SOMEWHERE ON THE EUROPEAN CONTINENT: Liverpool failed miserably in their bid to add another UEFA Cup to their more-than-Men.United's collection of European trophies, as Marseille determination to lose 4-0 at home shone through, meaning that the French club qualifies for the UEFA Cup knockout rounds, leaving Liverpool to pick up the scraps in the Champion's League last 16 instead.
So badly did Marseille want to qualify for the UEFA Cup that they even let Steven "useless penalty taker" Gerrard a second chance to poke home the rebound after he'd predictably missed it the first time. They then let Nando Peri-peri Torres stretch his goals-scored lead over a certain Chelski player, and then to make sure that people knew they were LETTING Liverpool win, they even let Dirk "Headless" Kuyt score from open play, and then let Babel scored his usual late goal to wrap it all up.
Rumours that Djibril Cisse went to the Liverpool dressing room at half-time to look for his leopard-print undies in Stevie G's bags were unfounded.
Next up, the Anfield club will be playing a certain ugly team of gay cheaters at home this weekend.
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