Another Mantra for the Week

It's only the 1st game of the season. I shall not despair.
It's only the 1st game of the season. I shall not despair.
It's only the 1st game of the season. I shall not despair.
It's only the 1st game of the season. I shall not despair.
It's only the 1st game of the season. I shall not despair.
It's only the 1st game of the season. I shall not despair.
It's only the 1st game of the season. I shall not despair.
It's only the 1st game of the season. I shall not despair.
It's only the 1st game of the season. I shall not despair.
It's only the 1st game of the season. I shall not despair.
It's only the 1st game of the season. I shall not despair.
It's only the 1st game of the season. I shall not despair.

Gah.

The First Ever Hantu Bola Season Predictions!

YAY! The season starts today! And to celebrate the first Start-of-Season Hantu Bola post, here are some predictions for the new season, courtesy of the Hantu Keciks and the Head Hantus.


First up, the Hantu Keciks...

(BTW, I'll add Scorkes' predictions later... these are all I have at er... press time. And don't even bother askign about Kakibangku...)

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Gooners Naz & S-Kay (well, mostly Naz):

1) Your predictions for top four and bottom three, in sequence
Top 4: Chelsea (ugh!), Arsenal, Liverpool, Man U
Bottom 3: Wigan, Reading, Watford

2) Which major transfers will be the biggest wastes of money?
Dirk Kuyt

3) Which big-named player will Chelski buy/sell next?
Buy - A. Cole (Technically, still haven't bought him yet!) / Sell - Gallas

4) Which manager will be sacked first (aka. how long will Glenn Roeder last as Newcastle manager?)
Adrian Boothroyd (Watford) (Do I get a bonus point for Niall Quinn to sack himself at Sunderland?)

5) Which player will be the center of the first controversy, and for what reason?
Steven Gerrard - Missing leopard print undies. Ok Seriously... Neil Warnock to be slapped with a fine from the FA for one of his politically incorrect statements.

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Gooner TopTenSimon:

1) Your predictions for top four and bottom three, in sequence
Top 4:Ars, Che, ManU, Liv
Bottom 3: sheffield, watford, portsmouth

2) Which major transfers will be the biggest wastes of money?
owen can count or not? if not then ballack.

3) Which big-named player will Chelski buy/sell next?
A.Hole. Failing which some stopgap leftback at $15mil that will last 12months.

4) Which manager will be sacked first (aka. how long will Glenn Roeder last as Newcastle manager?)
Roeder in February. My second guess is Dowie sometime in March.

5) Which player will be the center of the first controversy, and for what reason?
on pitch - bellamy
off pitch - bellamy.
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Sashibusygiler

1) Your predictions for top four and bottom three, in sequence
Top 4: Liverpool, Chelsea, Arsenal, Spurs.
Bottom 3: Fulham, Watford, Reading.

2) Which major transfers will be the biggest wastes of money?
Heskey, Carrick

3) Which big-named player will Chelski buy/sell next?
Buy Cole, sell Gallas.

4) Which manager will be sacked first (aka. how long will Glenn Roeder last as Newcastle manager?)
Chris Coleman

5) Which player will be the center of the first controversy, and for what reason?
Rooney/Ronaldo, finally airing dirty laundry in public.

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Our resident Toon Comedien, Anttyk:

1) Your predictions for top four and bottom three, in sequence
Top 4: Chelski (champs), The Arse, Liverpool, The Toon
Bottom 3: Watford (last), Sheffield United, Wigan

2) Which major transfers will be the biggest wastes of money?
Michael Carrick.

3) Which big-named player will Chelski buy/sell next?
Cashley Cole.

4) Which manager will be sacked first (aka. how long will Glenn Roeder last as Newcastle manager?)
Alex Ferguson. Glenn Roeder will last a couple of years, until Alan Shearer gets his UEFA coaching license and takes over.

5) Which player will be the center of the first controversy, and for what reason?
Christina Ronaldo for smacking Fergit on the head with a trout while prancing around.

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'Prideful' Devil Din:

1) Your predictions for top four and bottom three, in sequence
Top 4: Manchester United (champs), Liverpool (runners-up) & Chelsea (3rd), Arsenal (4th)
Bottom 3: Aston Villa (18th), Sheffield United (19th) & Watford (20th)

2) Which major transfers will be the biggest wastes of money?
Michael Ballack & Damien Duff.

3) Which big-named player will Chelski buy/sell next?
Buy: Carlos Tevez
Sell: Didier Drogba, Arjen Robben

4) Which manager will be sacked first (aka. how long will Glenn Roeder last as Newcastle manager?)
5 and a half months (gets sacked after X'mas)

5) Which player will be the centre of the first controversy, and for what reason?
Peter Crouch, for having intimate relations with a goalpost at Anfield. :p.... No lah, I think it should unfortunately be Wayne Rooney, for yet another red-card incident involving kicking a 'saved' ball held on the ground by a rival goalkeeper, and breaking the keeper's hand at the same time. He will get it from everyone: teammates, manager, fans, media....the works. Gets a 1 month ban. He would probably clean-up after this and inspire Man Utd to the title.

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And now, for our Scouser chicks:

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Mrs Michael Lilyliverbird Owen:

1) Your predictions for top four and bottom three, in sequence
Top 4: Liverpool, Arsenal, Chelsea, Spurs
Bottom 3:Everton, Sheffield United, Watford

2) Which major transfers will be the biggest wastes of money?
Carrick: More of a Pirlo when Manure needs a Gattuso. Not the answer to Keane's departure. Overrated. But beggars can't be choosers hahahaha
Bollocks - will not get on with Lampoop
Heskey: From a lumbering piece of metal to an imbecile lumbering piece of metal

3) Which big-named player will Chelski buy/sell next?
Sell: Drogba (won't play second fiddle to Sheva) Plus any of the following: Geremi, Essien, Joe Cole, Robben, SWP,
Buy: Any big player Manure, Arsenal and Liverpool want, just to spite us. Will then proceed to bench the poor bloke. Plus a left back - either A Hole or Abidal

4) Which manager will be sacked first (aka. how long will Glenn Roeder last as Newcastle manager?)
Errr..Fergit? About bloody time innit?

5) Which player will be the center of the first controversy, and for what reason?
1. Hopefully another bitchfight between Roo Roo and Christina
2. Bellamy, Pennant and Fowler will either burn down the house of parliament or better, steal Moanrinho's hubcabs

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StrayBeautyBex:

1) Your predictions for top four and bottom three, in sequence
Top 4: Head says Liverpool, Chelsea, Arsenal, Manchester United, heart says Liverpool, Arsenal, Tottenham, West Ham United
Bottom 3: Fulham, Reading, Portsmouth/Sheffield United/Watford [I know, not very helpful. Sorry. =p]

2) Which major transfers will be the biggest wastes of money?
Michael Carrick

3) Which big-named player will Chelski buy/sell next?
Gallas hopefully. [Wait, is he considered a big-named player?]

4) Which manager will be sacked first (aka. how long will Glenn Roeder last as Newcastle manager?)
Er, wild guess, David Moyes.

5) Which player will be the center of the first controversy, and for what reason?
Rooney for glaring at the referee after he steps on some pretty boy's face by accident and completely disfigures it. Maybe it'll be Ronaldo, though he looks more like a penguin than a pretty boy, but all the girls seem to think he's one.

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And finally, the Head Hantus...

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Chelski Tigerjoeshaggerton:

1) Your predictions for top four and bottom three, in sequence
Top 4: Chelsea, Tottenham, Arsenal, Liverpool
Bottom 3: Fulham, Reading, Watford

2) Which major transfers will be the biggest wastes of money?
Any amount of money paid for Djimi Traore and Emile Heskey is a waste; but my picks are Michael Carrick (if he doesn't last till xmas) and Andrew Johnson.

3) Which big-named player will Chelski buy/sell next?
Buy: None this season, although there might be a defender brought in on loan in January
Sell: None (note: Ashley Cole is not a big-named player; the shrimp is not even a big player to begin with.)

4) Which manager will be sacked first (aka. how long will Glenn Roeder last as Newcastle manager?)
The Glazers will decide that Fergie has lost the plot, and replace him with Sven.

5) Which player will be the center of the first controversy, and for what reason?
Opening weekend, Sheffield vs Liverpool: Harry Kewell will break down in tears after Neil Warnock calls him a fag and the Liverpool squad a bunch of bumfuckers; Rafa gets into a fist-fight with Warnock to prove his manliness but gets knowcked down instead, and the home crowd starts singing "Macho Man".

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ManVincentYoonited:

1) Your predictions for top four and bottom three, in sequence
Top four: Manyoo (durrrrr), Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool
Bottom 3 (from bottom up): Watford, Fulham, Wigan, (no shits, i tell you)

2) Which major transfers will be the biggest wastes of money?
Shevchenko and Berbatov

3) Which big-named player will Chelski buy/sell next?
Sell SWP, buy Ashley Cole (durr)

4) Which manager will be sacked first (aka. how long will Glenn Roeder last as Newcastle manager?)
Chris Coleman

5) Which player will be the center of the first controversy, and for what reason?
Craig Bellamy, for being filmed kicking a dog and eating the puppies (I
couldn't be serious forever, could I?)

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EyeriscouserinKL:

1) Your predictions for top four and bottom three, in sequence
Top four: Liverpool, Chelsea, Arsenal, Spurs
Bottom 3 (from bottom up): Sheffield United, Watford, Fulham

2) Which major transfers will be the biggest wastes of money?
Emile Heskey. But of course.

3) Which big-named player will Chelski buy/sell next?
They'll be linked to Tevez, Ronaldinho, Podolski and Nesta, will TRY to buy Adriano, but would end up paying 30 million for Torres instead

4) Which manager will be sacked first (aka. how long will Glenn Roeder last as Newcastle manager?)
Toss-up between Chris Coleman, Stuart Pierce or Gareth Southgate (who is sacked after four games in a row playing himself in striker, despite 'hanging up his boots' kononnya, because "I've always wanted to play striker, but no gaffer would let me.")

5) Which player will be the center of the first controversy, and for what reason?
Drogba and Gary Neville accidently punch each other while trying to smack the ball with their hands, and sparks a free-for-all in which Rooney swings a sly one at Ronaldo, Lampard tries to kick the ball at Ferdinand but it ends up hitting Van Der Sar in goal instead, and Fergit throws Heinze at Mourinho

Sponsors Galore

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pre-season liverpool bash #4

Just when I thought scousers were funny people, some of them went and dissapointed me (not you, Lily) with some inane comments about Manure United (Ha. Ha. Fun-nee). I was sitting in front of my notebook contemplating whether I should bitch about the fucking English FA or do one last PRE-SEASON Liverpool bash, when I realised that everybody knows the FA are bloody muppets anyway and I would be better off slagging Scum.

Anyways, I was trying to figure out this big mystery of why Liverpool constantly fail to sign any big name players. They already have a team full of fags and pretty boys, but instead of trying to sign a big name superstar, they keep trying to sign someone called Dick Kuyt.

Think about it..

You are a big name player, a superstar.
You probably grew up on the streets in a slum somewhere in Argentina or Brazil.
Now, you have all the money in the world to spend..you want to go party...you want to go shopping...you want a big city..

And most importantly, you want to go to a town where they won't steal the hubcaps of your Ferrari..

Would you go to a town like...

Barcelona

OR

London

OR

Milan

OR
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Liverpool

One Sunny afternoon in Madrid

John Terry - Harlo! Who that ah? Posh Spice ah? David there or not?

Posh Spice - (fake Spanish accent) er, hello. David? let me check if he's still crying alone in the corner.

John - It's ok. i'll wait... la di da...

(Posh Spice can be heard shouting something about 'Tom & Jerry on the phone')

David Beckham - *sniff, sniff* 'Ello?

John - WAH! You got see the match or not?! We won FOUR JILO ah! I got score one ar!!! Some i CAPTAIN, you know...

David - *mumble, mumble, KNNCCB, sniff*

John - I TELL YOU ah, so beautiful my goal ah? You got TIVO the match or not?! Some more we play so good ah, you didn't play also very good...blah...blah...

David - *gripe, gripe, go-and-die-la-mcClaren-and-you, mumble, sniff*

John - Some more ah Greece EUROPEAN Champions ah, blah blah

David - *CLICK* (hangs up) *swears some more using the 4 Spanish swear words he knows*

****** (FIVE MINUTES LATER) *******

Posh Spice - DAVID, honey, are you still hiding under Brooklyn's bed sucking your thumb? Some bloke named Bitter Couch is on the phone...!

Why footballers don't return calls

Rio Ferdinand - I have to pee

Rooney - I will be away for the next 3 matches

Beckham: I have to go for my manicure and pedicure

Gary Neville: I have to polish Sir's car

Christina: I need to cry first

Pennant: I'm thirsty

Bellamy: My fist is sore

Fowler: I'm buying another 10 houses

Alan Shearer: I have to go develop a personality

Ashley Cole: I'm busy packing

The one whose name I'm not allowed to mention here: I'm on a long MC

Fergie: I'm too angry to talk

Wenger: I can't see your number

Moanrinho: What you talking about ? I'm the Special One. I don't call anyone. You call me!

pre-season liverpool bash #3

Don't be a smart-ass. It is still pre-season. I am hoping that the rest of the season does not turn out to be as drab as the game over the weekend. I was lucky to be in the company of a pleasant bird called Jameson, otherwise I would have fallen asleep.

In celebrating Liverpool's acheivement in the 'nobody really gives a shit' competition, and laughing at the hilariously named Aurelio, I have decided to post something about the legendary Scouse humour. You see, Scousers are known to be 'humourous' people, which actually translates to the rest of of as 'people with a sick sense of humour'.

It is good to note that some local Scousers thought it to be a good idea to emulate their heroes in the comments box for one of the posts below...

"at least Gerrard has lifted CL and FA Cup throphies before, unlike the ball-licker captain Gary Neville."

Let's go back to Maths class and learn to count, shall we?




And then I said :

*ahem* Gary Neville has won more trophies than any scouser in the present team, thank you very much

To which another funny scouser said:

yeah, including volleyball trophies

I don't really know about Volleyball trophies, but I sure as hell know who has more Mickey Mouse ones....

My Mantra for the week

It's only the Community Shield. I shall not gloat.
It's only the Community Shield. I shall not gloat.
It's only the Community Shield. I shall not gloat.
It's only the Community Shield. I shall not gloat.
It's only the Community Shield. I shall not gloat.
It's only the Community Shield. I shall not gloat.
It's only the Community Shield. I shall not gloat.
It's only the Community Shield. I shall not gloat.
It's only the Community Shield. I shall not gloat.
It's only the Community Shield. I shall not gloat.
It's only the Community Shield. I shall not gloat.
It's only the Community Shield. I shall not gloat.
It's only the Community Shield. I shall not gloat.
It's only the Community Shield. I shall not gloat.
It's only the Community Shield. I shall not gloat.

Teehee.

Singing Shearer

It's a slow, hot Tuesday afternoon. The flies buzz around, lazily rubbing their hands in glee.

Pfffbbbrrrttt!!

Here's a video of Shearer singing in his car.

Haha!

I *told* Vincent that Liverpool's gonna kick ass.

(the odds are good ... since eyeris is out of the country and all .. )

I sleepy. Ownself read k?

REMINDER: Season Opening Drinkalot!

Just a friendly reminder that it all begins again THIS WEEKEND....

HANTU BOLA CHARITY-NOT-COMMUNITY SHIELD DRINKALOT

Match: LIVERPOOL vs CHELSKI
Date: August 13
Time: 7:30pm onwards
Venue: SOULed Out, Sri Hartamas

As usual, sapa mau pegi, please comment so we know who's coming!

oh captain, my captain, your captain!

England fans say hello to the new captain.

The media made it sound like such a close run thing between Captain John Terry and Steven "I'm The Man" Gerrard for the captain's armband. In the end, I know why Steve McLaren didn't pick Gerrard.

It's those world famous 50-yard backpass / opponent's goal assists that Gerrard specialises in, you see.

Toodles

p.s. Don't forget SO this sunday, people. The Hantu Bola table will be near the big screen.

A Man Utd fan's pride

I'm proud to be a fan of the great Manchester United.

Yeah, so we did not really get it up to mark the past few seasons and all, but hey, no one is going to deny we have a really colourful history. Say all you want, but we are still the ONLY English club with the exclusive Treble.

What's that LiverPoo scums? No no no, stop lying to yourselves. This is the REAL Treble I'm talking about.

Yeah, most of you only wish you could have felt the joyous sensation we United fans felt seeing the drama and history our great club had achived winning the Treble within 10 days in the 1998-1999 season.

Yeah I could go on and on and on about how much we have achieved and so on but I really don't want to make other rival fans cry. I'll leave that to another day.

It's just that I find it amusing that while Man Utd fans in general couldn't care less about the performance and players of other teams, many of the other rival teams' fans like to write stuff against the great Man Utd. Well, to be honest, I don't mind that they do because it just means many people apart from the great Man Utd fans care about the club I respect. Why talk about another club unless you admire them too right? It's all about pride people. Pride.

So I sit back, relax, and let the other people talk about my club. After all, publicity is still publicity. :)

I end this prideful post with a quote;

Sir Matt Busby : Manchester is my Heaven.

Toon's New Formation

Yup. It's official. We will be using a new formation for this new Premiership season.

Below is a list of our first team players.

Goalkeeper - Shag Given

Defender - Tikus Bramble

Striker - Holy Amoeba

Midfielders - Bergowhatzit Emre, Scott Parker, Nicky Unfortunatesurname, Knobbly Solano, Albert Un-lucky, Kieron Alwaysinjured, Damien Duffyduck, James Milner

Formation?

1-8-1.

Be afraid. Be very afraid, you fuckers.

apa futsal-futsal?!

Now that the new EPL season is starting, it's time to get down to the real football.

Enough of this futsal shite. What do you think this place is, Hantu Futsal or Hantu Bola?

*ppphhhhhbbbbbrrrrrtttttt*

If anyone is interested in a bit of Yahoo! fantasy footy, go on and sign up. We even have a group created specially for Hantu Bola.

Group ID: 5566
Password: shebby

Toodles