Hi, my name is Mike. I seem to have broken some of my toys.
Maikrowaveoven
Apa Martini
Any Goatee
Joe Mutton
Mari Duka
Habebebe
Sudahambikpigi
Cake Apa
Alan Si Mit
Shy Baboon (Not really broken. Going to sell it to that nice boy next door.)
January 29, 2009
January 12, 2009
REFEREE BODOH
LINESMAN KAYU!!
BODOH BAHLUL!!
Never mind la we win 3-0. Chelsea sucks ass so bad it wasn't even funny. Micheal Ballocks and Obi Wan Kenobi played off the pitch by Darren FLETCHER!! DARREN FLETCHER!!!
But sohai linesman! This would have been the moment of the season by far!! PWNEDDDD TOTAL OWNAGE MAN! For the Scouse scum, here's a lesson in creativity you might need to learn..
Ronaldo's BACK!
Old man Giggs is BACK!
Rafa SENILE!
January 09, 2009
ESBN: Poor Ferrari.
TEROWONG TAK-SMART MANCHESTER: Men.United speedster Christina Doi Doi became part of another sort of statistic recently when he thumped a free k... er.. Ferrari into the wall of a tunnel near the Manchester airport.
The player was reportedly unhurt, but uncredible witnesses claim that the first thing that they saw him do right after the crash was to check the mirror to see if he was still beautiful. The mirror lied, as usual.
Reports that immedietely after the accident happened, three tow trucks, several Mat Rempits, and a mob of 4D-hunting kepoh Malaysian drivers appeared on the scene were unfounded. Malaysian police's highest authority were later seen discussing whether to request for a higher PR budget so they can include Doi Doi's face on their PR campaign for this Chinese New Year's Ops Sikap.
Mere hours after the accident, messages of sympathy came pouring in for the Doi Doi on Football365's Mailbox:
"Here's another chance for Ronaldo...ooh it's gone straight into the wall."
"...Just wondering when the cops showed up at the scene of the crash, was Ronaldo rolling around on the ground clutching his leg? "
Rumours that Lewis Hamilton was later seen driving sniggering past Ronaldo as the Doi Doi was walking home from training that day were unfounded.
December 30, 2008
top 10 quotes of the year
Because the other big sites have not released their version and I cannot rip it off them, I have taken the liberty of compiling my own list based on our HantuBola posts this year and to my best recollection...
10
"Everyone deserves a second chance. If this club allowed a player that spat in the face of an opponent to coach the team, then why not give Adriano another chance to play?" - We start with Jose Mourinho's classes on How to Lose Friends & Alienate People as he takes a pot shot at former Inter assistant and current Bologna manager Sinisa Mihajlovic who, while playing for Lazio in 2003 was suspended for 8 games for spitting at Chelsea's Adrian Mutu.
9
"I love my pink boots. I've wanted to play in that colour ever since I was young." - Nicklas Bendtner confuses football with bad fashion statement in a travesty rivalling Liverpool's white Armani suits
8
"I will never stay to live in England, that's for sure. You get only a brief glimpse of sunlight before it's all cloudy again. The winters are mild, but in summer the temperatures seldom go higher than 20 degrees. And it rains, rains, rains. In England, they say that Manchester is the city of rain. Its main attraction is considered to be the timetable at the railway station, where trains leave for other, less rainy cities" - Nemanja Vidic gives good travel advice to the readers of the Russian Football Weekly. He would go on deny that he ever said those nasty things. Obviously.
7
"No Steve, if Rafa leaves out Torres, he is not shooting himself in the foot. He is shooting himself in the head." - everybody's favourite pundit Shebby Singh arguing with Steve 'baldie' McMahon on Rafa's team selections for the Inter Milan game.
6
"I am not a big city man, I need my retreat - that is why I am often in Germany. Stuttgart is my second home, my friends are there and it is where I feel most comfortable," - Alex Hleb tells the world why he wants out of North London but conveniently forgets that Stuttgart is the 3rd largest city region in Germany - before going on to say, "There is a lot of speculation about me, and I will not be making statements on this and stirring it up further." Oops. Too late.
5
"Which one is Simon Bird (from The Daily Mirror)?"
"Me."
"You're a cunt." - Joe 'fuckin' Kinnear (JFK) starts his press conference/monologue which must surely hold some sort of record for 52 swear words in 3 minutes.
4
"Well, that's Sepp Blatter. 50 ideas a day, 51 of them bad." - our hero Shebby is on fire this year, talking about Sepp Blatter's idea of dealing with dangerous tackles by banning them for life and pressing charges against them.
3
"For the money Chelsea have paid for Anelka and the amount he earns in wages - believed to be almost £90,000 per week - they would have been within their rights to send him on as Coco the Clown and expect him to take a penalty." - Columnist for The Observer, Paul Wilson on Le Sulk whining about not being prepared to take THE losing penalty.
2
"We know that Arsene Wenger likes the look of Arshavin. But I like the look of Angelina Jolie and it doesn't always mean you get what you want." - Andrei Arshavin's agent, Dennis Lachter shares with the class his intimate fantasies.
1
"Do you think it's a lack of respect when for three months, a coach studies Italian four or five hours per day so when he arrives for the first time in a new country he can speak with fans and journalists in their language? After five years in England, Ranieri still had trouble saying 'good afternoon' and 'good morning.' - Jose Mourinho after he was criticized for 'lack of respect' by the media for letting his assistant Giuseppe Baresi attend a post match press conference in his place. Best quote of the year by far.
10
"Everyone deserves a second chance. If this club allowed a player that spat in the face of an opponent to coach the team, then why not give Adriano another chance to play?" - We start with Jose Mourinho's classes on How to Lose Friends & Alienate People as he takes a pot shot at former Inter assistant and current Bologna manager Sinisa Mihajlovic who, while playing for Lazio in 2003 was suspended for 8 games for spitting at Chelsea's Adrian Mutu.
9
"I love my pink boots. I've wanted to play in that colour ever since I was young." - Nicklas Bendtner confuses football with bad fashion statement in a travesty rivalling Liverpool's white Armani suits
8
"I will never stay to live in England, that's for sure. You get only a brief glimpse of sunlight before it's all cloudy again. The winters are mild, but in summer the temperatures seldom go higher than 20 degrees. And it rains, rains, rains. In England, they say that Manchester is the city of rain. Its main attraction is considered to be the timetable at the railway station, where trains leave for other, less rainy cities" - Nemanja Vidic gives good travel advice to the readers of the Russian Football Weekly. He would go on deny that he ever said those nasty things. Obviously.
7
"No Steve, if Rafa leaves out Torres, he is not shooting himself in the foot. He is shooting himself in the head." - everybody's favourite pundit Shebby Singh arguing with Steve 'baldie' McMahon on Rafa's team selections for the Inter Milan game.
6
"I am not a big city man, I need my retreat - that is why I am often in Germany. Stuttgart is my second home, my friends are there and it is where I feel most comfortable," - Alex Hleb tells the world why he wants out of North London but conveniently forgets that Stuttgart is the 3rd largest city region in Germany - before going on to say, "There is a lot of speculation about me, and I will not be making statements on this and stirring it up further." Oops. Too late.
5
"Which one is Simon Bird (from The Daily Mirror)?"
"Me."
"You're a cunt." - Joe 'fuckin' Kinnear (JFK) starts his press conference/monologue which must surely hold some sort of record for 52 swear words in 3 minutes.
4
"Well, that's Sepp Blatter. 50 ideas a day, 51 of them bad." - our hero Shebby is on fire this year, talking about Sepp Blatter's idea of dealing with dangerous tackles by banning them for life and pressing charges against them.
3
"For the money Chelsea have paid for Anelka and the amount he earns in wages - believed to be almost £90,000 per week - they would have been within their rights to send him on as Coco the Clown and expect him to take a penalty." - Columnist for The Observer, Paul Wilson on Le Sulk whining about not being prepared to take THE losing penalty.
2
"We know that Arsene Wenger likes the look of Arshavin. But I like the look of Angelina Jolie and it doesn't always mean you get what you want." - Andrei Arshavin's agent, Dennis Lachter shares with the class his intimate fantasies.
1
"Do you think it's a lack of respect when for three months, a coach studies Italian four or five hours per day so when he arrives for the first time in a new country he can speak with fans and journalists in their language? After five years in England, Ranieri still had trouble saying 'good afternoon' and 'good morning.' - Jose Mourinho after he was criticized for 'lack of respect' by the media for letting his assistant Giuseppe Baresi attend a post match press conference in his place. Best quote of the year by far.
December 29, 2008
Steven Jialat so macho wor
29/12/2008 15:56
According to BBC News, Liverpool and England talisman Steven Gerrard has today been arrested by police.
At 2:30 AM this morning, an incident occurred in a pub in Southport, with Gerrard arrested following an alleged assault.
A 34-year-old man ended up in hospital with facial injuries.
Six men have been detained, including the footballer, having been arrested near the pub after the unsavoury event. The ages of the detained men, who come from Huyton, Formby and Litherland, range from 18 to 33.
Having spent the remainder of the night behind bars, Gerrard is reportedly being quizzed by Merseyside Police, who would only say: "We are investigating an assault in the early hours of the morning on Lord Street.
"Officers detained six people on suspicion of Section 20 assault."
A Section 20 is 'Wounding & Assault causing Grievous Bodily Harm'.
Gerrard's exact involvement in the incident remains unclear. He was hours earlier Liverpool's hero, having helped the Reds with two goals and an incredible performance to spearhead the 5-1 destruction of Newcastle United, which kept his side top of the Premier League as 2008 draws to a close, for the first time in several years now looking like genuine contenders for the coveted crown.
Greg Ptolomey, Goal.com
Footnote: Rumour that Robbie Fowler was somehow involved was totally unfounded.
Breaking News: Liverpool Skipper Steven Gerrard Arrested
Apparently, just hours after an heroic performance, the Liverpool hero has had one of his darkest hours as a footballer and now finds himself in jail...
At 2:30 AM this morning, an incident occurred in a pub in Southport, with Gerrard arrested following an alleged assault.
A 34-year-old man ended up in hospital with facial injuries.
Six men have been detained, including the footballer, having been arrested near the pub after the unsavoury event. The ages of the detained men, who come from Huyton, Formby and Litherland, range from 18 to 33.
Having spent the remainder of the night behind bars, Gerrard is reportedly being quizzed by Merseyside Police, who would only say: "We are investigating an assault in the early hours of the morning on Lord Street.
"Officers detained six people on suspicion of Section 20 assault."
A Section 20 is 'Wounding & Assault causing Grievous Bodily Harm'.
Gerrard's exact involvement in the incident remains unclear. He was hours earlier Liverpool's hero, having helped the Reds with two goals and an incredible performance to spearhead the 5-1 destruction of Newcastle United, which kept his side top of the Premier League as 2008 draws to a close, for the first time in several years now looking like genuine contenders for the coveted crown.
Greg Ptolomey, Goal.com
Footnote: Rumour that Robbie Fowler was somehow involved was totally unfounded.
December 26, 2008
Singapore Beats The Sh!t out of Vietnam
Off the field, I mean.
Sore losers burn Vietnamese flag and beat up rival supporters after second leg semi-final loss to Vietnam
Sore losers burn Vietnamese flag and beat up rival supporters after second leg semi-final loss to Vietnam
Taken from redsports.sg
National Stadium, Sunday, December 21, 2008 - Some Singaporeans showed last night what idiots they were when they criminally attacked Vietnamese supporters who were celebrating outside the stadium after the game, leaving some with bloodied faces.
Singapore lost 0-1 last night in the second leg semi-final of the ASEAN Football Championship against Vietnam and for some ‘fans’, it was apparently too much to bear.
December 22, 2008
best team in the planet
Oooo oooo did you hear?
PHHRROOOAAHHHHH!!!
Don't play play....itu Liverpoo pun tarak menang...
*gloat gloat gloat gloat gloat*
MABOK BOLA IS BACK!
Look, we don't really blog much and stuff these days but we still do drink a lot.
This Boxing Day, we are going to do what we do best - watch football while drinking a lot.
Date: Boxing Day
Place : The Magnificent Fish & Chips Shop, Changkat Bukit Bintang (opposite Frangipani)
Time: 9pm till drunk
I can confirm that a bottle of Belvedere (or Glenfidich, I haven't decided yet) shall be in attendance, as well as the usual Ms Jamesons.
If you are interested, leave us a message in the comments box or drop us a line at hantubola@gmail.com.
And for the uninitiated, this is NOT a bloggers' meet okay. Cameras are strictly prohibited. Leave your SLRs or IXUS at home. Any joker turning up with a camera will turned away and be called a blogger (which is pretty insulting, really).
Considering the fact that we are in fact a bunch of lazy idiots, we would like to reiterate as usual, that we are ALWAYS looking for good contributors, who are capable of funny posts or have a natural born talent of being able to piss the shit out of other people.
If you are interested, or know somebody who is up to the task, please write to us at hantubola@gmail.com, stating your name (or pseudonym) and affiliation. We will then give you a 'writen' exam, since we need to preserve the crappiness of this website. Remember, we are looking for people who take the piss of others and annoy green fanta children. If we were looking for long insightful (and inoffensive) articles, we would be reading Soccernet or something.
Last but not least, I know how annoying this fella is to you people, and this is a fucking awesome picture, so here we go again:
WORLD CHAMPIONS!
BEST TEAM IN THE PLANET!
BEST TEAM IN THE PLANET!
PHHRROOOAAHHHHH!!!
Don't play play....itu Liverpoo pun tarak menang...
*gloat gloat gloat gloat gloat*
MABOK BOLA IS BACK!
Look, we don't really blog much and stuff these days but we still do drink a lot.
This Boxing Day, we are going to do what we do best - watch football while drinking a lot.
Date: Boxing Day
Place : The Magnificent Fish & Chips Shop, Changkat Bukit Bintang (opposite Frangipani)
Time: 9pm till drunk
I can confirm that a bottle of Belvedere (or Glenfidich, I haven't decided yet) shall be in attendance, as well as the usual Ms Jamesons.
If you are interested, leave us a message in the comments box or drop us a line at hantubola@gmail.com.
And for the uninitiated, this is NOT a bloggers' meet okay. Cameras are strictly prohibited. Leave your SLRs or IXUS at home. Any joker turning up with a camera will turned away and be called a blogger (which is pretty insulting, really).
Considering the fact that we are in fact a bunch of lazy idiots, we would like to reiterate as usual, that we are ALWAYS looking for good contributors, who are capable of funny posts or have a natural born talent of being able to piss the shit out of other people.
If you are interested, or know somebody who is up to the task, please write to us at hantubola@gmail.com, stating your name (or pseudonym) and affiliation. We will then give you a 'writen' exam, since we need to preserve the crappiness of this website. Remember, we are looking for people who take the piss of others and annoy green fanta children. If we were looking for long insightful (and inoffensive) articles, we would be reading Soccernet or something.
Last but not least, I know how annoying this fella is to you people, and this is a fucking awesome picture, so here we go again:
December 01, 2008
ESBN: Ultraman Kembali Lagi!
MANCHESTER: In a game that no one else is interested in besides people in Manchester and kids drinking green fanta, the Manchester derby was won by the Men.United team, despite having Doi Doi Ronaldo sent off for trying to Ultraman the ball into the goal.Reports that Man City keeper Joe Hart-to-beat-from-the-halfway-line later tried to destroy downtown Tokyo in a rubber monster suit was unfounded at press time.
In other news, Invinsible Ruski footy team Chelski lost their er... TWO-game unbeaten EPL streak to the Arsenal No-One-Between 23-30 team on Sunday, as Robbing Van Persie robbed Chelski of all the points with a wonderful offside goal.
Over in the other part of London, Lotsofham Hotsoup went down to an Everton team who are so poor that Piennar had to share jerseys with Leon Osman. And another london club, Fulofham continued their quest to become the first team to survive relegation without scoring or letting in a single goal throughout the season.
November 14, 2008
November 08, 2008
Thank you, fank you, spank you Gooners - Part 2
Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, Robbie Fowler slipped one up an Algerian girl and knocked her up.
Many, many years later, the son, who looks just like Fowler, grew up to be a footballer too.
And tonight, Samir Nasri-Fowler did his father proud by scoring two against his father's most hated team.
Thank you Fowler for not pulling out in time.
Many, many years later, the son, who looks just like Fowler, grew up to be a footballer too.
And tonight, Samir Nasri-Fowler did his father proud by scoring two against his father's most hated team.
Thank you Fowler for not pulling out in time.
November 05, 2008
November 02, 2008
lelaki mantap
Macam mana kamu olang all mau memang itu Liga Unggul? Boleh kalah sama itu skum....Lu olang bikin stiap kali boleh kasi last minute memang kah? Sudah manyak kali la...Skrang padan muka banyak banyak kasi ini Judas memang..
Hahahahahihihi...
Hahahahahihihi...
hihihaha!
Tee hee.
Tee hee hee.
Mwahahahahahahah!!!
I really just want to say one thing:
Fai ji-lo! Fai ji-lo! Fai ji-lo! Fai ji-lo! Fai ji-lo!
That was actually five things, kan?
Tee hee hee.
Mwahahahahahahah!!!
I really just want to say one thing:
Fai ji-lo! Fai ji-lo! Fai ji-lo! Fai ji-lo! Fai ji-lo!
That was actually five things, kan?
CIBAI #4395382495300
MCH. I hate Harry Redknapp.
What, Spurs made their bloody crossbar and goalpost bigger than normal is it? Hit the post SO MANY FUCKING TIMES. CIBAI.
FUCK. At least it was an AWAY game. CIBAI.
What, Spurs made their bloody crossbar and goalpost bigger than normal is it? Hit the post SO MANY FUCKING TIMES. CIBAI.
FUCK. At least it was an AWAY game. CIBAI.
October 27, 2008
ALONSO! ALONSO! ALONSO!
BUAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
*breathe breathe*
BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!
Unbeaten home record?
WHAT unbeaten home record?
BUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!
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