July 17, 2009

You'll Never Walk On The Red Carpet Alone

After the Jolie-Pitts and Clive Owen, Samuel L Jackson has also revealed that he is a die-hard LFC fan.







Samuel L Jackson proudly displays his Liverpool shirt at the Annual ESPY sports ceremony at Los Angeles which baffles most Americans who have no clue about soccer apart from the fact that David Beckham is Tom Cruise's secret lover and Cristiano Ronaldo was dumped by Paris Hilton for being sissy.

Jackson also revealed that he has been a fan of Liverpool eversince he starred in the 2001 Brit Flick, The 51st State, which was shot at Merseyside, where his character Elmo McElroy takes in a Liverpool-Manchester United clash.

Source: Daily Mail of course.

July 16, 2009

Burger Wenger Special Tambah Clichy satu, boss!

Encouraged by Liverpool's attempts to earn extra cash by branching out to other businesses, Arsenal decide to start their own entrepreneurial program...



Mmmm.... Burger Wenger Double Extra Clichy, anyone?



TQ... AND COME AGAIN.. BYE..

Tis a season for brochures



















And the winner is:


See more at redcafe.net, if you haven't already.

July 11, 2009

Why Adebayor is the hottest transfer target this summer

* Emmanuel Adebayor is one of the most feared, dangerous and fertile strikers in Europe.

* .... has a chance-to-goal ratio of 0.0045, bettered by only 453 players last season

* He is a tender and considerate lover

* Emmanuel Adebayor is a 20th century football icon. He is the most famous man in Togo and many women want to bear his children.

* His reputation as a warrior/gladiator has been earned through outstanding displays of both skill and physical courage.

* Emmanuel believes in God and puts his success down to his faith but does not blame God when he misses an easy chance in front of a goal.

*Brand Value: Fragrant, machine-washable, exotic, backwards compatible, definitely not lazy, afraid of ghosts.

* He is ultra professional, never late for training, extremely good at dancing which makes other people laugh, popular with all team mates (although a natural aversion to Danes comes with all Togonian footballers) and a true ambassador of the game.

If you want more information on how to Adebayorise your team, read here. Seriously a hoot, to quote Jeeves.

July 09, 2009

Owen on Gerrard

“It was the same when I met [Liverpool and England midfielder] Steven Gerrard. I had an opportunity to have a conversation with him and I was tongue-tied. I’ve met the biggest actors and actresses in the world and I’m easy and comfortable but give me Gerrard and I’m in trouble.“

Clive Owen in GQ magazine.

Phwoar.


Real man shops at a sports shop dressed in blue jeans and track top.


Of course, the Jolie-Pitts are also Liverpool fans.

July 07, 2009

Ehmmm...

Darren Farley, the internet sensation, impersonates Steven Gerrard to a tee, complete with the 'ehmm', the turning of the head, the frown and the sniff.



Chekidaut his Beckham and Rooney impersonation. Hilarious!

July 06, 2009

heheheheh


Does the red ranger look familiar or what? Hands up how many people think Malcolm Glazer is getting ready to tap into kiddie merchandising or a syndicated cartoon series?

Lee Dixon & The Greatest Own Goal EVAR!

Nothing to do with recent events, but this was way too awesome NOT to post...

Behold, the greatest OWN goal EVER!



I only have one question... What THE FUCK was he trying to DO????

July 05, 2009

seriously...

It's kinda difficult to be serious these days, when everything is plain MENTAL.

80 million pounds for a boy. In a one-off payment. No progressive payments, no installment, no misc bonuses. Just 80 million in cold, hard cash.

Then you have Spain, losing and fuck, getting outplayed by America. Fucking U-S-A. Iniesta and Xavi getting fucked in midfield. To who, again!?!

Ananda wanting to buy Newcastle?!

Owen to Manyoo............what the fuck is going on in the world???


The last mental transfer we ever had before this was Tevez and Mascherano to fucking WEST HAM, but that was about it!!



But okay, to be serious....

Owen on a free transfer, why not? And on only 50K a week? Sure! 50K a week is nothing these days...even John O Shea is on 50K a week. We have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

And I said it then, I say it again...80 million for Ronaldo is good business. Who cares if he is worth 30 goals a season? Who cares if in hindsight we find out that we can't sign anybody. NOBODY is worth 80 million. Up front. In cash. In a one-off payment.

To be honest, I never fancied Owen. Partly because he played for Liverpool. Partly because the first time I saw him play, he got sent off against Manyoo. And partly because Shebby proudly declared on Astro Supersport all those years ago that, "Owen doesn't dribble the ball. He kicks the ball and runs after it."

You know that goal against Argentina in the World Cup? The one when Beckham got screwed over? I never found anything that special about it. It was good. But great?! Never. If you watch it again, you would find that the defence was just rubbish. He runs past the central midfielder, and then soon finds himself face to face with the centreback, who instead of holding his ground, sells himself and lets Owen cut past. And then when it should be a difficult shot from a tight angle, the stupid keeper comes off his line to close him down when there are 2 defenders tracking back.

So, Owen. Good player. Not great, but acceptable.

Before you people go on gloating or complaining...just a quick history lesson.

In the summer of 1995, Fergie sold Mark Hughes, Paul Ince and Andrei Kanchelski. He replaced them with Scholes, Beckham, Butt and Gary Neville. A famous scouser called Alan Hansen would then go on to say one of the most infamous words in football history - "You'll never win anything with kids"

Can you still hear Martin Tyler scream "MACHEDDAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"??

Two years later, Eric Cantona retired. Fergie replaced him with an old washed up Englishman called Teddy Sheringham.

Remember how that turned out?

July 04, 2009

And so it has happened...



Michael Owen converts to the right club



Please share with us if you are a:

a. pissed ManYoo fan

b. pissed Liverpoo fan

c. shocked football fan

d. I-don't-give-a-damn-fan

July 03, 2009

Toon Buyer

Malaysians in Toon

BBC Radio Newcastle reported on Thursday evening that Newcastle United Managing Director, Derek Llambias, was showing representatives of a Malaysian bidder round the club earlier in the day.

This is a new prospective buyer, so far unmentioned in press reports, and no more is known about the consortium behind the bid.

Taken from www.nufc.com

= = =

Little Mikey Owen going to Manure? Poor Lils.

July 02, 2009

Why Shir Sean Shays 'No'

Once upon a time; in a faraway land where the sun hardly shines; a long, long time ago; back when Men.United fans weren't even born yet; and when men were still men; pink flowers only adorned the ears of a comely woman and pink t-shirts and trousers were only worn by girls who watch Grease;  something happened.

The year was 1952. Datuk Mohamad Busby saw Sean Connery playing football for the theatre troupe he was working for and offered him a place in the Men.United squad for a whopping £25 a week immediately after the game.

After giving the matter a serious thought for about 3 seconds, Sean gave his answer. 'I"m shorry Tok Mat. Tis a very generoush offer. But I cannae, cannae, simply cannae play for a poofter club. I dinnae wannae be one of your Babes. I wannae be Bond. Jamesh Bond." 

Who could blame him? Jaguh Kampung vs James Bond / Indiana Jones father? No contest really.

"Beshides, Sheltic is the besh football club ever. All football greats eventually play there."

There. A lesson in Men.United history from a die-hard Liverpool fan. 

June 26, 2009

Public Service Announcement

  • Are you eyeing that shiny new phone you desire, but don't have enough moolah to purchase it?
  • Or don't have enough cash to purchase that nice pink bra you always wanted to make your man take notice of you?
  • Perhaps you have a dream of buying the entire Newcattle United team and renaming them to Stripy Bananas In Jerseys?

Well whatever you do, DO NOT approach the "financial instituition" below!!!

...

..

.


It's a SCUM SCAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

They don't have any money y'know.

By the way, kami bukan Ah-Long, kami cuma mau tolong....

Sekian terima kasih

June 22, 2009

Newcastle's Super Duper Powderful Plan

EXCLUSIVE: Newcastle United have just unveiled their superduperpowderful plan to win the 09/10 Fizzy Pop Championship in their bid to gain promotion back to the Premier League.

Fat Mike Ashley was stuffing his face with pies watching Monty Phyton reruns last Sunday evening when he had an epiphany.

"Wor fack mee... Eef I cannae beat 'em oppositioning teams wit skill an' speed, we're gonnae beat 'em by makin' 'em piss themself laffin'."

FMA picked up the phone and called the Bangla kid working in Adidas' sweatshop in China.

And the result.....

TADAAA!!!

Tayls painful grin says it all, really.

June 17, 2009

The Walk of Shame

The day after the night before,  when Ronaldo only left Paris Hilton's house at 5am (according to reliable sources at Daily Mail, News of the World and whoateallthepies)


Pesanan dari penaja: Amalkan pemakaian condom bila bergiat dalam aktiviti seks rambang dengan skanks.

*************

In other news, Rio has become Ronaldo. *gasp*


 Bizarre:
Rio Ferdinand shows his feminine side
in a tiny pair of denim shorts and minuscule cropped top as he holidays in Israel
Source: Daily Mail