April 09, 2009

Terrorist attack in Liverpool

Liverpool, April 9 - 11 men wearing Blue t-shirts and shorts were reported to have been seen terrorising 11 men in red shirts at Anfield stadium last night, and have been arrested on the charge of terrorism and child abuse. Their mastermind, Mr Guus Hiddink is still at large.

It is believed that this ghastly act was funded by the Russians in trying to impose the power of the Red Army upon the Western world. Ironically, the men carrying out these attacks on behalf of the Russian Red Army (not to be confused with the Liverpool and Manchester affiliations) were dressed in blue.

Police have identified the 11 men involved in the attack late last night:

Mr Petr Cech
Mr Branislav Ivanovic
Mr Ashley Cole
Mr John Terry
Mr Alex
Mr Michael Essien
Mr Michael Ballack
Mr Florent Malouda
Mr Salomon Kalou
Mr Didier Drogba

Earlier reports that former tennis world number 1 and part time supermodel, Ana Ivanovic was one of the chief culprits in this cowardly attack has been ruled out as false, and nothing more than a mere fabrication by online bloggers. The real culprit was identified as Mr Branislav Ivanovic, although nothing much else is known about him at present time. Police are still trying to figure out how such an unknown character managed to cripple a foolproof Zonal Marking system.

Local gangster and playground bully, Steve Gerrard was also reported to have suffered a groin injury after the attacks. Rumours that the injury was caused when one of the terrorists, a big and burly African gave him an atomic wedgie with his leopard print underwear still remain as an unsubstantiated claim.

More reports and reactions to follow....

*idea shameless copied from some bloke on FB

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