Calls for Bruno Torres To Be Charged

LIVERPOOL: Liverpool star striker Fernando "Bruno" Torres is courting controversy yet again! A couple of years after The Sun pictured him trying to breast-feed his baby daughter, Bruno's parental skills are once again called into question as he tries to teach her Scouse language.

Speaking to the Liverpool official website, Bruno bemused the world by claiming, "For me, Anfield is the best place in England. I hope to be here for a long time and if my daughter speaks English and Scouse, I will be proud."

Rumours that he has been paying Jamie Carragher to conduct tuition classes for her have been circulating since the news broke. This news has upset parents' groups throughout the country who are demanding that the Spaniard be charged with child abuse and neglect.

"This is ridiculous!" raged angry mother, Katie Price, "all around England we are trying to teach children to speak the Queen's English and these foreigners are setting a bad example!" When pointed out that Jamie Carragher was indeed English, Ms. Price stormed away in disbelief.


Just 2 years ago, the effeminate Bruno was caught trying to breast-feed his daughter near the Liverpool docks. His then team mate Xabi Alonso had to tell him that no matter how much they enjoyed playing the role in bed at night, he really couldn't breastfeed. Back then, parents' groups were in disbelief at his stupidity, as they sure are now.


Mr. Alonso has since moved on to bigger things, but at of press time, a replacement has not been found...




Update by the editor:

HBBN has just been informed that Bruno Torres' daughter was born this summer. HBBN would like to categorically state that it has never claimed to be the oracle of truth, unlike a certain local online news portals. HBBN hopes and trusts that you do not take us to be the oracle of truth either.

aww, too bad

I wanted to call time out and wave the peace flag.

Really.

And I wanted to laugh at Chelsea for losing to Titfuck Bramble.

Really.

But those fellas at The Star had other ideas. They released a breaking news story which no responsible football blog could let slip. Especially when a good number of the readers are Liverpoo fans.

You know how those miserable little Scousers were always complaining that Liverpoo cannot come to Malaysia because of the haram logo on their jerseys? Well, I don't really know how far that is true laa...because in Shah Alam there is this big big factory where they produce all that stuff anyway.

So anyway, those little Scousers were all so excited that that company was no longer going to sponsor Liverpoo and just when they thought that their favourite thieves could come to town, the dreaded Malaysian censorship board went and potong steam.

'Bruno' banned in Malaysia

KUALA LUMPUR: Malaysians will not get to watch Bruno on the big screen as the National Film Censorship Board has decided to give the controversial movie the axe. ...

Kantoi lah like that!

If Bruno cannot come of course the whole team cannot come lah! How can the star striker (albeit gay and girlish) not follow the team?

But please, fellow Malaysians...please don't take it out on the Censorship Board. It is not their fault.

Bruno really WILL corrupt the minds of our young ones.

They will turn gay. And effeminate.

They will wear ridiculously short pants and pose in feminine positions.



They will start kissing other boys in public. And after that, they will start humping other boys in public. Or allow themselves to be humped in public.



And you people still worship Bruno?!?!

HOW CAN!!?!?

tersebut lah kisah...

The pissing match from the comments box below is really too awesome not to make into a real post!



Alex Ferguson sememangnya seorang datuk yang penyayang, yang pernah beberapa kali membawa cucunya menyaksikan Liverpool bermain bola.

"Inilah cara profesional bermain bola, cucuku."

"Inilah cara profesional bermain bola, cucuku....Faham, dik?" beliau bertanya kepada cucu kesayangannya. Cucunya mengangguk kepalanya. Dah bosan dengar Si Orang Tua asyik meleteh. "Ini kau kena faham betul-betul tau...jangan keliru, sebab pasukan yang satu lagi, yang pakai baju merah dengan logo HARAM tu...dia orang tu perompak dari casta bawahan"

"Ya, Atuk," cucunya menjawab. "Atuk dah banyak kali cakap dah. Yang budak tu pernah curi hubcap kereta. Yang seorang lagi tu, pernah curi penutup jamban...entah kenapa pun..."

"Pandai budak"

Dah cucunya bercakap pula dalam hati:
"Baik jadi lelaki tulin yang mencuri hubcab dari menjadi diva yang suka dive sesuka hati dan kuat menangis dan pakai bunga belakang telinga dan bawak tas tangan."

Dia kemudian terjaga dari mimpi ngerinya.

"Phew. Itu musim bola tahun lepas. Sekarang No 7 dah tak bapok."

Dan terfikir pulak, "Hmm..nasib baik Pasukan Atuk tu dah jual Si Bapuk. Pasukan Perompak tu ada seorang yang sifat keperempuanan, wajah seiras-iras dengan wartawan dari Austria, Bruno...mungkin dah liwat dengan pencuri jamban tu"

---

Just as the Kop can no longer sing about their 18 titles, Scousers can no longer taunt us about bapuks - for two reasons: Ronaldo is now gone, and because their star striker is also a bapuk. Closet bapuk, that is....

But fear not, because HBBN proudly exposes "Lelaki Tulen"...



And we even have pictorial evidence, painstakingly gathered from Liverpoo's recent game against West Ham...








Is SHE trying to kiss him? On the lips? On national TV?!? Oh, my...