ESBN: One Hull Of An Arse Kicking

EMIRATES BUT NOT DUBAI: Mighty Hull City were given a scare on Saturday when they went a goal-down to the Arsenal MSSM team at the Emirates Airport.

However, against an Arsenal team that had beaten Hull City's main rivals for next year's Championship title Sheffield Not-Very-United 6-0 with their primary school MSSM team, Hull managed to claw back to win 2-1 thanks to a superb goal by Brazilian Geology, and then a header that was superbly not defended by Arse captain William Gall-less.

In another game, Red Liverpool beat Blue Liverpool on a turf of Green while a man in Black waved some Yellow cards around. No other colours of the rainbow or Care Bears were reachable for comment, although a dubious-looking be-spectacled bear with a goatee was seen shouting at Robbie Keane to bloody get a goal already.

In other news, American volleyball team Men.United managed to crash through a bus on the way to winning at Bolton; while Russian-bottlers Chelski beat Stoke City after their captain bribed some Stoke fans with a tracksuit and maybe some of his Moscow-bottled vodka.

Middle Eastern former Thai food connoisseurs Man No Women Allowed City lost to Titus Bramble's Wigan, who clinched the diving gold medal with a penalty won by a brilliant somersault/flip/crash by Palacios, who might have hit a pigeon when he hurled himself through the air after being 'tackled' by Garrido.

Oh, and there was much laughter to be had as Newcastle and Tottenham continued to battle it out in their quest to become the funniest comedy acts in EPL since Massimo Taibi.