February 06, 2006


The Wuss/Wanker Formerly Known As Robben (or alternatively the WFKAR) is said to be alive and well today after yesterday's brush with Pepe Reina's Hand of Death.

The incident created controversy among many, with Rafa Benitez expressing concern and wanting to cut short the post-match press conference in order to visit WFKAR in hospital:
I’m in a hurry,” he said as he walked into the press conference. “I have to go to the hospital because Robben seemed to be so seriously injured that maybe he will be there for a week, maybe a few weeks, maybe he has broken his neck, I don’t know.

Mourinho, though, couldn't care less:
"Out of nine against Liverpool in one-and-a-half years we've lost one, and this was also a game that proved we're the best team in the country. So I am so happy about all these things."

Here, though, are the harrowing moments leading up to the event that nearly cost WFKAR's life:

Pepe Reina, in an attempt to silence WFKAR's rantings about how the Dutch liked hairy women, executed his patent-pending Spanish Hand of Death move on the Chelsea winger. The move was done so skillfully that it appeared to all who were unfamiliar with Spanish Kung-Fu to assume that he had merely touched WFKAR's face.

WFKAR collapsed to the ground in a fit of agony. Such is the power and venom of the Spanish Hand of Death Kung-Fu that no eunuch could stand it standing up. As he fell to the ground, the effects of that lethal attack worked its way down WFKAR's throat to his groin, where all evidence of his gender withered away into dust. When paramedics removed his clothing at the hospital later, they had to brush away all the debu and habuk in his shorts. The field marked 'Sex' in the hospital forms filled in when WFKAR was brought in simply states 'Undetermined'.

The referee, himself a secret proponent of the Spanish Kung-Fu recognised the deed for what it was: a cold-blooded homicide attempt. He had no choice but to do the only thing possible - send the keeper off. Of course, to take further action like reporting to the secret Spanish Kung-Fu brethren is not possible, since Spanish Kung-Fu does not allow tattling.

Anyway, this was also why when Gallas shoved his hand on Reina's face that the ref did not send the Frenchman off, because he knew that Gallas wasn't being as violent as Reina and instead was just trying to flirt with Reina.

So now let us all take a moment to wish WFKAR well and hope he makes a speedy recovery from what was obviously a traumatic and dangerous attack on his life.


P.S. Some old Blogger posts have gone missing - apparently Google/Blogger are having some server problems. There's a recommendation at bloggerforum.com to back up all Blogger posts ASAP before the scheduled outage and maintenance work later today. BACKUP NOW!

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