June 30, 2006
See, we so update.
Anyway, The quarter-finals start today, and since my dream final of Argentina vs Spain can no longer take place (thanks to Aragones' bright idea of not sticking to a winning formula), I shall now see what kind of final I REALLY want.
Argentina: MY favorite team now after Spain. I want them in final.
Germany: Don't like them. Never did.
England: Don't like them. Overhyped.
Portugal: Don't like them. Especially the crybaby.
Italy: Don't like them. Cheaters.
Ukraine: Don't like them. Boring.
Brazil: Don't like them. Too many bandwagonist fans.
France: Don't like them. They knocked out Spain.
So... with the above expert analysis... I proudly announce that my current dream final will be...
Argentina playing with themselves. (Shiit, that didn't come out right.)
All the other teams can go fuck themselves. (Shiit, that didn't come out right either.)
Oh, and remember, tonight the Hantu Bola will be watching...
GERMANY vs ARGENTINA
Date: Friday, 30th June
Venue: Chakri Palace, Mont Kiara Plaza
Time: 10.30 pm
June 28, 2006
See the fat boy run.
See the fat boy run and score.
3 - 0.
I'm loovin' it, loovin' it I tell youse.
Did someone reckon a bunch of Spanish poofters would knock Brazil out in the quarters? Really? You must be quite gutted then. Gobsmacked. Shebby-fied.
Don't forget Friday's gathering folks.
June 27, 2006
Sure he’s a good player, but fret not, supporters of the big four (oklah five, since we have a Newcastle fan on board). World Cup signings (usually from African nations) tend to be average joes, who had their 90 or so minutes of fame during the World Cup and will most likely go on loan to a relegation threatened club by the end of the season before slipping back to obscurity. Recent examples include Aliou Cisse and Salif Diao, while Poborsky and John Jensen didn’t exactly set the world on fire (ok fine, they were spotted during EURO, but you get my point). Even established stars fail to live up to their billing post World Cup, such as Nicky Butt and Davor Suker.
The top 10 FIFA World Cup 2006 potential stars/footnote-in-EPL-history are: -
1) Hatem Trabelsi – His agent already claims that there is a contract ready to be signed. Er, is it the same unsigned contract since the summer of 2004 when he was supposed to join the Arse? Did the agent misplace it then? But with a name like “Hatem” I’d think that he would be more suitable at Stamford Bridge (Hate ‘em. Get it? Haha).
2) Dirk Kuyt – So a prolific scorer in his native league, touted as a possible match-winner, who didn’t score in the World Cup is heavily linked with Newcastle…. Stephane Gui’varch, anyone?
3) Didier Zokora – Powerful displays in midfield for Ivory Coast has attracted the likes of Scum scrambling for his signature. He looks quality no doubt, but may well end up at Bolton/Pompey after a year or two after being ousted from Spurs by Jermaine Jenas… Er.. Hold that thought…
4) Artur Boka – The so-called African Roberto Carlos. He’s got the height and the bombarding runs down to a pat. But 2002 also saw a similar player on the other flank for Senegal by the name of Ferdinand Coly. He made only one appearance with Birmingham before packing his bags to Perugia and making the grade with their B team.
5) Javier Saviola – Prolific at international level. Proven scorer at club level too, but unfortunate to have Super Eto’o ahead of him at Barca. Personally, I’d like to see him with Arsenal but the lad prefers the likes of Real Betis and Espanyol over the spanking new Emirates (ugh) Stadium. Good luck to him then.
6) Maxi Rodriguez – I have to admit, my knowledge of the Madrid teams are skewed towards the one with the creaking stars. But surely I would have heard of this guy with all my years of playing Championship Manager… But I didn’t. 3 goals in 3 starts is an excellent return for a winger, and if Liverpool wants a right winger, this is the one they should get.
7) Aaron Lennon – I read somewhere (can’t remember the source) that Chelsea are interested in a player plus cash deal involving Shaun Wright-Phillips. Let’s hope he gets better fatherly advice than SWP.
8) Random Aussie dude(s) – Expect him/them to sign for the outside-looking-in clubs, ie, Middlesborough/Blackburn/Fulham.
9) Fernando Torres – Man Utd and Arsenal has shown some interest in the young lad. Expect him to sign for Chelsea by the end of the World Cup.
10) Carlos Tevez – See above.
P/s: Dirk Kuyt is rubbish.
GERMANY vs ARGENTINA
Date: Friday, 30th June
Venue: Chakri Palace, Mont Kiara Plaza - confirmed
Time: 10.30 pm - confirmed
From experience, SO only accepts reservations up til 7:30pm only, so we'll need to see how many people can turn up, and then only reserve the table.
So, I need you guys to COMMENT and CONFIRM who is coming this FRIDAY... NOW, so that we can book the tables. so... comment comment comment fast fast fast...
As for how you're gonna recognise us, lets just say it's pretty hard to miss us, ok? :P
PS: We'll gauge the response on the day, and see whether we wanna do it again for the England Portugal match ok?
Apparently, Souled Out is, as expected, sold out.. er.. I mean, full for Friday night. some nut went and booked the whole damn place for a private function. damn selfish i tell you, no consideration for Hantu Bolas at all.
Anyway, we're planning to move OUR party back to Chakri Palace at MONT KIARA PLAZA (which is the easiest place to get reservations, plus we're too damn lazy to think of anywhere else), and will probably move back the time to 10pm onwards....
Damn, no Jameson again. sigh...
We have a table in front of the big screen at Chakri Palace in Mont Kiara Plaza, the booking is for 10:30 pm, so everyone has plenty of time to move their behinds and come on over.
First-timers to HantuBola gatherings should look for the tell-tale signs when trying to locate the table; e.g. bottle of whiskey in the centre of table, a super-thin scouser, a bespectacled Manure glory hunter, a botak feller who's pretending to be sober, etc.
How heartbreaking can it get?
Oh well, lucky or not, the teams I expected to go through have gone through so far. Now, all I need is Brazil to win, and Spain to spank the French, and I've got my dream quarter-finals...
Next match... Ukraine vs Switzerland. Uh. Ok. Time to catch up on my sleep before the Brazil-Ghana and Spain-France matches tomorrow night then...
June 26, 2006
Personally, I'd rather watch the Germany-Argentina match than the England-Portugal game, but I shall leave it to you guys to decide which is better for our NEXT HANTU BOLA World Cup gathering.
As for location, I'm gonna go with Souled Out in Sri Hartamas again, because we still have a bottle of Jameson whiskey sitting on the shelves there... provided we can get a table, that is, which means that YOU GUYS need to tell me by TODAY whether you'd prefer to watch Friday or Saturday's game, so that I can book a table!
So what are you waiting for? Comment comment comment fast fast fast so we can decide which match to have the gathering for!
There've been waves and waves of yellow cards being dished out left right and center, red cards galore, and even a sending off that needed three yellows to justify a red (does that make it an ORANGE card then?)
Take last night's Holland vs Portugal match for instance. The referee Valentin Ivanov was obviously jeles that people would remember silly names like Jan Vennegoor of Hessalink but no one could promounce a simple Russian referee's name.
So he decides to dish out SIXTEEN FUCKING YELLOW CARDS (which was apparently a tournament record), and FOUR FREAKING RED CARDS, so that his name would go down in history as the referee who set a record for most yellow cards EVAR. I wonder where he found the space to write all those numbers. (oh. Portugal won, BTW. Who noticed?)
Previously in the first round, there were matches that also nearly turned into futsal games, and a lot of yellow cards given for time wasting (IN THE 50th MINUTE!!!!!!).
It's not just the referees being card-happy that is pissing me off. The referees also don't seem to know where to stand. I've seen the referees get in the way of the ball NEAR THE PENALTY BOX more times in these two weeks than I have in an entire EPL season. I think there was once when Korea were attacking and the move was good, but it broke down why? BLOODY REFEREE was standing RIGHT ON THE CENTER of the EDGE of the Penalty box and got in the way of the ball that was being squared to an onrushing midfielder.
Then there was that over-reacting referees in one of the matches who REALLY over-reacted when a player grabbed his arm. He reacted as if he was being SHOT or something.
But hor, the best one of all was Graham Poll's BRILLIANT handling of the Australia vs Croatia match. In the Korea vs Togo match, he'd sent off a player for a second booking by showing him the red and THEN only the yellow. Even the commentator was confused.
But, in the Oz vs Croat match, he showed TWO yellow cards to Josip Simunic, BUT no red card. Then, after ruling out a winning Australian goal because (get this), he was blowing the final whistle at the same time (WHILE THE ATTACK WAS IN PROGRESS), he then decided to produce ANOTHER yellow card and show'd it to Simunic, and THEN a red card, finally sending off Simunic AFTER the match was over.
Sheer genius, that.
I'd imagine if Australia had not gone through because of the draw, they'd be royally PISSED. I think FIFA said they'd have grounds to ask for a replay if Australia had not gone through.
So, it is with great honour that we induct the incredible Graham Poll into the annals of Hantu Bola's REFEREE KAYU HALL OF FAME, the third referee in our list now.
May you all shudder if ever you see the name 'Graham Poll' refereeing your club's game during the EPL season. IF he doesn't retire after this debacle, that is....
Further Poll reading:
- Guardian's The Fiver: GRAHAM POLL'S DIARY
- Guardian: Poll's entire career on the line after Stuttgart debacle
June 24, 2006
Project Malaysia World Cup 2010
Posted by: Ko-Lyn Nga, 22-Jun-2006
Like most Malaysian football fans, we harbour the hopes of seeing Malaysia playing in the World Cup Finals at least once in our lifetime. However, with the present set-up, there will be no way Malaysians will get to see their national football team participating in the greatest tournament in the world. We can spend millions or billions of ringgit but we'll not succeed because time and time again, the mentality of football development in this country has not changed. We are in a vicious cycle of repeating past mistakes and until we start to think out of the box, we can even forget about qualifying for the Asian Football Finals.
Critical changes must be made where FAM, the present Premier League and the National Football team are concerned. The poor turnout in the latest Malaysian Cup Finals between Pahang and Perlis indicates that unless football in this country is improved, football fans are going to shy away from local matches. Especially when better football is being shown on TV focusing on English Premier Leagues etc. On a brighter note, the fans have also indicated that they would continue to support football teams who gave their all in a football match. This is proven by the full house turnout in the match between the National Team and the MyTeam. - Can you believe that? 75000 fans turn out to see a match that doesn't bear any significance. Or rather ... maybe it does. You see, MyTeam represents the hopes of all Malaysian fans in this country. What can a bunch of nobodies produce against the elites of this country. And what we saw that night, there is hope yet for football in this country. However, for that hope to be converted to reality, FAM must first be ready to take drastic measures to revamp the present set-up.
 Disband the entire Premier League. Millions of ringgit will be saved. Used the millions to finance 6 National Teams : 2 Seniors, 2 Under 21s and 2 Under 16s National teams. Pay salaries to these players ( instead of State/Club paying salaries )
 Secure Corporate sponsors to organise Talent Competitions to seek out players for teams like the one we saw in MyTeam. I believe there are thousands of Malaysians who would give their all just for a chance to play against the National Teams. Then recruit from this pool of players and dump any National players who do not deserve their national jersey.
 Bring back the Merdeka Tournament and invite the best teams from Asia to take part, including European club teams.
 Give as many International Friendy matches to the national teams instead of players playing for their clubs or states.
Tell me, FAM .... if this would not build a great national football team for the country.
I sometimes HATE world cup season. Somehow all the idiots think they know loads come out with shitty stupid opinions and ideas. And for some fucking reason, the editor of that Star blog decided to reward stupidity by awarding him 50 bucks!
Alright...so let me get this straight. Einstein reckons that we can improve the standard of national football by DISBANDING the league and then getting our national team players to play against REALITY TV teams?!?
Fucking awesome idea, that.
I have heard of many awesome ideas in the past. Some people suggested that we should join our league with Thailand and Indonesia. Some other idiot also once told me that we should not let foreigners play in our league (oh no, wait..the FAM did that before).
While we're at it, should we also suggest to the English FA that their national team is quite shitty and they haven't won anything in 40 years....so they should just disband the premier league and get Wayne Rooney to play his football against a random pikey from the hood?
And why stop at Under-16 teams? Shouldn't there also be under-14 and under-12 and under-9 teams?
First we have women talking about football like its their life passion. Now we have aliens babbling some crappy Martian theory of stupidity and driving me insane. And since we are all in the habit of talking shit, how about I drive home an idea of mine?
The best we could do in our glory days was to qualify for the Olympics. Big deal. Why can't you monkeys understand that we probably aren't quite good enough? Yes, yes you can ramble on and on and on for ages about the players' and officials' mentality, how they are not mentally strong, or how we don't have a good youth system and all. But heck, here's the real problem:
We aren't fast enough and we certainly aren't big enough to play. Physical limitations, see? You can be the most skillful football team in the world, but if your tallest centre back is 5' 6", you are going to get fucked everytime there is a set piece. The ball can stick to your feet like Ronaldinho but you are going to get barged down in no time. Nothing we can do about it unless we muck around with the gene pool and breed some Martians (read : Yao Ming).
It's like that. You don't see Americans trying to be world class at badminton, do you? And the blacks from Africa...as good as they are runners, they will never be world class swimmers because of their heavy bones. Have you seen an African gymnast in the Olympics?
Stick to badminton, squash, bowling (both tenpin and lawn). Football ain't going to kick it. Don't delude yourselves by dreaming of the impossible. Ambitions are good. Fantasies are not. Malaysia getting the World Cup is a fantasy.
More importantly, don't write or splutter out shitty opinions which force me to bang my head against the wall.
I think this article is a hundred times better than the one above, so I demand that The Star pay me RM50 for it.
We got this picture via a reader thru the email, and I figured since I can't be bothered to write anything about the past few World Cup matches, I'd post this instead, as a filler, while waiting for the second round matches to start tonight...
But speaking of second round matches.... France vs Spain.... Argentina vs Mexico... Portugal vs Holland... ooooh boy.
June 23, 2006
Haha randomly googled that pic and found it funny. =p
Bellamy Joins Reds...
Bellamy's First Interview With LFC.TV
He kept going on about how he supported Liverpool as a boy that I really hope he shows that on the pitch and does well for Liverpool.
Hopefully, we'll get Alves and Kuyt too.
And here are the fixtures for the first Premiership day of the 2006/2007 season.
Opening day: 19/08/2006
Sheff Utd v Liverpool
West Ham v Charlton
Arsenal v Aston Villa
Bolton v Tottenham
Chelsea v Man City
Everton v Watford
Man Utd v Fulham
Newcastle v Wigan
Portsmouth v Blackburn
Reading v Middlesbrough
23/08/2006: Liverpool v Newcastle [Postponed due to CL]
09/09/2006: Everton v Liverpool
16/09/2006: Chelsea v Liverpool
16/09/2006: Man Utd v Arsenal
30/09/2006: Man Utd v Newcastle
21/10/2006: Man Utd v Liverpool
11/11/2006: Arsenal v Liverpool
25/11/2006: Man Utd v Chelsea
02/12/2006: Arsenal v Tottenham
09/12/2006: Man Utd v Man City
09/12/2006: Chelsea v Arsenal
01/01/2007: Newcastle v Man Utd
20/01/2007: Arsenal v Man Utd
20/01/2007: Liverpool v Chelsea
03/02/2007: Liverpool v Everton
10/02/2007: Newcastle v Liverpool
03/03/2007: Liverpool v Man Utd
31/03/2007: Liverpool v Arsenal
14/04/2007: Chelsea v Man Utd
21/04/2007: Newcastle v Chelsea
21/04/2007: Tottenham v Arsenal
05/05/2007: Man City v Man Utd
05/05/2007: Arsenal v Chelsea
Strangely enough, I don't know why I can't find any Newcastle-Arsenal fixtures. =S
June 22, 2006
Now, I've watched the World Soccer Series in the US, and I have to say, the commercials there are CRAP and BORING, and I'm not even talking about the pit of manure that is that AIG 'Official sponsors of Manure United" commercial (Which was quite boring, but is made worse by that Manure shield at the end of it).
Anyway, The ones here during the intervals between my second and fourth repeat viewing of the Arg-S&M match, as well as during half-time are so much better.
I've been quite captivated by that music video for Celebrate the Day that they play in between shows, which I think is the most AWESOME music video for a football song I've ever heard. The song is also one of the best Footy songs EVAR (Wel, for one, it doesn't mention anything about three pussycats on a shirt). More on World Cup music in later post.
Anyway, there are a few good ads (which do not include the lame ALi Cafe and Power Root ones, BTW), like the Maxis Germany 1-0 England one, and and.... er.. can't remember anymore.
My favorite is the Hasbullah Awang (that IS him right?) Maxis one. "YA, RIO FERDINAND, MENJADIKAN KEDUDUKANNYA SATU KOSONG." Classic ad, this. Connects with Malaysians (and our inane Malaysia Boleh battle cry), damn funny, and gets the message across at the same time.
But in terms of memorable-ness, nothing can beat this next one I'm about to introduce. In terms of ADS, this World Cup will forever be remember for this the BRILLIANTLY HILARIOUS commercial for THIS product:
SUCH poise on the ad! Such elegence! Such accurate sharp shooting! and such toned muscles!
Damn, cowboys have all the fun.
Go read Lililiverbird's hilarious take on this incredibly product - Yeeehaa.
She's said everything I wanted to say about it, really. :D
June 21, 2006
Well, at least his World Cup is over and we won't have to listen to the press go on and on about him. And now England will have a brand new excuse when their World Cup campaign ends! But how sad is it for little Mikey? Or the Newcastle fans? Looks like they won't have Shearer AND Owen next season. Maybe they should play Boumsong in attack. =p
June 20, 2006
It's just like Thomas Cup when everyone including the old aunties take out their wooden badminton rackets and start hitting balls across their fences. Sigh.
I am extremely disheartened to admit that my mates are not immune to this 'fad'. We are playing way too much futsal. Here is a list of injuries sustained by me and my mates:
- One torn ankle ligament.
- Another with two torn ankle ligaments.
- Me with swollen ankle and shin.
- One strained thigh.
- Another with sprained ankle.
What a long list of injuries. If the World Cup doesn't end soon, we would all be hobbling around in crutches.
So, most of the favorites are through, except Italy-who-can't-even-beat-9-men-USA, No-Strikers-Czech Republic, and France-what's-a-win?
Anyway, only two groups without a clear qualifier, and the Italy-US-Ghana-Czech & Korea-France-Swiss-Togo group is looking very tight indeed. Go Ghana!
Argentina have set the bar in terms of awesome football, and frankly, after that match against S&M (I even saw the replay of that match THREE TIMES, FULL MATCH each time), the games thereafter have been pretty boring in comparison. Yes yes, some exciting wins, but the football has been boring. To me at least. Oh, except Spain. Even though they went a goal down, they still played a lot better than say... Chubby-Ron's BRAZIL.
So... on current form, I'd LOVE IT, just LOVE IT, if Spain meet Argentina in the Semis or Final. And Spain to win, of course. teehee.
England? What's that?
June 19, 2006
heck, I even fell asleep halfway thru the Brazil match last night, the second straight night I'd fallen asleep watching a match. Yes, I was THAT bored.
besides, most of the groups have been settled already anyway. England, Ecuador, Germany, Argentina, Brazil, Holland, Portugal all through oledi. only the inconsequential teams left. Oh, and hopefully by tonight, Spain will be thru too, of course.
The only groups left that have not had a single qualifier is the Italy-US-Ghana-Czech group and the Korea-France-Swiss-Togo group (the Spain group don't count yet lar. tonight only we'll know). And based on how all the teams in the group played in the second round of matches, either team that goes in would be fine. I don't give a crap.
(though I still want Czech to go through. and for Ghana to knock Italy out)
So, while these teams are still fighting for a place in the second round, I'm gonna be catching up on my sleep in preparation for the REAL matches to start.... Germany vs England anyone?
June 18, 2006
BAH. Men are SO fickle.
I din blog cause I was SICK ok.
but anyway, after many, many days of recovering from a serious throat infection, I was finally
When I first got there, sic6sense was very vocal about being anti-camera.
sic6sense: YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO TAKE PICTURES!! NO CAMERAS!
Wei. During the last meet, I only posted ONE pic of you and you weren't recognisable behind the Liverpool scarf you were hiding behind la.
Sporting a bit la ....
Anyway, I was rushing when I was leaving the house so forgot my camera.
The so-called Games of Death didn't really manage to get my blood boiling. We were late so by the time we got to Chakri at approx. 10.30pm, the Argentina-Serbia & Montenegro game was well into play and the score was 3-0 in Argentina's favour. It was pretty trilling to watch the subsequent goals but since it was only Argentina widening its lead, which morphed into a massacre, bo syiok la.
While waiting for the Nederlands-Ivory Coast game to start, we started to heckle Vince who was leaving for Gehbeng the next day. Eyeris was trying to get me drunk by making me very stiff drinks. Vince and I are technically off our antibiotics but should not be drinking since we were not yet fully recovered.
Yeah. So much for that.
I was rather high during the 2nd game (thanks to Eyeris!). Not that many goals ... but the Ivory Coast goal, IMHO, was rather cool. It was amusing to watch all the fake dives ... replays in slow mo were pretty hilarious. There's probably a lot of stuff from the game that's going to make it to YouTube which are probably good watches but since my Streamyx is still down and I am on dial-up, I'm not going to be the one who post em here k?
June 17, 2006
So what do you do?
Why, you catch up on your Goals Conceded tally, of course.
Argentina were fucking awesome, almost all their goals were pretty damn good, and most of them were team efforts. The amazing thing? Not a single penalty or free kick. Nope, no dead ball goals in all six of those goals.
Looks like it WAS the group of death after all. Or for Serbia and Montypython, it was more like the Group of GENOCIDE.
And what of the other Groups? Don't they deserve to be called Groups of Death as well? Well, I guess so. The Portugal-Angola-Iran-Mexico group is also a REAL Group of Death.... death by boredom.
Then there's the US-Italy-Czech-Ghana Group. ALSO A group of death, according to the Ahmehricuns. Since they got slaughtered 3-0 in the opening game, I'd say it'd true for the US team, at least.
And any group that has Brazil in it should be called the Group of Death by Assassination, even though Croatia only got hit with one bullet.
France-Togo-Swiss-Korea? For France, it's the Group of Death by Old Age. After all, if you'd watch the France-Swiss match, you'd have died of old age by the time ANYTHING happened at all.
Then there's the Spain-Ukraine-Saudi-Tunisia group. A real Group of Death, this. Although in this case, no one cares who dies (as long as it's not Spain, that is).
And Poland should just go drink themselves to death for playing possibly the WORST football in this year's tournament. Oh wait, that's England, who also seem to be dicing with death in each of their games so far.
Anyway, enough of all this morbid business. Last night's Holland and Ivory Coast match was also damn memorable, not just because of the football.
While it was fun to see Robben diving and Drogba playing volleyball again, the game was even better because we watched it with the BIGGEST Hantu Bola group EVAR in Mont Kiara's Chakri Palace!
Who was there? Well, there was me, Vincent (The Gehbeng guy), Tigerjoe (and gal pal), the awesome Sic6sense (Hantu Bola's most loyal supporter!), the pretty Scorkes and Senorita Lyn (aka. Miss June), and even a femes blogger.... KY and friend! Even The Snark turned up halfway thru (but left halfway thru as well).
All in all, a pretty good outing, dudes. Sorry about all the changes in venue though. Haha.
In other Non-World-Cup related news, check out who Liverpool just bought....
Liverpool to sign Bellamy for £6m
Oops, there go Lilyliverbird's hopes of Owen ever coming back then....
June 16, 2006
I see one ManYoo feller on his bum (apparently getting fucked by Stern John); one Scouse lamp-post standing around like a Malaysian at some motor accident scene; and one Chelsea hero saving Ingerland's backside.
Where the hell is the goalie? Like his club, the goalie is neither here nor there.
Some of youse might have noticed that this blog is not exactly an England fansite.
Check it out here:
World Cup fever
(Footnote by Eyeris: HANTU BOLA GATHERING TONIGHT!!)
(LATEST UPDATE: We will be at FINNEGANS SRI HARTAMAS instead from 9PM onwards, because Souled Out is FULLY BOOKED tonight.)
Fortunately for us, we don't need to follow those guidelines today, because it's FRIDAY! And there are two cracking matches from the REAL Group of Death (Not the one with the Ahmericans in it) - Argentina versus Serbia & Montypython, and Holland vs Ivory Coast.
For our SECOND impromptu Hantu Bola World Cup gathering, we will be at Souled Out in Sri Hartamas once more tonight for the two games.
We will probably be there from 9:00pm (Update: yes, It WAS supposed to be 7:30pm, but things change, ok?) onwards, and like Vincent said here, there will be Jameson (it's a bottle of Whiskey, not a newspaper editor) at the table.
So DO come along and join the fun! If you never seen any of us before, feel free to email us at firstname.lastname@example.org BEFORE 5pm today, for details on how to spot us...
Oops, this footnote has turned out to be longer than the actual post itself... sowi, simon... :P
I'm totally surprised it isn't even in the dictionary. It should be.
Because it is one of the most uttered words in the world.
Will he play? Won't he?
Will England win the World Cup without Rooney? Can England even WIN a game without Rooney? Wait, can they even win a corner without him??? You know, I don't know why we're asking all these questions. I bet they can't even KICK the ball without him.
And oh, look who's at the end of the ball...ROONEY!
What? What do you mean he was not on the pitch yet? NO ONE ELSE DESERVES TO GET ON THE END OF THE BALL! How dare whoever-that-midget-is-I-forgot-his-name-because-my-brain-can-only- remember-one-player's name?? Sorry, I didn't know other players existed.
Funny that EVERYTHING Rooney does has this impressive adjective attached to it that magnifies an ordinary effort ten-zillion-fold that if I were blind I would've thought he invented the game of football, along with all the other tricks as the rest of the world MUST be ten million years behind Rooney, the inventor of the beautiful game.
In fact, they should just build a shrine dedicated to him, you know, and make it some kind of cultural attraction to get more tourists to visit the great England. And I won't be surprised if Rooney alone gets knighted if England reach the finals and still lose [well, what to do? Rooney's GREATNESS was negated by the presence of other terribly ordinary footballers, especially Michael Owen - the worst player in the England SQUAD!]
I am not blind.
I know Rooney is a great player.
But with the way they go on and on about him, you would think that he is like Shevchenko for Ukraine. And even then, I don't hear people going over the top when it comes to him.
When he's on the bench, they talk about him; while he's injured, they keep panicking and going on about how the whole world will die of a famine if Rooney doesn't play [they'll be holding their breath waiting for him to be fit, and in the process, forget to eat, or something stupid like that]; when he plays he gets exalted to ridiculous levels; when he isn't running around with the ball, they talk about the imminent greatness he is bound to produce, he is THE greatest player in the world and the only player capable of altering match results; when they're not talking about him and whether or not Wayne Rooney will play, they're talking about his girlfriend, who makes sure they never stop talking about him - or her.
Its a wonder why Manchester United don't win every single game they play.
Funny also how England only really start attacking and playing with a sense of urgency when Rooney is on the pitch. So its wrong to play to the strengths of Owen but totally right to play to the strengths of Rooney.
Anyway, Rooney aside, want to know what I think the problem with England is and why I think they will not win the World Cup?
They keep claiming they have the best team in years - yes, the best collection of players, maybe - no doubt due to the fact that one Rooney is equivalent to 11 other players, so there is absolutely no way other previous England teams will ever surpass this one. So on paper, I suppose they are pretty good - after all they've got people like Lampard and Terry [who I think has been one of the best England performers - and that isn't saying much, is it?] who supposedly do such amazing things for Chelsea every week ... anyway, on paper, they've got some pretty good players. There is also no depth, no width and too many exhibitionist-style players.
But I think it's a bit like Real Madrid - just dumping a bunch of great players together without a conscious effort of finding a way to make them meld together, they can't seem to play well together as a team, and more often than not, end up neutralising the abilities of each other. Maybe that's why they are about as exciting as the Da Vinci Code - also similarly overhyped and all talk but lacking in substance. Or maybe it's a case of having too many overpaid superstars in a team without any real balance - but that's another debate for another post.
And well, let's just say I find Sven's substitutions a little more than mind-boggling. Why does he persist in taking Cole off when Cole seems to be almost the ONLY link from midfield to the forwards? Don't get me wrong. Lampard and Gerrard are fantastic players, but all they ever seem to do is to shoot randomly OVER the crossbar and off to ... China or India or somewhere else. Well, basically the rest just do a lot of meaningless passing and by the way, if only they didn't win, I would've loved hearing Beckham say that the wind was too strong [since they can't blame the temperature] or something as all his shots kept straying.
Cole seems to constantly be inviting the defenders in - which was SUPPOSED to allow the strikers to get more free space, and has been, I think, probably the liveliest England player in the last 2 games [again, not saying much, but I might have nodded off a bit during the last 2 games as well, so excuse me if he wasn't]. Why does Sven keep taking him off? [Let us not start with Owen, because I will never stop. What a great way he has in dealing with less-than-fit players, let them rust even more on the bench or in the dressing room!]
One reason why I think the world seems to be fixated on Rooney is probably because he gives them a glimmer of hope, and you can't really blame them I suppose. With the kind of dire displays England come up with, we'd all be better off watching Barney.
They think that with Rooney, MAYBE we'll see better football. Maybe we'll get some goals.
It's just like how a lot of fans always go, "IF ONLY so-and-so played instead of him, we would've won 4-0" when their team loses 4-0, or something.
But the point is - and I am not denying that Rooney is a player who is capable of creating great moments in a game - that all of these are only redundantly optimistic speculations. It's like saying, "If only I had done this, I would've done that."
It is ALL too easy to get carried away with all these "what might have beens", because you imagine things to be so - and nobody can say you are right or wrong because it is just part of your imagination. And that conjured belief in one's imagination actually gives an idea weight and leads one to seriously consider such a possibility tangible. But who knows, if they had played Rooney, maybe they wouldn't have gotten that own goal in the first match?
And by the way, Rooney has actually only scored twice in his last 13 England matches and has not scored in a competitive match for over 2 years and it really makes you wonder why people are going on about Owen not scoring in a competitive match since October and England have only played a grand total of ONE competitive match since October - barring the recent two games. The commentator in the game even called him [Rooney, not Owen!] England's most prolific scorer.
IF we were to look at statistics - and statistics disguise facts - then maybe Crouchy is the most prolific England scorer in terms of his goals-to-games ratio, which isn't fair either because he has only played about 9 matches for England.
Oh well, at least we won't have to listen to how they didn't win the World Cup because Rooney didn't play.
At half time, I was already midway through a post about how crap England were, how Crouch STILL can't head the ball and shouldn't try overhead kicks anymore because his legs are too long and take too long to reach the ball (by the time they do, the ball's gone), how Joe Cole is England's Christiano Ronaldo, how I won a bet with Vincent and Sicsense for correctly guessing that Sven would be so desperate that Rooney would be sent on as a sub in this game, and how T&T were going to go through to the second round.
Then Crouch (Wow, Crouch actually managed to head the ball properly...) and Gerrard had to go and score. Oi, score for Liverpool enough lar, you two.
Oh, and since Lampard got the Man of the Match award for his two shots against Paraguay, he should get FOUR MOTM awards for this game, for the EIGHT shots he had on goal!
PS: I hereby nominate Crouch's missed scissor kick as the best shot aimed at the corner flag in a World Cup EVAH!
PPS: 23 shots and only EIGHT on target? BUAHAHA! England's gonna win the imaginary World Cup by scoring the most goals aimed at invisible goals!
June 15, 2006
Unlike the herd that gets hyped out over the World Cup, I find it extremely difficult to find any passion for teams which I have no allegiances to. I struggle to find the same passion that drives us on during the league season. If at all, I should be supporting England, but 3 years of listening to their press whine about their supposed superiority has made me hate them (and with a passion, too).
Cleaning out my closet the other day, I realised that I owned six original Manyoo jerseys, three fakes, one Brazil jersey and one England jersey. Never mind that I bought only one myself (the rest were all gifts), I realised that it is nothing short of a travesty that I didn't have a Malaysian National Team jersey.
So, the other day, I popped by the Nike shop in Midvalley to try to land my hands on one. The butch at the counter scoffed at me when I asked her whether they stocked the Malaysian jersey, "We don't sponsor Malaysia. Go ask Adidas."
And so, I have been spending the last two days trying scout out a shop that sells a jersey that we should all own (but evidently don't). All I got was a big fat NADA. Not to mention the stares I received from the shopkeepers - because I committed a henious crime of asking to buy my national team jersey.
"Malaysia team jersey? Takde la!"
At one shop manned by a pimply faced college kid who happened to be wearing a Brazillian jersey, he sort of sniggered when I asked him for it. "Malaysian jersey ar? Don't have la friend.." To which I replied, "So, you guys sell a Mexican jersey, but not your own national team jersey?"
Because seriously, WHO THE HELL supports Mexico?!?!
Of course some of you smart asses out there would be going, "Errr...Mexicans?" Yes, but this is Malaysia where there are 24 million Malaysians and 3 Mexicans.
And then I this brilliant idea of going straight to Wisma FAM itself. There, I was greeted by a sweet hitam manis princess who explained that they used to sell it once upon a time, but apparently Adidas has stopped manufacturing the jerseys a few months ago.
"So maksudnya, seluruh Malaysia ni, takde chan nak beli jersey tu?
"Betul, buat setakat ni memang takde"
"So bila dia orang buat yang baru?"
Not one to be easily disheartened I gave 1 Utama a try today thanks to a tip-off from Naz. However, I got the same response from the people at the Adidas shop there, citing that they have stopped manufacturing it.
So since I was in the area, I checked out the surrounding stores. There was this store which sold jerseys and the likes I walked in, asked the staff (who answered no) and as I was on my way out, an AhBeng strolled in and asked for a Japan jersey with 'Nakata' written on the back. And boy, did he bitch when they said they don't keep stocks of Japan jerseys with a player's name.
I really don't know what to make out of all this. Adidas probably stopped manufacturing the jerseys because nobody wants to buy them. Which is sensible, because I have learnt that Malaysians rather buy Mexico jerseys and 'Japan Nakata' jerseys even though those two teams are quite frankly, RUBBISH.
Yes, yes, I can hear you all screaming that Malaysia's national team is shitty so nobody wants to buy their jerseys, but then how do you explain all the Liverpool jerseys around?!?!
We are going to be in Souled Out on Friday night for the two games which sound awesome. There will be Jameson at the table (not Jenna, though). Come along and join the fun la....
- Spain (4-0 against Adrei Shevchenko was too easy, true; but they played the best football I've seen so far, not that I've seen EVERY match lar...)
- Italy (Wow, they actually ATTACKED, AND scored more than one goal...)
- Czech Republic (Looks like the midfield'll have to come up with the goals from now on, since all their strikers are crocked...)
- Holland (The Oranges have come Unpeeled!)
- Argentina (Riquelme, Messi, Crespo, Saviola. Who's gonna write them off?)
- Brazil (Unless their defence fucks up, they should be up there...)
- Germany (I don't like them either, but they're the hosts...)
- Mexico (yeah, the second-placed team behind the UNITED STATES looks better than England, Sweden, France put together)
Do bear in mind that this list is based on what would be my imagination, and disregards all the improbabilities caused by the format.
Oh, and never mind that the draw probably wouldn't allow a lineup like this. Based on the FIRST ROUND alone, I don't want to see ANY other teams in the last eight.
Where's ENGLAND? Who fecking cares?
June 14, 2006
This first one, we're gonna be meeting at SOULED OUT Sri Hartamas for the Spain and Ukraine match. We'll be meeting there at 8:30pm. just look out for a skinny dude with an orange VALENCIA jersey, and a big size dude who looks like an obnoxious Man Utd fan.
See ya there!
there were THREE, yes THREE links to stories on him blasting or complaining about something. Don't believe? In today's BBC and Guardian's front pages (as of 11am, that is), there were these stories:
- Beckham issues Yorke warning
- Beckham hits back at German paper
- Beckham slams Hargreaves boos
- Becks: time to play like favourites
I'm just glad I'm READING his thoughts rather than listen to him talk about them with that nasal voice of his...
PS: Am I the only one who thinks that Roberto Carlos is the most over-rated player on the Brazilian team?
its a bloody 0-0.
What are the chances of France going out without scoring a goal again eh?
Oh well, at least the commentators here don't talk about the UNITED STATES team...
PS: No, I didn't catch the Korea match. Was too busy sleeping. am waiting for thr Brazil match as we speak now though...
PSS: OMG, that i-Gallop ad is the most hilarious ad I've seen recently...
June 13, 2006
"What's so interesting about a game where 22 men chase a ball?"
And of course, most of the time, you guys are stupefied because you can't say much after that once some random moron asks you such a stupid question. But fret not, since you can actually answer them with this custom-made answer which I personally tried out today (which worked, too)...
Actually hor...22 men don't chase the ball. Usually one team has it and the other team tries to get it. Besides, the ball doesn't move by itself, so you can't chase it per-se, not like Quiddich. And then, usually the keepers don't 'chase' the ball.
And besides, I can think of many instances where people don't CHASE balls...
If you are Brazillian, you don't chase the ball - it magically sticks to your feet.
If you are Italian, you don't chase the ball - you just kick it as deep into the opposition half as you can.
If you are French, you don't chase the ball - you just give it to Henry.
If you are Portugese, you don't chase the ball - Ronaldo will keep it all the time.
If you are German, you don't chase the ball - Lehmann will do that for you, even if it means running out of the penalty box.
If you are English, you don't chase the ball - Gerrard the animal will do it for you.
If you are Dutch, you don't chase the ball - you just wait for Robben to swan dive and the ref will give you the ball.
If you are Malaysian, you don't chase the ball - Shebby will shit talk the opponents and they get pissed at him and throw the ball at his face.
If you are Singaporean, you don't chase the ball - you give citizenship to few foreigners and they will chase the ball for you.
Those who watched Australia vs Japan should be able to recall this candidate:
Shunsuke Nakamura lobs a ball into the box. Five players, including the goalkeeper, go for it. Five players, including the goalkeeper, miss.
The ball bounces into goal.
To quote Rahim Razali from another match in the 80s: Bodoh.
June 12, 2006
I'm sure those who did will be looking forward to Tunisia vs Saudi Arabia to be shown live by Astro in the early hours of this coming Thursday. Shebby will surely help maintain your interest with his most inspired punditry.
You know you are a hardcore footy fan when you stay up for the live telecast of Paraguay vs T&T, in what is likely to be a no impact match. Unless of course, both those teams draw their second match against Sweden & England, respectively.
Did I just give away a tip from one of the bookies just then?
Commentator Bob 2: I think the United States have a good chance in the tournament, oh wait, Eye-ran in transition with the ball, but what a steal by the Mexican defender
Commentator Bob 1: Yes, and now, a turnover by Mexico, what a reverse by the Mexicans, who qualified for the World Cup in second place in the CONCACAF behind the United States, who will play Ghana tomorrow, only on ABC.
Commentator Bob 2: Yes, be here at 9am tomorrow Eastern Standard time to see the UNITED STATES start their campaign, against the Czech, who are the favorites, we think, to finish behind the UNITED STATES in the group.
Commentator Bob 1: Now it's a corner kick for Eye-ran, who take it, the ball swings out, and Mexico steal the ball.
Commentator Bob 2: You know, Mexico were behind the UNITED STATES when they qualified for the WSoccer Superbowl, and all credit to them, because the UNITED STATES are ranked 5 in the world, and the team is optimistic that they can do well this time.
Commentator Bob 1: You are watching the World Superbowl series here on ABC brought to you by BUDWEISER, the official beer of the World Series, and Bob 1, I spoke to our boys yesterday and they said "Like, we're really good, dude".
Commentator Bob 2: Yes, they have a good feeling that it is their time to win the Soccer World Series,and in Brian McBride, we have a world class soccer shooting forward, and a shoo-in for the All-Star game...
Commentator Bob 1: And now, Mexico are on the offense, and but the OH! a mistake by the Iran defender lets Zinha steal the ball! Zinha passes to Bravo... and SCORE! MEXICO TAKE THE LEAD!
Commentator Bob 2: Yes, full credit to the Mexican team, but some awful defence by Eye-ran who let the MExicans in. You know, when the UNITED STATES beat the Czechs this Monday, 9am on ESPN2, Eastern Standard time, we will be up against Italy and Ghana next, in what the pundits are saying is the 'Group of Death', which is true, because besides the UNITED STATES, who are ranked FIFTH in the world, there are Croatia and Italy, and it is going to be a tough group indeed for Italy to advance, after all, they only have three World Cups, but the UNITED STATES have won the World Series hundreds of times.
Commentator Bob 1: Now, Mexico are agin in transition, and Mendez has the ball, and he puts it in the area, and.... SCORE!!!!!! MEXICO INCREASE THEIR LEAD TO TWO POINTS and surely they will go on to win!
Commentator Bob 2: Yes, Mexcio have done well, and on this result, we think the UNITED STATES will be able to do well too. So Bob 1, who do you think are the players to watch in this World Series?
Commentator Bob 1: Three players, Bob 2 - Ronaldinho, that Aowen kid from the UK, and of course, Brian McBride, star quarterback for the Fulham team in the UK.
Commentator Bob 2: And now, sorry to intterupt you, Bob 2, but the final whistle has sounded, and we now have the final standing of Mexico 3, Eye-ran one, and what a game it has been. We now bring you back to the studio where our expert analyst ALEXI LALAS, who was the UNITED STATES STAR CENTREBACK in the 1998 World Superbowl will talk about the game highlights, and the UNITED STATES' chances on Monday.
Commentator Bob 1: Yes, remember to tune in then to our boardcast, brought to you by BUDWEISER, the OFFICIAL beer of the Soccer World Series...
June 10, 2006
Wow, by reading all these articles, you would've thought that football was an exclusive sport that no female could EVER possibly like and that female football fans are some hitherto undiscovered species that miraculously appeared on the face of earth like a bunch of aliens. But isn't it just the same as any other sport? There are millions of girls who love rugby, tennis, badminton, athletics, cricket, whatever. So why is it that we can't like football? Just because there are millions of other bimbos, doesn't make sports less attractive to other females. Not everyone is Alex Curran you know.
I have this whole categorisation thing that isn't really independent of Vincent's analysis of the many different groups of girls who watch football. Mine is just a much simpler way of looking at a female fan's intention.
There are girls who watch football for the "cute" guys [I find it hard to name 5 cute guys in football, well, that's MY problem, I suppose]; girls who watch football to join in the 'hype' and because its the 'trend' during World Cup/Euro [i.e. my best friend]; girls who are geniunely into the game; girls who watch football because of their BFs/partners and who support a certain club JUST because their BFs/partners do [really annoying. Why must having a BF/partner make you spineless?]; girls who watch football to impress guys, for whatever reason; girls who just watch football because football is exciting and they have nothing else to do on during weekends; girls who watch football because they have nothing to do; and girls like me who are naturally '8' and enjoy EVERYTHING about football from the history to tactics to their personal lives.
But the point is, loads of girls watch football - and I don't see why people get so surprised over it. There are even some cases wherein the girls know more than guys do about football. I definitely know quite a few of those.
Although there ARE some really annoying female fans who go around posting, on the GENERAL FOOTBALL DISCUSSION FORUM, something like, "Dont u thk gerrard is lyk sooooooooooo sexy xxx" It's bad enough that you're posting in the WRONG forum, please at least try to spell properly!
But even though I sometimes get tired of them, I think that there will also ALWAYS be female fans who ARE into the footballers and think they are cute. You can't have everything, after all.
And anyway, a lot of GUYS WATCH TENNIS FOR MARIA SHARAPOVA. And she isn't even that hot. So why should the rules be any different for females?
So really, whats the big deal?
- Turned on TV, saw FEMALE 'expert' panelist, apparently a former World Cup winner. Women's World cup lar.
- Only saw the first goal in first 5 minutes, then had to go to 'work'.
- In between interviews, manage to turn on the TV in the room.
- Collective groan from me and token English reporter and whoops of joy from German reporter when we see that Germany are leading 2-1 at half-time
- Turn off TV in time for next interview.
- Turn on TV just in time to see Germany's third goal, then had to turn it off again when Kevin Spacey came in.
- finished work, turn on TV, damn, match over
Poland were shite. Nuff said.
June 09, 2006
- They call it the SOCCER World Cup
- You ask the hotel reception if they are showing the World Cup on TV, and they go "HUH?"
- The presenters compare it to Americas (The new world) vs The Rest of the World (Old World). RIGHT. The only 'Americas' that matter in the World Cup is the one in the South, dudes.
- The way they hype up Team USA, you'd think the Americans are gonna win the World Cup. It's actually almost as bad as the England coverage, and at least the English never took their penalites from the centre circle...
- Next to the American presenters, Shebby sounds like freaking Martin Tyler
- They have countless arguments over which is the best game - our football, or THEIR play-it-with-your-hands 'Foot'ball'
- They keep getting distracted by the NBA finals instead
- One more hour to go, the whole world is talking about the World Cup, and they are discussing what the best catch in baseball was...
- They remember losing in the first round in Korea as "ALMOST knocking out Germany"
- Their 3 players to watch for the tournament: Ronaldinho, Michael Owen and.... Brian McBride
But seriously, besides the Poles and the Ecuadorians, who the fuck gives a shit about Poland vs Ecuador??!?!?
HB: Good evening, sir.
SH: Good morning la.
HB: Sorry. We're still jet lagged. Thank you for seeing us on such short notice.
SH: Not a problem, since I have nothing to do these days, except for attending some illegitimate trail and posing for newspapers and magazines in my underpants. Let me tell you one thing. I am still the King.. Opps... President of Ira...
HB: Right. Let's get started. First off, we would like to compliment you on your latest clean shaven look. It looks good on you.
SH: Thank you. I was getting increasingly tired of the Santa Claus jokes.
HB: So... You seem happier today. What changed?
SH: Hahahaha. The World Cup, of course.
HB: Why? Iraq's not in it. Iran's in though. Are you rooting for them?
SH: Fuck those motherfuckers. Those infidels from across the pond. Oh yeah, not like your Malaysia is in it too.... Losers. Can't even beat Laos.
HB: Er, okay. Most Malaysians support England anyway...
SH: That's the problem right there! You people still follow your former colonial masters - worshipping them, begging for approval and attention. Those capitalist infidels!
HB: But, but, but...
SH: Ah! You know why I love the World Cup? I'll tell you why. America sucks at football.
HB: But they made it to the World Cup wor...
SH: That's because they are lucky. That CONCACAF nonsense is a joke. Anyone can beat those head-bobbing Canadians.
HB: Malaysia too?
SH: Er... Maybe not your boys. But, that Shebby Barger fella's team is quite good.
HB: Right. Back to the infide... err... America.
SH: They will lose every match. Get sent home in disgrace.
HB: Okay. We have to wrap it up here. Who do you think will win the World Cup this year?
SH: Trinidad and Tobago.
HB: You're serious?
SH: Never more so.
SH: I like that Yorke fler. He will win the golden boot and score 20 goals.
HB: Right... Thanks for your time, sir.
SH: You're welcome. If you'll excuse me, it's time for my regular bikini wax session.
June 07, 2006
This is what the World Cup looks like:
First-time footy fans are advised to pay special attention to the commentary while watching match telecasts, in order to learn the game.
In the event that your commentator is Hasbullah Awang or Shebby "If I Were Sir Alex" Singh, then first-time footy fans should remember that whatever those guys say are 50% bollocks and 50% ripped off from Sky Sports.
We hope that calls for a penalty after a foul in the centre circle can be reduced with our public service announcements.
By the way, it's football, not soccer. Get it right.
June 06, 2006
ENGLAND ARRIVE IN GERMANY
Mexican wave (with one hand)
Can you just FEEEEEL my excitement at the ground-shattering piece of news? Can you FEEEEL the sudden urge to sing Embrace's The World is At Your Feet? Can you FEEEEEEEL the need to break your metatarsal? Can you FEEEEEEEEEEEL the Robotic vibes in the air right now?
Kudos to you, Soccernet, for bringing us only the MOST EXCITING, MOST RELEVANT, BIGGEST and BESTEST football news on the Internet!
June 05, 2006
Of course, we atasan people at Hantubola will do no such thing because you should already know all those stuffs. Football n00bs are not welcome here, thank you very much. You see, we do not wish to fill people's already puny brains with some crappy opinion that Ronaldinho would probably be the player to look out for, because...WHO DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW THAT?!?
There's a problem with all this informative stuffs that the media is dishing out...it deludes people into thinking they are experts and then they go on and form some kind of random opinion on the World Cup, and then those idiots come and irritate me. You see, there's a problem here. An opinion is like an asshole - everybody has one and it's usually shitty.
Nothing peeves me off more than the following bunch of people during World Cup season :
Group 2 women : If you don't already know what a Group 2 woman is, please proceed here to my awesome theory about women & football. And sometimes, some Group 1 women take interest in the World Cup which peeves me even more. Like for example, there was this time during the last World Cup where I watched a game in the mamak, and there were a bunch of college girls sitting in the next table, with their customary England jerseys, when suddenly one of those sissy fart pretty boys (think David Beckham) gets fouled in the centre circle. This (fat) girl jumped up and screamed PENALTY! Her friends proceeded to gently nudge her to take her seat.
Old Ahpeks : The only interest they have with regards to the World Cup are the bets they make. This usually covers all the games. Actually, their shitty info doesn't come from the newspapers but from their bookie who usually doubles up as an AhLoong. Actually, info like that can be quite accurate sometimes, which peeves you even more because they can correctly predict that America can beat Portugal (in 2002).
Who wouldn't be pissed? Here you have an ahpek who knows nuts about football, thinks that Mokhtar Dahari still plays football, and he argues with you that Figo and Rui Costa are not very good players compared to....er, *mm chai ee see hami mia liao...hami hami Bad Feedel ar?, and TURNS OUT TO BE RIGHT!
*dunno what's his name already....Bad Feedel?*
Pesky Housewives : Instead of concentrating on Bold & Beautiful and Winter Sonata, the World Cup has suddenly become soap opera of choice for housewives around the globe. This friend of my mum has already stated that she will watch all 64 matches without fail. And you somehow just know that they don't know squat....and probably have never touched a ball in their lives (not very different from younger women, though). How is that wrong? She's 60 or something. 60 year old women should be doing something like knitting, gardening or baking, not getting high over Casillas and Van Persie. That job is reserved for teenage girls high on hormones.
Just about everybody else who gets caught in the hype : A colleague of mine (female, of course) was overheard talking in the office the other day with another colleague (female, OF COURSE, durrrr)..
A : I like that Brazillian guy...damn good man.
B : Which one? Ronaldo?
A : No, no..Ronaldinho.
B : Never heard of him. Ronaldo I know.
A : No, no...Ronaldinho...the curly hair one...Wah, he's good man. I saw the ad on tv the other day.
Note : No females were harmed in the process of writing this article.
June 04, 2006
Monday (T-minus 4)
Go out and buy all the ‘special edition’ magazines and newspaper football pull-outs on the World Cup. Then spend the whole day reading and re-reading the outdated articles on tournament, write-up on the teams (where they always give their conservative predictions), obligatory star player focus, centre spread with the scorecard and standings.
Tuesday (T-minus 3)
During your lunch hour, rush down to the supermarket and stock up on the essentials – Indomie, Coke 1.25litre, Twisties Jumbo pack, Nescafe 3-1 instant coffee mix (for the 12am games), Nescafe 2-1 instant black coffee mix (for the 2.30am games)…
Wednesday (T-minus 2)
Set your alarm clock to 2.30am, wake up in the middle of the night, come downstairs, switch on the lights and your TV, and for 2 hours watch whatever crappy rerun show on the telly. The reason? Dry-run for the real thing. You need the training, plus you need to get use to the lack of sleep throughout the day.
Plus, also practice the ‘deep concentration’ look in front of the PC at the office, while actually sleeping.
Thursday (T-minus 1)
Spend the whole day surfing the football websites (including the world famous Hantubola) and forums and read all the 23,439 articles and postings on whether Rooney is fit or not, whether Brazil will win or not, etc.
Afternoon: still not to late to place a few bets with your friends for the opening round matches…
Friday (T-minus 0)
Early morning – call in sick (‘stomach cramps’) to prepare for the important day. Spend the rest of the day in semi-vegetable state lying in bed in your underwear (‘to conserve energy’). Make sure your electricity and Astro bills are fully paid up (take no chances), read through magazines again, surf the footie websites again…
10pm – set your yourselves in front of the TV, make sure the couch is the right distance from the TV, toilet and refrigerator, cola, remote and chips within easy reach…
11pm – spend 5 minutes fiddling with the extra features and special channels on Astro.
11.25pm – spend RM53 on those pointless football SMS games they keep spamming you with.
11.49pm – drink your 14th cup of coffee. Your hands are already shaking due to the excitement. Not to mention your pee smells like coffee.
11.58pm – Slight drizzle outside causes a near heart attack as your Astro is temporarily disabled. After some frantic phone calls to every friend you have in the 2km radius, service is back on after 12 seconds…
12.00am – GAME ON!!!!
In the build-up to Euro 2004, Scolari substituted him in a warm-up match and said he did not want players who were 'doi-doi' - a phrase which has no exact translation but seemed to be referring to the player's tendency to produce stepovers and tricks for show at inappropriate moments.
Damn, how did I miss THAT in 2004? That's the most brilliantly sounding 'insult' I've ever heard. Never mind that it's not insulting in meaning, it sounds absolutely brilliant. It rolls of the tongue just perfectly, and you will never get tired of saying it.
Try it try it try it: Doi-Doi, Doi-Doi, Doi-Doi, Doi-Doi
See? It's brilliant!
In view of this, I hereby christian er... Christiano Ronaldo with a new Hantu Bola nickname:
The Doi-Doi Crybaby!
June 03, 2006
Honestly, this will only be my second World Cup and maybe the craziest thing that I've ever done to watch a World Cup match was to get the teachers to cancel extra class so we could all go home and watch Brazil v England. [And even then, that was only my second World Cup match! And the whole class wanted to watch it anyway, so technically, it wasn't really the craziest thing I did.]
But, really, does the World Cup mean THAT much to people?
I mean, what is the point of watching every single game? They don't exactly give out honours for that, do they? [Imagine becoming a Datuk because you have watched every single game of the World Cup! Now that'd be funny wouldn't it? But then again, people become Datuks for nothing these days, so won't be surprised if something like that happens in the future!]
Maybe I don't really get it because I'm not THAT into international football so I don't get what all the fuss is about - especially when our local "England" fans are even more enthusiastic about the England team than most English people I know. Funny, isn't it?
We seem to hate the Malaysian team and can never find a superlative which is humble enough to adorn them with. The English hate their own England team while the rest of the world idolises these overpaid millionaires who really, would do a lot better if only they had hired someone like Martin O'Neill to give them a good bollocking every time their ego swells to an extraordinary level. [But then again, what do I know? I'm just a girl!]
I would've thought that since it is so hard to find a job nowadays even if you have a degree from some prestigious university and graduate with super honours and get 19A1's that the last thing someone would do is give up their job just to watch the World Cup!!! I mean, he could've pretended to get into a coma AND get extra money from "medical bills" or something!
I think the craziest thing I have done after watching a football match is to run into this cupboard sitting near my door because I was running too fast and I couldn't stop myself in time because I was too excited after Liverpool had won some match.
So tell me, what is the craziest thing you have ever done to watch a football match? Or what is the craziest thing YOU are planning to do just so you get to watch the matches in the upcoming World Cup?
Now, before beginning, remember to do the proper warmups. Warming up is essential for the Intermediete steps, because we will now be attempting some very complicated dance moves, some which will floor even the Tango King Maradona himself.
Now that you're nicely warmed-up, we shall begin with the simplest of the intermediate sequences.
While the beginner sequences only involved arm movements, now you see that the dance is beginning to involve the upper body more. Later we shall move on to the leg movements.
For now, here are the upper body movements you must master first:
Notice that the CRAP is still used even in the intermediete sequences. It is essential that you know how to CRAP properly before even attempting to dance the Croucherena.
Now we move on to mixing upper body movements with the arm gestures as well:
Note that although there are two different sequences - a and b - above, you are free to mix and match either sequence to suit your taste and the music.
Just remember to CRAP first.
Very good. Now that you've gotten the hang of it, now comes the complicated part (I hope you've warmed up sufficiently before atempting the following moves):
Please do not attempt these moves unless you have mastered the CRAP. It took Dance-Master Crouch more than 20 years to develop this dance (despite having such good touches for a big man) and he eventually developed the CRAP to enable people who do not have his flexibility to do this dance as well. See, our Dance-Master is so considerate.
Previously, only Eric Cantona was able to attempt such high flying kicks. Roy Keane tried, but could unfortunately only kick up to knee height (the other person's knee, that is). Then they tried to CRAP, but were too stuck in manure to even do that. Gary Neville could CRAP pretty well too, but whenever he tried to kick as high as Dance-Master Crouch, his face would go like this:
And then he would pengsan terus. Wuss.
So, boys and girls, keep up the practise, make sure you warm up properly before you dance, and learn to CRAP properly, and you will soon be able to dance as well as Dance Master Crouch himself.
June 02, 2006
(Pictures of the Robokop taken from BBC Online)
For more footage, including videos and pictures, do go check out BBC Online's World Cup blog HERE:
Not unless you want everyone around you to keel over and die from laughter, that is.
Do check out the video footage from Anfield Red HERE. It's so popular that it's caused the website to go down. Truly hilarious shit, I tell ya.
June 01, 2006
C'mon everybody ... Let's do the Crouch!
...... we decided to take it upon ourselves to teach our loyal readers how to do our very own spin-off of the Robot Crouch dance - The patented Hantu Bola Croucherena!
Presenting... Part one of the special Hantu Bola dance class!
The Croucherena (Lesson One)
Before you start the music, you must assume the proper Crouch-Dance pose, like this:
Now, the music comes on... (Any music will do. It doens't really matter. What matters most are your MOVES, you groovy babeh!)
First, the easy steps. The first steps goes like this (Click for larger picture):
Yes, it's that easy.
Now, once you have mastered the first sequence, we are now ready to move one step further. Assume classic Crouch Dance Pose once again, and here we go, a-one, a-two, and a-...
Now, boys and girls. we have learnt the two basic steps of the Croucherena. We will now teach you the final sequence of arm movements, which you must master before you can move on to the intermediete lesson.
For the third sequence, it does not start from the classic Crouch Dance Pose, but you are supposed to go into it directly after you finish the second sequence.
Hence, we shall now demonstrate:
Note that the sequence finishes in exactly the same pose as when it started, which is called the Crouch Repeat Arm Position (CRAP). The CRAP is the position in which most of our Crouch dances are derived from, and is designed so that you can switch to any dance move or sequence you want.
Therefore, when you get into a CRAP position after the third sequence, you can either choose to repeat the same sequence all over again, or go into the first/second sequences.
Remember boys and girls, practise makes perfect! With time and enough practise, you too can master the Croucherena, and can use the CRAP to dance effortlessly!
(Next lesson: The Intermediate Croucherena leg movements)