ESBN: Sco Long, And Thanks For All the Points!

SOME BRIDGE IN LONDON IS FALLING DOWN: Russian footy club Chelski have given up on their dream to win the FIFA World Cup after they sacked World-Cup-Winning manager Luis Phillipa Sorrylar after seven months at Stamford Bridge.

In a statement by the club, some skank named Chelsea said "The board would like to place on record our gratitude for his time as manager."

Eyeris would also like to place on record his gratitude for the generosity Scolari showed Liverpool in gifting them a win at the expense of Chelski's LOOOOOOONG unbeaten home record, a feat that counts as one of the Brazilian's greatest achievements at the club. Other achievements include selling his best left back and the player whom the club's stadium is named after to Manchester Next-Chelsea, and buying a lazy midfielder solely for Decorative purposes.

Rumours that Harry Redknapp was eyeing the vacancy at Stamford Bridge because "If I would leave Spurs for any other club, it would be Chelski", were unfounded at press time.

ESBN Breaking News! Chelski in Financial Trouble?

SOMEWHERE IN NIGERIA: Hotshot super-bias ESBN reporter eyeris stumbled upon evidence that Russian footy club Chelski may not be as rich as people believe them to be these days.

Already relegated from richest club in the world to SECOND richest club in the world by Middle Eastern Thai restaurant RichMan City, and impressed by the riches of the Nigerian consortium trying to buy Newcastle Comedy Club, Chelski have also come up with their own version of the Nigerian Scam in a desperate bid to regain their crown as the richest club in the world.


No official from the above mentioned supporters club could be reached for contact, probably because there is no such place called StaNford Bridge Fulham Road. Efforts by grammar police to arrest the scam artists for bad punctuation and lack of paragraphs were also futile.

Meanwhile, rumors that formerly prolific Hantu Bola founder Tigerjoe was seen in front of a camera posing like an underwear model wearing nothing but his Chelsea jersey were unfounded at press time.

Matematik EPL Darjah Tiga

Jika:
Chelski = Men.United
Dan:
Men.United < Liverpool.
Dan:
Liverpool = Stoke City.

Maka:
Stoke City > (Men.United = Chelski).

Kesimpulan:
(Stoke City = Liverpool) > (Men.United = Chelski).


Faktor Yang Diabaikan:
((Stoke City = Liverpool) > (Men.United = Chelski)) ≠ (Fulham > Arsenal)

ESBN: Ingerlish FA Allows Rugby In EPL Matches

NOWHERE NEAR THE ALL-BLACKS OR SPRINGBOKS: The Ingerlund Footy association have decide to lend their rugby colleagues a hand in their bid to regain the Rugby World Cup they last won in 2003 and lost to South Africa in 2007; by allowing them to train potential players in the EPL.

This landmark move was field tested successfully last weekend, when Johnny "Wilkinson" Terry rugby tackled Manchester City's YO! JO! to the ground in a successful attempt to stop YO! JO! from scoring a try.

An attempt by the referee to throw a red card into the works was dismissed yesterday, as the red card was torn up, thus allowing Johnny "Wilkinson" Terry the chance to continue his rugby training this weekend, when the OTHER team from Manchester comes a-calling.

Rumours that Nehnehmanja Vidic tried appealing to get rid of HIS red card and to get kickboxing allowed in EPL matches, was unfounded at press time. A tall goalkeeper and a ginger head midfielder were also seen loitering outside the FA's office holding volleyballs.