EXCLUSIVE: Newcastle United have just unveiled their superduperpowderful plan to win the 09/10 Fizzy Pop Championship in their bid to gain promotion back to the Premier League.
Fat Mike Ashley was stuffing his face with pies watching Monty Phyton reruns last Sunday evening when he had an epiphany.
"Wor fack mee... Eef I cannae beat 'em oppositioning teams wit skill an' speed, we're gonnae beat 'em by makin' 'em piss themself laffin'."
FMA picked up the phone and called the Bangla kid working in Adidas' sweatshop in China.
And the result.....