Q: What is the differance between Pamela Anderson and the Liverpool goal?
A: Pam's only got two tits in front of her
Q: You're trapped in a room with a Lion, Cobra snake and an Arsenal Fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the Arsenal Fan. Twice.
Q: What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon?
A: A Problem.
Q: What do you call 100 Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: An even bigger problem.
Q: What do you call all the Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: Problem solved
Sir Alex is queuing in his local building society, when a gunman bursts in through the door demanding money. Ferguson attempts to tackle the raider, but gets knocked over...as he falls, his head smashes the counter and Sir Alex is out cold. The robber escapes and the cashier tries to revive Ferguson. After a few minutes he comes round and looks bewildered. His first words are "Where the hell am I?". The Cashier replies: "don't worry, its ok, you're in the Nationwide." Ferguson replies, "F**k me, is it May already?"
Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an intelligent Liverpool supporter and an old drunk are walking down the street together when simultaneously they each spot a fifty quid note. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course - the other 3 are mythical creatures.
Q: What do you call an Arsenal fan that does well on an IQ test?
A: A cheat.
Every time Big Roger attends a Chelsea game he books 2 seats.One to sit in, the other to throw when the fightin starts.
Q: What's the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn't think he's Alex Ferguson.
Q: What do you get if you cross a Monkey with a Liverpudlian?
A: Nothing. The monkeys are far too clever to screw a Liverpudlian.
Q. "What does a 3 pin plug and Arsenal Football Club have in common?"
A. "They're both useless in Europe"
Q: Why did Chelsea go on the stock exchange?
A: To prove that crap can float.
Alex Ferguson is curious how Arsenal reached the double last year, so he decides on a visit to London to see how Arsene Wenger coaches his team. After one day he is not really impressed by the training practices, so he asks Wenger how he gets his players so sharp. 'Well it is simple. I sometimes ask my players a difficult question, and that way they stay really sharp mentally'. Of course Fergie wants an example, so Wenger asks Bergkamp to come over to the sidelines. He asks: 'Dennis, he is not your brother, but still he is your father's son. Who is he?' 'That is not difficult', Dennis answers immediately, 'Of course that is me'. 'You see? That's the way you keep them sharp', Wenger says to Fergie. Ferguson, who wants to win the double also, decides to bring this into Manchester United's practice the next day. He calls David Beckham over to the sidelines. 'David, I have a question for you', he says, 'He is not your brother, but still he is your father's son, who is he?' 'My God, Coach', is the Spice Boy's reply, 'That is a tough one to answer, can I sleep on that one night, and why do you ask me these questions?' Fergie explains it has to do with some continental coaching trick and agrees with the one night postponement. So that night Beckham decides to call Jaap Stam. He has played on the continent, maybe he knows something about these continental coaching methods. 'Jaap, maybe you know the answer to this question, he is not your brother, but still he is your father's son. Who is he?' 'That is easy, that is me!', says Jaap Stam. So the next day David walks full of confidence to Ferguson. Fergie asks: 'David, do you know the answer to my question now?'. 'Yes it was actually very easy', he says, 'Is it Jaap Stam?' Ferguson answers: 'No of course not you stupid b*****d. It's Dennis Bergkamp.
Lesson learnt for today: Creativity is sometimes hard to come by, that's why updates take longer than usual. Sekian, terima kasih.
p.s. I didn't create these jokes. Google helped me get some.