Top 5 positives from THAT Malaysia - Manchester United match

5. Big improvement from the previous clash which ended 0-6....

4. Before : Amri who? After : Amri the Legend

3. Match really wasn't one-way.... maybe after this, the new Malaysian team can keep on playing competitively like that... oh please do....

2. Many of the United stars really did give their all to push for another goal..

1. No Ronaldo? No problem. We got a new number 7 who already opened his account for his new club.... :)

Safe From the Drop? Men.United Win Relegation Six-Pointer!

(image taken from BBC.co.uk)

KUALA LUMPUR: One beer was downed as a somewhat pre-occupied eyeris busy replaying Baldurs Gate II half-watched a mighty relegation six-pointer between Tottenham Hotspuds and Men.United at the United.Men's stadium Old Taufoo.

Men.United managed to sneak their first win of the season thanks to a goal by KaNaniNe, some wonderful goalkeeping by GoWest Brown, as well as an inexplicable possibly-bomoh-induced miracle that enabled the ball to slow down drastically when rolling towards the Men.United goal.

Speaking of miracles, there were none for lowly Russian team Chelski as their pudgy midfielder Frank Lampberger scored his 244123st deflected goal to beat the mighty English team Pottymouth, managed by a fugly-manager-with-a-hot-daughter-in-law.

In other news, Keane's Cats are well on course towards defending their Championship title next season with a second loss in a row, this time at home to the Liverpool Hubcap Stealers. Andriv 'HHH' Voronin scored the crucial second goal to add to Momosoko's impersonation of Stevie G.

Derby look almost certain to join them in the fight for promotion next season after losing 2-1 at home to Birmingham despite the fact that the Brum keeper is a dumbass who should have kept out that Chelsea goal two weeks ago.

And finally, the Gunner Non-Issues became a bit of an issue, beating Sven Sony-Erikson's Man City despite the Swede prefering women (allegedly). The Gunners won thanks to a missed penalty which led to Kasper Schmeichel giving them a goal to console them.

Kasper later tried to take back the favour by trying to score a goal, but unfortunately for him, Calamity Jens was not playing.

Paul Beats James and Jens for Calamity Title

You know you've had a REALLY REALLY bad game when...

• Your mistakes lose you the game even on a night of miracles (Lampard scoring an England goal without a deflection!)
• You concede more goals in one half than New Calamity Jens did in an entire game.
• You play so badly that you're replaced by Old Calamity James at half-time.
• Even Steve "Spineless" McLaren doesn't want to comment on whether he will pick you again.

England 1-2 Germany


Paul Robinson had a night to forget as Germany inflicted a first defeat on England at the new Wembley.



Last Blood at the Old Wembley to Germany.
First Blood at the New Wembley to Germany as well.
How ironic is that?


In other news, Real Madrid buy a bowl of soup for Robben to dive in.

Penalties, Calamities and One Nil to the CITEH!

Liverpool 1 - 1 Chelsea

Cibai, NO FUCKING WAY that was a penalty ok? Malouda jumped towards Carra and Finnan and fell down when they didn't want to catch him. DUMBASS REFEREE KAYU ROB STYLES. Samore give so many cards for dissent. The fucker must have lost an arguement with his wife before the match, and decided to penalise eveyrone who argued with him on the pitch.

Oh well, at least Torres scored.

But a win would have made this a PERFECT WEEKEND because earlier, THIS happened:

Man City 1-0 Man Utd

Altogether now...

GYAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Well, at least Ferguson has a nice new bottle of wine to drown his sorrows eh?

Oh, and Calamity has a new muse, and his name is Jens:

Men,United Do It Again! Steals Draw Against all Odds at Portsmouth

(picture taken from BBC.co.uk)

KUALA LUMPUR: Plucky American soccer team Men.United came away with another vital away point against yet another mighty English team - Pottymouth, as they seek to put some distance between them and fellow relegation rivals Tottenham Hotspur.

The Men.United managed to sneak the draw even after losing their star quarterback Christina Ronaldo, who was booked for trying to show Robert Hughes the amount of hair he was losing from the top of his head.

It may be merely two games into the season, but already the club are looking good for survival this season, and are now two points clear of the bottom of the table, occupied by the Tottenham Comedy Club.

In other news, mighty Reading suffered a setback in their title aspirations as lowly Russian team Chelski came from behind to stun the title-favorites 2-1 at the Majedski Stadium. High-flying Sunderland were also pegged back in their pursuit of the title, only managing a draw away to Birmingham despite the fact that the Brum keeper is a dumbass. And Sven Goreng Sony-Erikson continued his return to England by actually getting the City of Men to score in front of their own fans. Several pigs were later seen flying over the stadium in celebration.

Over to Continental football, where the Liverpool Rugby team managed to sneak a 1-0 win over European rugby giants Toulouse, despite a tecnical glitch that forced Liverpool fans in Malaysia to watch dumbass skateboarding home videos on Supersports instead of the match.

Liverpool fan eyeris was spotted ranting at the TV for five minutes before switching over to AXN where CSI:Miami was on. Later after reading the Guardian live updates on the match, he thanked god he didn't have to sit through the match because the live updater seemed more entertained with their resident pet dog and potential Hot Sissoko-on-Sissoko action than the match itself.

Still on the Champion's League, the Arsenal Non-Issues actually managed to score by shooting the ball at the general direction of the goal.

Solid Defense Earns Men.United Point (and other drunken stories)

KUALA LUMPUR: Four Ghost Balls were at Magnificent Fish and Chips Bar on Sunday to watch (on a tiny TV) plucky American soccer team Men.United put up a solid defensive display, shutting out fancied English giants Reading at Old Trafford stadium today and restricting the visitors to a mere 3 shots on target while mustering an impressive 22 shots themselves.

The nil nil draw was a disaster for Reading, who were hoping to have converted at least one of their 3 chances like Sunderland did on Saturday, but unfortunately, the Men.United defence, marshalled by the awesome substitutes of John O'Shea and Darren Fletcher, were up to the task.

Men.United fan Vincent said that the referee was totally bias against Men.United, and gave the excuse that his team was playing without an out-and-out striker in the second half, while completely ignoring the fact that Reading were playing with 10 men for about 20 minutes.

Vincent was saying this in between stuffing his mouth with potted mackeral while swigging whiskey and enduring complaints of "WHY ARE THERE NO GOALS" from Tigerjoe throughout the match.

Rumours that the Men.United manager was playing for a draw and hoping to win on penalties were unfounded.

In other news, lowly Russian team Chelski also managed to sneak a 3-2 win against mighty English opposition Birmingham City, who were determined to show that they, unlike rivals Aston villa, could get some points on opening day.

Chelski prevailed thanks to a strike by Michael Assien, who took advantage of the fact that the Brum keeper was a dumbass who should have saved that shot.

Oh, and the MSSM Arsenal Team managed to win as well, no thanks to some wonderfully comical goalkeeping by Jens Lehman.

That's all for tonight. HIC!

Review - Opening Weekend

That was some opening weekend, no?

Home ground advantage didn't seem to count for a lot, as proven by the results. Shebby's favourite team showed that they don't have the spine to deal with Roy Keane's crazy man stare. Al-Liferbul needed a late strike from Captain One-Inch to take all three points. Big Sam let loose Oba-Oba onto his old team, on their home ground. Horny Sven showed that he does know something about managing a football team - at the very least, he seems to know how to manage an away win.

And all that was just on Saturday.

Arsenal cummed from behind (again) to win against Fulham. Al-Shilsi showed that they could ignore defensive duties and just score more goals than their opponents. Oh, and ManYoo put up a solid defensive display against 10-man Reading to gain a point at Old Trafford.

My theory is that Sir Alex thought there would be penalties if the score was tied after ninety minutes. It also looks like the Reading goalie scored 50+ points on fantasy football this weekend. LOL