ESBN NEWS FLASH! Men.United Acquires New Malaysian Player!

SOMEWHERE IN MANCHESTER, OR POSSIBLY KUCHING: Not long after the club generously let Liverpool steal four of their hubcaps on Saturday, All-American Footsy Club Menchesthair United pulled off one of the greatest transfer coups of all time, snapping up a Malaysian better known for other sorts of balls rather than actually kicking a ball.

In yet another stroke of genius, the club has also apparently decided to use the player in a simultaneous goalkeeper/outfield player position, seeing as current keeper Edwin Van The Suck was more fascinated in watching the ball go in the net on Saturday than he was in saving it.

This technical outfield advancement follows their previous success in incorporating volleyball into the game, and underlines Menchesthair.United's desire to bring the game forward. Reports that Sepp Bladder was considering incorporating this new move into FIFA's rules were unfounded at press time.

Now behold, Men.United's new Malaysian player!



In addition to the bonus of having a fehmes blogger in their team, Menchesthair.United can also celebrate the induction of yet another bandwagonist fan into their midst, this time pinching one of Chelsea's:



And in other news, and also in the spirit of flogging a dead horse or merely pretending to be a broken record, there have been rumors that Real Madrid are preparing a lawsuit against Men.United for allegedly refusing to return their players after Saturday's game.

However, this accusation has apparently been shot down. According to Men.United fan extraordinaire Vincent, the accusation that their team had pinched Madrid's players for the game was absurd.

In his own words, "Don't be silly. Real Madrid didn't score."