Chel$ea being... Stingy?!! *gasp!*

That's a new one alright.

Chelsea actually feels that a particular player is "overpriced" and they are not willing to pay anything more than £16m and now they want to pull the plug... right...

Let me just run by a few names and figures: -

1) Didier Drogba - £24m
Had one good UEFA Cup. Scored 18 goals in 34 appearances... In the French League.

2) Paulo Ferreira - £13m
£13m for Portugal's 2nd best right back.

3) Michael Essien - £25m
Claude Makalele's (who was bought for £16m) understudy is worth £9m more. Now with Ballack on board, he may follow the route of this next guy...

4) Shaun Wright-Phillips - £21m
The world's most expensive benchwarmer. Position could be usurped by Essien.

5) Jon Obi Mikel - £12m
And this much was paid just to snatch the lad under the red nose of Sir Fergie.

6) Andriy Shevchenko - > £30m
Fair enough, he's proven quality but he's already close to 30.

Assley Cole is young (25), English and surely the best leftback in the world at the moment. Surely he should be worth somewhere similar to Essien, who at the moment is not even the best holding midfielder in England.

Fair enough, the stupidity and selfishness of A.Hole tilts the bargaining power the way of Chelsea. But don't issue official club statements like this: -

'Although discussions have continued, Arsenal's valuation of the player does not match Chelsea's and therefore no agreement can be reached in the current circumstances.'

... And make yourselves look silly because players 1 - 5 (and possibly 6) are definitely over valued...

Go on then, Roman. Just reach into your pocket for the small change that is £10m.

Insert cliched "Cesc-sational / Fabre-lous" headline here

Finally, we've (or at least I have) gotten my diet of proper football on telly... Unlike the farce that is the latter stages of WC2006...

It was a welcome sight to see the scoreline of ZAGREB 0 ARSENAL 3 at the end of 90 minutes at 5 in the morning (Still steady come in work on time ok. All that practise during the World Cup has paid off!).

A few observations from the match: -

1) Bergkamp who? - We have Van Persie!!
2) Adebayor has the touch of two Michael Owens... Make that two Michael Owen left legs...
3) Fabregas has added strength and pace to his game.
4) Campbell who? - Djorou is going to be a class act!!
5) Ashley who? - ... Ashley is the money grubbing prick, that's who.
6) No Jose in sight, so he's definitely leaving... And potentially, future observations may include "Reyes who? - Rosicky/Ribery Rocks!!"
7) ... Fair enough, Rosicky had a low key debut... He tends to drift to the middle, but hopefully this will be sorted out soon enough...

We controlled the game last night, without really pushing hard. Our new No. 4 bossed the midfield like our old No.4 did, but made the runs and shots that the old one never did! Two well-taken Fabregas goals in between a typical dodgy eastern European 'keeper mistake and we've got one foot in the Champs League...

... And the best part... We haven't even qualified for it and we're ranked higher than that "other London team"! HAH!!!

How to earn mass adulation and stilll come out smelling like manure

Shag a granny a night

Eat three pies with each meal.

Get a red card a month

Read a page of Gazza's autobiography a night and write a book in the summer.

Play tic tac toe over a ball

Rape a girl to dispell gay iconic status

Throw sissy fits

Cry, cry and cry some more

Bitch fight with each other

Get thoroughly pussywhipped by a has-been trollop

Wear sarung and pink nail polish

Shag skanks

Do a rugby kick during a penalty

Generally behave like a wanker

Forever be remembered as King of Karate

Fight with Ince

Fight with Beckham

Fight with Keane

Fight with Horsey

Fight with horse trainer

Fight with Wenger

Fight with Arsenal players

Fight with journalists

Fight with everybody basically except Gary Neville who polishes his shoes.

You are all stoooooooooooooopid.

Classy lot innit? No wonder it smells a bit off here.

O Captain Your Captain, Where is Your WAG?

This is the captain of Manchester United States:



Not bad. First season as captain, and already had a nice little Mickey Mouse Cup to hold up. Much cuter than the league, FA Cup and Champion's League trophies, definitely. We so jeles.

But wait, despite having a nice little cup, Gary is still a little shy.



You see, you tend to get that way when the official photographs of you on your own club's website look like these:



Ok, so that last one was from uglyfootballers.com, but you get the picture.

You also tend to get a tad embarassed when you don't have your own WAG to represent you at a WAG-World-Cup party, and have to send your father instead:


(picture of Inflatable-World-Cup-winning father Neville Neville taken from Daily Mail)

... and he ends up doing this :


(Picture of wet shirt daddy taken from The Sun)

No wonder Phil ran away to Everton....

pre-season liverpool bash #2

Anubis
Egyptian God of Death

Poseidon
Greek God of the Sea

Thor
Viking God of Thunder



Robbie Fowler
Scum God of Ugly Coke Sniffing Dogs
(did you manage to spot the difference in the two pictures? i still can't)

Here we see Robbie earning some extra pocket money from his part time job at the Merseyside Maritime Museum, since he spends all his (paltry) Liverpool wages on coke and just in case the real estate market in the Slums go into recession.

Suckers United, Part 2

Michael Carrick.

18.6 million pounds from Tottenham Hotspur (who made an almost 16 million pound profit.)

Injured within 14 minutes of his second game for Suckers United.

CARRICK INJURED AS UNITED WIN

On only his second appearance for the club since completing an £18.6million move from Tottenham, Carrick lasted just 14 minutes before being helped off after sustaining what seemed to be an injury to his left ankle.


Manure is really getting a head start on everyone in terms of red cards and injuries huh?

Not only that, they're already beating Chelsea!


Red Devils kick out the Blues

It was a rare victory for Manchester United over Chelsea when the Tourism Ministry dumped the Blues to sign a sponsorship deal with the Red Devils.


I like the 'rare victory' in the paragraph. Good touch, that. hehe.

so, apparently the Minister of Tourism (who CLAIMS to be a Gooner), wants to 'ride on MU's popularity to promote Malaysia'.

Well, there goes our tourism industry then....

The FIFA Get-Rich Scheme

Free World Cup tickets for the poor: Fifa's plan to fill seats in South Africa

What FIFA hope will happen:

Poor people in South Africa will receive free or very cheap tickets to World Cup matches when the tournament is held there in 2010. Fifa, football's world governing body, is drawing up plans to ensure that ordinary people can experience at first hand an event that many could otherwise not afford to attend.

'We are talking about either giving away some tickets to the local population, which could come from our sponsors' allocation of seats, or having very, very cheap prices for South Africans. Something along these lines will definitely happen,' said a Fifa official. 'We are determined to find ways of ensuring that the host population are not excluded from this huge event on their doorsteps.'

What will actually happen:
A sudden increase in black market tickets will see a flood of rich Africans and Europeans fill the seats of the stadium, while the poor South Africans, now flush with cash, will buy themselves a pretty good TV set to watch the matches with friends and family.

Everybody wins?

a historical game

I read this and it reaffirmed something I keep telling everybody - if there is one game that rates as the turning point in Premier League history, it is one that is under-rated and one nobody ever mentions.

2002/2003

Last weekend of the season. Manyoo had already sewn up the title the previous week. All eyes were on the game between Chelsea and Liverpool. They were both equal on points, although Chelsea had a superior goal difference.

The prize?

At least £10 million - because the winner would finish 4th and get to into the qualifying rounds of the champions league.

Liverpool took the early lead but Chelsea were leading 2-1 at half time. Liverpool needed to win. They needed to push up and try to score two goals. Unfortunately, Gerrard Houllier decided it was best to play football in their own half - something they had been doing all season long. Liverpool lost the game and the Champions League spot. It seemed as if the UEFA Cup wasn't that bad because they had been playing badly all season.

A few weeks later, a certain Russian billionaire bought over Chelsea and he would change the game forever. When asked, "Why Chelsea?", he replied that it was a buy that made the most sense. They weren't a mega team which would have cost him a bomb, yet they weren't a small club either. More importantly though, they were in the Champions League the following season which guaranteed some instant revenue.

He said: "I'm not going to kid you. The club are in severe financial difficulty.

"In fact, we have reached a point of financial crisis. In order to ensure that Chelsea FC will still exist next season you have to make the Champions League. In short, if you fail to beat Liverpool then the club will go out of business."

Claudio Ranieri obviously knew what was going on behind the scenes but wanted us focused on football.

We were determined to get the win and thankfully we won 2-1. But I look back now and wonder what would have happened had we lost.

*Excerpt of Fat Frank's biography*

I always wondered too - what would have happened if Liverpool won that day? Chelsea would have been unattractive. I doubt Roman would have bought Liverpool - too much baggage, too many assets, essentially the same reason Manyoo and Arsenal didn't appeal to him. Next best choice?

Newcastle of course. They finished 3rd that season, you know.

Pre-season friendlies don't matter. I hope.

FIVE FUCKING NIL?????

Against FSV Mainz-wherethehellisthat?

Thank god it's just a pre-season friendly. But still, they'd better get their act together when they meet Maccabi Haifa next week...

Oh well. At least it's better than getting two stupid red cards in a friendly and risk missing two of your best players for the start of the season...

Man, that Roo Roo Rotweiller is really getting psyched up for the new season, and is trying to see red every chance he has eh?

Me thinks he's taking those 'bull-necked' descriptions of him a little TOO seriously...

Two Questions. What are your answers?

Hey guys,

I have two questions for you.

Question 1: The question is from a poll in GoFutsal.com: 'Gofutsal will have a futsal competition to celebrate our 2 year anniversary. Will you join us?'

Question 2: I know this is probably a crazy idea, and I might probably get killed for even suggesting it...... but......

......


.....


WHO SUPPORTS THE IDEA OF ESTABLISHING HANTUBOLA Futsal Club ?
Fyi: Naz had signed on for a mind-boggling 18.6 million pounds.


Well?

fuck that shit

Although some footy fans would never admit to being superstistious, I must say that I am.

That's why I have pre-match rituals.
That's why I try not to knock our opponents too much. At least until after we've played them.
That's why the victory dance has so much passion to it.

Now, though, I have a real concern. A very real concern.

Andriy Shevchenko has just been given the No. 7 Chelsea shirt. Shit. Shitty shitty fuck fuck. That was the one number I was hoping would never be used again. Ever.

The last two players to have worn No. 7 for Chelsea turned out to be complete disappointments; namely Adrian Mutu and Winston Bogarde. The number appears to be jinxed. Hexed. Just plain bad luck.

Now Sheva will have the number on his back. Goddammit.

At this stage, I can only hope that Sheva has the magical talent to reverse the jinx of the No. 7 shirt. I really do hope he does well.

Let us pray, Chelsea fans.

Confirmed Futsal Time

Oklar oklar, let's confirm the place and time for the futsal meet once and for all:

HANTU BOLA FUTSAL KICKABOUT

DATE: 3 August (THURSDAY)
TIME: 8-9 (Spiller, time ok? sudah book kan?)
VENUE: FOOTY FUTSAL, TAMAN MEGAH

Lets all go and see if Five minute man can make it to six minutes....

Why you should go to the HantuBola Kickabout

Ladies, Gentlemen and Scouse Scum,

Allow me to amplify why you should go to the Hantubola Kickabout today (3rd August, Thursday) at Footy Futsal, Taman Megah from 8 to 9pm).

• You can get fit.
• You get to rub shoulders (and more) with the Head Hantus/Hantu Keciks/usual commentators/anybody.
• It's not everyday you get to see Eyeris imitate Frank Lampard (of World Cup fame).
• It's not everyday you get to witness Din (me!) rugby tackle somebody while playing futsal.
• Hey, when was the last time YOU ran?
• If you don't want to play, you can accompany the benchwarmers and witness the awesomeness of those playing on the court.
• Majulah Sukan untuk Negara.
• We are all very hot and sexy.................... Ok, maybe just hot. And sweaty.
• If you don't come, the HantuBola Ghost in the header above will haunt you in your dreams for the rest of your miserable life.

Aiyah, come lah, don't be shy shy lah....

Why can't men say what they mean?

Honestly. It would save a lot of bother, wouldn't it?

I mean, look at that Reyes. He's been pussyfooting, going round and round, beating behind every bloody bush, saying he wants to join a Spanish Club.

Who in their right mind would want to join Real Madriculous at this day and age? Oh..okay. Van Horsey did. Well, he had too, didn't he? All the stables in England are full, it seems.

Reyes means Liverpool, innit?

Okay, okay, go join the Spanish Club. Sheesh.

It's not like there's any shame in wanting to join the greatest club in history,is it? One that has won the Champions League five times. One that buggered West Ham to win the FA Cup. (Oh shut up..think it's so easy to trail back after 2 down? Coming back to from 2 goals down to win is a lot harder than winning, say, 3-0 against Milwall, okay!)

Now, I would have understood the need to be bashful if he wanted to join that American Club which has only managed to get Carrick.

But, c'mon, Liverpool? Just come out and spell it already, will you?

Go on then Rafa.Break the bank.

I reckon Reyes is cute enough to tickle your fancy.

I've supported Liverpool since I was a kid. Really. My parents took me to Toxteth once and I was totally impressed.

pre-season liverpool bash #1

Alritey folks.

Let it be known that Vincent is back and ready to take the piss at Liverpool.....as usual.

The 'bash' in the title doesn't mean the party kinda bash. It is more of the 'let's take a sledgehammer to your head' kinda bash. Since it is well known that there are loads of glory hunters around (Liverpool ones of course), and most of the kids on this blog are Liverpool fans (judging on TigerJoe's Green Fanta allocation and Manyoo flamers) - I thought it would be fitting to start of the bash in that direction.


Jermaine Pennant on joining Liverpool: (link)

"I've dreamt about this since I was a little boy so to actually be here and to be able to wear a Liverpool shirt and play at Anfield is a dream come true. I'm over the moon."

Jermaine Pennant on that night in Istanbul where Andriy Shevchenko cemented his reputation as an overhyped cow trash: (note the term 'we') (link)

"When we went 3-0 down I just went back to my room feeling really disappointed. A bit later I put the match on again and saw it was 3-3. I couldn't believe it and started jumping all over the bed"

There. There.

Is that how you spell G-L-O-R-Y H-U-N-T-E-R??