October 06, 2008

Newcastle Comedy Club's Newest Act: The Potty Mouthed Ringmaster

Welcome to the Newcastle Comedy Club.

This is its circus:

And behold, their (temporary) ringmaster:

With all the news about some Nigerian scam artists trying to buy the club, the team's comedy performances even without Titus Bramble and Boumsong (the game against Everton was an anomaly IMHO, because Everton suck too), you'd think things couldn't possibly get any funnier at the club.

But no... enter the new ringmaster Joe Kinnear, whose stand-up comedy routine last week in front of the press was IMHO, is the most brilliantly foul-mouthed press conference by a manager EVER:

Here we go:


JK: Which one is Simon Bird (Daily Mirror's north-east football writer)?

SB: Me.

JK: You're a cunt.

SB: Thank you.

JK: Which one is Hickman [Niall, football writer for the Express]? You are out of order. Absolutely fucking out of order. If you do it again, I am telling you you can fuck off and go to another ground. I will not come and stand for that fucking crap. No fucking way, lies. Fuck, you're saying I turned up and they [Newcastle's players] fucked off.

SB: No Joe, have you read it, it doesn't actually say that. Have you read it?

JK: I've fucking read it, I've read it.

SB: It doesn't say that. Have you read it?

JK: You are trying to fucking undermine my position already.

SB: Have you read it, it doesn't say that. I knew you knew they were having a day off.

JK: Fuck off. Fuck off. It's your last fucking chance.

SB: You read the copy? It doesn't say that you didn't know.

JK: What about the headline, you think that's a good headline?

SB: I didn't write the headline, you read the copy.

JK: You are negative bastards, the pair of you.

SB: So if I get a new job next week would I take the first day off? No I wouldn't. If I get a new job should I call my boss and tell him I am taking the first day off?

JK: It is none of your fucking business. What the fuck are you going to do? You ain't got the balls to be a fucking manager. Fucking day off. Do I want your opinion. Do I have to listen to you?


If you wanna read the whole transcript, go HERE.

And for more laughs, check out Guardian's audio file of Joe Kinnear's X-rated rant as read by computer. It's fucking brilliant, you cunts. go listen to it.

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