May 31, 2006

The 1st ever Hantu Bola Awards!!!

We were supposed to come up with this list ages ago, after the regular football season had ended, but I guess everyone got caught up with work and other stuff. Anyway, this first Hantu Bola Awards thingy was suggested by Simon, with ideas contributed by me, Vincent and Tigerjoe.

Now, without further ado, I present to you....

The 1st Hantu Bola Awards - Winners list


The Wenger "I didn't see it" Award:

The Chop Souey Award for Worst Manager: A tie between Graeme "Chop" Souness and Mick "15 points" McCarthy

The Henchoz Award for Best Goalkeeping by an Outfield Player: Kolo Toure

The Gary Neville Volleyball Player of the Year Award: Didier "Sly Hands" Drogba

The Fu Mingxia Award for best Diver: Arjen "WHEE!" Robben

The Alexi Lalas award for worse hairstyles: Djibril "Bleached idiot" Cisse & Harry "Pansy" Kewell

The Gui'Varch Award for Best name with an Aposthrophe: Franck Songo'o (Portsmouth)

The Carrol-Garcia Award for most controversial 'non-goal': Didier "Disallowed Hand of God" Drogba, vs Fulham

The Winston Bogarde Bench Warming Award: Ruud "What the hell am I doing here?" Van Nistelrooy

The Ipswich Award for most over-achieving team: Wigan Athletic

The Veron Biggest Waste of money award: Jonathan "Madrid has nice hospitals" Woodgate

The Stupidest Goal Award: Didier "Fall over and finish with my shin" Drogba

The Djibril Cisse Best Broken Leg Award: Alan "OUCH" Smith

Best impersonation of a goal-post: Peter Crouch

Best Excuse for Defeat: Martin "IT WAS THE LASAGNA!" Jol


Best Solo Performance in a Comedy defending Role:
Jean Alain Boumsong

Best Performance in a Dramatic Role: Arjen "ME THROAT! ME THROAT!" Robben

Best Ensemble in a comedy defending role: Rio Ferdinand & Edwin Van Der Sar

Best Ensemble in a comedy Attacking role: Thierry Henry & Robert Pires in THAT penalty farce


Winner of the Michael Owen Prize for the player who moves to a "bigger" club in the same season his former club makes the Champions League final: Patrick Vieira

Winner of the I'm The Man Trophy for the single most influential individual act during a match that pretty much decided the result: Steven Gerrard's 50 metre backpass, versus Arsenal at HIghbury

This is by no means a definite final list. Anyone with anymore ideas on what to add to the list, do comment below. :D

May 30, 2006

oh my fucking god

I was surfing for free gear to download for the World Cup, when I came across this abomination:

So, are youse ready for the world's most hugest sporting event? Sashi is.

Perhaps some of youse would still rather talk about ShebbyTeam; in which case I would also like to interest you in a victory dance. Real in-your-face stuff, so to speak.


May 29, 2006

Deplorable Malaysian Football?

I watched the game yesterday from the comfort of my house on my couch because everybody stood me up, which resulted in me not being able to appear on TV with my kick-ass banner.

I actually have some very valid questions that keep bugging me. During the build up to the game right up to during the game itself, and after the game, a shit load of people have been supporting MyTeam (how else can you justify the multitudes of idiots who insist that MyTEAM deserved a victory??). Maybe it's just me, but anytime I see my national team playing - 1st team or not, there is no way I will support any other team. If I cheered for them against Brazil and Manchester United, why the fuck should I cheer a bunch of amateur wannabes playing against MY national team?

Of course a lot of people say that they want MyTeam to win so that some higher powers would wake up and realise that Malaysian football is in a deplorable state. However, that statement is actually quite fucking ignorant because EVERYBODY KNOWS THE STATE OF OUR FOOTBALL. The FAM is well aware and so is the Sports Ministry. That is why they keep revamping the national league (again for next season). And this wasn't recently. Anybody remember the Olympic 2000 team? Anybody remember the entire under-23 squad being promoted to the first team?

You can argue that the higher powers are a bit slow in the head, and you can critisize them for doing wrong things, but you certainly CANNOT critisize them for not realising and not doing anything for the betterment of football in this country.

What I can critisize, though, is the number of people who hate the national team because of the state they are in now. We complain that they play shitty football...low quality football, but when they score a pretty nifty second goal, and the cameras panned the stadium, hardly anybody was jumping up and down cheering.

And of course, all the 'old people' like to reminisce of the former greats and wonder why the current team cannot seem to emulate Soh Chin Aun, Mokhtar Dahari, Arumugam, Santokh Singh (and god-forbid, Shebby Singh). Funny, if you think about it. People worship a team when they were great, and scorn a team when they are down.

Glory hunting, anyone?

But you know, this is even more appaling that being a glory hunter for Liverpool, Manyoo and even Chelsea. But the funniest thing of all.....everybody professes to HATE glory hunters. Yet, the same people are willing to support a British CLUB team through thick and thin - a team which they have no allegience to, but are unwilling to support THEIR OWN COUNTRY.


Malaysia vs MyTeam

Watching the match last night; I felt as if I'd followed Chelsea to Anfield, only to be stuck in the Kop End. Fook.

But hey, I had a brilliant laugh at the end of the match.

The National Under-20s may have sucked, but MyTeam sucked worse. What's the point of leading a match for 60-odd minutes, only to run out of gas and have your keeper go to sleep during freekicks?

I just have one thing to say to Shebby:
"You KAYU!"
I would have said it to his face if I could get past security and walk up to the dugout. I was already so near.


May 28, 2006

Bah. MY Team lost.

Damn, maybe we SHOULD have been there at Bukit Jalil just now. Instead, I ended up just watching the game on TV. Oh well...

Not a bad game it was, actually. MY Team lost, unfortunately, after taking the lead in the first half through a cracker of a goal. But they lost in the second half to a 9-men Malaysian U20 team, tp two pretty decent freekick goals. But not without a fight though, they even hit the post in the dying minutes of the game. AND the man of the match was actually from MY Team as well.

So, all in all, a pretty decent showing by MY Team. And Malaysia? I'd have LOVED to see them lose, just to see the face of the players and the FAM guys. Oh well...

But damn, I would have LOVED to be at the stadium yelling REFEREE KAYU, because the referee WAS damn kayu.

Can anyone enlighten me on what the THREE red cards were for? (I missed the 1st half)

May 26, 2006

El Morro Goes Home

Striker Morientes joins Valencia [BBC Sport]

Misfit Morientes heads home in £3m deal with Valencia [Guardian]

Cut-price return to Spain for Morientes [The Times]

We knew it was coming.

Goodbye, Morro. You didn't do much, really, but it was nice to have known you.
Best of luck for the future, amigo.

Now are we gonna go get Kuyt or what?

May 25, 2006

Malaysian Stadium Pre-game Rituals

Tigerjoe's earlier comments on this post had triggered a few fond memories from the past, with regards to Malaysian Stadiums (Note: - I find it funny that plural of "stadium" is "stadia" so I'll stick with Stadiums)

We used to get there around 6 o clock for cup finals and we would have been bored stiff had it not been for the pre-game "entertainment". Here are some of the things that went on before kick-off: -

1. Paper plane contest - Anything from newspapers to flyers were folded and tossed out towards the athletics track. Those that soar closest to the field were usually greeted with collected cheers from the crowd. By kickoff time, the track is 70% covered with paper planes.

2. In a related (but very different) contest to the above, I've once seen two blown-up condoms floating towards the track. I don't know who suffered more - The person whose head was greeted by a condom balloon or the person who blew it.

3. Hot chick spotting - Prior to kick off, the cheeky cameramen would zoom in on any hot (Note: - Sometimes hot with inverted commas) chick they can find. This will be subsequently greeted by hooting cat calls of approval by the majority male fans.

4. In a related activity as above, worthy chicks walking along the stadium aisle not spotted by the cameramen will also be given "special" attention by male fans. Skay can attest to this (cheh bangga).

5. Mexican wave - This probably happens in most stadiums around the world, but I doubt that any non-participating section would be derided with shouts of "Oi balik lah oi!!" in other countries.

6. Honk the Horn Contest - There's cheap-looking contraption that costs around RM5 that is made out of a torn up balloon and parts of a garden hose, that when blown at one end will produce an annoying blaring sound that you probably have heard on TV drowning out Hasbullah Awang's commentary (which may be a good thing come to think of it). Prior to kick, bored fans will out-honk each other with renditions of "blaaa blaaa bla bla bla, bla bla bla bla, BLA BLA"... Come on you know that tune you know you do...

7. Pelt-the-FRU-with-Coke Cup Contest - Ok this doesn't happen on account that FRU personnel are not one to mess around with.

Geeks Predict...

UBS Analysts Predict the World Champion

Analysts at UBS (a global Investment Bank that nobody really cares about) has made a bold prediction for this year's World Cup.... And the winner is...

According to UBS, Italy has a 54% probability of winning the cup with Brazil as the runner-up.

While Italy had previously lost in two finals vs Brazil in 1970 and 1994, the analysts tip the scale in favour of the Italians in view that this year's finals are played on European soil. Historical trend shows that European teams have won 8/9 World Cup tournaments held in Europe, with Brazil being the odd winner in 1958 (Sweden). While Brazil had also won two on neutral territory (USA and Japorea), they perceive this insufficient to break the "home continent winner" trend.

... I wonder if UBS heard of Luciano Moggi and the scandal prior to their analysis...

But still, apparently their methods have correctly predicted 89% of all the finalists for all the past World Cups. So betters/punters/part time bookies should take note of this.

But having said that, the best bit of news from the analysis (for most Hantu Bola contributors/readers) is that England will be knocked out in the quarter finals by Holland.

May 24, 2006

Cancel the World Cup!

Cancel the World Cup, people! There's no need for a tournament already! Why? Because England has already WON IT!!!!

England victory parade planned for July 11

For heavens sake, if they want it THAT bad, just give them the CUP and we can have ANOTHER tournament, the WORLD BOWL or something.

Footnote by Vincent:

Besides, there are other more pressing matters than the World Cup. Like, MyTEAM vs Malaysia this Sunday in Bukit Jalil. We would like to confirm that there would be a gathering. Eyeris and I would definately be there.

Now, Bukit Jalil is a freaking huge stadium, and I can't say I am familiar with the place, so the plan is to give us a buzz when you get there. Now, you obviously don't know our phone numbers and we are not about to publish it here, so please drop us a line to confirm you would be coming and I would email you the contact details. Eyeris and I would be there about 730-8pm after dinner because the only food you would get at the stadium would be Ramly Burger.

Alternatively, you could go at 6-something to watch Mawi and then we would catch up with you. Confirmation is important so we can 'chup' some seats for you, since this isn't Souled Out where we can just pull a few chairs from another table.

Finally, if you guys don't want to drop us an email and just feel like popping by, well, then just look out for the HUGE HANTUBOLA BANNER hanging from (I think) the second tier where we would be sitting.

Between Whining or Gloating: The English Consequences

IF ENGLAND WIN: We'd have to put up with all the gloating and 'World Champions' being used everytime someone mentions England.

IF ENGLAND LOSE: We'd have to put up with all the whining about 'what might have been' even before the next tournament comes around.

Seriously, I don't know which is worse.

In fact, I'd rather them go out with a whimper in the first round like France did in the last world cup - without scoring a goal.

THAT should make anyone too embarassed to even mention the English team. But then again, we'd have to put up with the 'outrage' from the UK press again.


May 23, 2006

Top 10 Excuses Why England Will Be Out Of The World Cup Before The Quarter Finals

  1. David James bought Tomb Raider: Legend for PSP that just came out.
  2. Too much sand on the penalty spot.
  3. Lasagne was served for breakfast, lunch and dinner every single day.
  4. Andy Gray had to mention that England has to hang on (with 20 minutes to go).
  5. Sven got confused and thought that Ashley Cole was a striker and Joe Cole was a left back.
  6. Sven lost his temper and kicked out at a boot lying on the floor. He missed, slipped and sprained his back.
  7. Rio Ferdinand forgot to pee again. He was disqualified. Then again, maybe that will actually help England’s case.
  8. Jamie Carragher wanted England to play like Liverpool. Kept pumping the ball forward to Michael Owen – who couldn’t reach them due to his great stature.
  9. John Terry, Wayne Rooney and Jermaine Jenas missed the game as they were too engrossed in their poker game.
  10. Peter Crouch played in every single game.

May 19, 2006

HB supports the local footballing scene

Being the patriotic Malaysians that we are, we have decided to do a HB gathering thingy to go watch our favourity Shebby Singh's MYTEAM take on our Malaysian team. World Cup is starting and since we can't cheer for our national team in the World Cup, we can cheer for them against a bunch of kids.

We will soon kick off our World Cup posts, but just a note worth mentioning - the HeadHantus are NOT England fans. I, for one, hate any English National Sporting Team with a passion. England fans can expect a bashing.

As usual, leave a comment in the comments box and we will furnish you with details.



BTW, I also have an announcement to make... Hantu Bola has a new EMAIL ADDRESS!

Ok, so it's about time we got a proper email instead of all the emails going into MY email instead, but hey, better later than never huh?

So, in future, if you have any complaints, suggestions or just wanna tell the Head Hantu's that we're KAYU in private, email them to:

late breaking news

Remember Spurs losing the final game of their season to West Ham? Remember the conspiracy theories that were going around about poisoned lasagna?

Apparently the Spurs players who fell sick two Sundays ago had caught a nasty virus prior to checking into the Marriott in East London. This is a confirmed fact.

The interesting bit is that a groupie fan of Spurs was taken in sick recently; and it has now been established that this particular Spurs fan was roasted by a group of Spurs players on the Friday night before matchday. The same group of Spurs players who fell sick on that fateful Sunday.

A photo of the said Spurs groupie has been published by a tabloid. Click here to see it.

It's a right scandal I tell you.

May 18, 2006

kesian the gooners?

Amidst the emo-ness from gooners and pseudo gooners after last night's Champions' League Final, I would just like to point out a few things to youse:

  1. Lehmann was last man when he brought down Eto'o.
  2. Eboue dove to get the freekick which Campbell scored from.
  3. Henry wasted scoring chances as if he was a Liverpool striker.
I do agree, however, that the ref was KAYU. He should have let Giuly's goal stand instead of calling for the foul. Then I might have had a chance to collect on my bet. Fook.

Here's the quote of the final:

"No disrespect to Barcelona, I feel we played better than them when it was 11 against 11. We can be proud." - Arsene Wenger
Does the quote sound familiar though? I could have sworn I read and heard gooners and scousers alike pound Jose Mourinho when he said exactly the same thing; the last time we played Barca with a man short and lost 2-1.

Hugs to the gooners? Bleh. I call this karma.


Let's Do a Mourinho!

Reasons why we lost: -

1. Obvious one is referee superkayu - To be fair, Lehmann's sending off was a correct decision. But overall he had a STINKER! Henry's yellow card was a joke. Oleguer chopped down Ljungberg on the break, no yellow!... Eto'o's (doesn't it look weird if his name was with an apostrophe S?) equaliser could have been offside while the Lehmann's foul on him was also questionably offside. Linesman also on the take?

2. Dodgy officials - One day before the match, the lino HAD to be pictured in a Barcelona shirt. The ref was overheard saying "Dude!! You almost blew our cover dude!!!".

3. Barcelona "rasuah" referees - So that's 3 games against English sides in which they were playing against 10 men.

4. The weather - Our Ivorian defenders not used to so much rain.

5. Commentator's curse - Around the 74th - 75th minute, Mr. Andy Gray just HADDD to mention whether at this point Arsenal could hold on. 76th minute - we all know what happened.

Ok on a more serious note, this is why we lost: -

1. Not taking chances - Henry and Ljungberg had great chances to put the game to bed but didn't take it. And also no one in the media has given credit to Victor Valdes who had a solid game in goal.

2. The Almunia factor - I'm not a goalkeeper (in fact I'm not much of a footballer), but here me out on this. If the attacker was rushing inwards from the flanks with an acute angle, wouldn't it be better to slide in horizontally or with a semi-split? That would force your man to go wider and possibly harder angle to shoot. In the worst case scenario if the attacker is fouled, it could be argued that he was not in a proper goalscoring position to be awarded a foul/penalty. What the hell was Almunia doing crouching and bending his legs doing the chicken dance???

3. Larsson? - We somehow managed to quash the threat of Ronaldinho (albeit not in the way proposed here). While Eto'o looked dangerous with the ball at his feet, I'd say our defence held firm against him, bar the superb turn against Campbell. Deco was practically non-existant... But to me, Larsson was the one who made the difference. Man of the match IMO.

4. Tired legs - Rijkaard made a good tactical switch by bringing on Iniesta and later Larsson, both of whom were obvisouly told to run with the ball. Playing with 10 men in the rain is no mean feat, and it showed in Barca's two goals where the midfielders failed to track back along the flanks. And Henry looked absolutely knackered playing up front alone, which could explain the rather tame shot that Valdes saved in the second half.

But on a positive note, this is still a young side. With or without Henry, the whole final experience would have left the lads craving for more in the future. At least for me as a Gooner, watching my team play in the Champs League finals really is something else (something that fans of the other London team wouldn't know haha). We could definitely get used to this....

p/s: The French TV crew really sucked

May 17, 2006

Why Vincent Hates Liverpool

We all know Vincent hates Liverpool. But while we all think it's because of one of these reasons:
  • Our so-called 'Mickey Mouse club' won the Champion's League Trophy, but his 'champion's club' won the Mickey Mouse Trophy
  • We get free beer, but Manure gets American insurance.
  • Some guy from Liverpool stole his tyres
I know the REAL reason why he hates Liverpool. It's because while there seems to be a lot of Liverpool fans in this blog, he is the ONLY Man Utd supporter, and he's feeling lonely.

Here's how I found out, thru MSN, while he was complaining about Liverpool winning The-Other-Cup-That-Is-Not-The-Mickey-Mouse-Cup:

Vincent: there are toooo many liverpool supporters out there
eyeris : don't be bitter just because all your fellow 'man U fans' are now Chelsea fans....
Vincent: well at least i dont know any manyoo fan who wud cheer for the pool
eyeris : because they're all cheering for chelsea....
Vincent: hahah...ok fine
Vincent: u stupefied me

So guys, don't hate Vincent ok? He's just sad and lonely.... Give him a hug for me will ya, while I go steal his hubcaps?

Sudah Insaf

I have been spending the last 3 days in a jungle and I just saw that the Scum are not too pleased with my post. But being in the jungle helps a bit because it clears your head you know.

Dear Scousers,

I am sorry to have mocked your club's acheivements. We all know that the FA Cup is such a very important trophy. I apologise for misconstruing Eyeris' remark of "West Ham didn't deserve to lose" as "Liverpool didn't deserve to win". I apologise for thinking that West Ham deserved to score since Liverpool fucked up their first two goals. I apologise for being all that sour graped because I thought it was a pretty good thing that Manyoo finished above Liverpool in the league yet again. Above all, I am sorry for YAWN-ing.

Dear Gooners,

I keep wondering how come all the Scousers seem to support you. I got a brainwave and figured that it reminds them of past glories. I mean, why do people support a team just because they are an English team? It's not like these people are English in the first place.

Till tomorrow,


How to Stop Ronaldinho

So we've come to the penultimate game of the European calendar. On paper, it appears that Barcelona are the favourites for tonight. Well no doubt, Barca are a great team going forward led by Super Ron. They are hardly a one-man team of course, but stopping him would be a great advantage no less.

Here's how we can do just that: -

1. Switch Barca's hotel booking to Paris Marriott Hotel Champs Elysees (note: I checked this out. It exists). Ensure lasagna is the only thing availble on the menu.

2. Henry to challenge Ron to a Joga Bonito skills competition. Loser has to sit out final. As a safer bet, perhaps a 100 metre sprint competition will do.

3. Arsenal's seat allocation on the front row is to be lined by Ron's former female conquests during his time in Paris. The sight of former PSG coach, Luis Fernandez in drag will definitely be an added bonus.

4. All rubber bands/hair bands to be nicked from Barca's locker room. Hopefully the Maggi Mee hair will get in the way. Added bonus if hair product stings eyes.

5. A halftime lecture by leading Dentists on "Orthodonthia and The Magic of Braces with the Womenfolk" should distract Ronnie from the half-time team talk.

6. On a similar vein, Arsenal first XI to wear fake bunny teeth to throw him off his game. Pat Rice barking orders wearing them would also help.

7. Eboue to change a few studs with rugby spikes. Sharpening the spikes ala ice hockey skates would do wonders. Knee-high tackles in the first two minutes is highly recommended.

8. Kill him.

Barsa vs Arsa tonight!

Ronaldinho vs Henry
Puyol vs Toure
Messi vs Fabregas
Edmilson vs Gilberto
Deco vs Pires
Giuly vs Reyes
Valdes vs Lehmann

All the ingredients for a cracking match

(and quite possibly a 0-0 draw...)

May 14, 2006

Vincent goes bonkers, celebrates a Scum treble

Because I had better things to do last night than to go hunt for a pub or a mamak in a hick town, just to watch such an inconsequential game, I had to rely on live updates from Tigerjoe. Also, it was for that very reason I had to listen to testimonials from Scums on how AWESOME that game was. Although, I find it more interesting that a lot of Scousers claimed that West Ham didn't deserve to lose, which makes me come to the conclusion that Liverpool didn't deserve to win.

Which is all cool with me since it was the same with last year's winners. This should be a permanent script for the FA Cup finals for years to come.

1) Team gets fucked in the ass.
2) Team holds up for a penalty shootout.
3) Team wins penalty shootout by total shit luck.

And after last year's finals, I thought, "Heck what the fuck are all those Arsenal players celebrating for? They just got gangraped!" From what I understand it was something sort of similar last night, and I am glad to hear that Jamie Carragher has rediscovered his scoring touch. Still, I thought about all this long and hard and thought, "Heck, if it makes people so happy to win by fluke luck, then thats not necessarily a bad thing."

So, here I am, a self professed Manyoo fan celebrating a Liverpool Treble for 2005/2006.

To celebrate the first major trophy of the season, Captain Jamie prepares to take one up the ass.

Only plastic Scouse fans would claim they don't care about the FA Youth Cup. You forget we are looking at future Scums - kids who would grow up to be pretty boys

In the climax of the season, Pepe looks like he is about to climax while shooting off some white stuffs. Petey impersonates a drunk, Xabi acts pretty, and Dudek is his usual clown self.

And as a new fan of the Scum success, Vincent learns that, "When in Rome, do as the Romans do," so he decides he has to sign off in a typical Scum method.


Do we have to go through this EVERY YEAR?

I love the Asian X-Games.

Why? No, not because of all the skateboarding dudes. IT's Because when I was in korea covering the event around this time, THAT final in Istanbul happened.

And THIS year's ASian X-Games, which is NOW BTW, THIS happened:

Reds win Cup on penalties

Coming from behind AGAIN.
3-3 AGAIN.Extra time AGAIN.
Penalties AGAIN.

Do we have to go through this EVERY YEAR?

Full credit to West Ham though, they really didn't deserve to lose. They played well, contributed to a much better match than LAST YEAR'S final, and in fact, I admit, they SHOULD have won, if not for that man called Stevie G...


Who was it who said that Liverpool played boring football?

And oh, yeah, all that stuff about being generous, guess you can't get any more generous than this right?

Gifting them TWO goals and then scoring the equaliser in extra time.


It's a health hazard to be a Liverpool fan!

May 11, 2006

"I bet they can't come back from FOUR goals down!"

Boro battered into final submission

Middlesbrough 0-4 FC Sevilla

Sevilla crush Boro Uefa Cup dream

You know what I think Sevilla's manager said before the match?

"I bet they can't come back from FOUR goals down!"

Oops. So much for having two European champions from the same country.

Oh wait, there could STILL be a chance of that happening.... Heh. Not a very good omen for you Gooners eh?

Freddy Shepherd is a GIT

"This was one of the biggest jobs in world football and that we had a long list of high calibre and exciting candidates lining up hoping to get the job." - Fat Freddy

Cheebye. All that big talk and see what happens? What a farce. As nice as Roeder is, he is not the one for the job.
  • In 2001, the Hammers sacked Redknapp.
  • After a huge hoohah, they appointed the man in charge of the youth set-up there. His name? Mr Roeder lah.
  • In his first season in charge, the Hammers finished 7th.
  • They were relegated the season after. That team included Paolo DiCanio, Joe Cole, Jermaine Defoe, Michael Carrick, David James, Freddie Kanoute, Trevor Sinclair.
Er... Sounds so damn familiar. If history repeats itself, we're fucked. And it's all Fat Freddy's fault. I hope there would be a surprise on Monday. Sigh. But I guess that's just clutching at straws.

One final point. Caretaker managers 'overachieve' on a regular basis.

Remember this dude? What's he doing now? Hmm?

May 10, 2006

Where Are My Chickens???

Spurs sickened at the last

Yeah, I am sickened to death by them too. Why the need to go to a hotel for a LOCAL derby on the eve of the most important game in the club's history? So anyway, I was bugging Naz for the squirrel plush toy too much that I dreamt of it and you know what it whispered to me in my dream? That apparently, it was a PRIVATE function at the Marriott and the food were prepared under the supervision of the club's nutritionist. O_O "ooooOOoooo"

You know what? I BET they were quietly celebrating the birth of their chickens before the eggs hatch.

When Arsenal had almost 11 players injured, did they complain? No. You just deal with it. Scums.

Spurs request West Ham game to be replayed

In your freaking dreams!! You were lucky that Teddy Scummingham missed the penalty. Or else it would've been an uglier loss of 3-1.

Top Ten Things Going Through Sven-Goran Eriksson's Mind While Selecting the World Cup Squad

(i'm posting this here... original post from my site...)

Sven, Sven, Sven... He's finally named his squad, and there's quite a few surprises in it. Like the inclusion of the teenagers Theo Walcott and Aaron Lennon. But of course he's sticking with Owen and Rooney, although one hasn't played much and the other is, like, injured.

Enough about that. Either he's a visionary who'll bring England to World Cup glory, or a reckless gambler who can't wait to leave his job. Everything will be clear come Germany '06.

Picture taken from

The thing is that Sven the man always looks serious, like he's contemplating the deeper mysteries of the universe. Well, i think he's an everyday dude, only with a bloated salary... most of the time, he's thinking usual stuff, probably a little more trivial than most people...

Top Ten Things Going Through Sven-Goran Eriksson's Mind While Selecting the World Cup Squad

  • "Wow, Beckham is such a great player, and an awesome captain... Must remember to emphasize that in my next press interview... I wonder if I've mention that before... Beckham must play... such a great player... I'll even let him play goalie if he wants... I'm so lucky to have him as a captain... Beckham is awesome!"

  • Oh, man... Steve McClaren is SO screwed, man...!"

  • "What on earth is a 'metatarsal'? Isn't some kind of Greek lamb dish? And why did Rooney go and play with it and break it?"

  • "Screw the World Cup, that new FA secretary is one hot chick!"

  • "Damn, that Mourinho has got hot looking stubble! I wonder if he uses double blade shavers. Speaking of which, did I shave this morning...?

  • "Shaun who? Wright-Phillips? Right winger? Where have I heard this name before? Is he one of the England U-17 players? Got to ask Tord Grip about this... La-di-da..."

  • "Ok, I've got to remind myself everyday... '4-4-2' is good... '4-4-2' is good... and don't forget to pick a goalie, too... '4-4-2' is good..."

  • "OK, one more time... JOE Cole is a midfielder... CARLTON Cole is not on my list... wait, wait... there's another player named Cole... playing leftback.... ummm... damn, I know this... Andy Cole? Nat King Cole?"

  • "Oh my, that Thierry Henry is really good, I should really pick him for the World Cup! I wonder if he's English? Can I pick him? Oh wait, I think he's probably Welsh... damn. Just like that Giggs kid... Damn this farcical 'passport' rule...!"

  • "What the heck, whichever player I choose, England will still probably lose at the semis or quarters... Might as well close my eyes and pick the 23 players i see on Match of the Day..."

May 09, 2006

Horse for sale

The Summer Sale Extravaganza!
For Sale: 1 talking horse.
Price: 10 million pounds (negotiable).
Operators are standing by.

From The Guardian:

Van Nistelrooy flies home as United attach £10m price tag
Not everyone at Manchester United agrees with Sir Alex Ferguson that the club would be better off without Ruud van Nistelrooy but nobody will stand in the manager's way as he prepares to add the Dutch striker to the long list of players he has spectacularly disposed of. Ferguson spoke at length with his chief executive David Gill yesterday and the outcome is that Van Nistelrooy is available to the highest bidder, valued in the region of £10m.

Call NOW to avoid disappointment!

Images were googled - naturally.

May 08, 2006

"Sorry I Poisoned Your Team, Jol...and No Hard Feelings"

So the 2005/06 Premier League has closed shop, save for the FA Cup Final next week, and this other small kickabout somewhere in Paris on May 17. And I'm adding to the deluge of Hantu Bola postings today...

Top Rumours Flying Around On the Last Day of the EPL...

  • Arsene Wenger sent Ashley Cole to put dishwasher liquid in the Spurs' Campbell Soup at their hotel kitchen. The Pakistani kitchen hand reported saw a short ghey looking bloke loitering around the alley behind the hotel.

  • Sunderland will be making an undisclosed bid the disgruntled Ruud Van Nistelrooy in their bid to bounce back up to the Premiership.

  • Chelsea are looking to buy Aaron Lennon / Stewart Downing / Darren Bent / Gareth Barry / Jamie Carragher and making them high priced substitutes and wrecking whatever England national squad hopes they have. (Refer Scott Parker and Shaun Wrong Phillips)

  • The squirrel seen at Highbury's last Europe game was actually a remote control droid sent by Martin Jol to spy on Arsenal. For the entire first half the 'squirrel' was 'mysteriously' lost in the ladies toilet.

  • Peter Crouch is actually Yao Ming's long lost brother.

  • Newcastle all along wanted to qualify for the InterToto Cup 'from the very beginning', so in truth, they achieve their target in flying colours. (Champion's League and the UEFA Cup is 'too pretentious'...)

So Long Highbury

Well, that's that then.

After 93 solid years of football that ranged from total domination in the 30s led by Cliff Bastin, to the boring boring regime of Georgie G, and now the pure genius of Thierry Henry, the time has come for us to bid goodbye to one of the oldest and best grounds in England.


I can't comment on the atmosphere or how the comfy the seats were or how good the grub was, coz unfortunately, the economy did notallow this lifelong Gooner the opportunity to watch a game there. But what I can recall is what I've seen on TV throughout the years supporting the Arsenal, and these are some of the most memorable things about Highbury for me.

The Stadium
If you're not sure if Arsenal is playing at home or not, all you need to do is see the size of the players on the screen. If they're big, we're most certainly playing at home.

Unlike the rugby field/concert hall at Old Trafford, and the bitc-I MEAN-"beach" at the Bridge, we take pride in our pitch. There's no freaking way we ever allowed a dodgy, red-haired, mop top called Smelly Red belt out dodgy pseudo funk numbers on our turf!! Without fail, our pitch has always managed to replicate the top of a snooker table which accomodates our sleek passing game and can even make Bolton look good.

The Players
My first ever favourite player was this Swedish dude, Anders Limpar, but Highbury has been graced by many great players over the years I supported the team. Players such as Paul Merson, Alan Smith (not the rubbish one up north), David Platt, Ray Parlour, Marc Overmars, Manu Petit, Paddy Vieira, Ashley Cole, Freddie Ljungberg and of course the legendary back four of Adams, Bould (later Keown tha man), Dixon and Winterburn. In the early 90s, we bought this tough little git of a striker by the name of Ian Wright Wright Wright, who most memorably put Schemeichel in his place (red nosed Danish cvnt!).

And then there was Bergkamp. I can remember clearly THAT goal against Newcastle, where he made Dabizas look a complete fool... Well he was already a confirmed fool la, but foolier than usual that particular day (er, was that at Highbury?).

And Henry. What can I say? The hattrick last night against Wigan practically sums up his 8 years at Highbury in one word. CLASS... And I can only hope and pray that he doesn't leave us.

Of course we've also got a few duds over the years such as John Jensen, Remi Garde, Kaba Diawara (who?), Christopher Wreh (who who?) and Doofus Cygan, but sometimes you have to take the good with the bad.

Well, its been a great 93 years at Highbury, of which I have had the privilege to follow this team at this stadium for the past 17 years. But here's to the future at (ugh) The Emirates... No no, I will refer to the new stadium as Ashburton Grove... (Imagine if Chelsea moved to the Samsung Stadium).

p/s : Teddy Sheringham is on the take.

On the Final Day of the Season....

Oops, too bad, Spurs. Sheringham tried his best, but even his 'missed' penalty against his old club couldn't help them get fourth. Henry made sure of that.

And pah, Stupid Charlton. Just rolled over and died. Oh well, third it is then.

So, finally here's how things are at the end of the season:

Champions League: Chelsea (Champions), Manure (2nd)
Champions League qualifiers: Liverpool (3rd), Arsenal (4th)
UEFA Cup: Spurs (5th in table, 1st in food poisoning), Blackburn (6th), West Ham (FA Cup Winner)
Relegation: Birmingham (18th), West Brom (19th), Sunderland (Worst ever team in the Premiership)

Oh, and Newcastle Comedy Club are in the Inter-Magnum4D.. oh sorry, Inter-Toto cup after Titus Bramble of all players scored a scissors kick goal against Chelsea.

And what's this? Ruud "Horse Face" Van Nistelrooy might be leaving Manure? What kind of bust-up did he have with Fergie? Was Fergie more interested in racing Van the Man-Horse at Ascot instead of playing him in the first team?

Oh, and Farewell to Highbury, the only EPL football stadium I've ever seen. haha.

May 07, 2006

Ah hah hah hah

We're in Europe! We're in Europe! We're in Europe! We're in Europe! We're in Europe! We beat the champions!!!

It does not matter that the referee kayu Mike Riley tried to cheat us of the victory.

Steven Carr is man of the match. Titus Bramble is the best striker in the world! Shay Given is a god!

Ah hah hah hah!


Congrats Gunners! Champions League will be played at Ashburton Grove next season.

Farewell Highbury.

Thierry Henry is the second best striker in the world, next to Titus. ;)

May 06, 2006

Wor Alan's Tribute

Initially, I put this post up in me own blog. A certain someone commented that it should be put here, despite the current fugly template and dodgy layout. Man, can't you guys centre the whole thing? I am getting lefteyetwitchitis and also fuglyheaderart syndrome. All the Head Hantus fault. Medical bill is in the mail. (Note to the boss: The banners I e-mailed not nice meh?)

Okay, on to the tribute.

I remember when I was a kid, way back in the 80s. We did not have iPods, PDA handphones or even compact discs. PCs ran at ‘blistering’ speeds of 16 MHz. Remember typing ‘dir/w’ to bring up the directory? Basic programming was the IN thing back then. I remember writing my own programmes and computer games. One of the first I ever ‘copied’ was the snake game, which proved so popular on the older Nokia phones.

Most importantly, satellite television did not exist. Which means no Astro. No live English Premier League football on Saturdays and Sundays. Nothing to live for during the weekends. I wonder how people lived through those dark and depressing times.

What we had was a weekly highlight show of the games played the previous week, subject to the whims of the RTM programme director. If he felt like it, the show would be aired. If not, you would be treated to a rerun of one of P. Ramlee’s old black and white movies. I remember the Orang Minyak episode. Still haunts me till this day. Damn.

On very rare occasions, the terrestrial television channels would air live games, but only if they are important games involving the big clubs – FA Cup final, Charity Shield. Man, I loved the weekly highlight show. Beggars can’t be choosers, they say.

My dad is a Liverpool fan, so I learned a lot about the hubcap stealing Scousers from him. I remember cheering on John Barnes, John Aldridge and Ian Rush as they play for the reds.

I couldn't give a rat’s ass for El Liverpool these days. Call it ingratitude. What passes as football in Anfield these days is shocking. Drab and dull. Lumping long balls forward at Peter “Bean Pole” Crouchy does not constitute football as I understand it. Pah. Liverpool’s fall from grace seems complete.

It’s a good thing I don’t support Liverpool then. Eh heh heh.

I am Black and White through and through. I grew up watching Chris Waddle, Kevin “Mighty Mouse” Keegan, Peter Beardsley, Paul “Gazza” Gascoigne and Mirandinha ply their weekly trade in the Magpies colours. I loved the team back then, as I do now.

Defence has never been Newcastle’s strong point, at least to my memory. But, we do play attractive, flowing, attacking football. None of that 1 – 0 nonsense. We win big or not at all. Most of the time, we find ourselves staring at the wrong end of a huge scoreline.

In 1996, Newcastle paid a (then) world record transfer fee for a certain fence creosoting Alan Shearer. And the rest is history.Wor Alan is the most complete striker ever to grace the Premiership. Strong in the air, can shoot with both feet, fearless, great at holding the ball up, deadly pace and makes great crosses. Shearer had everything. Andy Gray agrees with me. See here. *Pfffbbbrrrttt*

Shearer is a throwback to the old days of the big English centre forward. His is a dying breed. We may never see another like him grace the premiership again. I loved everything about the man - his one armed goal celebrations, stoic demeanour when deadpanning reporters even his wayward elbows (not that I condone them).

It is a pity that so many football fans have turned on Wor Alan in the days of his footballing dotage. People seem to conveniently forget that they too will grow old someday. I admire Shearer’s courage to stand up, accept reality and modify his game to suit his strengths. The anti-Shearer mob has objected to his overtly physical approach to the game. All I can say is that Shearer gave back as good as he got. If defenders can play rough, so can he. Now stop crying like a baby and go to your mummy.

As I reminisce, I realise how many happy memories Wor Alan had given me over the years. Etched in my heart and mind, will forever be the big Number 9 running with his hand upraised in celebration.

Alan Shearer's tribute at St. James' Park

As the greatest marksman of his generation retires from the life of a footballer, one can only wish him well. Lovers of football around the world are all the poorer for it. In the end, I can only echo what all Newcastle United fans around the world are saying:

"Wor Alan, thank you for the memories. Haway the lad!"

May 05, 2006

Screw the template. God's Staying!

Screw the template. I'm not looking at the code anymore. Bah. Headache.

Oh well, at least God's staying.

(Picture of God over the moon on Soccernet)

And come tomorrow, it's the Arse vs the Spuds for fourth place, and Pool vs Manure for 2nd. Spuds and Manure need to screw up against West Ham and Charlton, Arse and Pool need to win against Wigan and Portsmouth.

It's that simple. Every other match played this weekend will be ignored. (Yes, even Newcastle's romp with the Ruskis where Shearer was supposed to 'give Chelsea's strikers a lesson in consistency').

May 04, 2006

Professional Opinions

We have decided that you average football fans know jack shit about football and about blog templates, so we have decided to interview some professional managers to get their opinion on the controversial topic of the blog layout of the hantubola template.

We asked them, "People have been critisizing the HantuBola template. What do you have to say in response to all those critisisms?"

Jose Mourinho : This is ridiculous. This is the worst site to write for. We every day come up with good shit. We are the best damn football blog out there, you know. We have good team of writers, we write poetry, but you journalists only know how to critisise the small matters. In this blogosphere, there is only PPS, then after PPS there is God, and then after God...HantuBola.

Gerard Houllier : Ah, we are turning the corner. We are learning all this HTML thing. We expect to turn the corner very soon.

Arsene Wenger : I don't see anything wrong with it. No, no. I don't see anything.

Claudio Ranieri : Aaah, we are a young team. Like a little children. Children will learn. After children learn then children will become lions. Lions are strong. We will face the problem like lions. We are growing, everyday and learn everyday.

David O'Leary : The fans and readers have to be more understanding. It is not our fault. We have been crippled by work and haven't been able to spend more time on the template. We will get there. Slowly, but surely.

Kevin Keegan : That accusation is rubbish! Absolute rubbish! This undermines our professionalism! I will LUV it when we prove you wrong! LUV' IT!

and finally,

Sir Alex Ferguson : You'se are all fucking idiots! HantuBola has a fucking good template. You'se don't know your blogs. Fucking idiots!


Update by eyeris (3:05am)

After more than 3 hours and playing around with the template until 3am, I've finally got the 'new' template going.

The reasoning behind this 'new' template of mine is that if it ain't broke, why fix it? So I used back the old template, added borders, changed some colours, and added a spanking new header.

Problem is, while the site works perfectly (well, ALMOST perfectly) on Firefox, it's a little wonky on Internet Explorer.

The moral of the story? What the hell are you still using IE?!?!?!? CHANGE TO FIREFOX RIGHT NOW!!!!

The header is still off-center on BOTH browsers though. Anyone know how to fix it?

Our Favourite Pundek

This shit is too funny to pass up.

Contribute Ideas for Hantu Bola's new look!

OKOK, we get it. This new template isn't exactly high art, but it's still a work in progress.

We're still tweaking around with it to get the best combination of colours (READ: more RED which makes almost everyone happy; and less BLUE, which should make only ONE person unhappy), to get the layout and configuration right, and of course, to make it easier to read.

And I agree, I say we get rid of that picture of Old Trafford. Instead, let's put in a picture of the new (unfinished) Wembley, the biggest stadium farce of the year...

I'll probably be fiddling around with the template tonight (which actually may not be a very good thing, actually, judging from the ugliness of MY own blog and my Eye on Sports one... but don't worry, I won't turn it Green. that much I can promise. :D ).

So gimme some ideas on how YOU want it to look! Anyone else have any suggestions?

These are some of the comments we've received about the current look:

  1. Shaolintiger says it looks pretty messy, and the white background burns eyes (eyeris says: wear sunglasses, dude...)
  2. Scorkes says the template is EEEWWWW (eyeris says: okok, we get it...)
  3. Huge picture of the Old Trafford stadium is an eyesore (eyeris says: agreed whole-heartedly)
  4. Template not attractive enough (eyeris says: er... define 'attractive')
  5. Sic6sence finds it odd to read from the centre of the page. (eyeris says: We'll be switching the sidebars to the right like before...)
  6. Too much blue, not enough red (eyeris says: agreed. :P )
  7. S-Kay only likes the header and the side bar, that's all (eyeris says: we'll probably keep that)
  8. Template not center (eyeris says: anyone know how to fix that?)
  9. Lily says picture of Owen not cute enough. (eyeris says: ....... )
  10. Sashi wants pictures of Page 3 girls wearing football jersey body-paint (eyeris says hopefully: maybe our Hantu Bola girls would like to volunteer? .... :P )
  11. Antyyk said he don't like the fonts. Don't like the fonts. Don't like the fonts. (eyeris says: what font you want, what font you want, what font you want?)
  12. Skiver thinks it looks more like a footie site like Soccernet rather than a blog now.. (eyeris: yeah, we noticed. we're trying to remedy that)

(BTW, for the record, I had nothign to do with the current template either. But if tomorrow, it miraculously becomes even UGLIER than it is now.... then it was all VINCENT'S fault! BUAHAHAHA!)

May 03, 2006

blue is the new red

Like the new look? We thought the blog needed a bit of sprucing up, so here youse go then. Complete with a collage banner. There still a bit of fine-tuning to be done, but the whole template thing is more or less sorted now.

If anyone happens to think that there should be more red in the blog colours, youse will have to pray that one of the red-shirted teams (like Boro or Charlton) win the league next year.



Blue is the colour, football is the game
We're all together, and winning is our aim
So cheer us on through the sun and rain
'cause Chelsea, Chelsea is our name
Here at the Bridge whether rain or fine
We can shine all the time
Home or away, come and see us play
You're welcome any day
Blue is the colour, football is the game
We're all together, and winning is our aim
So cheer us on through the sun and rain
Coz Chelsea, Chelsea is our name


I would like to go on record as having no part of this new blog template.

Seriously, not enough red, too much blue.

Thank you.

May 02, 2006

dun jeles k

Back-to-back league titles, babeh!

May the trophies keep flowing, every season from now till whenever.

I was the only blue shirt among a sea of mancs and scousers watching the match on Saturday night. What surprised me most were that there were actually Liverpool fans there who were cheering on ManYoo, as if it would change the fact that the league title are belong to us.

I would have thought that every scouser would be cheering a ManYoo loss, as it would allow youse to perhaps claim 2nd place and avoid having to qualify for next season's Champions League. I guess most of the scousers around me that night were just Chelsea haters who had no idea of the bigger picture. They probably just learnt that gay scouser club song in May last year too.

In any case, as the chords of "We Are The Champions" from Stamford Bridge competed with the voice commentary on the big screen, I sang along but with changed lyrics. That is, You're NOT The Champions. Then I quickly got out of there before I kena whack upside-down. LOL

On a more sombre note, Chelsea may only claim one trophy this season. What to do, we just aren't able to count the European Super Cup and FA Youth Cup as our cup double this year. As you may have observed, the Community Shield doesn't really count as a trophy. Even if we keep on winning it every year.


[all photos flogged from BBC Sports]

p.s. Apologies to Wayne Rooney about the metatarsal; but you made our Captain bleed mate. So there.

May 01, 2006

I Know Chelsea's Secret To Success

It's not tons of money.

It's not a miserly defense.

It's not even The Predator-look-alike Droggy.

It's the scary visage of their manager doing this in the dugout...