Welcome back, EPL. We've missed you.

Keane Chops Up Spurs Without Breaking Any Legs

Blackburn Cruz, Boro Snooze

Prodigal Big Sam beats Improbable Little Sam

Bramble Back to Old Tricks at Wigan; Gifts Everton Win

Four-Goal Thriller at Pride Park In Game No One Cared About

Sven Wins; Tabloids Disappointed At Lack of Sexy Models in Squad

Gerrard Saves The Day at Villa; Prevents Eyeris Heart Attack

Now THAT is what I call an opening day. Welcome back, EPL. We've missed you.