The Obligatory "Spark-some-form-of-discussion" Post

Its a bit quiet in here isn't it?

Since that's the case, I thought of just sharing this with you guys...

My division had a meeting last week, which was chaired by the Head of Division himself. The subject matter was our targets for 2007 and how we are slightly behind at the moment.

Thing is, Mr. HOD is a BIG BIG Liverpool fan, and his office is adorned with various Liverpool memoribilla, and his mood has a direct corellation with the Poo's performance. (His mood has been up this past few months. Thanks Stevie G!)

Anyway, back to the meeting. As an "ice breaker", Mr. HOD drew the EPL table top 3 (conveniently ommitting the Gunners) and spoke at length about how they are in 3rd place and with some cathing up to do, yadda yadda yadda. Basically, he was using Liverpool as an analogy of the division's current state (ugh!).

"Its only 6 points" he says.
"Take it one game at a time" he says.
"It only takes 3 games to overtake Chelsea" he says.
"We need to work one day at a time and focus on the immediate goal" he says.
"Starting with the FA Cup this Saturday" he says.

HAH!

If we keep performing like Liverpool, I think there's a very slim chance of a good bonus this year... :P

(Sorry la guys.... I can't possibly do the Tigerjoe victory dance in front of my boss, so this is my only outlet.)

Sell Them! Please!

Ah, January, the smell of exhaust fumes from the traffic jams and rotting garbage from last week’s flash floods…

Not to mention the smell of money exchanging hands during the obscenely lucrative January transfer window.

Everyone has heard all the rumours about the players most likely to be bought and sold. You know, like Chelsea looking for a defender, Man U looking for another backup striker, Watford looking for an entirely new squad, Martin Jol looking to get a life…

But have you heard of the Please-Sell-Them-Off players? You know, like from last season – Traore and Cygan.

Let’s get on with it, shall we?

Jeremie Aliadere

What’s the story: Whiny striker sub complains he gets no first team action. Gee, when he can’t score a goal to save his life, and not to mention with Henry, van Persie and Adebayor ahead of him, I wonder why?
Warning notice: May accidentally break his leg after 20 minutes on the pitch, or in training.
Expected price: Cheap, cheap la. Less than 1 million also can la.

Shaun Wright-Phillips
What’s the story: Comes in original packaging, hardly used, almost brand new. Some assembly required.
Warning notice: Final product may look smaller than picture shown on cover.
Expected price: No less than 30million. Negotiable, if you have a central defender to trade for.

Michael Owen
What’s the story: You know the story.
Warning notice: Extremely fragile. Do not stress left or right leg. May not remember how to play football.
Expected price: However much Newcastle paid for him, plus medical expenses, plus interest.

Andy Cole
What’s the story: Vice President of the “OMG Is He Still Playing” Club. President is one Teddy Sheringham. The last time he scored, Margaret Thatcher was still in office.
Warning notice: Comes with trademark pissed off look.
Expected price: 500k, if you agree to pay for his Imedeen and Maalox.

Alexander Song
What’s the story: Possibly the worst player on the Gunner payroll. Ever. Considering they had Percy Groves once, that’s quite an achievement. Plays like he’d rather be at home watching BSkyB.
Warning notice: Also holds another sterling record – Dopiest Hairstyle in the Premiership.
Expected price: They’ll pay you good money for you to take him. No, really.

Entire Charlton squad
What’s the story: Buy now! Cheap sale, before they disappear (into the Championship)! Special offer, buy Marcus Bent get Darren Bent! For other players, buy 2 get 1 free (terms and condition apply).
Warning notice: Buying Alan Pardew may get YOUR team relegated.
Expected price: Please enquire with at the Valley. Office hours only.

Snippets of Man Utd's Balance Sheet

Foreword: I have to admit in yesterday's 2-2 draw between Newcattle United and Manchester United, we were lucky to even get that one point. Heck, Newcattle should have won it. Too bad the Toons were just not good enough.

Lord Ghostball launches an inquiry on Man Utd's performance yesterday, seeing a hopeless first half hour display from the Red Devils. Agent Din Double O' Lemon Tea probes Man Utd's current state of affairs and find out a few things.....

Snippets of Man Utd's Balance Sheet (as of 02/01/2007)

Plant Assets
R. Giggs
G. Neville
P. Scholes

Current Assets
C. Ronaldo
N. Vidic
R. Ferdinand
P. Evra
M. Carrick
O.G. Solskjaer
J.S. Park

Intangible Assets
W. Rooney

Inventories
A. Smith
G. Rossi
G. Heinze
K. Richardson
W. Brown

Long-term Liabilities
D. Fletcher
J. O' Shea
M. Silvestre

Current Liabilities
L. Saha

Short-term Loan
H. Larsson

Prepaid Expenses
49 Goals Scored

Accounts Receivable
15 Goals Against

Marketable Securities
54 Points

With all the investigative work I 've done, inspired to do it after seeing the first half hour seeing Newcattle playing like Man Utd and Man Utd playing like shite
(what were they thinking when they were doing all those aeriel passing? Can't you lot have done your trademark ground passing?), I have concluded that Man Utd lacked finishing power. In this respect, I think Sir Fergie has done a good job in foreseeing such a thing as the title chase heats up, so he brought in Henrik. I also recommend Rooney to be bloody dropped in the next game, let him have a rest. I rather see Solskjaer on the pitch. And Fergie bloody not be thinking of putting on any Long-term liabilities on the pitch, other wise......

Thus, with that taken care of, this will just be viewed as a little hiccup on the road to the Premiership Trophy at the end of the season.

Oh, and Chelsea players are all a bunch of sheep. Just missing a sheepdog who is out with a back injury.

Happy New Year from Jamie Yeo

Hmmm... Jamie's got something on her chest oops, mind.

Oer. She's rack-ing (geddit?) that pretty little head of hers trying to remember what it is.

Mahai! She's got it! Here's her message:

HAPPY NEW YEAR HANTUBOLAgers!!!

PS: If Liverpool wins the league, I will flash eyeris my boobs.

My First Wish of the New Year

Yo Rafa,

Tell your team to go kick some Fat Bolton Arse tonight.

Why? Because I fucking hate Bolton. And Blackburn.

But not as much as I hate the Men.United. Lose your form already, Doi Doi.

Kthxbai.

oh, and Happy New Year!

Siaran Tergendala...

Siaran infotainment kegemaran anda, Hantubola, tergendala beberapa hari disebabkan gempa bumi yang telah menggendalakan saluran Internet di Malaysia.

Jangan betulkan skrin komputer anda.

Harap Maklum.

(by the way, seeing scumbag A.Hole putting the ball past his own goalkeeper Hilario was freaking hilarious... he's an 'untouchable' alright.)

3-5-2! 3-5-2! 3-5-2!

Chelsea seem to be having a small problem in central defence - we'll only have one central defender available for the match on Saturday. Captain JT is still injured, and Khalid the Cannibal is suspended.

So, in the spirit of Shebby "If I Were Sir Alex" Singh, I'm going to pretend that I'm Jose Mourinho and solve this problem. It's simple really. We play 3-5-2 against Fulham.


Ricky Carvalho and Ashley Cole to be joined by Michael Essien in defence, since Essien's best position is rightback. Makalele to anchor the midfield, with Ballack and Lampard running things in the middle. Robben and Kalou on the flanks, with Sheva and Drog-ba-ba-boom! upfront.

Geremi can come in after the halftime break if Sheva continues to struggle, which means that Essien will then be able to push up into midfield and we can go to a 3-4-3 setup for the second half.

Assuming we have the match wrapped up, Obi-Jon can come on for Uncle Maka during the last few minutes. Didigol will then drop to central defence, leaving Robben and Kalou upfront in a more conventional 4-4-2 formation.

Works quite well in theory, no?. IF I were Jose Mourinho.

What I wanted for X'mas was my very own telestrator. What I got was a bottle of white, a photo frame and a BJ with teeth. Blargh.

The Twelve Days of Christmas

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me,

Twelve summers no signing
Eleven kids-a-playing
Ten Van Persies leaping
Nine Adebayors dancing
Eight goals-a-leaking (at Emirates)
Seven defenders missing
Six goals and counting
Five men on the wings (ya rite!)
Four times finish third
Three French men
Two Cup Finals
And a Spaniard in our midfield!

- A belated Christmas wish from me and Skay

p/s: Are they even showing the Arsenal game tonight?

Soon, it will all be over.

First to Bata, then to school. :-)

Enjoy the rest of your time (left) here, kids.

Ghostball's Letter to Santa Claus

Dear Santa,

How are you dude? I hope you are fined. I mean, traveling across continents on your Toyota Reindeer Cruiser to give out those gifts your factory made must really be taxing eh?

Ok, let's cut to the chase since I am no good at formalities. Numero Uno, I get to ask you for some gifts since, #2, I have been a good ghost all year and, C, I recently celebrated my 1st Birthday! Ain't that a compelling reason to give me what I want? Hmmm? :-)

For your convenience since you have better things to do like kissing moms eat cookies and drink milk, I made a simple list of what I want:-

1. More posts by the contributors (once a day not enough!)
2. More contributors (hopefully, representing the other clubs as well.)
3. Better template (have a look here)
4. More Futsal Kickabouts (maybe we can be part of Rakan Muda!)
5. More Drinkalots (maybe we can get sponsors!)
6. 200 crates of Green Fanta (with great popularity comes great stupidity)
7. A date with Miss Karma (that sexy thang!)
8. Charlie Webster to do an on-screen booty dance every time Sheffield United scores.
9. More traffic! More references! Total Internet Domination! Mwahuahahahahah!
10. Manchester United to win the league. :-)

Thanks. Have a good one dude!

Yours deadly,

Ghostball (a.k.a. Hantubola's mascot). :-)

=================================================

To the rest of you who are going to enjoy the holidays while I am sadly working,...again..... I would like to wish you all.....

MERRY CHRISTMAS, SELAMAT HARI RAYA HAJI AND HAVE A HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I don't see the point of cancelling the match

It's just a bit of a fog.

Not like Whinger ever sees anything anyway.

Referees and linesmen are no better either. Never see anything important.

Bleh.

2006 HantuBola TV Awards

Since it's the end of the year and all that, it's a good time to pay tribute to the things which we remember best about footy this year. Of course, since I don't want to pre-empt the real awards at the end of this season, this round only looks at awards for what we have seen on television.

Let's cut to the chase.

2006 Quote of the Year:

This award goes to the most memorable quote as seen on TV; whether the quote comes from a poondeque, player, manager or any other football person. There are plenty to choose from in this category, from Shebby's weekly outbursts to Fergie's "Ronaldo is not a diver", but in the end there can only be one winner.

The winner is... Thierry Henry with this single-breath gem, just before Arsenal vs Tottenham:

"YesitistruethatIhadwalkedoutoftrainingthismorningbutIfeel
IcanplayandIamjustupsetatnotbeingabletoplayformyteam...
Errr...IdonotknowhythepapersaretalkingaboutitbutIfeelIcanplay,
thereisnosuchquarrelduringtrainingthismorningbutIwalkedout
becauseIamjustupsetatnotbeingabletoplayagainstourrivals.
Tottenham."

Talking at breakneck speed like that might explain how Thierry got the neck injury some weeks back.

2006 TV Gimmick of the Year:

This award was originally intended for the best advert shown during football telecasts, one that makes people actually sit through the commercial breaks. It was only after we had created this award that I realised the fooking i-Gallop ads are going to win hands down.

Hence, in typical DICtatorial fashion, we have changed the award specs to any TV gimmick that has created an increase in viewership during football telecasts.

The award goes to... the corporate drone at ESPN-Star who hired Charlie Webster and Jamie Yeo.

Thanks very much, mate. Now you just have to replace fooking Jien with a real chick. And bring Collette Wong back to Football Crazy.

2006 Best Moment in Football:

This award goes to the bestest and most memorable televised football image in 2006.

The winner can only be Zinedine Zidane's headbutt at the World Cup final. Kapow!

2006 Poondeque of the Year:

This award is self-explanatory, really. It goes to our most favouritest football poondeque, and you get to have a say in who wins this one. The nominees are:

1. John Dykes
2. The punjabi formerly known as Serbegeth
3. Stevie Mekmun
4. Paul "Tee Hee" Masefield

Plonk in your votes, and we'll announce the results on Boxing Day.

*mwahahahahahahahaha*

You fooking beauty.

And it seems that Michael Essien's best position is rightback. Really.

[Photo flicked from BBC Sport]

An Overdose of Curbs

This post serves no real purpose beyond trying to annoy Men.United fans with seemingly endless images of Alan Curbishley.

Kthxbai.




Shebby Quote of the week:

- Eggert (Magnusson) still can't scratch his head because he has no hair.

Jameson PWNs Djimi and Gibert

Haiyah. 3-0 only. Sien. Wanted another 4-0.

Oh well, still an away win. And it was all thanks to this man:



Me thinks Djimi sometimes still thinks he's playing for Liverpool.

Oh, and Arsenal match? Coming down from 2 goals down thanks to this man?


(pix of king kong Gilberto taken from Soccernet)


To tell the truth, we stayed for that match, but nobody cared much about it. We were a lot more entertained by this esteemed gentleman: