A Lame Imagined Conversation Before an England match

Overheard in the England dressing room before the Croatia game:

McLaren: SHUT UP YOU LOT! Now, for tonight's game, We've all gotta have PASSION! PASSION, YA HEAR ME?
Downing: That's what you told us last time at Boro', but you still got us playing like dead fish.
McLaren: I said SHUT UP! Sven is gone, so you're gonna do it MY WAY, OK?!?!? MY WAY!!!
G. Neville: We will do it HIS way. We will do it HIS way. We will do it HIS way. We will do it HIS way.
Parker: I'm playing for England again!!!
Lampard: Do I get to wear my invisibility cloak again tonight?
McLaren: You won't need to this time. We're playing 2-7-1, Roo-Roo up front on his own, because I think he still has his touch...
Rooney: I'VE GOT THE TOUCH! I'VE GOT THE POWER!!! YEAH!
McLaren: .... so Lamps, we'll have so many midfielders on that you won't need your invisibility cloak to disappear this time. Besides, you never do anything anyway.
Lampard: But then I won't get to sneak long shots at spectators in Row Q anymore! WAAA
McLaren: Well, At least you've got Stevie G to help you, eh Stevie? Stevie?
Carragher: He's gone home, boss.
McLaren: Oh. Never mind, so now it's your turn to shine, Lamps! eheh, geddit? Lamps? Shine? Geddit?
Rooney: GAHAHAHA! THE BOSS SO FUNNY ME LIKE! I'm putting that in my new book next month!
G. Neville: We will do it HIS way. We will do it HIS way. We will do it HIS way. We will do it HIS way.
Parker: I'm playing for England again!!!
Cole: Wait, I read somewhere we're gonna be playing 5-5-2? or is it 6-4-2? 8-3-2? OR 7-5-2?
Terry: There's only gonna be eleven of us on the pitch, Ash.
Cole: Oh.
G. Neville: We will do it HIS way. We will do it HIS way. We will do it HIS way. We will do it HIS way.
Parker: I'm playing for England again!!!
Beckham: Crap.

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(UPDATE:)

Tigerjoe has a better and not so lame one he posted in the comments that I'm reposting here....

McLaren: *clears throat* Let's start the pre-match briefing, then. Sit down, Crouchy.
Crouch: I AM sitting down.
Ferdinand: *on mobile* Wait ah boss, my TV producer on the line.
Terry: *frowns*
Rooney: *on mobile* England got half ball? OK, OK, I take! 500 quid please.
Carragher: *taps Rooney's shoulder* Half ball izit? I oso take lah. I want 500 quid too.
Terry: *frowns*
McLaren: You wankers are betting on our match? Which bookie is that?!
Rooney: Atcherly, it's Owen on the line.