Has Rafa Benitez gone bonkers?

Today is a somewhat slow day in terms of footy news, the biggest item being Doncaster defeating Aston Villa 3-0 in the Carling Cup. *yawn*

Budden hor, as I was reading the other football stories in today's online newspapers, I came across two particular headlines and quotes attributed to Rafael Benitez:

Benitez Expected Gerrard To Scoop Award

"I was waiting, maybe expecting, to hear that Steven Gerrard would win the European Footballer of the Year award..."

Benítez Says Kewell Must Rediscover The Skip In His Stride

"Peter Crouch... has been the key [to Liverpool's rise in form], keeping the ball for us and giving us so much."

Señor Rafael Benitez, ¿usted ha ido loco? Been watching way too many football videos izit? Or perhaps you've had one sangria too many this morning?

Steven Gerrard was only on the Ballon D'Or shortlist because of one match in Istanbul, and even Rafa acknowledges this.

"I felt he could have won it this time, [because] he played in the Champions League final in three different positions and was our inspiration."

Peter Crouch as a key factor? Someone sounds very desperate to justify why Crouch is in his first XI.

I tried so hard, but could not get past the fact that the second headline above implies Rafael Benitez is encouraging the biggest softie in Merseyside to skip instead of walk like a man. Of course, calling Harry Kewell the biggest softie in Merseyside will cause many a debate, as there would be many others who will argue that Luis Garcia or Boudewijn Zenden deserve that award instead.

Liverpool play Sunderland at the Stadium of Light later tonight, and need to win by two clear goals to take fourth position in the league table. A 1-0 win will only take the Scousers up to fifth, behind Wigan Athletic on number of goals scored. Before any hardcore Koppites go out and put money on a red win, I'd just like to point out that Sunderland's last home win in the premiership was on 15th December 2002; 2-1 versus Liverpool. Will history repeat itself tonight?

Toodles

[Photo of Rafa Superstar taken from The Gallery @ Guardian Unlimited Football]
[Photo of Harry Kewell taking a dive vs Chelsea taken from The Melbourne Age]

Hola!

Another Liverpool supporter comes aboard to bitch about everyone else!

Hola, my name is Sashi, and I'm a Liverpool nut. I tried therapy, group hugs, and watching Maria Sharapova strut around on grass, but nothing helps - I'm a Liverpool supporter through-and-through. Might as well enjoy the ride, then...

And so now the CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE have notched their 4th win in a row and now find themselves 5 points behind ManYoo and 4 points behind the Gooners and with a game in hand too. Ok lah, no need to talk about Chelski, they've already made a downpayment on the title, while the rest of us try to win it the old-fashioned way.

8 goals conceded - second best defence in the league, mofos!!! Yes, the goals aren't coming, but that's just 'cos our forwards (namely Crouch and Cisse) suck like rotten eggs. I always believe in backing the boys in red as long as they're playing in the team, but I'm also hoping that the C&C Non-Scoring Factory will find themselves shipped out sooner rather than later. Oh, Owen, tengok what's happening here? Come back, leave the sinking ship that is the Toon Army...

Just wait when Henry decides enough is enough and joins the Red Army at Anfield. Padan muka, nanti...

Real-ly Fucked Up!

Real Madrid are on a downward spiral that's even worse than what ManYoo were experiencing up to last weekend.

Having been beaten 3-0 by Goofy and the Gang in El Classico, the Meringues had to come from behind to salvage a draw against Real Sociedad. The best part was, it took a player whose name begins with R to start the fightback for the Galacticos. Care to guess who that player was?

Nope, it wasn't Ronaldo. It wasn't Robinho either, not Raul and definitely not Roberto Carlos. It was Raul Bravo who sparked the comeback by Madrid, as they trailed Real Sociedad 0-2 in the rain last Sunday. Yes, you read that right, Raul F#&king Bravo. The Leeds United reject. The one that the Yorkshire club dumped after they were relegated from the EPL, many moons ago.

I can just hear the hard core Local Madridistas going: WTF?!

Well, fellers and fellettes, it's time for all you Madridistas to face the truth. The Galacticos have grown old. Old. Wrinkly. Impotent.

Face it peeps, when your self-proclaimed best centreback spends 18 months getting over a groin injury (too much tarfeikei?), your midfield has no spine, your attack relies on a fatty, a pouty bastard and a boy who just arrived from some Brazilian ghetto AND last but not least, the average age of your players is comparable to that of Bolton Wanderers; there's only one conclusion to make: your team is F-U-C-K-E-D. In the arse. Twice a day, every day, until something is done to fix things.

So what can CF Real Madrid do to remedy their situation? Here are my suggestions:

1. Change your club president, director of football, first team manager, captain and water boy.
2. Buy a decent holding midfielder. Don't know where to find one? Ask Jose Mourinho.
3. Buy young players, or develop your youth team. Screw the galactico image.
4. Get rid of all the egos in the dressing room. Look at Chelsea; things are either done Jose's way, or it's the highway.
5. Change the colour of your kit. To wear a colour described as meringue is ssooo... Village People. You know what I mean? Guess what else comes in the colour white / meringue? A flag of surrender.

Just some food for thought.

Toodles

I tell you why

Have you guys wondered....how come got so many Liverpool fans around?

Have you also wondered....how come TigerJoe posts so many articles?

And why oh why can't we find a goddamn Arse?

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Sssssh...I tell you something ok. So many Liverpool fans around just like their team got so many players. The similarity?? They all SUCK big time.

As for TigerJoe's many posts, it mirrors Chelsea's many goals too. It clearly states the fact that they are all chicken shit crappy deflected goals.

For the Arse case, we can't find any fans because we are myopic...just like Arsene (which I presume is French of ARSE).

See, me Manyoo fan. Me unique. Me clever. Just like the Great Gary Neville, who by the way should be made captain over van Horsey.

JAMIE CARRAGHER deserves better! Hakim KAYU!!!

Like the club he supports, Tigerjoe seems to be far ahead of the rest of the bloggers here in terms of posts here.

However, THAT, my friend, is about to change. because the RED ARMY is decending upon Hantu Bola, and BY GEORGE, we're gonna WHUP your ass!

Wish we could say the same about out football team though. Darn.

Anyway, I wanna say something about the European Footballer award thingy...

HOW THE BLOODY HELL DID JAMIE CARRAGHER GET SO FEW VOTES?

HAKIM KAYU!!!!

HAKIM BIAS!!!

MEMANG KAYU!

We're talking about the defender who was Liverpool's MOST CONSISTENT DEFENDER, and probably on of the EPL's as well. THIS is the player who SINGLE-HANDEDLY repelled CHELSEA, JUVENTUS AND AC MILAN's attackers, and in the Champion's League Final, GOT A CRAMP in his LEGS after going in for a tackle, hobbled off, got treatment, hobbled on again, AND IMMEDIETELY went in for ANOTHER TACKLE on Shevchenko.

You're telling ME that a player as undeniably consistent AND determined AND UNPASSABLE as Jamie Carragher, a player that was undeniably THE most solid defender in last season's Champion's league, is on par with that FUCKING DIVING CRYBABY Cristiano Ronaldo?!?!?!

FUCK OFF LAR!

HAKIM KAYU!!!

HAKIM KAYU!!!!

Oh, and Gerrard didn't play well for just ONE game, thank you very much. He practically singelhandedly guided Liverpool to the Champion's League trophy (with a little luck and a certain defender called JAMIE CARRAGHER. He may not have done so well in the league, but GODDAMN don't Chelsea wish they had him????

Oi!

Where are the Gooners? Where are the Villa fans? Where is the Toon Army? Where are you? Where are you?! Come on then, let's be having you!!!

Come one, come all! If you reckon you can pass the football fanatic fan test, give a shout to Eyeris or Vincent. Gooners, Villans and Local Geordies are especially sought, if only to add more spice to the curry known as Petaling Street Hooligans.

Go on then, step onto the pitch. Be as biased as you wish, as rude as you feel is necessary. Feel free to knock the ref and whack the linesmen, have a go at other clubs in all leagues; the Disciplinary Committees of FIFA, UEFA, English FA and FAM have no jurisdiction in this part of town. So what are you waiting for?

Toodles

p.s. I'm not sure if Delia Smith meant to pick her nose while that particular photo was being taken.

Bugs Bunny voted 2005 European Player of the Year

Bring 52 journalists together to vote for the 2005 Ballon D'Or winner, and who do they pick? Bugs F#@*ing Bunny. Fine, so it's not exactly the Warner Bros icon, but Ronaldinho. Yes, Ronaldinho has been voted as the 2005 European Player of the Year, garnering 225 points to win by 77 points ahead of the player who finished second in the standings. I'm so very sore about this though. Why, you ask?

Because Frank Lampard lost out! How can lah dey?! Apparently the Toothy One has scored 33 goals in 79 matches for his club; but hey, Frank The Man (yes, Stevie, not you phbbbt!) has bagged 61 goals in 238 matches, including a run of 160 consecutive league appearances. There is no comparison really; and I reckon, in my honest opinion, that the reason Frank Lampard lost out was because Steven Gerrard was in the 2005 shortlist.

You heard me right, it's all the fault of Steven "One-Inch Forehead" Gerrard. I would really like to have been present during the voting process, just to remind the dozier journalists that the Ballon D'Or is an award for player of the year, not player of one match at the end of last season. Has anyone else heard the urban legend circulating among our womenfolk that the breadth of a man's forehead corresponds to the length of his penus?

I guess the only consolation from last night's fiasco is that five Chelsea players were voted as part of the top 20 players in Europe for 2005. Plus it's a hoot to see Samuel "Motor Mouth" Eto'o only managing to tie with John Terry in joint 10th place. Still can't beat our captain, eh?

Toodles

[photo of Golden Teeth kissing Golden Ball credited to Frank Fife / AFP]

Yeah Baby!

I'm coming, I'm coming... I'm here.

TigerJoe reporting for duty, very the biased fan of Chelsea and general supporter of London clubs for minor competitions like the InterToto, Reserves' League and the Carling Cup. I've been supporting Chelsea FC since 1996, back when Ruud Gullit steered the club on to the path of sexiness. Of course, playing sexy football didn't mean we won every game back then, although Mourinho's idea of sexy football in present time has seen us heading the Premier League with a GD of +26 and only seven goals conceded after 14 matches. w00t baby!

We had one of the very first cosmopolitan dressing rooms in the league, with the arrival of LeBouef, Desailly, Di Matteo, et al. way back when Eyeris was still in school. On that note, it remains an unsolved mystery to this day as to what possessed Gianluca Vialli to sign Winston Bogarde after the former had taken over from Gullit. *shrug*

My hate-list? Just a short one to whet the appetite with:

Winston Bogarde; who sat on his backside and did nothing in the time that he was at Stamford Bridge. For £40k a week, he could have at least helped out the groundskeeper on match days, especially since it would be his only chance of running onto the pitch. A total embarassment to those who have always been loyal to the blue shirt, I'll bet Barcelona were glad to be rid of him too.

Shebby Singh; who waxes lyrical these days about how strong Chelsea are in every department. It wasn't so long ago that this Tottenham supporter was calling Chelsea boring; but of course a goal difference that's at least twice our nearest rivals makes that label kinda idiotic, doesn't it, Mr. Lousy Predictions? I know what you did last season, biatch!

David Beckham; whose only talent seems to be kicking a stationary ball, you know, and not much else, you know. He also wears whatever Victoria tells him to, you know, and frankly I have no idea why he's still wearing the captain's armband for England when Terry, Lampard or even "Slim Jim" Rooney can play a more inspirational role on the pitch.

Till next time, toodles.

Manyoo and me

Ok eyeris, bugger off. It's Vincent the Manyoo fan's turn to make some noise now. After all, we are the ones who seem to have the most problems these days. Keano leaving, Vodafone pulling out their shirt sponsorship, and of course...George Best expiring.

(oh, Rooney also proposed to his chick........in a BP garage, that dumb twat)

But anyways, I supported Manyoo when my primary school friend went to Manchester and bought me an Eric Cantona postcard. Chest out, collars upturned. The epitome of all greatness. But back then, I never bothered too much with English football. I was a hardcore Selangor fan in the Azman Adnan era. Back then, I could name their entire squad of players (no mean feat....how many people can do that these days?)

Thank God (and my parents) for Astro. The first ever Manyoo game I watched was in the Arsenal double winning season of 97/98. We played Liverpool and drew 1-1. Twas a shite game other than the fact that the stupid prick called Micheal Owen kicked Ronny Johnsen and got sent off. The draw practically meant that we were kinda screwed up for the title anyway...

The following season of 98/99 was the first season that I followed every game. I only missed 5 games the whole season, and we happened to lose at 5 games. One in the Charity Shield, one in the league cup, and 3 in the league. I made it a point to watch every single Manyoo game and we all know what happened there don't we?

Anyways...just so that you guys know, my hate list is not very long, so here is a list of the fuckers I hate :

Ronaldo - The fake one, not the fatty. Yes, I hate him because he plays for us. He's a lazy selfish bastard who needs to learn teamwork. He should also know that he can't shoot and should stop trying.

Frank Lampard - This fucker is not human. Playing so many games and not getting tired is freakishly alien. That deserves respect, but he loses all his respect just because of his insane luck of never ever getting injured. And all those fucking deflections!!?!!?!

Djimi Traore - This fucker has a European Champions League medal. Can you fucking believe that? I deserve a medal more than that twat.

Andriy Shevchenko - European Player of the Year my ass. 2 yards in front of the goal and he blasts it straight into Dudeks hands. Dumb fuck caused me to get a lot of stick from those darn Pool fans.

Micheal Owen - Doesn't everybody understand that THAT Argentina goal was because of the stupid keeper who came wayyyy off his line even though there were two defenders covering. This cunt can't shoot and can't head. He can't tackle and his left foot is only used for standing. He doesn't drible for fucks sake...he kicks the ball and runs after it! That's not called dribbling! And in spite of all that shit that fucker scores a lot of goals. I think its gotta be fluke.

Welcome to Petaling Street Hooligans

Welcome to Petaling Street Hooligans.

We started this blog because we thought there is no proper football fan blogs in the Malaysian blogosphere. By 'proper', we mean all the good and honest SWEARING and REFEREE KAYU and VAN NISTELROOY SUCKS and all that SWEARING that we usually hear when a group of football fans get together.

Sure, there're lots of footy blogs out there as well, that try to give proper analysis about games, and how they worship all those teams and players yada yada yada.

We say, SCREW THAT. No mr nice guys here. If a player plays crap, we SAY he plays like FUCKING CRAP. None of all that 'Oh, he's just off form", "he'll score sooner or later' shit. If Peter Crouch can't score, I'll bloody say HIS FINISHING SUCKS ASS and that CISSE should play more.

THIS blog is where we RANT instead of ANALYSE stuff, naming it Petaling Street Hooligans after that movie Green Street Hooligans. THIS IS WHERE THE REAL FOOTY FANS HANG OUT.

Hello, there, my name is eyeris. I'm a Liverpool fan. There's also gonna be a die-hard Manyoo fan, and a Chelsea fan contributing to this blog. If you'd like to join in, send me and email at eyeriz@gmail.com, and I'll TEST you to see if you're hard-core enuff to join this band of hooligans.

Now, lets get down to business. As an intro, here is a brief list of footballers I can't fucking stand the sight of:

• Gary Neville - Can't stand his face. That's about it. He's the best volleyball player on a football pitch though.
  
• Christiano Ronaldo - the bloody idiot looks like he's gonna cry everytime he gets fouled. And he DIVES. Don't tell me he doesn't. He fucking DIVES.
  
• Ruud Van Nistelrooy - looks like a horse, dives like an Olympic showhorse.
• Rio Ferdinand - The most overpaid clown in England. Can't take a piss to save his life (or career, for THAT matter)
• Alan Shearer - Damn good goal-scorer, damn fucking ANNOYING goal celebration
• Ronaldo - bloody fat over-hyped chipmunk
• Alex Ferguson - Just retire already, you old git.
• Sepp Blatter - Take your hare-brained ideas and go govern ping-pong or something.
  

Oh yeah, I HATE Manchester United. Can you tell?