February 17, 2010

'Own Goal had a forgettable game'

MILAN - It may have been a good result for Manchester United, but for one player it was a game to forget.

Own Goal, United's ten-goal sensation, second top-scorer at the club behind Wayne '25-star' Rooney, did not manage to increase his goal tally in the first leg of United's round-of-16 match with AC Milan. With United having had 14 shots (4 on target), the 'Silent Predator' was unlucky not to be able to claim United's equalizer, which was credited to Paul Scholes instead.

"I thought he did score, but upon seeing the replays it was clear it was just a deflection, thus rightfully credited to Scholes" said Man Utd manager Sir Alex Ferguson, "He will have to take his chances in the return leg if he is to keep his momentum in tandem with Wayne (Rooney)."

The media reported that starter Own Goal, who looked like he was missing in the entire second half, may not have himself entirely to blame for his no-show. "Lack of attacking play may have been a glaring factor in why Own Goal wasn't able to get a clear chance on goal" said Martin Nee, sports journalist at The Moon. "It was down to how United lined-up their formation. Also, Milan's defenders were able to do their jobs relatively well, but then again they let in three goals so I don't sound too credible now."

It has been rumoured that United have received offers from clubs for the player following his impressive performances this past month and a half. Sir Alex may have to make a decision on his player, who was previously low-profile, come end of the season.

At press time, there have been sources saying that Own Goal will be on the bench at United's away game to Everton this weekend and likely to be used as an impact player.

February 11, 2010

CIBAI #543857

Cibai. Go and lose 1-0 only. Should have at least drawn. Macauhai. And there I was thinking our season was back on track.

Oh well, at least everyone else (read: Spurs & Villa) lost or drew as well. Except Man City of course. Now we REALLY need to beat those rich basterds.

February 10, 2010

an advertisement

Today I am going to point out an item from a "proper newspaper", i.e. Financial Times UK. More specifically, the classifieds section:

Crystal Palace Football Club For Sale

United Kingdom


Asking price: Undisclosed
Sales revenue: Undisclosed
Net profit: Undisclosed
Fixtures value: Undisclosed
Stock value: Undisclosed

Business description
Football Club For Sale
On instructions of the Joint Administrators, B Guilfoyle, C White and J Russell:
Crystal Palace F.C . (2000) Limited
The sale of football club and its associated assets presents an opportunity to acquire a long established South London club (founded 1905) currently playing in the Championship division of the Football League and currently enjoying success in the FA Cup (next match against Aston Villa in the fifth round). more

Any takers? How about you, Dato' Tony? Heheh...

February 05, 2010

ESBN: Reckless Vagina

POTTYMOUTH: The new owner of Pottymouth club came out of the closet today, declaring that the club's Faraj was reckless, and because of that, the club now needs stabilizing to ensure that future transactions will remain reproductive.

In a bid to score with the club's fannys, Pottymouth's new owner Ballsram Cincai declared that he wants to pimp the club to the most responsible client possible

He said he will conduct a KYC [Know Your Cock test] before determining that the next buyer is clean and not a liar. He said, "If he says he's got my money I'm going to see if he's really got money."

Rumours that John Terry was caught sneaking around the club's guest room hopefully, wearing nothing but a captain's armband, were unfounded at press time.

February 04, 2010

The Mystery of the Captain's armband

Apparently, John Terry lost his captain's armband. The armband was last spotted on the thighs of a certain EPL bicycle who used it as a garter.

Where was it found?

a. Under Wayne Bridge's bed

b. Under Drogba's bed

c. Under Gudjohnson's bed

d. Under Hilarious' bed

e. Under Ashley Cole's bed

f. Under Mutu's bed

g. Under Roman's girlfriend's bed

h. Under the bed of a working girl at the brothel Avram visited.

February 02, 2010

Robbie Keane And The Ever-Changing Wiki Page

We at Hantu Bola love The Guardian's live updates. They're always funny, and we love it almost as much as we love Football365's Famous Mailbox, which we love a whole lot more than the entire crappy ESPN-owned Soccernet with all its annoying videos.

Anyway, yesterday Guardian had LIVE COVERAGE of one of the 'most important days in football' - the close of the January transfer window. Amongst some of the amusing updates, was The Robbie Keane Wiki Fiasco, which proves that you should never trust Wikipedia TOO much.

The whole thing started out with this:

Later, there was another update about Robbie Keane's Wiki page:

And from then onwards, apparently all hell broke loose. While I was away, Robbie Keane's Wikipedia page got updated a couple more times. When I got back, this was what I saw:

So off I went to Robbie Keane's Wikipedia page, where I saw this:

Pressing refresh from then on, I got different line every minute, ranging from Portsmouth bashing:

To the smart-ass:

The dumbfounding:

And the frivolous:

One joker even replaced his entire entry with this:

My favorite has to be this one though:

In the end it reverted back to the real Wiki page, but not before Guardian posted this:

See why you should never trust Wikipedia? LOL