Terrorists strike AGAIN!!

London, 11 April - Just days after the ghastly terrorist attacks in Liverpool that claimed the dignity and subjected the once proud 'oh-i-am-so-great-in-europe' Scousers to a humiliating defeat, the Blue Russian terrorist cell (Chelsea branch) has struck yet again!

This time, striking on home soil, the Blue Russians went about on the offensive and quickly racked up 4 frags against their victims who claim to be from the Bolton area. Unfortunately, these victims had no where near the street smarts of their more illustrious Manchester neighbours, and stood almost no chance.

However, even after the 4 frags, the Blue Russians kept going on the offensive and deployed their suicide bombers. However, as good hired help is hard to come by these days, the same can be said of good mercenaries. Among the mercenaries deployed included an ever sulking Frenchman and a short Brazilian-Portugese nationalised dunce. The Blue Russians were on self destruct mode and the suicide bombers managed to accomplish their mission of detonating 3 bombs, however the only losses were suffered on the Blue Russian side.

That hilarious bumbling will no doubt be cheered with false hope in Liverpool as the Scouse Scum look to retribution for the earlier attack on their base, by trying to draw up comparisons to some mythical fairytale in Istanbul. When pressed for comment, the Scouse supreme leader Rafael was quoted as saying, "This is not false hope. This is real hope. William Wallace did not suffer permanent damage to his groin from the atomic wedgie. We shall have retribution!"

When contacted by HBBN, an intelligent source who refuses to be name, was said to be anticipating another terrorist attack by the Blue Russian cell on Tuesday night, but hopes that this time, they would not deploy their suicide bombers.

REFEREE BODOH

LINESMAN KAYU!!

BODOH BAHLUL!!

Never mind la we win 3-0. Chelsea sucks ass so bad it wasn't even funny. Micheal Ballocks and Obi Wan Kenobi played off the pitch by Darren FLETCHER!! DARREN FLETCHER!!!



But sohai linesman! This would have been the moment of the season by far!! PWNEDDDD TOTAL OWNAGE MAN! For the Scouse scum, here's a lesson in creativity you might need to learn..



Ronaldo's BACK!

Old man Giggs is BACK!

Rafa SENILE!

The Second-Greatest Crybaby in English Football is a Big Man

UNITED STATES OF INGERLUND: John Terry proudly proclaimed that he is a 'BIG GAME PLAYER' after not taking any penalties for Ingerlund in their 2-0 win against the United Soccerplayers Association.

Terry also scored a goal in what is the most insignificant international game of the season. Rumours that Terry will now be taking all his future penalties with his head while jumping (to avoid slipping), were unfounded at press time.

After the game, the second-greatest crybaby in English football said, "I've shown that I'm a big man. I take full responsibility for what happened in Moscow but I'm a man for the big games and I've shown that."

He sure didn't seem THAT big in Moscow lor...

Liverpool Defender Anelka Saves Shot From Bolton Striker Anelka!

LIVERPOOL: Nicolas Anelka showed why Liverpool should hire him back as a defender when he cleared a shot by himself into the side-netting midway through Bolton's 4-0 defeat at Anfield.

Bolton striker Nicolas Anelka had the open goal at his mercy after Liverpool keeper Pepet Reina decided to give Jamie "Broken Ribs" Carragher a friendly hug midway through the game, but Liverpool defender Anelka managed to force the Bolton striker Anelka to shoot into the side-netting, endearing him to the Anfield crowd.

At the other end, Liverpool striker Sami "Fastpoke" Hyypia managed to show that he is actually faster than Liverpool defender Sami "Slowpoke" Hyypia by scoring the first goal in the game. Fernando "9-goals-more-than-Malouda" Torres scored the second goal later to set two liverpool fans dreaming of free bottles of whiskeys. Gerrard and Babel added two more goals in the end to set EPL fans wondering how the fuck Men.United lost to this lot.

In other news, John Terry and Luis Boa Morte suck each other's thumbs.