HANTU BOLA: Petaling Street Hooligans

Are The Everton Jersey makers colour blind?

2011-07-07T10:56:00.004+08:00

Remember this abomination Everton came up with last season?

They've decided to limit the humiliation to just their goalkeeper alone:

Now, go check out Guardian's compilation of worst dressed goalkeepers EVER.

You're Being Silly! Stop Being Silly!

2011-04-18T10:58:00.002+08:00

You know all those stupid gossip headlines written by hacks in UK papers about how this team is buying this player, and how 'dressing room sources' give them all those juciy news? Well Gigi Salmon of Chelsea TV decided to find out exactly who all these dressing room sources are...

Brilliant, absolutely brilliant. To quote Football365: "Gigi Salmon, we love you".

--------------------------

Speaking of presenters, did anyone catch the post-match analysis of the game last night? Who was that annoying portly, fat bastard sitting on the far right, dissing the Liverpool kids by saying 'they won't go far' and predicting that Arsenal would win 3-0? I never knew anyone could be more annoying than Steve McMahon, but there you go.

Has Torres Scored For Chelsea?

2011-04-13T13:02:00.002+08:00

FIND OUT HERE!

Picture of the Week

2011-02-16T20:22:00.001+08:00

Move over Vinnie Jones.

FERNANDO WHO???!!???

2011-02-07T01:53:00.006+08:00

TORRES 0 - 1 LIVERPOOL

MUAHAHAHAHHAAHHAHAHAHAHA!!
You can take our El Nino,
BUT YOU CAN'T STOP THE RAUUUULLLLLLL!

*Victory dance*

Oh, and didya see Agger socking him one IN DA FACE? HAHAHAHA!

Gay Neville in Memory

2011-02-03T19:28:00.002+08:00

Gary and Ginger
Together
Forever.

- The End -

Who's gonna kiss Ginger IF he scores again?

'Nuff Said

2011-01-10T08:46:00.001+08:00

Nice Dive, Berbatosser.

Haih. Watudu. 10 men vs 12 men. At least we don't have to look at Woy's forlorn, clueless face in the dugout anymore.

CHAMPIONS OF ASEAN, BABEH!!!!!

2010-12-30T10:54:00.005+08:00

Malaysia clinches victory at the Gelora Bung Karno Stadium

WHOA now THAT'S what I call a happy feeling.

The whole team actually played like an EPL team. Khairul Fahmi's penalty save, Kunalan's tireless running, the super-young backline, Safiq, Safee, Shairul... EVERYONE played their part!

WELL DONE BOYS! But don't let it get to your heads, boys, there's a long way to go. And all you bandwagon-jumping politicians, don't kacau-kacau ok? Leave the football to KING RAJABGOBAL!

IDUP RAJAGOBAL! KING RAJAGOBAL!

Ni baru ASEAN. Next stop, Asia!

Wang Rooney? Wayne Money?

2010-10-22T23:45:00.004+08:00

Rooney doubles his money as he performs United U-turn

After seeming certain to leave, Wayne Rooney has signed a new five-year contract at Man Utd worth £180,000-a-week

Wang Rooney?
Wayne Money?
Do you REALLY think it was loyalty that convinced him to stay?
180,000 reasons say otherwise.

For Sale

2010-10-21T10:23:00.005+08:00

Two previous owners

ugly

dirty

smelly

stupid

tend to stray away from home,

but kind to old people.

Fuck this shit... Send in the lawyers!

2010-10-18T10:38:00.010+08:00

CIBAI.

C'mon Roy, you can't SERIOUSLY think this was the 'best performance' so far? If you really do, then you are CLEARLY out of your depth.

70 minutes in, 2-0 down, and you STILL don't make any changes? WTF!

Lucas: Crap. Worse than George's Star Wars prequels
Maxi: Is that a maxi dress you're wearing? Because you play like a PUSSY.
Mereles: Stop shooting from 40 yards out you bloody fool.
Torres: Not strong enough to play lone striker (look at Yakubu)
Gerrard: ran a lot, couldn't do much
Carra: Definitely not an attacking wing-back.
Konchesky: Crap. At least Insua could run fast.
Reina, Skrtel & Kyrikos Kebab: Without them we'd have lost 5-0.
Joe Cole: He was playing?

Enough is enough. At this rate we might as well get rid of the ENTIRE first team and play the juniors instead. At least THEY would actually make an EFFORT.

Or as a friend put it: "Put on the Liverpool lawyers instead. At least THEY'VE got a lot more fight in them than THIS lot."

Yanks out, Yank in

2010-10-06T16:01:00.003+08:00

LIVERPOOL SOLD TO OWNER OF BOSTON RED SOX

The board of Liverpool has agreed to sell the club to the US owners of the Boston Red Sox baseball team following an extraordinary boardroom wrangle that revealed the splits at the highest level of one of English football's most celebrated insitutions.

------------------------------------------------

WTF, from two Yanks to another Yank? Sigh....

OK, let's look at this another way. Will this New England Sports Ventures thing wipe out the debt that Gillette and Hicks incurred? If so, that's already a positive sign. But whether or not NESV has the funds to invest in the team further is another matter. But at least there's no more pressure on the finances (well, not as much anyway) and we won't be forced to sell stars like Torres at a cut-price just because we need the money.

Though I'm still not convinced that Roy Hodgson is the manager to bring us forward.

KTHXCIBAI #6373593

2010-10-04T00:08:00.006+08:00

DEAR DUMBFUCK SAGGY-FACED DIPSHIT YANKS WHO DROVE RAFA OUT AND ARE EDGING US CLOSER TO BANKRUPTCY.
THANKS FOR HIRING ROY HODGSON TO GET US OUT OF THE RELEGATION ZONE AND WIN US THE EUROPA CUP. And for letting him buy Poulsen, who is actually worse than Lucas.

Kthxcibai.

CIBAI #01 for 2010

2010-08-16T10:30:00.003+08:00

Dammit. Should have won that one.
Why didn't Reina wear his cap to block out the sun?
Cibai.
And there I was going on and on
About how "In Reina We Trust, In Almunia we HAHAHA"
I think I jinxed him. GAH.
Oh well, letting in an own goal is bad,
But surely conceding to NGOG is infinitely more embaressing?
And against TEN MEN samore.
As Sashi put it, we took off one guy,
And gave you a goal,
And you STILL couldn't win. LOL
Oh well, the team looks a lot more solid this season at least.
Bring on the Citeh!

ESPAÑAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-07-12T05:41:00.002+08:00

WORLD CHAMPIONS!!!!!

HIDUP SOTONG!!!!!!

Hidup Sotong!

2010-07-09T18:39:00.003+08:00

This post has no point whatsoever except to annoy Vincent. LOL

Though the last time Paul predicted a major final, he got it wrong. Should I be worried? ... NAH.

FIFA ARE GENIUS!!

2010-07-01T23:36:00.002+08:00

Besides rejecting technology that sent the overated English home (that's a good thing if you were wondering), FIFA have taken further steps to show more proof of their GENIUS.

NIGERIA RISK EXPULSION OVER DECREE

Nigeria could face the ultimate sanction of being expelled from FIFA if the world governing body decides there has been unacceptable government interference.
FIFA are investigating the Nigerian president's announcement that he has banned the national side from competition for two years as punishment for their poor World Cup campaign.
President Goodluck Jonathan's decree includes the Nigerian Football Federation being dissolved and an interim board appointed.
That appears to fly in the face of FIFA's rules on government interference in the running of national associations - Sepp Blatter has already warned France's government against meddling in the French federation's affairs.
Under FIFA rules, national associations can be suspended or even expelled if there is such interference.
...

Special presidential adviser Ima Niboro said: "President Goodluck Jonathan has directed that Nigeria withdraws from international competition for two years to enable the country to put its house in order.

"This directive became necessary following Nigeria's poor performance in the ongoing World Cup."

So, Mr Goodluck decides to ban his players from playing internationally and disbanding his national FA.

FIFA decides to react to that by..........threatening to suspend the Nigerian FA.

GOODLUCK (all pun intended!) with that!!

MD & DM

2010-06-21T16:04:00.009+08:00

Ya know, I really really love the awesome Maxis ads along the highway an on TV that relive the glory of Malaysia qualifying for the Olympic Games way back in 1981 (Unfortunately, Malaysia boycotted the Olympics that year. Sigh).

I especially like the one of Arumugam aka. Spiderman along the NPE in Subang. Awesome ad, that.

But seriously, I think this particular picture PWNs them all:

Mokhtar Dahari and Diego Maradona! Side by side! EEEE BANGGANYAAAA!

(Funnily enough, both their initials consist of the letters D and M. Just saying.)

Taken from someone's FB profile, who also 'stole' it from a friend. Thanks mate! This is freaking AWESOME!

captain wanker

2010-06-19T17:00:00.003+08:00

If you've been reading HantuBola long enough, you should know this. If you're new, allow us to reiterate:

NEVER BET ON ENGLAND. But if you do feel you must bet, then always bet on their incompetence.

Liverpool and England's Captain Wanker

The Chief Kaizer

2010-06-19T00:19:00.008+08:00

12/06/2010

England 1 - 1 USA

"Stop going backwards you dumb English pricks!"

17/06/2010

France 0 - 2 Mexico

"It is without doubt that the French Fries are for the moment

(or for a long time) the biggest disappointment of the World Cup."

18/06/2010

Germany 0 - 1 Serbia

(just 5 days after whipping the Aussies 4-0)

"...."

Kamon Mesia!!

2010-06-11T10:37:00.003+08:00

Sempena Piala Dunia FIFA 2010, marilah kita bersama-sama menaikkan taraf pengulasan Malaysia dengan membantu Uncle Hasbullah menyebut nama-nama pemain. Katakan BOLEH.

Berikut adalah beberapa contoh.

Abu Bakar Sagna
Abu Dihabi
Jujur Ribery
Zakar Terry
Jo Hati
Peter Bongkok
Jujur Lampard
Pepet Reina
Alvaro Payudara
David Perak
Cik Fabregas
Ryan Bebel
Zakar Layang-Layang
Robin bin Faraj
Gigi Beruk
Lionel Pengotor

Tambah mana perlu, although Rio Ferdinand tak perlu, Hasbullah sudah tahu. (Hey, that rhymes too).

Whether you are a casual fan, a die-hard nutter or simply watching footie for the blokes, have a great WC 2010 people.

In other news...

2010-06-09T09:52:00.004+08:00

With too many macho players like Tim Cahill and Arteta, Everton takes the advice of their captain (who missed being part of Men.United), and tries to appeal to their players' feminine side:

BTW, Is that a cock I see on that pink shirt?

Tara Rafa

2010-06-05T10:15:00.012+08:00

Thank you for going all the way to the England training camp to persuade Stevie not to go Chelsea and to tell Carra how much he is valued.

Thank you for telling Djimi to go take a shower during the half time at Istanbul.

Thank you for GOD's Second Coming

Thank you for the F.A Cup.

Thank you for the Charity Shield

The ugly tries harder

Thank you for Athens.

Thank you for Rosy Cheeks.

Thank you for praying for the club.

I have to admit I'm not your most loyal fan. Many times I was frustrated by your actions. I'm feeling ambivalent about you leaving though. And I can't just let you go without saying goodbye.

I know you thought you did your best. Look how much 6 years have changed you. Was it emotional eating, Rafa?

Thank you Rafael Benitez. Best wishes.

Favourite Rafa quote:
"I have to rush to the hospital because (arjen) robben is dying."

p/s: I love your goatee! Honest.

A wrong tackle

2010-05-14T15:17:00.009+08:00

A particularly dim-witted unnamed Men.United player took Sir Alex Fergit's instruction to "Tackle like a Brazillian'" by taking it upon himself to apply hair removal cream to his tackle.

“The cream effectively removed the short and curlies but also burnt a layer of skin off!"

The blunder was exposed when the lad had problems in the changing room the next day.

Rumours were rife that it was Gary Neville himself who administered the DIY Brazillian job. But it was immediately denied by Old Trafford officials as, "Bollocks. He can't even grow proper tache."

Speculations that it was actually Nani, who were playing with himself as usual but used the wrong cream has yet to be confirmed. Besides, he has no balls.

Another story that was going around was it was Scholes and the cream was applied lovingly and tenderly by Gary Neville who couldn't stand Scholes ginger fuzz grazing his chin.

Initial investigation however confirmed that the cream was left behind by Cristina Ronaldo for Berbatov, whose manbag Ronaldo was extremely jealous of.

HB contacted an ex girlfriend of Ronaldo who told us that, "Cristiano and I took the same time to get ready. He waxed everything!"

For the real story, go here:

103

2010-05-10T05:23:00.002+08:00

103 goals scored over 38 games. Goal difference of +71. Drogba wins the golden boot. Again. Chelsea are league champions. Once again.

CHAMPIONS!!!

*victory dance*

And we still have the cup final to play.

on a similar note...

2010-05-03T21:34:00.003+08:00

Ironic story of the day:

ROMA CHIEF HITS OUT AT LAZIO

Roma president Rosella Sensi has hit out at the manner of Lazio's defeat by Inter Milan on Sunday.

The 2-0 win allowed Inter to take a two-point lead at the top of Serie A ahead of Lazio's bitter rivals with two games remaining.

"After what we saw at the Olimpico, to call ours the most beautiful league in the world is a paradox," Sensi told Gazzetta della Sport.

"I would be ashamed to win that way."

A section of Lazio fans cheered both of Inter's goals as they damaged Roma's title chances.

Roma director Gian Paolo Montali added: "I never thought my eyes would see what they have seen this time.

"I believe Inter and their coach were embarrassed, it was nothing to do with them.

"It was only Lazio that lost, but Italian football."

I don't believe the conspiracy theories out there. I don't think Steven Gerrard meant to gift Chelsea that goal. I think he just Brambled Up, just as he has been doing all season long, just as he gifted Arsenal and France goals in the past through similarly stupid passes.

But I shall say this to the Liverpool fans who were actually happy about the defeat. To the Liverpool fans who actually think their captain intentionally threw the game in front of their home crowd. If you believe that is what happened, then your club is really FUBAR, and I extend my condolences to you.

What I also cannot understand is how you people can keep blaming the owners when quite simply the problem lies with the fat Spanish bloke. Everybody knows that Kalou (even though his hairstyle makes him look like a retard) has been in awesome form on the left in the last few months. And armed with that knowledge, he puts fucking Mashimaro at right back to face both Kalou AND Cashley Cole! And after the first 20 minutes when it was clear that Mashimaro is a silly Japanese toy and NOT a fucking right back, he still doesn't put anybody to cover the right wing!

I hope Rafa stays. With him, you'll never win the league again.

I don't think Manyoo lost the league tonight. Some people mentioned the loss to Burnley - I also don't point directly at that. The league is won or lost over a collective 38 games. Whoever has the most points deserves it. It really is quite so simple...

A-Z guide for you Scumbags

2010-05-01T05:59:00.007+08:00

Alright then you pathetic scumbags. Since you lot desperately expect us to win your Jaguh Kampung for you, here's a bleeding A-Z guide of the team you are rooting for this Sunday.

A is for Agger - He's the delicious Danish. Centre defender also can, left back also can. More importantly, A is for ABU, our lifetime philosophy.

B is for Benitez - He's the fat one in glasses. Unlike Gary Neville, he has a proper goatee. Ego as big as his gut. The best way to get something out of him is to tell him the opposite of what you want.

C is Carragher - He's the one who looks like Jim Carrey. Great defender but totally useless in interviews. Tevez speaks better English than him. By the way, we love Tevez for calling Gary Neville a boot licker. 80% of Guardian reader agrees.

D is for Dirk Kuyt. He's my dickiebird. Really works for his money.

E is for El Zhar. Every now and then, he plays.

F is Fernando Morientes. Bloody handsome. But we blinked and he's gone.

G is for Gerrard. He is a much better looking Russel Crowe. Our captain who is not only handsomer than yours but has bigger balls. Check out the close-ups this Sunday.

(Que Sera Sera)

Steve Gerrard, Gerrard,
He kicks the ball 40 yards,
He's big and his facking hard
Steve Gerrard, Gerrard

Of course, G is GOD aka Robbie Fowler. G is also google him if you are a Manure fan who is still in school.

G is also for Gary and Ginger.

Gary and Ginger.
Together.
Forever.

H is Hyppia. Our lovable Grandpa. He's gone. H is also for Didi Hamann. He's gone too. Love him.

I is for I fecking hetchew, manures.

J is for Jerzy Dudek. He is Liverpool's handsomest goalkeeper and he was magic in Istanbul.

K is for King Kenny Daglish. He has a gorgeous daughter. Should have married Jamie Redknapp, our handsomest captain to date, on account that his real father is the milkman. His cousin, Lampoop, doesn't fare so well in the looks department. (Jamie's and Fat Frank's mother are twins.)

Kevin Keegan. He had the best perm in England back when. Cut an album in late 70s although I've never heard any of his songs.

L is for Lucas. He doesn't look like a Brazilian, doesn't move like a Brazilian, but he's Brazilian. He's the one that picks up the soap for the gaffer. Only Rafa can tell you if he's had a Brazilian wax like Cristina Ronaldo.

M is for Macherano - He's the one with the temper. Curly hair. Hairy too, I suspect. M is also for Steve 'I'd kick my own brother if neccessary' Mekmun, Shabby's favourite pundit.

N is for Ngoq, short for Bongok.

O is for Owen. He used to be our Wonder Boy. Now he's your Sick Boy. You can keep him.

P is Pepe Reina, the botakhead who jaga the goal. Sometimes, he's pepet, sometimes he's phenomenal.

Q is for..err...queue to win as many European cups as us?

R is for Riise. He suffers from OCD. Needs to wipe the ball for a minute before throwing it into the field. Sadly, he's gone. I love him, proof that I don't just watch footie for the blokes. R is also for Riera. But Rafa dowan to friend him anymore.

S is for Skrytel. He looks like a skinhead. He won't be playing though so you better not park anywhere near the stadium.

T is for Torres. He's the one with the flowing blonde locks, freckles, pouty lips and rosy cheeks. Vincent fancies him madly. He's our best striker. Unfortunately for you, he won't be playing on Sunday. hahahahahahahaha

U is for U can focking shut yer gob, Sir Alex.

V is Voronin. He looks like Triple H but bloody useless. Robbie Fowler has scored more goals in one season in Australia than Voronin has for Liverpool.

W is for Wembley where Liverpool beat Chelsea for the Charity Shield (2007?) and Men.United in ..err..2003?

X is we don't give a toss anymore and don't care who wins Jaguh Kampung xcept Manure! (Refer to A above)

Y is Yossi Benayoun, Eyeris look-a-like. He's circumsized, I think. Of course, Y is also for You'll Never Walk Alone. Learn it, love it!

Z is for zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I haven't slept since Liverpool lost to that blonde dickhead who looks like a pornstar.

My prediction?

Liv 0 - 3 Chelsea. All own goals.

CIBAI #infinity

2010-04-30T09:47:00.000+08:00

CIBAI
MCH KNNCCB

Foiled by Forlan again.
Godammit.

Old News

2010-04-18T09:25:00.014+08:00

Roo the Poo is bisexual. He either goes for his teammates or their grandmaws.

Gary Neville is Gay

Before
Gary: "You don't love me no more now you have Tom Cruise."
Wendy Weckham: "Ala..donch la merajuk..I hate it when you nag. Let's go play hide the sausage."

After
Wendy Weckham: "Feck..Gary gave me crabs!"

New News

Gary Neville is still gay.

But now he can only pull the grandpa type.

Despite his best efforts, Giggsy didn't get any though

When Gary himself is a grandpa, this is what Men.United fans can look forward to.

Unrelated but somehow quite relevant news:
Cristina allegedly kissed Kim Kardashian before the Barca match. Just like Tiger's Woody, he seems to prefer plastic-titted skanks too.

Irony?

2010-04-09T05:42:00.004+08:00

"He's phenomenal, but Messi doesn't play on his own. The coach and his team-mates deserve credit as well. Whoever knows about football knows what I'm saying," Ronaldo added.

This from a man (and I use the term 'man' loosely here) who's not known for his team spirit.

Ronaldo remains loyal to his childhood club, Real Ronaldo.

Laugh lah, laugh some more.

2010-04-08T08:22:00.003+08:00

You are all out of Europe.

Except Liverpool. Oh, and Fulham.

Hehehe.

Kids: It's a joke okay.

Say No To Kalah Bola!

2010-03-29T14:00:00.002+08:00

He used to be the best goalkeeper in the world.

Now he says NO to Kalah Bola!

Makanlah Biskut Tiger, Jadi Macam Peter!

half-hearted taunt of the day

2010-03-23T22:46:00.003+08:00

Lily keeps telling me to post something. Something to gloat or SOMETHING AT ALL...

I haven't really been in the mood to write anything recently, but a screenshot of my FB wall yesterday should suffice.

Discuss.

It's also refreshing to note that that particular screenshot has Lily's profile picture featuring one of the best players to feature for his club, and another bit-part player who is currently terrorizing Australian defenders for North Queensland Fury.

'Own Goal had a forgettable game'

2010-02-17T21:33:00.006+08:00

MILAN - It may have been a good result for Manchester United, but for one player it was a game to forget.

Own Goal, United's ten-goal sensation, second top-scorer at the club behind Wayne '25-star' Rooney, did not manage to increase his goal tally in the first leg of United's round-of-16 match with AC Milan. With United having had 14 shots (4 on target), the 'Silent Predator' was unlucky not to be able to claim United's equalizer, which was credited to Paul Scholes instead.

"I thought he did score, but upon seeing the replays it was clear it was just a deflection, thus rightfully credited to Scholes" said Man Utd manager Sir Alex Ferguson, "He will have to take his chances in the return leg if he is to keep his momentum in tandem with Wayne (Rooney)."

The media reported that starter Own Goal, who looked like he was missing in the entire second half, may not have himself entirely to blame for his no-show. "Lack of attacking play may have been a glaring factor in why Own Goal wasn't able to get a clear chance on goal" said Martin Nee, sports journalist at The Moon. "It was down to how United lined-up their formation. Also, Milan's defenders were able to do their jobs relatively well, but then again they let in three goals so I don't sound too credible now."

It has been rumoured that United have received offers from clubs for the player following his impressive performances this past month and a half. Sir Alex may have to make a decision on his player, who was previously low-profile, come end of the season.

At press time, there have been sources saying that Own Goal will be on the bench at United's away game to Everton this weekend and likely to be used as an impact player.

CIBAI #543857

2010-02-11T14:21:00.003+08:00

Cibai. Go and lose 1-0 only. Should have at least drawn. Macauhai. And there I was thinking our season was back on track.

Oh well, at least everyone else (read: Spurs & Villa) lost or drew as well. Except Man City of course. Now we REALLY need to beat those rich basterds.

an advertisement

2010-02-10T01:51:00.005+08:00

Today I am going to point out an item from a "proper newspaper", i.e. Financial Times UK. More specifically, the classifieds section:

Crystal Palace Football Club For Sale

United Kingdom

Financials
Asking price: Undisclosed
Sales revenue: Undisclosed
Net profit: Undisclosed
Fixtures value: Undisclosed
Stock value: Undisclosed

Business description
Football Club For Sale
On instructions of the Joint Administrators, B Guilfoyle, C White and J Russell:
Crystal Palace F.C . (2000) Limited
The sale of football club and its associated assets presents an opportunity to acquire a long established South London club (founded 1905) currently playing in the Championship division of the Football League and currently enjoying success in the FA Cup (next match against Aston Villa in the fifth round). more

Any takers? How about you, Dato' Tony? Heheh...

ESBN: Reckless Vagina

2010-02-05T14:14:00.006+08:00

POTTYMOUTH: The new owner of Pottymouth club came out of the closet today, declaring that the club's Faraj was reckless, and because of that, the club now needs stabilizing to ensure that future transactions will remain reproductive.

In a bid to score with the club's fannys, Pottymouth's new owner Ballsram Cincai declared that he wants to pimp the club to the most responsible client possible

He said he will conduct a KYC [Know Your Cock test] before determining that the next buyer is clean and not a liar. He said, "If he says he's got my money I'm going to see if he's really got money."

Rumours that John Terry was caught sneaking around the club's guest room hopefully, wearing nothing but a captain's armband, were unfounded at press time.

The Mystery of the Captain's armband

2010-02-04T23:18:00.005+08:00

Apparently, John Terry lost his captain's armband. The armband was last spotted on the thighs of a certain EPL bicycle who used it as a garter.

Where was it found?

a. Under Wayne Bridge's bed

b. Under Drogba's bed

c. Under Gudjohnson's bed

d. Under Hilarious' bed

e. Under Ashley Cole's bed

f. Under Mutu's bed

g. Under Roman's girlfriend's bed

h. Under the bed of a working girl at the brothel Avram visited.

Robbie Keane And The Ever-Changing Wiki Page

2010-02-02T00:10:00.004+08:00

We at Hantu Bola love The Guardian's live updates. They're always funny, and we love it almost as much as we love Football365's Famous Mailbox, which we love a whole lot more than the entire crappy ESPN-owned Soccernet with all its annoying videos.

Anyway, yesterday Guardian had LIVE COVERAGE of one of the 'most important days in football' - the close of the January transfer window. Amongst some of the amusing updates, was The Robbie Keane Wiki Fiasco, which proves that you should never trust Wikipedia TOO much.

The whole thing started out with this:

Later, there was another update about Robbie Keane's Wiki page:

And from then onwards, apparently all hell broke loose. While I was away, Robbie Keane's Wikipedia page got updated a couple more times. When I got back, this was what I saw:

So off I went to Robbie Keane's Wikipedia page, where I saw this:

Pressing refresh from then on, I got different line every minute, ranging from Portsmouth bashing:

To the smart-ass:

The dumbfounding:

And the frivolous:

One joker even replaced his entire entry with this:

My favorite has to be this one though:

In the end it reverted back to the real Wiki page, but not before Guardian posted this:

See why you should never trust Wikipedia? LOL

conversation of the day

2010-01-31T22:36:00.003+08:00

Friend: *points at my Malaysian national team jersey* So, why are you wearing a Malaysia jersey?

Vincent: Err....because I am Malaysian?

Friend: So, those fellas walking around town with the England jersey - they're English?

Vincent: No, they're Idiots.

p/s: JT, bro's before ho's man...

ESBN: Astro ada 3D, kita ada 1Malaysia 1World Cheer

2010-01-29T17:15:00.009+08:00

KUALA LUMPUR: Hasbullah Awang fans all over Malaysia rejoiced today, for they will now have the chance to listen to the sweet sounds of their idol's commentary during the 2010 World Cup later this year.

Internet celebrity Yo Rais announced today that RTM (Rancangan Tergendala Malaysia) will have EXCLUSIVE rights to the World Cup! (only for 35 games though. You'll have to go to the mamak stall for the remaining 29 matches, or just turn on your Astro).

Yo Rais even announced a special slogan for the exclusive privilege - 1Malaysia, 1World Cheer.

"Astro ade 3D, kite ada 1Malaysia, 1World Cheer. Orang yang ancient macam saya pun tau bahawa nombor satu adalah lebih baik dari nombor tiga kan?" he was later rumoured to have told his drebar.

Rumours that Hasbullah Awang is planning to consult Shebby Singh on how to pronounce names like Sotirios Kyrgiakos (Ki-ri-gi-a-kos?) and Samir Handanovič (apasal name dia ade tanda BETUL punya?) were unfounded at press time.

manchester bersatu adalah organisasi haram

2010-01-24T23:54:00.008+08:00

Normally, we don't get interesting things in our inbox. Sometimes are Nigerian guys trying to scam our money and we try to re-prank them. And usually, we like to think of ourselves as a top, top class football blog with our own material and our own jokes.

But sometimes, people insist on doing our job for us. We would be arrogant to turn down such an offer, so here is an unedited 'copy and paste' email that we got in our email yesterday. I certainly hope it was written by a Liverpool fan with an awesome sense of humour, but in this country, you never know...

Sebelum anda teruskan membaca artikel ini saya berharap supaya anda membuka fikiran anda seluasnya Tujuan saya terbitkan artikel ini adalah untuk mencerahkan apa yang sebelum ini gelap dan diikuti oleh ramai dari kita semua tanpa mereka sedari. Semoga apa yang dipaparkan akan membuka minda anda. Selamat Membaca!

Manchester United dan AC Milan. Siapa yang tidak kenal dengan pasukan bola sepak tersebut. Mereka memang hebat di gelanggang dan memiliki barisan pemain yang handal serta sumber kewngan yang kukuh. Mereka telah beberapa kali berjaya memenangi piala samada di kancah Negara mereka (England dan Italy), di pentas benua Eropah dan di pentas kejohanan kelab-kelab dunia. Kedua-dua kelab berkenaan mempunyai penyokong dari serata dunia hatta di Malaysia juga.

Namun di sebalik nama dan pencapaian hebat mereka di persada dunia dan memiliki sokongan tak berbelah-bahagi dari penyokong mereka di seluruh dunia, tersimpan pelbagai unsur-unsur kesyaitanan, masonik dan kawalan minda (mind control). Dana kelab-kelab berkenaan yang terlalu banyak menjadi misteri kerana dikaitkan dengan Freemason yang membiayai kelab-kelab tersebut. Pemilik Manchester United, Malcom Glazer merupakan seorang warga Amerika Syarikat yang berbangsa Yahudi yang sangat memusuhi Islam. Dia dikatakan membiayai sebuah pertubuhan Yahudi di Israel yang bertujuan membela pendatang-pendatang haram Yahudi di Palestin. Manakala AC Milan pernah diterajui oleh Perdana Menteri Italy, Silvio Berlusconi yang merupakan seorang Mason (ahli Freemason).

Kedua-dua kelab mempunyai persamaan dari segi logo dan warna tema mereka yang menyimpan pelbagai unsur Masonik, Kesyaitanan dan kawalan minda. Kedua-dua kelab memilih warna merah sebagai warna tema mereka di mana di dalam kepercayaan puak kafir penyembah syaitan, warna merah melambangkan ‘warna rasmi’ bagi syaitan itu sendiri. Di dalam teori tenaga, pada waktu hampir dengan senja, frekuensi cahaya merah sangat tinggi dan kita dinasihatkan agar tidak membiarkan anak-anak kita berkeliaran di luar rumah pada waktu senja kerana banyaknya syaitan yang berkeliaran pada waktu senja. Dan kita juga tidak digalakkan tidur pada waktu selepas Asar kerana akan menyebabkan kelembapan otak dan kegilaan kerana dikatakan frekuensi tenaga cahaya merah sangat tinggi menjelang senja.

Kedua-dua kelab ini juga mempunyai logo yang menyerupai sebiji mata, di mana mata dikaitkan dengan unsur All Seeing Eye, Eye of Horus atau Mata Dajjal. Lambang mata satu ini juga terdapat pada not USD 1, matawang Amerika Syarikat. Cuba perhatikan betul-betul pada kedua-dua logo ini di bawah:

Pada logo Manchester United, terdapat satu ‘devil’ yang sedang memegang garpu yang memang diketahui lambang tersebut adalah lambang syaitan. Perkataan ‘Red Devil’ (syaitan merah) juga sesuai digunakan untuk menerangkan lambang berkenaan dan turut digunaan oleh Manchester United selain MUFC, Man Utd, Man U dan MU bagi melambangkan kelab berkenaan. Dua biji bola yang terdapat di logo berkenaan dikatakan oleh pengkaji konspirasi sebagai Ra atau Amon-Ra yang merupakan Tuhan Matahari bagi masyarakat Mesir Purba.

Pada logo Manchester United terdapat sebanyak lebih kurang sebanyak lima NOMBOR 13, secara jelas atau tersirat jikalau diperhatikan secara teliti. Angka 13 merupakan angka yang melambangkan angka sial bagi masyarakat Eropah dan juga melambangkan nombor kesukaan syaitan bagi para penyembah syaitan. Jikalau anda dapat melukiskan seperti di bawah pada logo ini maka anda akan mendapati satu pentagram, bitang berbucu 5 yang terbalik yang merukan bintang yang melambangkan Baphomet, syaitan berkepala kambing yang disembah oleh para Mason peringkat tinggi. Dan bucu yang melambangkan Baphomet (bucu bawah), ia menghala ke perkataan UNITED seolah-olah menyuruh para penyokong MUFC bersatu di atas nama Baphomet.

Perkataan MASON boleh didapati secara tersembunyi dan tersirat pada logo ini. Selain itu, selalunya Manchester United dibahasakan sebagai MAN U di mana Manu merupakan Dewa bagi masyarakat Hindu. Sekali lagi unsur agama paganisme selain Ra diterapkan dalam logo ini. Perkataan MAN U itu jikalau ditambahkan setiap angka yang mewakili huruf tersebut, kita akan dapati angka 13 pada hasil tambah akhir nombor berkenaan. Contoh:

M=13 A=1 N=14 U=21

1+3+1+1+4+2+1=13

Jika kita abaikan MA pada Manchester (yang mana MA bermaksud MASON) huruf N,C, H,E,S,T,E,R juga boleh mendapat angka kesukaan penyembah syaitan.

E dan R
Bold
E=5, R=18
18-5
=13

N,C,H,E,S,T

N=14 C=3 H=8 E=5 S=19 T=20

1+4+3+8+5+1+9+2+0=33

No 33 adalah angka kesukaan penyembah syaitan. Selain itu juga ia merupakan darjat tertinggi dalam Freemason di mana ahli yang ada darjat 33, meyembah syaitan dalam ritual mereka.

AC Milan pula tidak kurang hebatnya unsur Masonik, kesyaitanan dan kawalan minda pada logo mereka. Satu salib yang terdapat pada logo berkenaan jelas mengambarkan salib Knight Templar. Apa beza salib Kristian dan salib Knight Templar? Salib Kristian persilangan dua batang tersebut tidak berada di tengah-tengah batang yang panjang sebaliknya pada bahagian bawah persilangan lebih panjang dari bahagian atas. Salib Knight Templar pula kedua-dua persilangan berada pada tengah-tengah setiap batang. Cuba perhatikan di bawah salib para Knight Templar dan salib Kristian:

Salib Templar

Salib Kristian

Salib Templar di logo AC Milan

Knight Templar merupakan satu pasukan askar yang sangat kejam yang menyembelih seluruh umat Islam semasa mereka menawan Baitulmuqaddis. Mereka merupakan penyembah Baphomet dan syaitan yang mengamalkan ajaran Kabbalah, ajaran kesihiran dan kesyaitanan. Para Knight Templar juga adalah asas bagi pertubuhan Freemason moden.

Pada logo berkenaan jiga terdapat 1899 yang mungkin kita faham sebagai tahun penubuhan kelab berkenaan. Namun sebaliknya secara tersiratnya jikalau 1 dan 8 ditambahkan akan membentuk 9 dan jika 9 berkenaan digabungkan dengan 99 yang ada dan diterbalikkan, hasilnya angka 666 yang mana angka 666 adalah angka ‘Lambang Raksasa”, Mark of Beast atau angka kejahatan. Pada logo AC Milan juga jikalau salib berkenaan disifatkan sebagai X dan dicampurkan dengan belang-belang yang terdapat di sebelah X berkenaan akan membentuk XIII yang mana angka 13 juga terpakai pada logo ini. Tidak cukup lagi, huruf ACM pada logo berkenaan jikalau dimainkan nombornya:

A=1 C=3 M=13 akan membentuk 13,13 dimana angka 13 berulang sangat disukai para penyembah syaitan.

Secara umumnya para penyokong kelab-kelab berkenaan jikalau kita perhatikan sejarah perlawanan mereka, mereka gemar bergaduh dengan para penyokong kelab lain. Mereka juga gemar merosakkan harta benda awam dan melakukan vandalisme. Para penyokong kelab-kelab ini juga samada di Eropah atau di Malaysia sangat taksub dengan kelab ini sehinggakan sanggup berbelanja lebih untuk membeli cenderahati, melanggan ASTRO dan melepak di kedai makan semata-mata menonton kelab kegilaan mereka.

Lagi sedih, ada yang memakai tanduk ala ‘Devil’ semata-mata menunjukkan sokongan mereka yang tidak berbelah bahagi. Mereka juga sanggup menghabiskan masa terluang semata-mata menonton pasukan kesayangan mereka sehinggakan terlepas solat Maghrib (ada perlawanan dijalankan pada waktu Maghrib di Malaysia) dan bersengkang mata sehinggakan terlepas solat Subuh akibat menonton perlawanan larut malam. Dajal lebih mengetahui diri kita lebih dari kebanyakan dari kita tahu dan dia menggunakannya untuk melemahkan kita. Dan dia menggunakan kelemahan kita ini untuk merosakkan jiwa kita tanpa kita sedar.

Adakah ini yang mahu anda jadikan sebagai pujaan? Sedarkah kita semua menghabiskan banyak duit dengan membeli jersi-jersi yang mempunyai lambang-lambang mereka ini? Tidak kurang mereka yang memakainya ketika solat. Mereka sesungguhnya tidak akan berputus asa menjauhkan kita dari maha pencipta, Allah s.w.t.

Iblis berkata: " Wahai Tuhanku! Kerana Engkau telah menjadikan daku sesat, (maka) demi sesungguhnya aku akan memperelokkan segala jenis maksiat kepada Adam dan zuriatnya di dunia ini, dan aku akan menyesatkan mereka semuanya.
"Kecuali di antara zuriat-zuriat Adam itu hamba-hambaMu yang dibersihkan dari sebarang syirik".
Al-Hijr 39-40

Fikirkan Semula

Hantu Bola is back!

2010-01-23T19:05:00.002+08:00

Hello! We're back! And we're using the default Blogger comments system now. Seriously, Hantu Bola just isn't the same without the comments from all you fine young Liverpool supporters and all those dirtbag Manure fans.

Now, someone post that email we got, quick!

Hantu Bola is Temporarily Snowed Out.

2010-01-11T19:20:00.002+08:00

Haloscan has gotten uppity on us freeloaders and is forcing its users to upgrade to its crappy new Echo service. In the true spirit of Hantu Bola, we are refusing to do so, so in the meantime, we won't have any comments section until we fix the template again.

Not that anything is happening here for the time being anyway. Us Liverpool fans are too depressed, Manure fans are back in school (or hicktown), while the only Chelski fan is too busy hunnybunnying. (If you're a Man City fan, we'd like you to help contribute to the blog too, but I get the feeling you used to be Chelski/Manure fans anyway so never mind.) And Lily doesn't have as much material these days now that Christina is no longer in Men.United.

So yeah. Maybe we'll blog more in the world cup. Maybe not. So there.

Hasbullah Awang's twitter quotes. Apparently.

2009-12-23T15:55:00.002+08:00

1. Oh, Zizie Izette juga turun memberikan sokongan kepada Sabah. Saya tidak nampak lagi kelibat Bung Mukhtar.

2. Oh rio ferdinand!!! rio ferdinand!! rio ferdinand menjaringkan gol untuk england....

3. Ahh..apa saja yang dilakukan oleh Rozita Che Wan...sampai turun ke padang memberi sokongan!

4. Beliau berbadan kecil, namun besar gaya permainannya.. oh terjelepuk beliau disitu..

5. Nampaknya pengadil melayangkan kad merah! oh bukan...nampaknya ada pemain yang tercicir kad pengenalan

6. Ohh!? beliau bagaikan mahu menghantar bola ke tempat kelahirannya di Tamparuli,Sabah!!" (menyepak bola ke penonoton)

7. Sepakan percuma yang sungguh cantik, tidak perlu dibayar dengan wang ringgit

8. Para pemain sedang meningkatkan suhu permainan.. " (body heat?)

9. Sepakan percuma diberikan di situ......oh, sepakan penjuru barangkali"

10. ""Akmal rizal mengelecek, dan makanan kesukaannya adalah nasik lemak buatan emaknya"

11. Beliau merupakan pemain import yang berbakat, dan beliau juga amat meminati Siti Nurhaliza

12. GOALLLLLLL!!!! Malaysia menjaringkan goal!!!!!! GOALLLLLLL! Oh tidak, bola memasuki jaring ke belakang.

13. Oh smash tajam, CANTEEKK.. tapi sayang jatuh di jaring.....

14. Abu, pemain Sarawak yang berasal dari Kelantan. Sudah lama saya tidak makan budu Kelantan. Mengidam pula.

15. Pemain yg berasal dari daerah keningau, daerah yg paling teruk dilanda ribut Greg

16. Pemain tinggi lampai, kacak rupanya.. sekiranya tidak bermain bola boleh menjadi pelakon filem...

MALAYSIA MENANG EMAS! BESOK CUTI!!!

2009-12-17T20:38:00.002+08:00

YAAAAAY!!!!
MALAYSIA MENANG!!!!!
BESOK CUTI!!!!!

SEA Games: Malaysia beats Vietnam 1-0 in final

Malaysia finally ended its 20-year gold drought in the SEA Games men’s football competition, when it defeated Vietnam 1-0 in the final played at the Main Stadium of the National Sports Complex in Vientiane on Thursday. - The Star

----------------------------------------------

What a second half that was!!!We should have been three goals up if not for some shoddy finishing and one shot cleared off the line.

Wah tension only the last five minutes, especially when that Vietnamese player JUST missed equalizing from a lovely floated cross right over the Malaysian defenders.

FINALLY something to be proud of. Good to see me wearing the Harimau jersey on Tuesday didn't jinx the team after all...

RAJAGOPAL FOR DATUKSHIP! Heh heh.

Eat You Heart Out, Becks

2009-12-15T09:28:00.004+08:00

As seen on that weekday footie show (what's it called? The one with Jamie Yeo?). Selamba only Figueroa take the free kick.

Goal of the week.

Forget those bloody English clubs... MALAYSIA MASUK FINAL!!!!!

2009-12-14T23:19:00.007+08:00

Never mind Liverpoolmanyoochelskiasrsenal.

MALAYSIA ARE IN THE SEA GAMES FINAL!

After famously beating Thailand 2-1 last week, we managed to beat Laos 3-1 in the semis to enter the final tonight!

We'll be meeting Vietnam though, who beat us 3-1 in the group stages. Still, at least the national team has FINALLY given us something to cheer about!

PS: On another note, our female footballers were thrashed 14-0 by Thailand, 8-0 by Vietnam, 5-0 by Laos, and 7-1 by Myanmar. Hey, at least our girls managed to score ONE goal....

PSS: Who wanna bet if we LOSE the final (which I hope they won't, touch wood), people will STILL be criticising them for bottling it?

CIBAI #whogivesafuckanymore

2009-12-14T14:15:00.003+08:00

CIBAI.
LAMEST OWN GOAL EVER.
I HATE ARSHAVIN.
Aquilani has beady eyes.
WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU TURN UP AT ANFIELD FOR ALONSO YOU JINXED THE TEAM!
Rafa, next time make like Arsene and SCREAM at your players can?
Why do I even bother watching football anymore?
MCH.

Weirdest Headline of the Day

2009-12-09T11:40:00.003+08:00

CRUISE CAN BE TOP GUNNER - WENGER

Yeah, the Cruise is indeed a Tom Cruise.

Yeah well Wenger does have a thing for short dudes in his squad, it seems.... now I wonder what kind of advise he would seek from his pal Becks....

World War 2010

2009-12-05T19:59:00.005+08:00

Group A
South Africa - powered by Charlize Theron's smile
Mexico - powered by burritos
Uruguay - powered coz they won the first one
France - powered by Thierry Henry's hand

Group B
Argentina - powered by Tevez's continual bitching
Nigeria - powered by flying super eagles
South Korea - powered by Park-Ji Sung's third lung
Greece - powered by The Gods

Group C
England - powered by David Beckham's latest haircut
USA - powered by the same people who brought you Liverpool Soccer Club
Algeria - powered by the Tropic of Cancer
Slovenia - powered by a lot of Alps

Group D
Germany - powered by Oktoberfest
Australia - powered by useless people like Mark Viduka
Serbia - powered by superb people like Nemanja Vidic
Ghana - powered by Bintang Hitam

Group E
Netherlands - powered by horse placentas
Denmark - powered by Eyeris Learns To Rock
Japan - powered by VVTI, NEO-VVL, i-VTEC, MIVEC, Wankel-rotary......
Cameroon - powered by crazy-flexibile-bodies during throw-ins

Group F
Italy - powered by headbutts
Paraguay - powered by a person named Santa
New Zealand - overpowered by their rugby mates
Slovakia - powered by lots of roads

Group G
Brazil - powered by samba
North Korea - powered by Kim Yong-il nuclear toys
Ivory Coast - powered by Drogba's multi talented acting career
Portugal - powered by Cristiano "80 Mil Best Buy" Ronaldo

Group H
Spain - powered by breastfeeding Torres
Switzerland - powered by Swiss Bank Accounts
Honduras - powered by their political crisis
Chile - not powered by their horses's placentas

Calls for Bruno Torres To Be Charged

2009-12-03T20:18:00.007+08:00

LIVERPOOL: Liverpool star striker Fernando "Bruno" Torres is courting controversy yet again! A couple of years after The Sun pictured him trying to breast-feed his baby daughter, Bruno's parental skills are once again called into question as he tries to teach her Scouse language.

Speaking to the Liverpool official website, Bruno bemused the world by claiming, "For me, Anfield is the best place in England. I hope to be here for a long time and if my daughter speaks English and Scouse, I will be proud."

Rumours that he has been paying Jamie Carragher to conduct tuition classes for her have been circulating since the news broke. This news has upset parents' groups throughout the country who are demanding that the Spaniard be charged with child abuse and neglect.

"This is ridiculous!" raged angry mother, Katie Price, "all around England we are trying to teach children to speak the Queen's English and these foreigners are setting a bad example!" When pointed out that Jamie Carragher was indeed English, Ms. Price stormed away in disbelief.

Just 2 years ago, the effeminate Bruno was caught trying to breast-feed his daughter near the Liverpool docks. His then team mate Xabi Alonso had to tell him that no matter how much they enjoyed playing the role in bed at night, he really couldn't breastfeed. Back then, parents' groups were in disbelief at his stupidity, as they sure are now.

Mr. Alonso has since moved on to bigger things, but at of press time, a replacement has not been found...

Update by the editor:

HBBN has just been informed that Bruno Torres' daughter was born this summer. HBBN would like to categorically state that it has never claimed to be the oracle of truth, unlike a certain local online news portals. HBBN hopes and trusts that you do not take us to be the oracle of truth either.

Old Trafford Maid

2009-12-01T08:13:00.003+08:00

Now we know how Grandpa Giggsy wins Red Whisky Nose's heart until the tender age of 36.

Dirty Old Git

2009-12-01T08:08:00.001+08:00

patience is a virtue

2009-11-26T20:08:00.002+08:00

It's not too far off now...

How to shut the gob of irritating Manure fans, once and for all

2009-11-25T16:53:00.004+08:00

1. Give them gay boyz a Glasgow Grin. There are two ways to do this:
a. Cut off one inch of each side of the lips than kick his crotch. When he screams, his face will split.
b. Cut either side of the lips until ear-lobes, so the scar (if he lives) would look as if he's smiling all the time.

2. Tie them to a tree, naked. Give them nicks all over the body with a knife. Dump them into bathtub filled with hot water and salt.

3. Put him and a bear into a gunny (sp) sack.Tie the sack. Throw the sack into the ocean while they're still alive. Let them kill each other.

On second thoughts, that's cruelty to animals. So let's put two Manures in there.

4. Get them into a bath. Put on Red Nose's hairdryer on and drop it into the bath

5. Send them to an abandoned warehouse where the welcoming committee consists of Riise, Pennant, Carragher, Robbie Fowler, Sktel, Voronin - all bearing a crowbar and a cricket bat or two.

6. Lock them in either MO's or SAF's stable and get the horses to bugger them. Then again, being Manures, they'd probably enjoy it.

7. Tie them upside down in an abandoned warehouse and let them listen to Mariah Carey, Michael Bolton and Celine Dion non-stop.

8. Take them to a graveyard. Get them to dig a grave and toss them in alive.

9. Send them to an Amway seminar.Or Asia Works.

10. Put them in a cell with Cristina Ronaldo and David Beckham. The first's endless whining and sissy fits combined with the latter's weedy voice would cause slow, torturous death.

happy chappies

2009-11-22T01:40:00.003+08:00

See Michael Essien.
See Michael Essien smile.
See Michael Essien smile with Florent Malouda.
See Michael Essien smile with Florent Malouda as they jog behind Joe Cole.

See the fellows who look after business while Lampard, Ballack, Deco and Drogba are on MC.

Now let's give a big round of applause to Sunderland. Not only did they beat Arsenal this weekend, they are also level on points with Liverpool.

Now let's point and laugh at Liverpool. Heheheh.

Oit! Liverpool Fans!

2009-11-10T06:25:00.002+08:00

This man owns the team you almost lost to tonight. That was no penalty. Memang the referee kayu.

The Liberace of Hong Kong.
Mat Bulu.

MWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

LFC Recruitment Drive

2009-11-04T16:03:00.004+08:00

Calling Eyeris (the real one, not the one not allowed to enter the country), Sicko, Shasi, Tenacious T, Spiller, Nine Inches, Anttyk, Crash, Dan, Syahid, Sunil, Shook, Jenal, Jolie, Bex and all LFC fans.

Ask not what Gerrard, Torres, Johnson, Skrtel, Agger, Aurelio, Ngog, El Zahar, Riera, Kelly, Aqualani can do for you.

Ask not since they cannot.

They can't do any bleeding thing at the moment. Half of them sakit telor kena pijak by that anak gajah Voronin. The other half is down with flu.

The club needs us to be supersubs tonight.

I chop jersey no 98.

Sluts to take on Devils

2009-11-03T22:21:00.004+08:00

TRUE STORY!! BREAKING NEWS!!

CSKA Relishing Opportunity

Manchester: CSKA Moscow will tonight take on the Mighty Manchester United. They will be fired up after sacking former Spurs boss, One-Day Ramos. CSKA's new coach, LEO SLUTSKI will no doubt be raring to get his slutty claws into Sir Alex's brave warriors.

Ahead of the big game against Chelski this weekend, Manchester United will probably be hoping that SLUTSKI's team will be easy and will be looking to score big time. Of course, with no more pretty boys on the team SLUTSKI's team would probably be overawed by real men.

When questioned about his playing career that ended as a 19 year old, LEO SLUTSKI had this to say, "I got the injury at 19 when I was climbing a tree looking for a neighbour's pussy.

"I ended up as a hero in my village because I saved the pussy. Unfortunately, I also fell out of the tree and injured my knee. It was awful because I had hardly started my career."

We shall hope that there are no pussies around in the game tonight, although we are not so sure about our friends from Liverpool.

And the tradition continues...

2009-11-03T08:37:00.006+08:00

Wayne Rooney

Graham and John Rooney - Why you shouldn't shag your sister.

Perfectly matching couple

Continuing the Rooney tradition of producing ugly sons, Wayne and his wife, Colleen, today celebrates the birth of their son Kai Wayne Rooney.

Kai?

Apparently, Kai is chicken in Thai, which officially elevates Rooney to Bapak Ayam. (Courtesy of Tiggah and Jeeves from previous comment box)

Rumours that Colleen cried tears of joy that the baby is a boy, and not a girl who looks like Rooney has yet to be confirmed.

A jubilant Rooney expected his son to grow up to be a footballer too.

Kay Wayne Rooney, 20 years on.

On another note, now that Rooney already has an heir to carry the fugly tradition, he can go back to shagging menopausal women.

On yet another note, notice the press only stated Colleen's parents occupation? Does that mean Rooney's parents queue outside the dole office every Thursday while robbing post offices and gas meters in their spare time?

On yet yet another another note, have you noticed the Scouse-hating team not only has two Scousers up front, but two short Scousers at that too. At least one of them is not ugly. And that's why he played at Liverpool first.

eeejet

2009-11-01T22:17:00.003+08:00

You're surprised??!

You got away with another last-man rugby tackle last week just as Mickey was gonna score the equaliser. This isn't American football, you idiot.

CIBAI #834694

2009-11-01T00:46:00.003+08:00

WHAT THE FUCK YOU STUPID FAT WAITER. AFTER ALL THE HARD WORK LAST WEEK, WHAT THE FUCKING DIPSHIT HELL DID YOU HAVE TO CHANGE THIGNS LIKE THAT FOR? YOU KNOW WHY WE DID SO WELL LAST SEASON? BECAUSE YOU FUCKING DID NOT CHANGE THE TEAMS SO MUCH YOU IDIOT DUMBASS. 1-1 AND YOU TAKE OFF TORRES? CHASING THE GAME AND YOU TAKE OFF YOUR BEST PLAYER BENAYOUN INSTEAD OF THAT USELESS FAT TRIPLE H VORONIN? NINE MEN DOWN AND YOU STILL DON'T TAKE OFF VORONIN BUT KUYT WHO DID MORE IN TEN MINUTES THAN VORONIN DID THE ENTIRE MATCH? YOU STUPID FAT GIT, YOU ARE LOSING THE PLOT. WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE CHAMPION'S LEAGUE. GO ON LIKE THIS IN THE LEAGUE AND YOU WON'T EVEN GET INTO THE CHAMPION'S LEAGUE NEXT YEAR, YOU FAT FUCK. GODAMMIT MACAUHAI CIBAI IDIOT FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

Hattrick!

2009-10-26T00:13:00.003+08:00

Congrats Vidic for your third red card against Liverpool.

Hurrah!

pre match warm up

2009-10-24T19:42:00.003+08:00

The year is 1993.

Manyoo had just won the league. We hadn't won the league in 26 years before that. The Kop had this to say when we went to Anfield:

We've won 18. We are now back.

Question is, when are you going to win your next one???

CIBAI #53254

2009-10-21T09:15:00.003+08:00

CIBAI.
WHAT THE FUCK are they doing??!!????
I think they used up all their luck last season.
Yay now we can forget about winning anything.
Any win now will be a bonus.
So we can watch football without any expectations.
Or go watch golf instead.
Cibai.

ESBN: Balls Balls Balls.

2009-10-20T14:09:00.007+08:00

LIVERPOOL BEACH CLUB: The fallout of the infamous Beach Ball Goal continues, as the dumbass referee who thought the ball was Jamie Carragher was demoted to the Championship and universally ridiculed for making an error even a kampung referee wouldn't make.

In other made-up reports, with his star striker out of action for a couple more games, Rafa Benitez has become so desperate that he is looking to sign the beach ball that scored the winning goal against Liverpool at Sunderland last week. According to him, "Ball, Babel, what's the difference. Neither one does jackshitballs anyway."

However, Rafa faces stiff competition from Men.United manager Alex Fergit was looking to sign the beach ball for 20 million pounds to replace his striker with no balls, Dmitidak Berbola. Unfortunately, being the short-sighted git that he is, Fergit could not tell which ball it was that scored the goal, so he sent his legions of Men.United to go buy every single ball in the Liverpool shop instead.

In other unfounded reports, former Everton player Michael Ball was heard speaking proudly to reporters about his distant cousin, Beach, who scored the winning goal against Liverpool. "Us Balls have always been good at these things," he said, ignoring repeated questions about the time HE missed the ball when it bounced off a balloon, and allowed someone to score a goal against him.

Doing a Fergit

2009-10-19T16:32:00.002+08:00

I apologise to Mr Rafa Benitez for any embarassment that my previous post may have caused and to the Rafa Benitez fan club for going public with my views.

It restrospect, I accept that this could be deemed as expressing those views in an inappropriate forum.

I'd wish it be noted that I've always respected Mr Benitez for LFC's 5th CL Cup and 2006 FA Cup. I didn't state that Mr Benitez is a bad manager, that he was in any way egoistical proportionate to the size of his gut, that he was in any way biased in regards to Mr Lucas and Mr Voronin, or that he has lost the plot.

My only intention in writing publicly was to highlight what I believe to be a serious and important issue, namely that the fitness levels of managers must match the ever-increasing demands of the modern game, which I hope will now be properly addressed through the appropriate formal channel.

In short, I apologise for implying that Mr Benitez is a fat git. I still think he is a fat git but I shouldn't have said it out loud.

Fark the Fat Git!

2009-10-18T00:03:00.004+08:00

Why send Alonso away?
Why keep that useless Lucas?
Why keep the equally useless Voronin?
Why Lucas always start?????

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!

My season's over.

I might as well give up footie and start watching AF or Sehati Sedansa. I reckon it's less torturous.

Fark you FAT GIT!!!

p/s: I see Anttyk very active over at Twitter. Post here lah haha
p/ss: wtf is a beach ball doing in England anyway????

aww, too bad

2009-09-28T21:06:00.005+08:00

I wanted to call time out and wave the peace flag.

Really.

And I wanted to laugh at Chelsea for losing to Titfuck Bramble.

Really.

But those fellas at The Star had other ideas. They released a breaking news story which no responsible football blog could let slip. Especially when a good number of the readers are Liverpoo fans.

You know how those miserable little Scousers were always complaining that Liverpoo cannot come to Malaysia because of the haram logo on their jerseys? Well, I don't really know how far that is true laa...because in Shah Alam there is this big big factory where they produce all that stuff anyway.

So anyway, those little Scousers were all so excited that that company was no longer going to sponsor Liverpoo and just when they thought that their favourite thieves could come to town, the dreaded Malaysian censorship board went and potong steam.

'Bruno' banned in Malaysia

KUALA LUMPUR: Malaysians will not get to watch Bruno on the big screen as the National Film Censorship Board has decided to give the controversial movie the axe. ...

Kantoi lah like that!

If Bruno cannot come of course the whole team cannot come lah! How can the star striker (albeit gay and girlish) not follow the team?

But please, fellow Malaysians...please don't take it out on the Censorship Board. It is not their fault.

Bruno really WILL corrupt the minds of our young ones.

They will turn gay. And effeminate.

They will wear ridiculously short pants and pose in feminine positions.

They will start kissing other boys in public. And after that, they will start humping other boys in public. Or allow themselves to be humped in public.

And you people still worship Bruno?!?!

HOW CAN!!?!?

Bitch Week on HB continues

2009-09-25T20:23:00.004+08:00

Sol Campbell quits Notts County after just ONE game!!! oneoneone111111satusatusatu!!!

Men.United. Loving each other forever and ever.

2009-09-24T15:12:00.005+08:00

SEKS LUAR TABII

BAPA MITHALI

tersebut lah kisah...

2009-09-23T22:30:00.003+08:00

The pissing match from the comments box below is really too awesome not to make into a real post!

Alex Ferguson sememangnya seorang datuk yang penyayang, yang pernah beberapa kali membawa cucunya menyaksikan Liverpool bermain bola.

"Inilah cara profesional bermain bola, cucuku."

"Inilah cara profesional bermain bola, cucuku....Faham, dik?" beliau bertanya kepada cucu kesayangannya. Cucunya mengangguk kepalanya. Dah bosan dengar Si Orang Tua asyik meleteh. "Ini kau kena faham betul-betul tau...jangan keliru, sebab pasukan yang satu lagi, yang pakai baju merah dengan logo HARAM tu...dia orang tu perompak dari casta bawahan"

"Ya, Atuk," cucunya menjawab. "Atuk dah banyak kali cakap dah. Yang budak tu pernah curi hubcap kereta. Yang seorang lagi tu, pernah curi penutup jamban...entah kenapa pun..."

"Pandai budak"

Dah cucunya bercakap pula dalam hati:
"Baik jadi lelaki tulin yang mencuri hubcab dari menjadi diva yang suka dive sesuka hati dan kuat menangis dan pakai bunga belakang telinga dan bawak tas tangan."

Dia kemudian terjaga dari mimpi ngerinya.

"Phew. Itu musim bola tahun lepas. Sekarang No 7 dah tak bapok."

Dan terfikir pulak, "Hmm..nasib baik Pasukan Atuk tu dah jual Si Bapuk. Pasukan Perompak tu ada seorang yang sifat keperempuanan, wajah seiras-iras dengan wartawan dari Austria, Bruno...mungkin dah liwat dengan pencuri jamban tu"

Just as the Kop can no longer sing about their 18 titles, Scousers can no longer taunt us about bapuks - for two reasons: Ronaldo is now gone, and because their star striker is also a bapuk. Closet bapuk, that is....

But fear not, because HBBN proudly exposes "Lelaki Tulen"...

And we even have pictorial evidence, painstakingly gathered from Liverpoo's recent game against West Ham...

Is SHE trying to kiss him? On the lips? On national TV?!? Oh, my...

noisy neighbour

2009-09-21T02:15:00.003+08:00

"Sometimes you have a noisy neighbour. You cannot do anything about that. They will always be noisy. You just have to get on with your life, put your television on and turn it up a bit louder." - Sir Alex Ferguson

Bincangkan kata-kata yang diluahkan oleh Datuk Alex Ferguson selepas kemenangan yang penting malam tadi.

Nuclear Strike Warning

2009-09-13T03:13:00.004+08:00

We interrupt this site's regular programming to bring you a special message.

Picture creatively acquired from somewhere

Yeah so I saw what Adabayar did to the Arse brigade during the highlights show. Frankly, I didn't like what he did y'know.

I swear if the bloody KNNCCB Tevez does the same thing to us in the next game, I'm gonna bloody hell get someone to nuke his bloody house. Or maybe I'll just spam his e-mail, whichever works better.

Wenger In The Stands

2009-09-02T00:01:00.002+08:00

(Click the image for a larger version)

(Credit to JEEVS for giving us the Anderson quote!)

ESBN Weekend Roundup: Men.United's New Strategy

2009-09-01T13:03:00.005+08:00

(picture taken from Football365)

ESBN is proud to present a weekend roundup of results that we already know about anyway.

Bolton fans found out the hard way that the more you boo Stevie G, the more likely he is to score against you. The match was noted for a post-Edivedo knee jerk reaction where after dispossessing Torres with a brilliant tackle which floored Torres in the penalty box, Za-zat Knight perasan and went over to heckle Torres for diving, even though Torres himself didn't even bother asking for a penalty. Perasan betul, Zat ini.

Over in Menchesthair United, just when we thought he had failed to come up with a proper replacement for Christina Doi Doi, Al Fergit has come up with another fail-proof strategy to win matches - Get the other team to give you goals instead.

Men.United couldn't score a single proper goal the entire match, as the Gooners went on rampage in Old Traffart, scoring one brilliant goal through Andey Assshavin, giving away one brilliant penalty, and then losing the game with one brilliantly headed own goal.

Will.I.Am "I WAS CAPTAIN" Glass even managed to take his No. 10 shirt number seriously enough to stray offside at the last minute to deny his own player an equalising goal. And after that, Arse Wanker was sent off for stealing the show by kicking a bottle straighter than Darren "Hey you, in Row Q!" Fletcher could kick a ball.

Update on Yesterday's Match Of The Day

2009-08-30T20:26:00.003+08:00

Arse Arsh scored first.
Ammonia gifted Man Yoo's first goal.
Diaby added a cherry on top with a comical own goal.
Wenger didn't know where to go after kicking the ~~can~~ bottle.

Two other meaningless teams managed to win too in matches no one else cared about.

UEFA Family Day Telematch Groupings

2009-08-28T10:33:00.003+08:00

"Ok kids, please make 8 rows, 4 kids in a row... NO TALKING!!!"

Looks like all 4 English teams got relatively easy groupings. Who the heck is Debreceni?

Group A:
Bayern Munich
Juventus
Bordeaux
Maccabi Haifa

Group B:
Men.United
CSKA Moscow
Besiktas
VfL Wolfsburg

Group C:
AC Milan
Real Madrid
Marseille
FC Zurich

Group D:
Chelski
FC Porto
Atletico Madrid
APOEL

Group E:
Liverpool
Lyon
Fiorentina
Debreceni

Group F:
Barcelona
Inter "I'm too special for my team" Milan
Dynamo Kiev
FC Rubin Kazan (probably named after the Afghanistan president)

Group G:
FC Sevilla
Rangers
VfB Stuttgart
Unirea Urziceni (isn't that a urinary tract disease?)

Group H:
Arsenal
AZ Alkmaar
Olympiakos
Standard Liege

Cibai #2

2009-08-25T07:41:00.002+08:00

WTF.
Mahcauhai.
At Anfield samore.
CIBAI Lucas.
Kenot puji a bit also wan.
Puji a bit, own goal pulak.
Face it Rafa,
Lucas ain't no Alonso.
CIBAI.

ESBN: Liverpool's Faith In Owen Pays Off

2009-08-20T10:32:00.005+08:00

SOMEWHERE IN INGERLAND: Liverpool's greatest and arguably most dastardly transfer this year, Michael Owen, paid dividends last night when he helped Burnley to a 1-0 win over Men.United.

In the game last night, Owen did his part for Liverpool's cause by being completely invisible to everyone. He never put a foot wrong throughout the game (in fact, he hardly put a foot anywhere near the ball at all), and even managed to 'accidentally' drift offside AND miss a clear header during the game.

And to top it all off, Owen even managed to dupe Carrick into believing that Fergit had been referring to HIM when he said, "Michael, you're taking the penalties this game".

The biggest disappointment was that Owen never got the chance to finish the game, as he was taken off at the 63rd minute by a perplexed Fergit who thought he'd signed the next Henrik Larsson.

In other news, Stoke City didn't manage to throw the ball into the net at Anfield, though Liverpool did manage to knock it into the goal four times, as opposed to none in the last season.

Season 2009-10 Cibai #1

2009-08-17T09:35:00.002+08:00

Fuck. We really miss Xabi.
Babel is useless.
Voronin is useless.
C'mon Rafa splurge the cash ONE LAST TIME.
GET DAVID SILVA.
kthxbai.

Mabok Bola Festival

2009-08-11T00:57:00.000+08:00

This year, Hantu Bola will be celebrating opening weekend of the new season on BOTH days!

Venue: The Chippy @ Changkat Bukit Bintang, KL

Saturday, 15 August 2009:
1st kick-off 19:45 - Chelsea vs Hull
Late kick-off 00:15 - Everton vs North London Sports School

Sunday, 16 August 2009:
1st kick-off 20:30 - Power Rangers Mystic Force vs Birmingham
Late kick-off - Shebby's fave team vs Spanish Scousers

This is the only football viewing party that lasts for two days! We are more keng than that pretend jazz thing in the jungle! LOL

Rest in peace, Sir Bobby

2009-08-01T11:28:00.006+08:00

Pikcher curi-ed from nufcblog.com

A legend has passed. Here's a tribute to Sir Bobby, hantubola style.

Alan Shearer has done very well for us, considering his age. We have introduced some movement into his game because he has got two good legs now. Last season he played with one leg.

If you count your chickens before they've hatched, they won't lay an egg.

They've never really allowed the Germans have a free head. (Lils - :p)

Newcastle have always had a poor pitch in winter. We don't have the better weather. My lawn up here isn't as good as my lawn in Ipswich.

Football's like a big market place, and people go to the market every day to buy their vegetables. (Christina is a bloody expensive turnip)

Gary Speed has never played better, never looked fitter, never been older.

Home advantage gives you an advantage.

In a year's time, he's a year older.

We're flying on Concorde. That'll shorten the distance. That's self-explanatory.

So long Sir Bobby. You will be missed and thank you for the memories.

Stalking in Singkapor

2009-07-29T23:30:00.005+08:00

Steve Mekmun is good for something after all. I think PP Land organised a really good programme for the fans. Which compensates for the inconvenience and expense of having to travel to dreadful Singkapor.

Missed the Meet the Fans session. Think that was held on their first day in Sg with Mascherano and someone or other.( I’m a bit saddened that only Carra is left from the 2001 team that I went to see in Singapor )

But there were plenty of opportunities to stalk if you were ‘gigih’ like me and my friends.

You could hang around the hotel where they’re staying, especially in front of the lift. Click. Click. Click.

Or the lobby. Click. Click. Click.

You could find out their training schedule and wait by the bus. Click. Click. Click.

You could go to the LFC River Cruise and gawk and ogle all the players. Click.Click.Click.

Yes, there were plenty of opportunities if you were TALL, which sadly I’m not.

Although you have to be very lucky to be able to take pictures with the team. Thanks to the gazillions of bouncers aka guys wearing Profitable Protection tees (LOL). They were bigger than Din, Vincent, Naz, Mr Singh (not Shabby), Tigerjoe and Sicko : combined.

Here's another picture of the Hunky Manly Profitable Protectors
for the viewing pleasure of Men.United fans.

Funny moment:
We were hanging around the fourth floor hoping to catch the guys go for something or other when suddenly all the bouncers, I mean, Profitable Protectors, rushed down the lift. Of course, all the stalkers also went down the lift. Except me and my friend. We were having full English Tea (recommended by the way) and had to pay first before we can follow suit.

Just as we were approaching the lift, one of the bouncers, I mean, Profitable Protectors, stopped us. Hallelujah. I immediately reached for my camera. The door of the lift opens. Nary a player was in there. Only a folded wheelchair. Wtf?

Not so funny moment:
We were so excited to go to the match, we didn’t even think about how to go back after the game. There was a massive jam. No taxi in sight. So we walked and walked and walked for 45 freaking minutes. Farking Singakapor.

Good thing Vincent is not Singkaporean.
Honestly babe, it was worse over there. The MC was going ‘This is Anfield’ the whole time. Never mind the stadium is the standard of our Stadium Merdeka. Don’t know if you lot caught this on telly but they had some Clare Something sang Barbara Streisand’s version of YNWA to open the match! And this was not followed by the Singkapor National Anthem.

The immigration guy told us, ‘make sure LFC trash Singkapor’. The two concierges who remember me from the time I stayed there when I went over to meet Robbie (oh, how I love saying that. I think I’ll say it again, ....when I went over to meet Robbie), told me they were betting that LFC would trash Singkapor 6-0.

A word of advice to female fans
Do not expect a TALL male friend to bother taking pictures of Torres when he took off his jersey. Apparently, this sort of thing just do not occur to them.

The game
First half was freaking boring, we aimed our binoculars at the bench instead. Rafa is fat. Kuyt and Riera didn’t stop talking for the whole 45 minutes: yak, yak, yak. Alonso was yawning non-stop. Benayoun is a skinny git.

Conversation with Carra
(Caught him for all of 3 minutes before one of the bouncers, I mean, Profitable Protectors, shielded him)

Lily G: JAMIE!!!! Are you enjoying the Asian Tour?
Carra: isnithicn tiahoibien bphiesotmsonbn nbieston.

Sekian lapuran saya.

A True History of a Football Club. Well, sort of...

2009-07-25T20:40:00.005+08:00

Once upon a time,
There were five gay men,
Who lived in Manchester.
They couldn't play rugby,
So they decided to play football instead.
They had so much fun playing together gether,
That they decided to start a club.
And that's how Manchester United was formed.
Otherwise known as Man United.
Or known in these HB parts as Men.United.
Sekian terima kasih.

What do you call a Scouser in a suit?

2009-07-25T09:09:00.009+08:00

THE CAPOREGIME!

All the men in suit look like a scene from a Mafia movie, no?

Which jury would dare put the menacing Capo in jail?

Rafa: I dunno Stevie...you're like a son to me.. but you've let down a lot of Asian fans..you have...
Stevie: What? I didn't do anything boss.

Why Sven Went to Notts County

2009-07-22T11:33:00.010+08:00

He couldn't get a job anywhere else.
They gave him an offer he could Nott refuse.
He thought chicks in Notts County would be Notty.
He wanted a 'big club' but unfortunately Newcastle were relegated.
He read the offer wrongly and thought he'd be the national manager of Notts Country
He bought PP Land there.
He was promised his own personal harem of nubile virgins.

---------------------------------

Eriksson confirmed as director of football at Notts County

Sven-Goran Eriksson has accepted the director of football role at League Two side Notts County

the neverending malaysian footie rant

2009-07-19T11:26:00.002+08:00

Do you guys remember my great big treasure hunt from before?

3 years ago, I found it virtually impossible to land my hands on a Malaysian jersey, and now, I still pretty much found myself in the same problem as before. The day before the big game, I embarked on another treasure hunt to find the new design jersey to wear for the game. Yes, I maybe a Manyoo fan, but fuck that shit - I am a Malaysian first and foremost.

Anyway, after running all around town like a headless chicken trying to find the mythical jersey, I found myself in Midvalley where the first obvious choice to look was the Nike store. Nike are the makers of the jersey, so what better place to start?

But I was wrong. Nike was busying whoring the new Manyoo kit which they conveniently launched 2 days before the start of their Asian tour. The whole front portion of the store was filled with the Ultraman look-a-like jerseys and the walls were adourned with posted of Manyoo players in the new kit. Among the posters was that of one Danny Welbeck (wot!?!). When I approached one of the sales people, he told me that they had ran out of stock for the Malaysian jerseys. "When is stock coming in?" "Dunno lah."

So, I went next door to Studio R, where the Malaysian jersey was tucked in some obscure corner (but at least they had it). I asked the bloke if they had a lot left and he said there were tons left in the storeroom. In fact they were flogging off the jerseys at a 30% discount, which made me think that the Nike store's 'out of stock' story is absolute ballocks. It was not 'out of stock'. Quite simply, Nike didn't stock it anymore and much preferred to flog off the Manyoo jerseys to suckers who call themselves Manchester United 'fans'.

Who do you blame here? Do you blame the idiots who preferred to pay upwards of RM250 everytime Manyoo launches a new jersey but refuse to pay RM180 ONE-OFF for their own national team jersey? Or do you blame Nike for not doing enough?

After the exploits of the previous day, it came no surprise to me when I went to the stadium the next day to find myself surrounded by thousands of idiots in Manyoo jerseys. I parked quite a far distance from the stadium, and joined the crowd in walking there. There were thousands of people around me all dressed in RED and I felt like an outsider wearing the Yellow and Black stripes. It almost felt like I was in Manchester and going to the stadium to support the away team.

Only after about 15 minutes of walking and near the stadium did I see the first guy (besides myself) wearing the Tiger Stripes. I walked up to him and said, "Bang, lawanya baju...." He smiled back.

Put it this way lah, it is a bloody travesty to go watch your OWN national team and support anybody else. If you could afford to pay money for your Manyoo jersey (fake or otherwise), then you can also surely afford to pay money for a Malaysian jersey. And I don't care if you cheered for Malaysia when they scored...if you were wearing a Manyoo jersey, that's already considered a grave offence. That's pathetic glory hunting - to support both teams at the same game! And no matter what people want to say about cheering for the Malaysian team, it cannot be denied that the biggest cheers were saved for the team in RED, not our local team.

The next thing that really annoyed me was when the teams walked out on the pitch. WHY THE FUCK WAS MALAYSIA DRESSED IN BLUE? We are the fucking HOME team, yeah. The home team wears their HOME colours. The away team has to accomodate to make sure it doesn't clash. Malaysia' HOME colours are yellow and black and obviously somebody decided that that clashes with Manyoo's RED. So instead of asking Manyoo to change to their away kit, we had to accomodate them?! What the fuck is this shit? Was it because they wanted to flaunt their new RED jersey?

Then, came the most pissing off part.

Near where I was sitting, there was an old man (wearing a pink long sleeved shirt and immaculately pressed long pants). He didn't bother sitting - he spent the entire time on the terrace steps and he spent the entire 90 minutes shouting. Not occasionally, not just when the action was going on. He was shouting NON-STOP throughout, "Come on Malaysia, come on!" He kept repeating it over and over again like CD player going on loop. In between that, he would burst into a rant about something random "Keeper tinggi tapi bodoh" or "Kalau orang Malaysia tak nak sokong Malaysia, buanglah IC".

Now, I thought this was fantastic since it added to the whole atmosphere, but people around were annoyed at him. As early as 5 minutes into the game (hence 5 full minutes of "Come on Malaysia, come on) people around me were making snide remarks of "Oh My God why won't he stop?", "Shit that guy is irritating" and "He must really like Liverpool" After the girl behind me remarked for the 20th time to her father, "Why won't he shut up?" I turned around to her and told her, "because this is how REAL football fans are"

Instead of cheering their own team (Malaysia), people come donning jerseys in support of Manyoo, and even then also fail to give proper support (no singing of songs, only cheering when Manyoo play well) and these idiots don't even recognise what real fans are about. These are the so-called Manyoo fans who cheered crazily for Micheal Owen and gave a muted response to Neville and Scholes. Fuck you people man. As much as I want Owen to succeed, he has done NOTHING yet. Giggs got the biggest cheer of the night (and rightly so) but for any Manyoo fan to cheer Owen (even sing his name before the game starts, chant his name when he came on, and chant again when he took his medal) is just plainly disrespectful towards people who have given their all to the club like Paul Scholes and Gary Neville who were given the silent treatment.

And of course, the rest of the disgusting behaviour of Malaysians like boo-ing their own national team. Some people tried to defend the booing by saying that the boos were only reserved for some really bad passing. I agree, the boos were only heard when the passing was real bad or when Malaysia were reduced to taking pot shots from outside the box. But that logic doesn't hold water because for much of the night, Anderson's passing was rubbish and he was robbed off the ball many, many times. Tosic was doing jackshite on the left wing and nothing was made of Owen missing a clear chance when unmarked in the 6 yard box.

After the final result, instead of praising the Malaysian KIDS (KIDS, yah, not the full strength squad) for their gutsy performance, many morons started mouthing off about 'Manyoo give chance' and 'Manyoo show face'. Get trashed and people will ridicule you and your whole family. Get a good result and people say that you were given face. With that kind of attitude why would kids grow up wanting to play football for their country?!

With this kind of attitude from Malaysians, is there any more mystery who Malaysian football is in the doldrums?

Top 5 positives from THAT Malaysia - Manchester United match

2009-07-18T19:51:00.005+08:00

5. Big improvement from the previous clash which ended 0-6....

4. Before : Amri who? After : Amri the Legend

3. Match really wasn't one-way.... maybe after this, the new Malaysian team can keep on playing competitively like that... oh please do....

2. Many of the United stars really did give their all to push for another goal..

1. No Ronaldo? No problem. We got a new number 7 who already opened his account for his new club.... :)

You'll Never Walk On The Red Carpet Alone

2009-07-17T12:19:00.008+08:00

After the Jolie-Pitts and Clive Owen, Samuel L Jackson has also revealed that he is a die-hard LFC fan.

Samuel L Jackson proudly displays his Liverpool shirt at the Annual ESPY sports ceremony at Los Angeles which baffles most Americans who have no clue about soccer apart from the fact that David Beckham is Tom Cruise's secret lover and Cristiano Ronaldo was dumped by Paris Hilton for being sissy.

Jackson also revealed that he has been a fan of Liverpool eversince he starred in the 2001 Brit Flick, The 51st State, which was shot at Merseyside, where his character Elmo McElroy takes in a Liverpool-Manchester United clash.

Source: Daily Mail of course.

Burger Wenger Special Tambah Clichy satu, boss!

2009-07-16T11:54:00.005+08:00

Encouraged by Liverpool's attempts to earn extra cash by branching out to other businesses, Arsenal decide to start their own entrepreneurial program...

Mmmm.... Burger Wenger Double Extra Clichy, anyone?

TQ... AND COME AGAIN.. BYE..

Tis a season for brochures

2009-07-16T09:56:00.010+08:00

And the winner is:

See more at redcafe.net, if you haven't already.

Why Adebayor is the hottest transfer target this summer

2009-07-11T13:19:00.004+08:00

* Emmanuel Adebayor is one of the most feared, dangerous and fertile strikers in Europe.

* .... has a chance-to-goal ratio of 0.0045, bettered by only 453 players last season

* He is a tender and considerate lover

* Emmanuel Adebayor is a 20th century football icon. He is the most famous man in Togo and many women want to bear his children.

* His reputation as a warrior/gladiator has been earned through outstanding displays of both skill and physical courage.

* Emmanuel believes in God and puts his success down to his faith but does not blame God when he misses an easy chance in front of a goal.

*Brand Value: Fragrant, machine-washable, exotic, backwards compatible, definitely not lazy, afraid of ghosts.

* He is ultra professional, never late for training, extremely good at dancing which makes other people laugh, popular with all team mates (although a natural aversion to Danes comes with all Togonian footballers) and a true ambassador of the game.

If you want more information on how to Adebayorise your team, read here. Seriously a hoot, to quote Jeeves.

Owen on Gerrard

2009-07-09T18:05:00.003+08:00

“It was the same when I met [Liverpool and England midfielder] Steven Gerrard. I had an opportunity to have a conversation with him and I was tongue-tied. I’ve met the biggest actors and actresses in the world and I’m easy and comfortable but give me Gerrard and I’m in trouble.“

Clive Owen in GQ magazine.

Phwoar.

Real man shops at a sports shop dressed in blue jeans and track top.

Of course, the Jolie-Pitts are also Liverpool fans.

Ehmmm...

2009-07-07T12:57:00.006+08:00

Darren Farley, the internet sensation, impersonates Steven Gerrard to a tee, complete with the 'ehmm', the turning of the head, the frown and the sniff.

Chekidaut his Beckham and Rooney impersonation. Hilarious!

heheheheh

2009-07-06T05:24:00.002+08:00

Does the red ranger look familiar or what? Hands up how many people think Malcolm Glazer is getting ready to tap into kiddie merchandising or a syndicated cartoon series?

Lee Dixon & The Greatest Own Goal EVAR!

2009-07-06T05:23:00.000+08:00

Nothing to do with recent events, but this was way too awesome NOT to post...

Behold, the greatest OWN goal EVER!

I only have one question... What THE FUCK was he trying to DO????

seriously...

2009-07-05T11:20:00.002+08:00

It's kinda difficult to be serious these days, when everything is plain MENTAL.

80 million pounds for a boy. In a one-off payment. No progressive payments, no installment, no misc bonuses. Just 80 million in cold, hard cash.

Then you have Spain, losing and fuck, getting outplayed by America. Fucking U-S-A. Iniesta and Xavi getting fucked in midfield. To who, again!?!

Ananda wanting to buy Newcastle?!

Owen to Manyoo............what the fuck is going on in the world???

The last mental transfer we ever had before this was Tevez and Mascherano to fucking WEST HAM, but that was about it!!

But okay, to be serious....

Owen on a free transfer, why not? And on only 50K a week? Sure! 50K a week is nothing these days...even John O Shea is on 50K a week. We have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

And I said it then, I say it again...80 million for Ronaldo is good business. Who cares if he is worth 30 goals a season? Who cares if in hindsight we find out that we can't sign anybody. NOBODY is worth 80 million. Up front. In cash. In a one-off payment.

To be honest, I never fancied Owen. Partly because he played for Liverpool. Partly because the first time I saw him play, he got sent off against Manyoo. And partly because Shebby proudly declared on Astro Supersport all those years ago that, "Owen doesn't dribble the ball. He kicks the ball and runs after it."

You know that goal against Argentina in the World Cup? The one when Beckham got screwed over? I never found anything that special about it. It was good. But great?! Never. If you watch it again, you would find that the defence was just rubbish. He runs past the central midfielder, and then soon finds himself face to face with the centreback, who instead of holding his ground, sells himself and lets Owen cut past. And then when it should be a difficult shot from a tight angle, the stupid keeper comes off his line to close him down when there are 2 defenders tracking back.

So, Owen. Good player. Not great, but acceptable.

Before you people go on gloating or complaining...just a quick history lesson.

In the summer of 1995, Fergie sold Mark Hughes, Paul Ince and Andrei Kanchelski. He replaced them with Scholes, Beckham, Butt and Gary Neville. A famous scouser called Alan Hansen would then go on to say one of the most infamous words in football history - "You'll never win anything with kids"

Can you still hear Martin Tyler scream "MACHEDDAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"??

Two years later, Eric Cantona retired. Fergie replaced him with an old washed up Englishman called Teddy Sheringham.

Remember how that turned out?

And so it has happened...

2009-07-04T14:01:00.004+08:00

Michael Owen converts to the right club

Please share with us if you are a:

a. pissed ManYoo fan

b. pissed Liverpoo fan

c. shocked football fan

d. I-don't-give-a-damn-fan