The Secret Diary of Mike Ashley, the CarToon Chairman

May 2007
That Russian git Roman has been making fun of me over at the billionaire's club. Said he's got a lot more dates now that he owns that Blue shirt football club. I must get one myself too. Hmm, that black and white shirt team up North says they're a BIG CLUB. I like BIG CLUBS. I wanted to buy that Blue one in Liverpool but someone once said they are a SMALL CLUB. I don't like SMALL CLUBS.

June 2007
YAY! I have my own football club! Got big stadium too! But that manager calls himself BIG Sam. I don't like BIG people. Nothing should be BIGGER than me and my BIG club.

November 2007
Went to watch this Derby game with all the fans. Donno why they call it a derby when we were playing Sunderland, and not Derby. All the fans keep telling me that they are a BIG club and BIG Sa is not good enough. I think I'll buy them beer.

December 2007
Haiyor jialat! Bad pubilcity! That BIG Sam guy go and buy criminal also I donno! This Barton guy must go, and must get rid of this BIG Sam also already! Why he buy this sort of player lar? He should go and buy that Bramble guy from Wigan. I saw him play that day not bad what!

9 January 2008
I got rid of that BIG Sam guy. The fella make us lose so many games! Against Derby also can lose! Must go look for new Manager now. But no hurry. I'm sure without that BIG Sam we can BEAT that Manchester team. eh, are we playing the blue one or the red one?

12 January 2008
CIBAI! SIX NIL! Must find new manager fast fast.

13 January
Still thinking about who to hire. Wanted to hire that ugly guy from Portsmouth, but he dowan, say Newcastle too cold. Wanted to hire that Alan guy because all the fans asked me to, but he also too BIG for my liking. Wanted to hire that Kevin guy also, but he also dowan. Then that shorty Owen fella mentioned beforethat this Gerard Holey guy quite good, won FIVE trophies ok? So I ask him, he also dowan. Haiyor, why nobody want to come here? I pay them a lot of money also dowan!

15 January
I got brilliant idea! That French guy Didi Dekamp or something manage Juventus before right? And Juventus got wear Black And White Jersey like us also right? So I think I'll go ask this Didi guy to come and manage us! He sure want wan! Black And White mar! Familiar surroundings! Brilliant!

16 January
Basket, that Didi also dowan.