January 27, 2008
Havant's Pub Football Nearly Triumphs over Liverpool's Kampung Football
LIVERPOOL: A bunch of part-time football players from Liverpool gave a good account of themselves coming back from a goal down twice to slay the giants of Havant & Waterlooville 5-2 at Anfield yesterday.
Havant and Waterlooville proved that having a long name is the way to go as Liverpool players frequently looked like they were confused as to whether they were playing against Havant or Waterloo; and brambled around like they were playing kampung football. So it was that H&W's expertise in the highly skilled tactics of pub football put them in good stead, giving them the lead against Liverpool's kampung football team twice.
Liverpool's new defender Martin "Skittish" Skrtel scored his first goal for Liverpool at The Kop end... unfortunately it turned out to be a complete bramble. Fortunately for Liverpool, Yogi Bearnayoun decided to help himself to yet another Cup-hattrick, endearing himself to Liverpool fans who wish he'd score more of them in league matches instead.
Later, Dirk "Headless" Kuyt came on the pitch to once more prove the theory that you can't head a ball when you have no head, and Peter Crouch showed that the best way to score is when you are in an offside position.
In other news, nothing else even remotely more intersting than Liverpool going behind TWICE to a conference team happened.