Faggot!

Don't just take my word for it. Take Usain Bolt's.


Usain Bolt, however, was less circumspect, branding Ronaldo a "wuss". The double Olympic sprint champion is due to give United a training session on 16 May before their penultimate game of the season against Arsenal. "The first thing I'm going to tell him: stop acting like a wuss," he said. "Seriously, because the fact why his game is kind of down right now is because these guys are picking on him because he's so soft. No one in football will try it with Rooney. Ronaldo's got to be a little like Rooney, he's got to be aggressive, then these guys will stop picking on him. If Ronaldo's aggressive back to these guys, and gets a few red cards, people will stop picking on him." (From Guardian UK)

Need more proof? Check this out.



Manchester United footballer Cristiano Ronaldo was spotted wearing another flamboyant outfit while out on a shopping spree on Friday.

He was seen in a tight leather jacket and polo neck, skinny jeans tucked into army boots with the laces undone and a diamond-encrusted belt.

It was the latest in a series of looks in which he has flirted with his feminine side.

Full Story: Ronaldo camps it up again, wearing tight fitting clothes while shopping.

No wonder Old Fart Fergit dropped him.

Terrorists strike AGAIN!!

London, 11 April - Just days after the ghastly terrorist attacks in Liverpool that claimed the dignity and subjected the once proud 'oh-i-am-so-great-in-europe' Scousers to a humiliating defeat, the Blue Russian terrorist cell (Chelsea branch) has struck yet again!

This time, striking on home soil, the Blue Russians went about on the offensive and quickly racked up 4 frags against their victims who claim to be from the Bolton area. Unfortunately, these victims had no where near the street smarts of their more illustrious Manchester neighbours, and stood almost no chance.

However, even after the 4 frags, the Blue Russians kept going on the offensive and deployed their suicide bombers. However, as good hired help is hard to come by these days, the same can be said of good mercenaries. Among the mercenaries deployed included an ever sulking Frenchman and a short Brazilian-Portugese nationalised dunce. The Blue Russians were on self destruct mode and the suicide bombers managed to accomplish their mission of detonating 3 bombs, however the only losses were suffered on the Blue Russian side.

That hilarious bumbling will no doubt be cheered with false hope in Liverpool as the Scouse Scum look to retribution for the earlier attack on their base, by trying to draw up comparisons to some mythical fairytale in Istanbul. When pressed for comment, the Scouse supreme leader Rafael was quoted as saying, "This is not false hope. This is real hope. William Wallace did not suffer permanent damage to his groin from the atomic wedgie. We shall have retribution!"

When contacted by HBBN, an intelligent source who refuses to be name, was said to be anticipating another terrorist attack by the Blue Russian cell on Tuesday night, but hopes that this time, they would not deploy their suicide bombers.

Terrorist attack in Liverpool

Liverpool, April 9 - 11 men wearing Blue t-shirts and shorts were reported to have been seen terrorising 11 men in red shirts at Anfield stadium last night, and have been arrested on the charge of terrorism and child abuse. Their mastermind, Mr Guus Hiddink is still at large.

It is believed that this ghastly act was funded by the Russians in trying to impose the power of the Red Army upon the Western world. Ironically, the men carrying out these attacks on behalf of the Russian Red Army (not to be confused with the Liverpool and Manchester affiliations) were dressed in blue.

Police have identified the 11 men involved in the attack late last night:

Mr Petr Cech
Mr Branislav Ivanovic
Mr Ashley Cole
Mr John Terry
Mr Alex
Mr Michael Essien
Mr Michael Ballack
Mr Florent Malouda
Mr Salomon Kalou
Mr Didier Drogba

Earlier reports that former tennis world number 1 and part time supermodel, Ana Ivanovic was one of the chief culprits in this cowardly attack has been ruled out as false, and nothing more than a mere fabrication by online bloggers. The real culprit was identified as Mr Branislav Ivanovic, although nothing much else is known about him at present time. Police are still trying to figure out how such an unknown character managed to cripple a foolproof Zonal Marking system.

Local gangster and playground bully, Steve Gerrard was also reported to have suffered a groin injury after the attacks. Rumours that the injury was caused when one of the terrorists, a big and burly African gave him an atomic wedgie with his leopard print underwear still remain as an unsubstantiated claim.

More reports and reactions to follow....



*idea shameless copied from some bloke on FB

BAH.

Never mind.
We'll go to Stamford Bridge,
And we'll beat them 3-0!
MUAHAHAHA.

(though I'd rather they just give up on the bloody Big Cup and concentrate on pushing Manure all the way in the EPL...)

So...

... if 4-1 stands for 4 points ahead with one game in hand, what do 0-2 and 5-0 stand for? Volleyball scores? LOL

Fook

Chelshite again???

Aaack.

Oh well, let's hope they continue to fuck each other.

And don't forget, them Scousers would even steal their own manager's chair.

So be afraid, very afraid.

ESBN NEWS FLASH! Men.United Acquires New Malaysian Player!

SOMEWHERE IN MANCHESTER, OR POSSIBLY KUCHING: Not long after the club generously let Liverpool steal four of their hubcaps on Saturday, All-American Footsy Club Menchesthair United pulled off one of the greatest transfer coups of all time, snapping up a Malaysian better known for other sorts of balls rather than actually kicking a ball.

In yet another stroke of genius, the club has also apparently decided to use the player in a simultaneous goalkeeper/outfield player position, seeing as current keeper Edwin Van The Suck was more fascinated in watching the ball go in the net on Saturday than he was in saving it.

This technical outfield advancement follows their previous success in incorporating volleyball into the game, and underlines Menchesthair.United's desire to bring the game forward. Reports that Sepp Bladder was considering incorporating this new move into FIFA's rules were unfounded at press time.

Now behold, Men.United's new Malaysian player!



In addition to the bonus of having a fehmes blogger in their team, Menchesthair.United can also celebrate the induction of yet another bandwagonist fan into their midst, this time pinching one of Chelsea's:



And in other news, and also in the spirit of flogging a dead horse or merely pretending to be a broken record, there have been rumors that Real Madrid are preparing a lawsuit against Men.United for allegedly refusing to return their players after Saturday's game.

However, this accusation has apparently been shot down. According to Men.United fan extraordinaire Vincent, the accusation that their team had pinched Madrid's players for the game was absurd.

In his own words, "Don't be silly. Real Madrid didn't score."

See, the thing is...

You may have won the Mickey Mouse Cup

Heck, you may win all the cups in the world

But we would still celebrate like we've won our 6th CL

because the fact remains:

Liverpool not only won the double (hoo yeah)

but also stole all your hubcabs at Old Trafford!!

Besides, our captain and strikers are better looking.





And Ronaldo would always be gay.





Ngehehehehehehe.:D

Bellified Beckham Babes

So the man who can cross a ball is leaving MLS for Serie A. Apparently his fans in the USA will be sad. As will all his groupies babes. Beerbelly-fied groupie babes.


I can see a movie coming out soon. As a tribute to the man who can cross a ball. Who needs to start thinking of retirement in a few years. Buncit like Beckham.

I guess that is what happens when you go on a burger and beer diet.

Photo stolen from the Beebs.

The mother of all comebacks?

OK, by know you guys should know what happened yesterday. But according to some report, check out the beauty of the exchange below...

Ronaldo: You're a rubbish footballer.

Taylor: At least I'm not ugly.

Ronaldo: But you're a rubbish footballer.

Taylor: I know, but you're still ugly.

The mother of all comebacks? LOL. No wonder he plays for Newcattle.

Pretty Ugly Cry Baby

Apparently, Christina Ronaldo cried bitter tears after being called 'uglier than Alan Smith' by Toon's Steven Taylor. 

In fact, he was so inconsolable that Steve Bennet and Rio Ferdinand had to send him to a Turkish Bath to stop the irritating crying and whining.

Eleh.

Some people ah, win Mickey Mouse Cup pun so excited. Kasihan. 

Liverpool got the Jolie-Pitts supporting us also tak kecoh. 

See the cap?

See the t-shirt?

Pfft. 

Maybe they'll adopt Ngok next. Heh.

Oh yippee

Alllrrrriiighhht....we won the Mickey Mouse cup.....awesomee...you guys sure must be jealous....bwhahahahaa.....i'm so excited we won yet another cup....hurray...this cup final is sure worth it even though it was 120 minutes looong loonggg...at least we have till next week to pl....

WHAT??!!?? Newcattle on Wednesday??!! Shite, now I'm scared.

ESBN: Sco Long, And Thanks For All the Points!

SOME BRIDGE IN LONDON IS FALLING DOWN: Russian footy club Chelski have given up on their dream to win the FIFA World Cup after they sacked World-Cup-Winning manager Luis Phillipa Sorrylar after seven months at Stamford Bridge.

In a statement by the club, some skank named Chelsea said "The board would like to place on record our gratitude for his time as manager."

Eyeris would also like to place on record his gratitude for the generosity Scolari showed Liverpool in gifting them a win at the expense of Chelski's LOOOOOOONG unbeaten home record, a feat that counts as one of the Brazilian's greatest achievements at the club. Other achievements include selling his best left back and the player whom the club's stadium is named after to Manchester Next-Chelsea, and buying a lazy midfielder solely for Decorative purposes.

Rumours that Harry Redknapp was eyeing the vacancy at Stamford Bridge because "If I would leave Spurs for any other club, it would be Chelski", were unfounded at press time.

what the fuck are you guys doing?

In wake of the economic problems everywhere, bankers are the new lawyers. Taking the piss out of them seems to be the in thing to do, and I just heard this joke the other day:

Two bankers are walking down a street. They chance upon a lump of shit. The experienced banker says to the inexperienced banker, "I will pay you $50,000 to eat all that shit." The inexperienced banker thinks about it for a while, eats the shit and the experienced banker writes him a cheque for $50,000.

Naturally, the experienced banker is a little sore, but they continue their journey anyway. Further down the road, they chance upon another lump of shit. The inexperienced guy, feeling guilty that his friend just lost all that money, offers his companion a chance to make back his money, "I will pay you $50,000 to eat all that shit.". The experienced guy jumps at the chance, eats all that shit, and the inexperienced guy writes him a cheque for $50,000.

As they continue down the road, realisation hits and the inexperienced banker asks, "Hey, I don't get it. We both ate shit, was richer or poorer by $50,000 for a few minutes, but in the end we are back to where we were in the first place. I don't get it. Why did we have to eat all that shit?" "Ah, my young padawan," the experienced banker says, "but did you realise that we were involved in $100,000 worth of trade??"

---

The point is...

First Jermaine Defoe,

Then Pascal Chimbonda,

Now Robbie Keane...

JUST WHAT THE FUCK IS TOTTENHAM HOTSPURS DOING?!?