October 18, 2006

6 Steps To Winning in Russia

So another freezing night in Russia, another poor result for us...

The trend of losing to Russian teams apart from Chelsea is quite worrying for us. Pardon the pun, but I think the youngsters had cold feet. Since we've not won in Russia in three attempts, perhaps Arsene Wenger should adopt the following strategies if we ever visit up there again.

1. Training to be conducted at Genting Highlands Winter Wonderland.

2. Halftime team talk to be held in a sauna.

3. Lace the home team's subs bench with cold water - Watching their manager's arse stuck to his seat is bound to negatively affect the opposition's morale.

4. Strategically place poster's of warm-climate tourist destinations (specifically, Brazil) in the home team's locker room. This is also to be followed up by placing heat radiotors under the seats of the imports to remind them of what they're missing. This will eventually lead to a mass exodus of South American players, spearheaded by the unfortunately named Vagner Love.

5. Ditch the leopard-skin thong underwear - Oops! This only applies to Liverpool...

6. Pray for all Russian games to be called off due to a freak once-in-a-lifetime year-long blizzard. Subsequently, all European cup games is to be held at the opposition's home ground for both legs.

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