103

103 goals scored over 38 games. Goal difference of +71. Drogba wins the golden boot. Again. Chelsea are league champions. Once again.

CHAMPIONS!!!

*victory dance*

And we still have the cup final to play.

happy chappies

See Michael Essien.
See Michael Essien smile.
See Michael Essien smile with Florent Malouda.
See Michael Essien smile with Florent Malouda as they jog behind Joe Cole.

See the fellows who look after business while Lampard, Ballack, Deco and Drogba are on MC.

Now let's give a big round of applause to Sunderland. Not only did they beat Arsenal this weekend, they are also level on points with Liverpool.

Now let's point and laugh at Liverpool. Heheheh.

hihihaha!

Tee hee.

Tee hee hee.

Mwahahahahahahah!!!


I really just want to say one thing:

Fai ji-lo! Fai ji-lo! Fai ji-lo! Fai ji-lo! Fai ji-lo!

That was actually five things, kan?

Felipao gonna tarpao you!!!

I'm sure those of you who have not been distracted by the circus in Austria / Switzerland, or the Shebby-lovers on FB, would have heard the most important piece of news this summer.

Big Phil Scolari will be the new Chelsea manager from next month.

How cool is that? Even his nickname is cool; like Big John Studd of 80s wrestling. But more potent.

I gonna getchew, ManYoo!

Already the transfer gossip is churning. As it normally does at this time of year. Welcome to the EPL Big Phil. If the dressing room will really have prayer sessions before games, then I have one particular prayer to suggest:

Our godfather who art in the directors' box,
Roman be thy name.
Thy empire comes, points will be won,
away, as they are at the Bridge.
Give the players their wages,
and forgive the goals conceded,
as we score a hell of a lot more than we let in.
And lead us not into relegation,
but deliver us from cracked trophies (and penalty shoot-outs).
For the league, the cup and all the trophies are belong to us,
now and forever.

Amen

Keep The Blue Flag Flying High!!!

keshian dia

I want to pity Avram Grant, but there is nothing to pity really. Never mind the Carling Cup final. Never mind having to finish second to ManYoo. Again.

JT should never have taken penalty #5. Never. If it was because Drogba got sent off, there were other players to take that penalty. Kalou was there. Essien was there. Anelka had fresh legs.

keshian dia, bashah kena hujan... poondeque!

Today's "post-mortem finger-pointing article" reckons Anelka was sulking and refused to take penalty #5. Well hey, this is why we have team managers.

The man who takes charge when push comes to shove. The man who will grab a player by the scruff of his neck, hold him up and remind the player who is in charge. The man who will tell any sulking player that for a wage of XX thousand pounds per week, he will do as he's told.

If that means feller has to play on the wing, then feller will do as he's told.
If that means feller has to distribute drinks during half-time, then feller will do as he's told.
If that means feller has to get on his hands and knees on the pitch, eat some grass and moo like a cow; then feller will bloody well do as he's bloody told.

Whatever. We needed something special on Wednesday night; what we got instead was an imitation Pak Lah. Poondeque.

I'm not surprised Grant got sacked actually. After all, Mr A had also sacked the last manager who finished a season with zero trophies. And everyone liked Ranieri, even opposition fans.

Poondeque.

Ah well, roll on next season! Our new manager will apparently speak English with a Dutch accent, if you believe all the rumours. I just hope the feller doesn't go and buy Kuyt.

***************

Coming up later this week: Yend of Season Hantubola Avards!

time to be cool

We got the job done today. Sheva actually did something useful for a change. Lampard was on cuti ihsan, but still got a tribute from the other lads.

Now it's time to be cool. Cool like Fonzie. For two more weeks.


I tell you what though, if that photo of Ballack's first goal from today's match was used in a teka bola contest, there might not be any winners. LOL

karma chameleon

What a header!

About knee-high with maximum ooomph. Just about unstoppable. A brilliant goal. A superb own goal.

Karma gotchew last night Liverpool FC. For the 2005 semi-final.

thanks for coming

Come again next year, yeah? LOL

Photo stolen from where else...

p.s. who else thinks Adebayor's new haircut makes him look like Kunta Kinte? Of Roots?

chi and the pet

I'm going to kill Shebby. Poondeque.

shot of the week

Juliano Belleti's goal against Totty Hotshit is definitely the shot of the week.

Photo stolen from BBC Sport

The photo makes it look as if a Hotshit defender was thrown back from the sheer force of the shot. Ledley King looks like he shat his pants too.

In other news, the gooners and scousers failed to deliver on what some of their fans reckoned to be "guaranteed wins". Mwahahahahahah. Padan muka.

Just before the late kick-off match, the English FA announced a temporary rule change: since Newcastle are so hopeless this season and since they don't even have a manager right now, NUFC will start all matches with a headstart of 7 goals. To give them chance. Until they find themselves a new manager.

Under the temporary rule change, it looks like ManYoo actually lost their match 7-6. Tsk tsk tsk. Kesiaaaaaaannn dia...

bloody cipet

I leave KL for a few days, and what do I come back to?

CHE 4 - 4 AST

Bloody hell. Draw?! At Stamford Bridge?! And we let in FOUR goals?!?! And got TWO players sent off?! Apa ini?!?!

Mana ada handball?!?!

Cilaka. How come Aston Villa so good one?! How can a team that used to score own goals from nothing hold us to a draw?!

To make matters worse, today's news bulletin from The Guardian doesn't sound so good:

Holding midfielder Claude Makelele is also out of action for a "few weeks", the club said, after having an ear operation. Second choice goalkeeper Carlo Cudicini is another player on the treatment table.

"It is not easy times but since the first day I was here it has not been easy with all the injured players," Grant said.

Aiiyyyooooohhhhh... ear surgery?! Of all the things I tell you. Ms Karma must have a real hard-on for Chelsea right now. Cipet.

3-5-2! 3-5-2! 3-5-2!

Chelsea seem to be having a small problem in central defence - we'll only have one central defender available for the match on Saturday. Captain JT is still injured, and Khalid the Cannibal is suspended.

So, in the spirit of Shebby "If I Were Sir Alex" Singh, I'm going to pretend that I'm Jose Mourinho and solve this problem. It's simple really. We play 3-5-2 against Fulham.


Ricky Carvalho and Ashley Cole to be joined by Michael Essien in defence, since Essien's best position is rightback. Makalele to anchor the midfield, with Ballack and Lampard running things in the middle. Robben and Kalou on the flanks, with Sheva and Drog-ba-ba-boom! upfront.

Geremi can come in after the halftime break if Sheva continues to struggle, which means that Essien will then be able to push up into midfield and we can go to a 3-4-3 setup for the second half.

Assuming we have the match wrapped up, Obi-Jon can come on for Uncle Maka during the last few minutes. Didigol will then drop to central defence, leaving Robben and Kalou upfront in a more conventional 4-4-2 formation.

Works quite well in theory, no?. IF I were Jose Mourinho.

What I wanted for X'mas was my very own telestrator. What I got was a bottle of white, a photo frame and a BJ with teeth. Blargh.

*mwahahahahahahahaha*

You fooking beauty.

And it seems that Michael Essien's best position is rightback. Really.

[Photo flicked from BBC Sport]

KTBFFH!

I haven't posted in a while, so perhaps today is an auspicious day for one.

I could moan about Cech and Cudicini being injured, but Hilario was fairly decent against Barcelona. I could gloat about the Barca match, but we are playing them again in November and that Karma bitch might be watching me. I could say something about tomorrow's home game against Portsmouth, but again Karma might come back to bite me in the backside.

So in the end, I think I will just say this:


Fuck you-lah Mike Riley, apa chup-chup?!

Happy Diwali and Eid Mubarak to everyone, may the light of joy always accompany your good health and prosperity. Even Mike Riley's.

Keep The Blue Flag Flying High!

Happy Birthday, Ballack!

Ballack's still on suspension,
so he hangs around West London;
The man will not be playing,
till after Villa and Reading;
Today he can down a whole bottle of Jameson.

Here's your birthday present, I'm sure you will like it very much:

goddammit

Teesside may not be the most glamorous place in the UK (perhaps only a notch classier than Merseyside), but that should not have been the issue last night.

There was no reason to switch off and start packing for the trip home to London 10 minutes before the match ended. Goddammit.

Maybe I need a new voodoo chant for the Riverside Stadium; since it seems that the place is becoming a jinx for us.

fuck that shit

Although some footy fans would never admit to being superstistious, I must say that I am.

That's why I have pre-match rituals.
That's why I try not to knock our opponents too much. At least until after we've played them.
That's why the victory dance has so much passion to it.

Now, though, I have a real concern. A very real concern.

Andriy Shevchenko has just been given the No. 7 Chelsea shirt. Shit. Shitty shitty fuck fuck. That was the one number I was hoping would never be used again. Ever.

The last two players to have worn No. 7 for Chelsea turned out to be complete disappointments; namely Adrian Mutu and Winston Bogarde. The number appears to be jinxed. Hexed. Just plain bad luck.

Now Sheva will have the number on his back. Goddammit.

At this stage, I can only hope that Sheva has the magical talent to reverse the jinx of the No. 7 shirt. I really do hope he does well.

Let us pray, Chelsea fans.

blue is the new red

Like the new look? We thought the blog needed a bit of sprucing up, so here youse go then. Complete with a collage banner. There still a bit of fine-tuning to be done, but the whole template thing is more or less sorted now.

If anyone happens to think that there should be more red in the blog colours, youse will have to pray that one of the red-shirted teams (like Boro or Charlton) win the league next year.

*pppphhbbbbbrrrttttt*

**********

Blue is the colour, football is the game
We're all together, and winning is our aim
So cheer us on through the sun and rain
'cause Chelsea, Chelsea is our name
Here at the Bridge whether rain or fine
We can shine all the time
Home or away, come and see us play
You're welcome any day
Blue is the colour, football is the game
We're all together, and winning is our aim
So cheer us on through the sun and rain
Coz Chelsea, Chelsea is our name

dun jeles k

Back-to-back league titles, babeh!

May the trophies keep flowing, every season from now till whenever.

I was the only blue shirt among a sea of mancs and scousers watching the match on Saturday night. What surprised me most were that there were actually Liverpool fans there who were cheering on ManYoo, as if it would change the fact that the league title are belong to us.

I would have thought that every scouser would be cheering a ManYoo loss, as it would allow youse to perhaps claim 2nd place and avoid having to qualify for next season's Champions League. I guess most of the scousers around me that night were just Chelsea haters who had no idea of the bigger picture. They probably just learnt that gay scouser club song in May last year too.

In any case, as the chords of "We Are The Champions" from Stamford Bridge competed with the voice commentary on the big screen, I sang along but with changed lyrics. That is, You're NOT The Champions. Then I quickly got out of there before I kena whack upside-down. LOL

On a more sombre note, Chelsea may only claim one trophy this season. What to do, we just aren't able to count the European Super Cup and FA Youth Cup as our cup double this year. As you may have observed, the Community Shield doesn't really count as a trophy. Even if we keep on winning it every year.

Toodles

[all photos flogged from BBC Sports]

p.s. Apologies to Wayne Rooney about the metatarsal; but you made our Captain bleed mate. So there.

yes! yess! yyeesssss!!!

It's 16 minutes into the match. We are one goal down and a man short. What could be the solution?

Try 2 goals either side of half-time. It's the stuff of fooking legends.

Shagging opposition fans does work. Sometimes.

Toodles