are AFTER this post, you clunks)


The season proper starts rolling this weekend, and we at Hantu Bola will also be starting the season in our customary fashion.

Which means John Jameson & Son will be there. Which means table-top victory dances. Which means big screen telecasts. Which means taking the piss out of Rafa's new goatee. Which means complaining about Chelsea's new away kit. The only way I would wear that neon green shirt is if I were paid 50k a week. Heh.



The HANTU BOLA Oh, Pening! weekend Mabuk Bola Gathering

Date: Sunday, 12th August 2007
Time: 3pm(ish) until closing
Venue: The Magnificent Fish & Chips Shop (yes, that's its real name)
@ Changkat Bukit Bintang (opp. Frangipani)



Yes, we are starting the party early. Just so the kids who have a curfew can get home before their mommies and daddies send out search parties. Look out for the usual signs. If you don't know what the usual signs are, ask Eyeris or Vincent.

Soft drinks and juices are available too, just so long as you don't finish the mixers all by yourself. Anybody who wants green fanta can cross the street and buy your own from Kiosk. LOL

Welcome back, EPL. We've missed you.

Keane Chops Up Spurs Without Breaking Any Legs

Blackburn Cruz, Boro Snooze

Prodigal Big Sam beats Improbable Little Sam

Bramble Back to Old Tricks at Wigan; Gifts Everton Win

Four-Goal Thriller at Pride Park In Game No One Cared About

Sven Wins; Tabloids Disappointed At Lack of Sexy Models in Squad


Gerrard Saves The Day at Villa; Prevents Eyeris Heart Attack





Now THAT is what I call an opening day. Welcome back, EPL. We've missed you.

August 10, 2007

Of Reorganization....

Haven't you heard?

Gallas became a somebody eh?

The funny thing is not about Gallas getting a strap-on thingy to put on his arm, which he will keep having to adjust all the time on the pitch...


news of the new appointment did not go down too well with the more senior arses after training

...but also news of some reorganization Wenger decided to enforce...

The French centre-back, who joined from Chelsea less than a year ago, will be supported by vice-captains Gilberto and Kolo Toure on the pitch while Jens Lehmann will have a role off it.

Yup, pity those poor souls at the Emirates for having to moonlight nowadays too. I can already see the future.


Arsenal FC Organisation Chart
do not vandalize

Chief Whiner
Arsene Wenger

Captain
William Gallas

Vice-Captains
Gilberto (Midfield Penetration Operations)
Kolo Toure (Defending Strategies Unit)

Public Relations Commander
Jens Lehmann

Pubic Relations Commander
Robin van Persie

Forwarding Taxes Leader
Emmanuel Adebayar

Strategic Area Planning Lieutenant
Cesc Fabregas

Professional Impression Officer
Phillipe Senderos

Row F Sergeant
Tomas Rosicky

Boo Boy
Aliaksandr Hleb


gay pile-ups were only the beginning of hierarchy



What will they ever come up with next? Last I heard, they will ask Optimus Prime to be their official mascot to cheer them on when they are in process of losing matches.







Maybe that's not such a good idea.

August 09, 2007

mickey mouse cup

Did anybody watch Malaysia vs Bayern Munich just now?

1) Just a thought...Malaysians are good at kampung football right. I mean we have all played football barefoot in a sandy field, right? And the pitch just now sort of replicated those kampung football conditions, right? Awesome, isn't it? We have just found our home advantage. People usually count on the 12th man, but since Malaysians make shitty football fans, we now can count on the 5th element - professional footballers aren't used to playing beach football you know.

2) Is Shebby Singh really our best commentator? Judging by today's commentary by some unknown useless asshole, I would say that yes, Shebby is Malaysia's best pundit and best commentator by far. Unfortunate, but true.

3) Bayern Munich's kids are rubbish. Fans of other European football clubs need not worry. The Germans aren't going to win the Champions League anytime soon. Shitty defence, shitty strikeforce, lucky win.

4) You can say it's only 2-1. Better than 5-0 right? WRONG! This was a piss poor performance with zero discipline in defence and a team of midfielders who, if this is an indication, is going to mess up our national team even further. The only reason the score was kept at 2-1 was because Bayern Munich is actually really horrible. And the way we lost was just sickening. If you haven't seen Munich's second goal, tune in to Sportscentre Malaysia and prepare something hard for you to bash your own head with.

5) What kind of Mickey Mouse tournament changes the rule of football?!?!? Why the fuck was there only 35 minutes in each half?! Are we afraid the kids can't run really far? A bit too hot, is it? Humid? Suck my balls. This is football, not hockey. Football is played 45 minutes, not 35. Bitches..

August 06, 2007

season opener

But Dad, don't you think it will take a while if we are going to wait for Fat Frank to come good?



Look kid, I don't know what they do at Chelsea, but you've gotta wait till AFTER the game before you polish my boots.



Claudio was distracted by the man-tits on the guy behind the goal



Consigned to having Claudio Pizzaro steal all his chicken pies, Fat Frank had to source his protein elsewhere..



Fucker...I know I was rubbish lah, but I suck your cock already you still wanna slap me meh?

Because Someone Had To...

Hooray! There's football on weekends again!

And what better way to end your pre-season fixtures and warm up for the WWEPL (featuring hardcore stars like Robbie the Savage, Wayne "The Bull" Rooney; and high-diving stars like Christiano "WHEE!" Ronaldo and Didier "The Dog' Drogba) than with a MASS BRAWL in Holland?

Liverpool friendly boils over into mass brawl


Liverpool's pre-season campaign ended amid astonishing scenes in Rotterdam as six of their players were booked and skipper Steven Gerrard was fortunate not to be sent off.

Eheh.

What? Community Penalty Shield? Let the Chelski and Men.United fellas blog about that.

PS. Malouda's goal was awesome though.
PSS. Does this mean Men.United won't win the league this season?

August 02, 2007

why shebby sucks

The new season is upon us, and I'm sure there will be new fans this year who are just learning to appreciate the sport.

Just like how there were new football fans learning to sing that pondan-fied song some time during the third week of May in 2005.

In any case, here is a little bit of football trivia for all the new (and old) fans.

Three reasons why Shebby sucks:

  1. For celebrating that mis-kicked cross during the 1989 Malaysia Cup final, as if he really did mean to lob Ahmad Sobri.
  2. For pretending to know what Sir Alex / Jose Mourinho / Arsene Wenger are thinking.
  3. For being a Totty-Spurs fan.
*Mwahahahahahahah*

In case anyone is interested, the HB group on Yahoo! Fantasy Football has been opened for the coming season.

Group ID: 8267
PW: shebbysux

Uncle need to take a nap now.